You are alive?
当然了 我本职工作就是被爆头
Of course! It is my job to be shot in the head.
-他还好吗 -他没事
– Is he okay? – He’s fine.
子弹正中他脑袋
Luckily the bullet hit him in the brain.
所以
So,
现在怎么
what now?
回到瓦迪亚公平参选
I return to Wadiya to participate in fair elections.
让我们盘点一下去年的年度大事
Let’s now look back at the wonderful events of the past year.
在瓦迪亚首次自♥由♥选举中
After Wadiya’s first free elections,
总统首相海陆统帅阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅
President Prime Minister Admiral General Aladeen
赢得了98.8%的投票
won 98.8% of the vote.
但今日要事
But the big story today
是总统首相海陆统帅阿♥拉♥丁♥元♥帅
is the marriage of President Prime Minister
与新娘佐伊的婚礼
Admiral General Aladeen and his new bride, Zoey.
我宣布二位结为夫妻
I now pronounce you man and wife.
你还好吗 亲爱的 你踩了什么
Are you okay, my love? What did you step on?
对了 不是
Oh, yes! No, no.
这是我们的传统
It’s my people’s tradition.
在婚礼上要打碎一个杯子
We always smash a glass at weddings.
-我是犹太人 -什么
– I’m Jewish! – What?
恭喜[希伯来语]
Mazel tov!
你还好吗
Are you okay?
没关系 我不介意 这很好
That’s fine. I don’t mind. It’s great!
过来抱一个 亲爱的
Come here, my love.
早上好 总统首相阿♥拉♥丁先生
Jachnoon, President Prime Minister Aladeen.
早 纳达尔 我一小时内得回宫殿
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back at the palace in an hour.
佐伊以为我去做瑜伽了
Zoey thinks I’m at yoga.
我有好消息
I have great news.
再过几天就能测试新导弹了
We are just days away from testing the new missiles.
我重新设计了氧化管
I have re-engineered the oxidizing ducts
和运载系统
and the payload delivery systems.
现在导弹是尖头的了 你一定很开心
But you’ll be happy to know, the missile is now pointy!
谁管它头尖不尖
Who cares if it’s pointy?
什么
What?
你不是很关心吗 你要尖头的导弹
You do. You care if it’s pointy.
我怎么会在乎这种破事情
Why would I care about such a trivial detail?
你开玩笑呢吗 你是认真的不
Are you serious? Are you serious right now?
当然是认真的
Of course I’m serious.
你处决我就是因为这个
That’s why you had me executed!
导弹的形状
The shape of the missile
和导弹的运载没关系
has nothing to do with the payload delivery.
我就这么说的 一开始就这么说的
That’s what I said! That’s what I said the first time!
-是我说的 然后你就开始抽疯 -不对
– No, that’s what I said, and you went crazy. – No!
你说大力水手教授说了
You said Professor Popeye this…
大力水手是个卡♥通♥人物
Professor Popeye is a cartoon.
对 我知道
No, I know this!
我们将建立300个妇女中心
So, we’re opening 300 Women’s Centers,
但我得休息一段时间 因为
but I’m going to have to take a break for a little bit because
我怀孕了
I’m pregnant.
什么
What?
生个男孩还是去堕胎
Are you having a boy or an abortion?
先生们 你们好
Hello, gentlemen. How you doin’?
是死者的朋友吗
Are you guys friends of the deceased?
要让我当着他寡妇的面说这些吗
Do you want me to say this in front of his widow?
我是他的情人
I was his lover.
不对 错了
No. That is not true.
我看了他在环球旅行者球队的表演
I saw him perform with the Globetrotters.
非常欣赏他 就与他交好了
I thought he was outstanding. I befriended him.
不对 不是这个人
No, it’s a different person.
他那首开心点别担心
His message of don’t worry and being happy
太棒了
was so powerful.
不对那是博比·麦克费林 刚告诉你了
No, this is Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.
不管有什么丑闻
Whatever the scandal you went through,
你永远是最棒的高尔夫球员
you’re still the best golfer in the world.
走吧
Let’s go.
我的天哪
O-m-g.
我滴天
Oh, my God.
天哪
Oh, my…
佐伊
Zoey.
这脑袋不错
That’s some good head!
这就叫报复 太爽了
That is called payback and it feels so good!
感觉怎么样 感觉怎样
How did it feel for you? How did it feel for you?
还是山羊比较好
I prefer it with goats.
最高领袖在哪
Where is the Supreme Leader?
不不不
No, no.
这才叫报复
Now that is called payback!
是吧
Oh, great!
别碰上 别碰上
Don’t touch it. Don’t touch it.
你不用真擦
You don’t have to touch it.
抱歉 我就是
Sorry. I was…
等会
Just give us… We don’t…
给我留几厘米隐私啊
Just give me a couple of millimeters to myself.