独裁者（2012）

Well done!
-你身上有味 -我知道
– You smell bad. – I know.
快帮忙
Help!
来人帮帮忙 我老婆要生了
Somebody help! My wife is in labor!
天哪 天哪
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
宝贝 救护车20分钟内估计还来不了
Baby? The ambulance can’t be here for 20 minutes.
能坚持住吗
Can you hold it?
不行 它就要出来了
I can’t hold it! It’s coming out!
它要出来了
It’s coming out!
这里有医护经验的人吗
Does anyone have any medical experience?
我在瓦迪亚当了22年的外科主任
I was Wadiya’s Chief Surgeon for the last 22 years.
求你了 快来帮帮忙
Please. Please help us. Please.
-艾利森 他们需要你帮忙 快 -好吧 行
– Allison, they need your help. Come on. – Okay, fine.
快点
Come on.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
你在干嘛
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
不好意思 恶习难改
Sorry! Old habits die hard.
好 我要进去了
All right, I’m going in.
不是那个洞
That’s the wrong hole!
-什么 -你把拳头放错洞了
– What? – You just put your fist up the wrong hole.
如果每次听到这个 都能有1美元就好了
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that.
拔♥出♥来♥
Get it outta there.
-又进去了 -好 很好
– Going in again. – Okay, good.
还是我的屁♥眼♥
Still my asshole!
伙计 你是怎么了
What is wrong with you, man?
又插♥进♥我屁♥眼♥了
You just put it in my asshole again!
手再往上
Just go up from where you are.
好消息是 你的前列腺很健康
The good news is, your prostate is completely healthy.
很好 很好
That’s good. That’s good.
-又进来了 -好 很好
– Going in again. – Okay, good.
坚持住
Hold on.
你要干吗
What are you…
艾利森 停 你需要两只手
Allison, stop it! You need two hands!
但是我还得发短♥信♥呢
But I’m in the middle of the text.
要出来了
It’s coming out!
-这声音那来的 -什么
– Where is that coming from? – What?
很抱歉 我得接个电♥话♥
I’m really sorry. I’m gonna have to take this call.
我体内现在有个电♥话♥?
Is there a phone in my body?
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
我在林肯隧♥道♥
I’m in the Lincoln Tunnel.
什么 好吧 我们得谈一会
What? Okay, look. We need to talk for a minute.
纳达尔 我现在不方便讲话
Hello, Nadal. Listen, I can’t speak now.
待会再跟你讲电♥话♥ 行吗 再见
I’ll speak to you later, okay? Bye!
别再对着我的阴♥道♥讲话了
Stop talking to my vagina!
佐伊 婴儿卡住了
Zoey, the baby’s stuck.
我需要你帮把手
I need you to put your hand in and help me.
-什么 不 -快点 插♥进♥去
– What? No… – Come on! Put it in!
-不 别害怕 插♥进♥去 -好 好
– No, don’t be scared. Put it in. – Okay. Okay.
-很抱歉 -放在右边那个地方
– I’m sorry. – Put it right there on the right side.
-天哪 天哪 -推进去
– Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh! – Push in.
我摸到手臂了
I think I feel an arm!
那是我的手指
That’s my finger.
打扰了 你们俩在一起真甜蜜
Excuse me. You guys make a really cute couple together.
但是能不能把手臂从我阴♥道♥里拔♥出♥来♥后
But maybe could you finish doing this
再做那个啊
when you’re not elbow-deep in my pussy!
艾利森 你抓到头了吗
Okay, Allison, you’ve got the head?
-我抓到头了 -好 马上就出来了
– I’ve got the head. – Okay, it’s coming out.
快 推
Come on, push!
叛军在哪 叛军基地在哪
Where are the rebel bases? Where are the rebel bases?
抱歉 抱歉
Sorry, sorry.
等等 我看到头了 我看到头了
Wait, I can see the head! I can see the head!
我不能再推了
I can’t push anymore!
你成功了 你成功了
You did it! You did it!
我赋予你
I sentence you
生命
to life.
脐带还连着呢
It’s still attached!
不 对不起
Sorry. Oh, no.
-怎么了 -很抱歉
– What’s wrong? – I’m sorry.
很不幸
It’s bad news.
是个女孩
It’s a girl.
垃圾桶在哪
Where’s the trash can?
不 不 这就是我们想要的
No, no, no, no! That’s what we wanted!
把她给我们 把她给我们
We’ll take her, we’ll take her.
小宝贝
Oh, baby.
刚才你真是太棒了
You were so amazing down there.
你拯救了一个小生命
You saved a little person’s life.
吻你的感觉很棒
It feels so nice to kiss you.
我知道 跟你亲吻的感觉也很棒
I know. It’s nice to kiss you, too.
我喜欢拥抱
I love the hugging.
我要来了
I just came.
不管了
I don’t care.
躺下
Lie back.
好
Okay.
这将是幸福时刻
This is going to be amazing for you.
好的
Okay!
你的肚子很小
You have such a small stomach.
就像10岁男孩的肚子
It’s like a 10-year-old boy’s.
通常情况下 我不会亲10岁男孩的肚子
Normally, I don’t kiss a 10-year-old boy’s stomach.
是他们亲我的
They kiss mine.
15分钟后见
See you in 15 minutes.
好
Okay.
等等
Wait, wait.
等等
Wait.
艾利森 在进一步深入之前
Allison, before we go any further,
我有些事情得告诉你
there’s something that I want to tell you.
你有个鸡♥巴♥ 我就知道
You’ve got a dick. I knew it.
艾利森 我没有鸡♥巴♥
Allison, I don’t have a dick.
很好
Great!
我从没跟有鸡♥巴♥男人爱爱
And I’ve never been with a guy with a dick.
任何男人
Or any guy.
或者男孩
Or boys.
只是女孩
Just girls.
还有小孩
And children.
不是小男孩 是小女孩
Not male ones. Female ones.
我想告诉你的是
What I wanted to tell you was this.
我是真的想和你在一起 艾利森·伯格斯
I really want to be with you, Allison Burgers.
佐伊
Zoey,
我不是艾利森·伯格斯
I’m not really Allison Burgers.
其实我就是那个叫
I’m actually a little somebody called
阿♥拉♥丁…
Admiral General
元帅的人
Aladeen.
不 你的真名是什么
No, what’s your real name?
等下 这个会说服你
Wait, this will convince you.
看 这就是我
Look, it’s me!
核武器检查员会浴血而死
The weapons inspectors will bathe in their own blood!
那是你的胡子
That’s your beard?
不 不 这不是我的胡子
No, no, no! It’s not my beard.
我的朋友砍掉了摩根·弗里曼的头
My friend chopped the head off Morgan Freeman.
这是个很搞笑的故事 晚些再告诉你
It’s a hilarious story. I’ll tell you later, okay?
你疯了 太疯狂了
You are out of your mind. You’re insane!
你不也从互联网的上非法下载音乐吗
Well, you download songs illegally from the Internet.
所以谁也别说谁
So let’s not throw stones, okay?
你是个杀人凶手
You’re a murderer!
不 不 佐伊 不
No, no, no! Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.
你只是利用我混进那家酒店
You were just using me to get access to that hotel!
不是
No!
佐伊 我真的是无可救药的被你吸引了
Zoey, I’m attracted to you in a really fucked-up way.
天哪
Oh, my God!
我现在就去取消合约
I’m canceling that contract tomorrow!
佐伊我做错了什么
No, Zoey! What have I ever done wrong?
你对我撒谎了