独裁者（2012）

I really want someone to cuddle.
爆♥炸♥性新闻 就在刚才
Breaking news now. Just moments ago,
联♥合♥国♥安♥理♥会♥投票通过了一项议案
the U.N. Security Council voted
除非阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅同意于联♥合♥国♥发表演说
to authorize NATO air strikes against Wadiya,
否则安♥理♥会♥将授权北约
unless Admiral General Aladeen
对瓦迪亚实施空中打击
agrees to address the U.N. in person.
全世界都在屏息等待
And now, the world waits.
阿♥拉♥丁将采取何种对策
What will Aladeen do next?
“自杀背心”已解锁
You’ve unlocked “The Suicide Vest”.
下一关 不 这关没意思 换一下
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring, boring. Come on. Come on.
尊敬的老大 我刚听说了些恼人的消息
Beloved Oppressor, I have just received disturbing news.
欢迎来到慕尼黑奥♥运♥会
Welcome to the Munich Olympics.
您好
Shalom?
天哪 不
Oy vey!
最高领袖
Supreme Leader,
联♥合♥国♥要求您
the United Nations demands that
就咱们核武器的问题发个言
you address their concerns about our nuclear program,
不然他们就会投票采取军事行动
or they will vote to authorize military action.
先去集♥合♥我的幕僚
Summon my generals.
我打完这关就去找你们
I’ll join you after I finish this level.
奖励关 无限挖坟
Bonus round. Mass grave.
联♥合♥国♥的那帮流氓想让我去演讲
Those gangsters at the UN want me to address them.
正合我意
Fine!
老子会说得他们屁滚尿流
I’ll address them like they’ve never been addressed before.
他们给了我多少发言时间
How much time have they allotted me?
七分钟 先生
Seven minutes, sir.
那老子就要讲14个钟头
I’ll talk for 14 hours!
而其中三小时的内容会是没法翻译的
And three of those will be untranslatable.
简单来说就是小崽子瞎叫唤
Literally, baby noises.
咱们试演一遍 来个角色扮演
Okay. Let’s rehearse this. Role play, role play.
你 过来 这会很好玩的
You, come on. This’ll be fun.
秘♥书♥长♥先生 你手下的士兵会以泪…
So, Secretary General, your soldiers will weep…
真抱歉 这不是我的错
I’m so sorry! Listen, it was not my fault.
有人把保险
I mean, somebody had set the safety catch
从”阿♥拉♥丁”调成了”阿♥拉♥丁”
to “Aladeen” instead of “Aladeen.”
这把枪…
Look, I mean, this whole gun…
没事的 只需要冰敷一下就行了
It’s gonna be fine. You just need to ice it.
你得拿冰敷一下
You got to ice.
答应我要冰敷哟
Promise me you’re going to ice?
好吧 塔米尔
Okay. Tamir!
把我的靠枕打上气
Inflate my neck pillow
顺便带上我的中级数独题册
and pack my book of medium-level Sudoku.
咱们去美国吧
We’re going to America!
美国
America!
艾滋病的发源地
The birthplace of AIDS.
最高领袖
Supreme Leader,
我另帮您雇了些安保人员
I took the liberty of hiring some extra security.
这是克雷顿先生
This is Mr. Clayton.
将军先生 我将全天候保护您的安全
Admiral General, I am here for your protection 24/7.
好的
Okay.
可是先说好了
But in the interest of full disclosure,
我可不喜欢阿♥拉♥伯人
I have to say I hate A-rabs.
没事 我也不是阿♥拉♥伯人
Well, that’s fine, because I’m not an Arab.
对我来说没区别 黑人 犹太人
Well, you’re all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,
或是《阿凡达》里那些蓝色的丛林基佬
those blue tree-hugging queers in A-vatar.
在我看来
In fact,
只要不是美国人都统称阿♥拉♥伯人
anyone from outside of America is technically an A-rab.
这段时间
Listen, while you’re here,
我强烈推荐你们这帮野猴子
I highly recommend a visit to the Empire State Building,
在还没有炸掉帝国大厦之前先去参观参观
before you or one of your sand-monkey cousins takes it down.
或者如果你对百老汇感兴趣
Also, if you’re interested
而且你不歧视同性恋的话
in taking in a Broadway show while you’re here,
我强烈推荐你去看看
and you don’t mind the homo stuff,
《舞动人生》
I highly recommend Billy Elliot.
这哥们儿不错 就是废话太多
You know what, I like this guy despite his liberal views.
很好 先生
Very good, sir.
最高领袖
Supreme Leader,
套房♥已经按您的口味装♥修♥过了
the suite has been renovated to your specifications.
上网一天要20美金 抢劫吗
Twenty dollars a day for Internet? What the fuck?
他们还好意思指责我是一个国际罪犯?
And they accuse me of being an international criminal?
尊敬的老大 去睡会吧
Beloved Oppressor, try to get some sleep.
明天你还有一个重要的演讲呢
Tomorrow is your big speech.
都别动那个迷你吧 简直就是坑爹啊
Nobody touch the minibar! It’s a fucking rip-off!
醒醒吧
Rise and shine.
你是谁
Who are you?
其实我们见过面了
We’ve actually already met.
你好 阿♥拉♥丁
Hello, Aladeen.
克雷顿 我还以为咱们是朋友呢
Clayton? I thought we were friends.
那真高兴认识你了
Nice to see you, too.
听好了
Here’s the deal.
我要杀了你然后毁尸灭迹
I’m gonna kill you, and then I’m gonna burn your body.
别 拜托别这么做
No, no, no. Please, don’t.
不过我下手之前有个很重要的问题要问你
But before I do I have one very important question for you.
你看《舞动人生》了吗
Did you get a chance to see Billy Elliot?
看了
Yes.
有什么想法
And?
很感人的励志片
I found it heartwarming and life-affirming.
说得好 这部电影超赞啊
Thank you! How great is that show?
真的很棒
It is. It’s great, yeah.
那哥们儿天生就是个艺术家
You know, he’s got like an artist inside himself,
但客观条件限制
but he’s in this working class place
他身边的人都不理解他
and no one understands him.
他就是…从舞蹈中展现真我
He’s just like… I’m gonna express myself in my dance.
然后他展现了自我
And he expresses himself…
而且他并不想使用暴♥力♥
And he doesn’t wanna use violence,
只不过把暴♥力♥的那种野性融入到舞蹈之中
but he puts his violence into his dance.
你也该试试
You should try that.
好吧 闲扯够了 回到正题
Okay. So, we gotta get down to business. Enough chit-chat.
有人雇我杀了你
I’m being paid to kill you.
买♥♥一赠一 我免费折磨你一下吧
But I’m gonna torture you for free.
开玩笑吧
Are you serious?
你去哪搞到这些古董的
Where’d you get those relics?
伊朗国王的旧货抛售吗
From the Shah of Iran’s garage sale?
你就扯吧
Yeah, right.
我知道没有什么比
I mean, I know there’s nothing more annoying
一个折磨别人的上刑者更可怕 不过拜托
than a backseat torturer, but, please, come on.
这些玩意很顺手
This is great stuff.
才不顺手呢 简直就是七十年代的东西
It’s not great stuff. That’s like 1972, hello.
等你被这玩意爆菊以后就不会这么健谈了
You won’t be talking so much smack with this up your butt.
菊花伞 我承认那是个好东西
That’s the Anal Umbrella. It’s a good device, I grant you,
不过怎么没有防溅装置呢
but where’s the splash guard?
爆了我的菊会溅你一衣服屎的
You’re going to kill me and your white shirt.
买♥♥这玩意的时候没有送什么防溅装置
It didn’t come with a splash guard.
裤子上也会被波及的
You’re gonna get chara on your trousers.
确实有一个用来安装防溅装置的螺孔
I can see it has a screw hole for one.
好吧我承认没用过这个
Apparently, I didn’t get it.
这样吧 博学家
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,
看看这个牛逼玩意儿吧
check out this bad boy.
一点儿不牛逼 坎大哈老二钳而已
Oh, that’s not bad. The Kandahar Cock Wrench.
这你也知道
Okay, so, now we’re getting somewhere.
这玩意早就因为没威力被阿♥拉♥伯给禁了
It’s actually been banned in Saudi Arabia for being too safe.
太让人失望了
You know, this is totally depressing.
再给我看一个吧
Listen, just show me another one.
说实话
You know, honestly,
我也不想再丢人现眼了
I don’t even want to show you anything anymore.
别这样嘛
Don’t be like that.
我感觉你压根就不想被折磨
You know, I don’t even think you want to be tortured.
当然不希望
I don’t want to be tortured.
你把这过程弄得索然无趣
You’re just, like, taking all the fun out of it!
你就想让我一个劲地恭维你
You just want me to say compliments all the time.
你到底想听老实话还是恭维话