独裁者（2012）

What are you doing?
不能让那个侏儒女同性恋看见我
Hiding from that lesbian hobbit.
你认识那女人吗
That woman, you know her?
小店真是蓬荜生辉
I cannot begin to tell you what an honor it is
能有幸承办这次签字仪式的…
to be able to provide all of the catering…
那是当然
Well, of course.
酒席餐饮
and the mafroom for this signing.
这下不愁没饭吃了
You just paid this month’s rent!
她给我份工作
She offered me a job.
真不可思议 我居然要工作
Can you imagine that? Me? Working?
听着 徽章别丢了
Listen, hold onto that badge.
只有它能让你通过安检
It’s the only thing that’ll get you past security.
多谢
Okay, thanks.
等下
Wait a minute.
稍等 她的公♥司♥承办此事
Wait, her company is catering the event.
她能过安保
She has a security pass!
知道办法了 就这么办
That is the answer. This is the plan.
你要接受这工作 替她干活
Okay? You will take that job and you will work for her.
我给你找一样的胡子和衣服
I will get you an identical beard and costume.
之后在活动当天
And then on the day of the event,
你作为员工进到兰卡斯特里
you enter the Lancaster as a member of her staff.
找到你的替身 换回来
You will find the double, switch with him,
当着全世界撕毁宪法
then rip up the constitution in front of the whole world.
我 给那长毛小蹄子工作
Me? Work for that hairy titted yeti?
金伯利
Kimberly?
佐伊
Zoey.
无所谓
Who cares?
我来为之前所做的
I’ve come here to apologize
对虎克船长和黑哥们的评论
about some of the comments I may have made about
道歉
Captain Hook and Blackie.
太好了
Great!
我作为总经理接受你的工作请求
And I accept your job offer as general manager.
你不可能是经理 因为我才是
Well, you can’t be the manager, because I am the manager.
我杀了你就行了
Well, I can if I killed you.
我好像能找到你笑点了
I think I’m starting to get you.
好的 那么 我也能
All right, then… I will get you.
好 开始工作吧
Great! Let’s get you to work!
什么 等下
Yeah? Hold on one second.
伙计 劳驾 头套哥
Hey, my man! Excuse me. Hairnet!
请给我点藜麦沙拉
I need a little of the quinoa salad, please,
要是可以的话 再撒点谷物上去
and throw a couple of extra cranny-b’s on top, if you could,
厨子 我要你稍微快点 赶紧的
and I kind of need you to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.
下一个
Next!
已有人了
Whoa, whoa! Occupied!
出去 我得打扫 来吧 出去 出去
Out. I have to clean. Come on, out you go, out you go.
-什么 你轻点行吗 -出去 快点
– What? You’re hurting me! – Out. Come on.
你好 艾利森
Hey, Allison,
你能把垃圾清一下吗 多谢
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.
看 有个顾客留了些脱毛膏和女性剃毛刀
Look! One of the customers left a tip of
做小费 有人想用吗
some Nair and some female razors. Does anybody want to use it?
别手贱
Stop that.
怕你啊 孙子
Suck it, loser.
把四号♥走廊打扫干净
Clean-up on aisle four!
兄弟 我全看见了
Hey, buddy, I saw that.
这是对你领导的极度不敬
That is very disrespectful to your leader.
随便吧 兄弟 你是谁
Whatever, dude. Who are you,
本·拉♥登♥的亲密战友吗
Osama bin Laden’s best friend?
这倒谈不上
No, he is not my best friend!
不过他替身去年被射死后
Though he has been staying in my guest house
他倒是一直住在我客房♥里
ever since they shot his double last year.
现在那家伙不肯走
Now the guy won’t leave.
我算知道这家伙为什么最遭人恨了
I know why this guy’s the most hated man in the world.
你只用跟着他去浴室
You just have to go to the bathroom after him.
你跟着奥萨马去浴室
You go to the bathroom after Osama,
就会体会到真正的恐♥怖♥主♥义♥
you will realize the true meaning of terrorism.
计划是这样的
Here is the plan.
我们来个直升飞机旅行
We’re going to take this helicopter tour
飞越兰卡斯特找到它的弱点
and fly over the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.
记着 我们只是两个看风景的
Remember, we’re just two ordinary American tourists
普通美国游客
looking at the sights.
别担心 没人会起疑心的
Don’t worry, nobody gonna suspect anything.
真是好计划 尖尖
It’s a great plan, pointy.
别露出任何马脚来
Don’t do anything to arouse any suspicions.
别担心 我可是瓦迪亚最棒的演员
Don’t worry. I am Wadiya’s number one actor.
四届瓦迪亚金球奖可不是白拿的
You don’t win four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
但你是 因为你给自己发奖
Yes, you do, because you gave them to yourself!
我在电影《夺宝奇兵阿♥拉♥丁》里的表演
My performance in Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom
出神入化
was outstanding.
我对它很鄙视
I give it thumbs down.
你看过《电子情书炸♥弹♥》了吗
Have you seen You’ve Got Mail Bomb?
是 我全看过了 都是烂片
Yes, I’ve seen them all! They’re all terrible movies!
听我说 好吗
Listen to me. Okay?
你是个糟糕的演员
You are a terrible actor.
现在我要求你 动作小点 自然点
I urge you, right now, keep your performance small and real.
好吧 你能给我个斗篷吗
All right, can you get me a cloak?
为什么
Why?
因为我想我应该穿着斗篷
Because I think my guy would be wearing a cloak.
不 你穿着美国国旗
No, your guy wears an
运动服 带着警徽
American flag sweatsuit and a sheriff’s badge.
那我要警徽
I need the sheriff’s badge.
有这必要吗
For what?
你就是美国二♥逼♥镇镇长
You’re sheriff of American douche-town!
太没礼貌了
That’s rude.
听
Listen.
我们要穿过这儿 表现得非常普通
We’re going to walk over there, act very inconspicuous.
-好的 没问题 -成败在此一举
– Okay. No problem. – This has to work.
不用担心 只要放松就好
Don’t worry. Just relax.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
我觉着得一瘸一拐的
My guy has a limp.
因为我在老公牛布♥什♥酒吧落马了
I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub
谁让我是伦敦人呢
because I am a cockney.
听我说 好吗
Listen! Listen, okay?
你现在要集中注意 准备好
You need to focus up right now and be prepared
只需要少许加点表演成分
to deliver a small, subtle performance.
-好的 太好了 好的 -好的 很好
– Okay, great, okay. – Okay, good.
好的 所以 当我们飞到…
Okay. So, when we go to fly…
别这么挤你眼睛
Don’t do that with your eyes!
这件事上你不能像个中国人一样 好吗
You can’t be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?
我不是中国佬 我是美籍华人
I’m not chink, I’m Chinese-American!
是 但你别挤你眼睛啊
No, but you cannot hold your eyes!
你再挤眼睛也挤不成
Nobody is going to think you’re Chinese-American
美籍华人那样啊
because you hold your eyes like that!
你这是种族歧视
It’s racist, what you are doing!
你知道事实上他们不能发R音吗
Do you know it’s a fact that they cannot pronounce their R’s?
他们发成L音
They pronounce them as L’s.
所以你知道中文兔子怎么说吗
So instead you know what “Rabbit” is in Chinese?
我不会说中文
I don’t know how to speak Chinese.
-是兔纸 -谁告诉你的
– It’s “Labbit.” – It’s not “Labbit”!
好样的 任何射中兔纸罗杰的人都会对中国是巨大打击
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit was a huge hit in China!
没人 这是
Nobody… It’s stup…
好吧 我不在乎 这好蠢 好吗
All right, I don’t care. This is stupid, okay?
好的 那我就学菲律宾人
Okay, I’ll do Filipino.
工作好喜欢啦 说话好喜欢啦
I like to work, I like to talk.
-不 -大便我的爱 小孩我的菜啦
– Don’t. – I like the shit, I do the kids.
停
Stop that.
你的菲律宾语怎么跟中文一个样
Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!
现在是谁种族歧视啊
Now who’s being a lacist?
-你现在就是种族歧视 -我没有
– You’re being lacist now. – I’m not being racist!
现在我们得上直升飞机
Right now we have to get on this helicopter
表现得像个真正的美国人
and we have to act like true Americans.
我想你不要我扮演黑人