独裁者（2012）

I think most healthy people do, yes.
你也玩自摸啊 真恶心
Yeah, you touch your own malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!
别开玩笑了 好吗 你从没打过飞机
Stop joking, all right? You’ve never jerked off?
好吧 跟我来
Okay, come with me.
你要带我去哪儿 强♥奸♥中心
Where are you taking me to? The Rape Center?
这真蠢
This is silly.
好吧
Okay…
拿出你的小♥弟♥弟♥来放在手里
Take your penis out and put it in your hands.
这好蠢
This is silly.
现在 手慢慢上下移♥动♥
Now, slowly move your hand up and down.
好的
Okay.
我跟你说了 这
I told you already, this is…
等等
Wait.
这是什么魔法
What sorcery is this?
有人等待一生
Some people wait a lifetime
只为此刻
For a moment like this
有人等待一生
Some people wait a lifetime
只为此刻
For a moment like this
难以置信它竟降临我身
Whoa, I can’t believe it’s happening to me
有人等待一生
Some people wait a lifetime
只为此刻
For a moment like this
难以置信它竟降临我身
I can’t believe it’s happening to me
我做到了 我打了一次完整的飞机
I did it! I just jerked it completely off!
全靠自己
I did it all by myself!
用这只手
With this hand right here!
抓着我的蛋蛋就像勒死一只鸟一样
I grabbed my bilbul like I was strangling a bird.
一直撸啊撸啊 然后就射出来了
And I smacked it and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,
射出我自己的精♥液♥
and out came my own labeneh!
佐伊
Zoey?
佐伊 你改变了我的人生
Zoey! You have changed my life!
给男人个阴♥道♥他会受用一整天
Give a man a vagina and he will shpichs for a day.
教一个男人像阴♥道♥一样用他的手
Teach a man to use his hand as a vagina,
他会受用一辈子
and he will shpichs for a lifetime.
不 不 谢谢
Oh. No, no. Thank you.
艾利森 你可能得小声点因为
Allison, you may need to keep your voice down because…
我们有很多顾客 你可能需要洗一下
We’ve got a lot of customers. You may want to go wash up.
好的
Fine.
约特弗 用水冲下我的卡路驰
Joteph, go and hose down my Crocs.
我在健康中心射得到处都是
I’ve done my labeneh all over the wellness center.
好的
Okay.
来自兰卡斯特的那家伙会喜欢这个的
The guy from the Lancaster is going to love this.
好的
Okay.
晚安 艾利森
Good night, Allison.
明早见
I’ll see you tomorrow morning.
晚安 再次感谢
Good night! Thank you again.
这很好 很可爱
This is nice. Or lovely.
-他是谁 -纳达尔
– Who is it? – Nadal.
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
我发现了这个奇妙的事
I’ve discovered this amazing thing.
我得教你怎么做
I have to show you how to do it.
它叫自♥慰♥
It’s called self juicing.
把你的手放在小♥弟♥弟♥上然后摩擦
You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it,
然后你就会达到自己的高♥潮♥
and then you can make your own labeneh come out.
不用送什么劳力士
You don’t have to spend any Rolexes.
不用给什么肮脏的钻石
You don’t have to give any dirty diamonds.
我居然跟一个成年人谈这个
I cannot believe I’m having this conversation with an adult man.
什么意思 你知道这个
What do you mean? You knew about this?
谁不知道呢
Everybody knows about this.
我们都在12 13岁就知道了
We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
为什么从未有人告诉我呢
Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
因为所有敢谏言的人都被你处决了
Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.
听着 我打算把我真实的身份
Listen, I’m thinking of revealing my true identity
告诉那个浓毛小蹄子
to the hairy titted ape woman.
不 什么 你为什么要那么做
Whoa! No, what? Why would you even do that?
我觉得她不会在意
I think she’ll be cool with it.
她会在意的
She will not be cool with it.
她怎么会挑剔呢 她一年才刮一次毛
How is she to judge? She shaves her armpits once a year,
而且谈的男友都是其他族群的
and she takes lovers outside of her ethnic group.
我的罪行比她的还严重吗
Are my crimes any worse than hers?
记住 你恨她
Remember, you hate her.
和她所代表的一切
And everything she stands for.
-好吧 -我现在得走了
– Okay. – I have to go now.
我鄙视你
I despise you.
有时候你会说些伤人的话
You know, sometimes you say some very hurtful things.
反正我要挂了
Anyway, I’m going to hang up on you.
别 这是我一次真正的机会
No, come on. This is like a real opportunity for me.
我要先挂
I want to hang up first.
我已经挂了
I’ve hung up. I hung up already.
这声音是你发出来的
That is your voice doing that noise.
你还没挂
You have not hung up.
我要挂了 咔…
I am hanging up. Click…
纳达尔 你还在吗
Nadal, are you still there?
-纳达尔 你还在吗 -我赢了
– Nadal, are you still there? – I win.
怪不得你是苹果天才
No wonder you’re a Mac Genius.
真傻♥逼♥
What a fucking idiot.
佐伊
Zoey!
佐伊
Zoey.
佐伊
Zoey?
艾特拉
Etra.
艾特拉
Etra…
艾特拉 你这么做是因为在整个守卫团中
Etra, is this because you’re the only virgin guard
我唯独没帮你破处吗
that I left a virgin?
一 二
One, two…
冒泡
Bloop.
如教科书一般
Text book.
奥格登 先生 多谢你这么早会见我
Thank you so much for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.
我都等不及你来抽查我们的刺果
I cannot wait for you to sample our mafroom.
我们店会让你感觉就像在瓦迪亚一样
You are gonna swear that you’re in Wadiya.
抱歉 那是什么
Excuse me. What is that over there?
窗上贴的是C吗
That is a “C” In your window.
不 不 他们对这有偏见
No, no, no… They’re totally biased against this.
他们恨我们
They hate us.
不是 我知道C意味着什么
No, it’s not. I know what a “C” means.
是不太好的意思
It’s not a very good…
天哪
Oh, my God!
艾利森 这是怎么回事
Allison, what happened?
我不知道 我…
I don’t know, I…
我在楼下打手♥枪♥
I was downstairs self juicing.
一整晚吗
All night?
对
Yes.
不好意思 你当时在做什么
I’m sorry, you were doing what?
在撸管
Doing the jerk off.
撸的很爽
Jerking myself to totally off.
-神马 -让我给你演示
– I’m sorry? – Let me show you.
-不用 -她教我的
– No. – She taught me.
她教你的 真的吗
Oh, she taught you, did she?
-不是 -好吧 非常感谢
– No. – Well, thank you very much.
合约取消了
The contract is canceled.
-就这样 -别
– That’s it! – No.
结束了 我要去绿色世界
No, I’m going to Green World. It’s over.
-别 奥格登 先生 -记住 我得付…
– No, Mr. Ogden. – Remember, I have to pay that…
-求你了 别这样 -手♥淫♥ 真恶心
– Please, no, no. – Self juicing. Filth!
天哪
Oh, my God…
佐伊
Zoey…
我们得把合约弄回来
We must get that contract back.
没办法了
We can’t!
不可能 我们不可能和绿色世界竞争
It’s impossible. We can’t compete with Green World.
走着瞧
We will see about that.
但是从现在开始 要按我的方式来
But from now on, it is my way
或者不拉不拉不拉的方式
or the highwahahtmaa- fferrohshelechnichway.
管理大权更迭了