独裁者（2012）

So either you want the truth or you want compliments.
决定吧
Decide!
只要我这些工具
It’d be nice if I got just a
能得到些积极的反馈就行了
little bit of positive feedback about my tools.
你还有什么
What else you got?
我会喜欢下一个的
I’m gonna love the next thing!
我会支持你
I will be supportive.
好吧
All right.
就这个 能向你喷火
Just this. This pours hot fire out on you.
费卢杰灭火器
Oh, the Fallujah Firehose!
叙利亚也有这种东西
Someone’s got a friend in Syria!
我以它为荣
I am pretty proud of it.
有新型号♥了
There is a new model, you know.
我的那个能用蓝牙控制
I’ve got one that works by Bluetooth.
去他的 去他的 去他的
Screw it. Screw it! Screw it!
我准备享受这个了
I’m going to enjoy this now.
别 不要
No, don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
求你了 不要
Please, don’t!
没有这个 谁也不会认识这张脸
No one will recognize the body without this!
我的极品美髯
The Supreme Beard!
你会受诅咒的
You will be cursed!
别 别那么做
No, no, don’t do it!
怎么点不着
Come on! Why won’t this catch?
你这个蠢货
You foolish man!
俗世烟火怎么能点着…
There is no earthly fire that could ever light…
正义的火焰烧毁了不公
The flames of the righteous attack the unjust!
我去找人帮忙 逗你玩儿
I’ll be back with help! J. K.! Just kidding!
我的演说
My speech.
普通的美国消费者
Yo! Average American shopper!
我身上没带钱
I do not have any money on me,
不过要是你肯把衣服给我的话
but if you give me your clothes,
我会以你的名义
I’ll make a sizeable donation
给基♥地♥组♥织♥捐一大笔钱
in your name to al-Qaeda.
去 去 阿♥拉♥丁滚出去
Hey, hey, oh, oh! Aladeen has got to go!
你好 我是阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅
Hello. I am Admiral General Aladeen.
我要到联♥合♥国♥发表演说
I am here to deliver my speech to the United Nations.
将军 这大热天的没空听你忽悠
Look, Admiral, it’s too hot for crazy.
胆大包天
How dare you?
听着 塔米尔马上就到
Listen, Tamir is coming right now.
你要有大♥麻♥烦了
You’re going to be in big trouble.
他来了
Here he is.
塔米尔 塔米尔
Tamir! Tamir!
塔米尔 是你干的 老狐狸
Tamir, it was you, you snake!
他不是合法领导人
He’s not the legitimate leader!
他不是合法领导人
He’s not the legitimate leader!
他不是合法领导人
He’s not the legitimate leader!
我给你准备的演说稿你练习了吗
You have rehearsed the speech I prepared for you?
练了 但是将军什么时候到
Yes. But when is the General coming?
他不舒服
He’s feeling ill.
他是不是肚子里有蛔虫了
Does he have worms in his shilshul?
很有可能
Very possibly.
阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅准备
Admiral General Aladeen preparing to address
在联♥合♥国♥大会上发表演说
the General Assembly of the United Nations
这是个历史性的时刻
at the historic moment.
他正走向讲台
He’s approaching the podium.
他走过了讲台
And he’s walked right past the podium.
他在做什么
What is he doing?
我的脸都被你丢光了
You are making a fool out of me!
我们请出驻联♥合♥国♥记者丹尼斯
Let’s bring in Denise, our U. N. Correspondent.
你对此有什么看法
What do you make of that?
好的 我不得不说
Well, I have to say,
他引起了他们的注意
he’s got their attention.
现场所有人的目光都聚集在他身上
Every eye in the room is on him right now.
他返回了讲台
And he’s returning to the podium.
他摔到了台下
And he’s fallen off the stage.
你对此怎么看 丹尼斯
What do you make of that, Denise?
很明显他在暗示
You know, he’s clearly implying
联♥合♥国♥将在他面前倒下
that the U.N. must fall before him.
直接从大水罐里喝水
Drinking from the pitcher of water directly,
却不用杯子
as opposed to the glass
那里肯定有杯子
that I’m sure must be up there.
你觉得这意味着什么
What do you think that means?
他又一次试图表达
Again, it’s another attempt to say,
听着 我可没打算按你们的规矩来
“Listen, I’m not going to play by your rules.”
看起来他拿了一大罐尿
And he seems to have a pitcher of urine out.
我相信这是他刚刚尿在罐子里的
I believe he just urinated in the pitcher.
他在喝尿
He is now drinking his urine.
看起来是他自己的尿
It looks to be his own urine.
不好意思 你要吗
Sorry. You want?
他试图强迫以色列代表团
Trying to force it on the Israeli delegation.
那个应该是大使
That might be the ambassador.
他将尿液洒向以色列代表团
He is dumping the urine on the Israeli delegation.
这招不错
Oh, that’s a good one.
好了 他转身走向讲台
Okay, he’s returning to the podium.
我们这些国家之间充满了敌意
Much has been made of the hostility between our countries.
我将在联活罗的帮助下[应为联♥合♥国♥]
With the help of the U.M.,
为瓦迪亚起草新的宪法
I will draft a new constitution for Wadiya
并将在五天之后
and sign it in five days,
瓦迪亚独♥立♥日签署
on Wadiya’s Independence Day.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
新宪法
This new constitution
将结束专♥制♥
will end the dictatorship
不
No!
并将带领瓦迪亚走上
and it will turn Wadiya into a
民♥主♥之路
democracy.
不 民♥主♥ 绝不可能
No! Democracy? Never!
绝不
Never!
瓦迪亚的人♥民♥喜欢被压♥迫♥
The Wadiyan people love being oppressed!
专♥制♥万岁
Dictatorship forever!
来 跟我来
Come on! Come with me!
快
Hurry!
你好 人♥民♥ 人♥民♥
Hello, person. Person.
黑色的人♥民♥
Black person.
你找的这个替身很好
The double that you found is good.
几乎跟真身一样蠢
He is almost as dumb as the real guy.
瓦迪亚就会成为民♥主♥国家
So, Wadiya will become a democracy.
中国也是民♥主♥国家
China is a democracy, too.
一旦宪法签署完成
Once that constitution is signed,
我就能出♥售♥瓦迪亚的石油开采权
I will be able to sell Wadiya’s oil rights.
俄♥罗♥斯♥天然气公♥司♥
Gazprom,
你们将会控制瓦迪亚南部的油田
you will have control of Wadiya’s southern oil fields.
英国石油公♥司♥ 你们控制北方
B. P., you will control the north.
埃克森石油公♥司♥
Exxon,
只要你们不使用英国石油公♥司♥的钻探设备
you will have all offshore rights,
海上开采权就属于你们
provided you do not use B. P.’s drilling rigs.
而中国石油的劳先生
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina,
你将获得页岩储备的租赁权
you will have the lease on our shale reserves.
一些页岩储备区在人口稠密的地方
Some of those reserves are in densely populated areas.
那就把他们赶出去
Then unpopulate them.
当然 得先付给我30%的中介费
After you’ve paid me my 30% finder’s fee, of course.
先生们
Gentlemen.
你会成为亿万富翁
So, you’re going to make billions.
你会用这些钱干什么
What will you do with all those dollars?
我会把科莫湖边的房♥子买♥♥下来
I will buy the house on Lake Como
跟乔治·克鲁尼做邻居
next to George Clooney’s.
我爱乔治·克鲁尼
I love George Clooney!
他是个老派电影明星
He’s an old-fashioned movie star.
他搅基吗 会舔我老二吗
He gay? He suck my dick?
不 那都是谣传
No, those are just rumors.
你是同性恋吗
Are you a homosexual?
不是 这更像一种权欲的自我满足