独裁者（2012）

does it not?
你腰带掉了
Dropped your belt.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
她要给我喂奶
She tried to milk me!
不
No.
她们要让你高兴
They are trying to pleasure you.
请允许这些姑娘施展她们的才能吧
Allow the girls to use their many talents.
不
No!
最高领袖 是姑娘们
Supreme Leader! The girls!
姑娘们 亮出你们的美胸
Girls, show him your bosoms.
让我进去
Let me in!
我在这家酒店有85个房♥间
I have 85 rooms at this hotel!
是我 阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅
It’s me, Admiral General Aladeen!
我的胡子没了
I lost my beard!
你没有通行证 不能进去
You don’t got a pass, you don’t get in.
但我住在这儿
But I’m staying here!
为上互联网我他妈的花了20美元
I paid twenty dollars for the fucking Internet!
暗♥杀♥行动收费多少
How much do you charge for assassinations?
为什么这一切要发生在我身上
Why is this happening to me?
我所做的
All I ever did
不过是窃取国家财富
was steal my country’s wealth
处死所有不赞同我的人
and execute anybody who did not agree with me,
和很多赞同我的人而已
and many who did.
为什么是我
Why me?
为什么总是好人倒霉 为什么
Why is it always the good guys? Why?
纳达尔
Nadal?
欢迎来到阿♥拉♥丁去死餐厅
Welcome to the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.
等一下 你看起来很眼熟
Wait. You look very familiar.
我认识你吗
Do I know you?
对不起
Sorry.
真对不起 最高领袖
So sorry, Supreme Leader.
别担心 我也有一半责任
Don’t worry. I’m 50% to blame.
不 不 最高领袖
No! No! Supreme Leader!
绝对不认识 我得走了
Definitely not. I must be going.
不 不 请坐
No, no. Stay, please.
如果你恨阿♥拉♥丁又爱美食
If you hate Aladeen and you like good food,
你就来对地方了
this is the place for you.
这边请 请吧
This way. Here we go.
享用吧
Enjoy it.
不 不
No! No!
请坐
For you.
你叫什么
What is your name?
艾利森·伯格斯
Allison Burgers.
这是个假名字
That’s a made-up name.
你真名叫什么
What’s your real name?
吕
Ladis.
吕什么
Ladis what?
吕侧索
Ladis Washerum.
这么说你的名字就像那个标牌
So your name is like the sign.
女厕所
“Ladies Washroom”?
假名字
That is a made-up name.
你真名叫什么
What is your real name?
我很感兴趣
I am interested.
我们都很感兴趣
We are interested.
兹元
Emploice.
兹元什么
Emploice what?
兹元…胥希寿
Emploice… Muswashans.
还是假名字
That is a made-up name.
好吧
Okay.
你的真名是什么
What is your real name?
最
Max.
最什么
Max what?
最铎布超120
Imumoccupancyu One-hundred-and-twenty.
名字里还有个数字
There’s a number in the name?
你是谁
Who are you?
阿♥拉♥丁的支持者
An Aladeen sympathizer?
不 不 不
No, no, no!
好吧 别 别 别
Okay. No, no, no!
不
No!
他是阿♥拉♥丁
It’s Aladeen!
没有胡子的阿♥拉♥丁
It’s Aladeen without the beard!
不 不是阿♥拉♥丁
No! It’s not Aladeen!
哈桑 锁门
Hasan, lock the door!
等等 等等 别
Wait, wait, wait, no!
你在这里啊 表哥
There you are, cousin!
这是我表哥
This is my cousin.
你们已经见过面了
I see you’ve all met him.
他头脑简单跟不上趟 对不起了
He’s very simple and backwards. I’m sorry.
-对不起 -没关系 坐吧
– Sorry. – It’s okay, sit.
-好的 -坐下吃点
– Okay. – Sit and eat.
坐下 表哥
Have a seat, cousin.
实在对不起
Very sorry.
不好意思 请便吧
My apologies. Enjoy.
你到这儿来干什么
What are you doing here?
你的胡子怎么了
And what has happened to your beard?
我被一个蠢货替身取代了
I’ve been replaced by this body double who’s a total imbecile.
你怎么还活着
How are you alive?
我怎么…等等 你不知道吗
How am I… Wait. You don’t know?
不知道
No.
你处死的每一个人都活着
Every single person you had executed is still alive.
我们都住在小瓦迪亚
We all live here in Little Wadiya.
刽子手是抵抗组织的成员
The executioner, he is a member of the Resistance!
你是说我没处死任何人
You mean I never executed anybody?
对
No.
老实说 一个也没有
Like, honestly, zero people.
纳达尔 你得帮我夺回政♥权♥
Nadal, you must help me get back into power.
什么 不行 我为什么要帮你
What? No. Why would I do that?
我在这里有很好的工作
I have a perfectly good job here.
我是个苹果天才
I’m a Mac Genius!
你做什么工作
What do you do?
主要是清除笔记本电脑上的精♥液♥
Mostly, I clean semen out of laptops.
恭喜 享受你的美国梦
Congratulations. Living the American dream.
好吧 我会帮你
Okay, fine. I will help you.
有一个条件
On one condition.
说
Name it.
你要恢复我核研究带头人的地位
You reinstate me as Head of Nuclear Research,
这样我才能把炸♥弹♥做完
so I can finish building my bomb.
成交
Deal.
最后一件事
One last thing.
你得让我做一个圆形的核武器
You will let me build a round nuclear weapon.
不行 必须是尖的
Never. It must be pointy.
等会儿 这是…
Wait a minute. This is…
好吧 各退一步 圆锥形
Okay, compromise. Conical.
-圆形 -乳♥头♥形
– Round. – Teat-shaped.
圆形
Round.
好
Okay.
好 成交
Okay. Deal.
成交
Deal.
新闻界的女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
我们的最高领袖
our Supreme Leader
目前无法回答你们的提问
is indisposed to answer your questions
他正在起草瓦迪亚新宪法
as he is currently drafting Wadiya’s new constitution,
计划于三天后
which is scheduled to be signed
在兰卡斯特酒店顶楼宴会厅签署
at the Lancaster Penthouse Ballroom in three days.
谢谢大家 没有问题了
Thank you. No further questions.
没有安全通行证
There is no way
我们不可能
we’re going to get anywhere near this hotel
靠近酒店的任何地方
without a security pass.
太荒唐了
This is ridiculous.
等会儿
Wait.
你在干嘛