大病（2017）

You lied to your parents.
你对你父母撒谎了
And those are just the people you like.
还有你喜欢的人
Is there someone that you’re not lying to?
有没有你不骗的人
I’d love to meet them because then I could tell them
我很想见见他们 因为我可以告诉他们
what a fucking liar you are! You know what?
你是个该死的骗子 你知道吗
You didn’t tell me about your divorce until recently.
你直到最近才告诉我你离婚的事
So, you were hiding fucking something, too.
你也在隐瞒什么
My divorce does not mean that our future is impossible.
我的离婚 并不意味我们未来不可能
It actually means the direct opposite.
实际上正好相反
I’m not hiding anything from you. Okay?
我没有隐瞒你 好吧
I’m an open fucking book.
我是一本公开的书
You want to know what’s in my cigar box?
你想知道我的雪茄盒里有什么吗
Stickers.
贴纸
Stickers and stamps.
贴纸和邮票
Aren’t you a therapist? Aren’t you supposed to be good
你不是心理医生吗 你不该很善于
at handling this kind of Where are my fucking shoes?
处理这类 我的鞋在哪里
Aren’t you supposed to be, like, able to deal with this
你不是善于处理
better than you are right now?
这些问题吗
I am expressing myself!
我在表达自己
You know what we call arranged marriage in Pakistan, Emily?
你知道我们怎么称呼巴基斯坦包办婚姻 艾米丽
Marriage. Okay? We just call it marriage.
婚姻 是的 我们称之为婚姻
There’s another type of marriage.
还有另一种婚姻
It’s called love marriage, and that’s bad.
叫做♥爱♥情婚姻 这很糟糕
My cousin Rehan married an Irish woman,
我的表兄里恩娶了爱尔兰女人
and he was kicked out of the family.
他被赶出了家门
Nobody is allowed to talk to him.
不许任何人和他说话
Why didn’t you tell me any of this?
你为什么不告诉我
Because I didn’t think you’d fucking understand,
因为我不认为你会理解
and I was fucking right.
我他妈的是对的
You don’t think that I could
你认为我不能看透
fathom your life in any fucking way?
你的生活 他妈的怎么了
Oh, you think you could understand me?
你觉得你能听懂我的话吗
I’m fighting a 1,400-year-old culture.
我在和1400年的古老文化抗争
You were ugly in high school.
你高中的时候很丑
There’s a big fucking difference.
有很大的区别
I’m sorry.
对不起
I can’t lose my family.
我不能失去我的家人
Can you imagine a world in w
你能想象那个世界
In which we end up together?
我们最终会在一起那个
I don’t know.
我不知道
I have to go.
我得走了
Don’t fucking call me.
别他妈的给我打电♥话♥
Multigrain, pumpernickel,
杂粮 黑麦
pita bread, hot dog bun, croutons.
皮塔饼 热狗面包 面包
I can’t eat any of it.
我一个都不能吃
I don’t want kids.
我不想要孩子
People say, “Sam, you’re gonna love it.
人们说 “萨姆 你－定会喜欢的”
“This kid You’re gonna have a kid,
“这孩子 你会有一个孩子”
“he’s gonna be your best friend.”
“他将是你最好的朋友”
A best friend that
这个最好的朋友
that pukes on you and shits everywhere
吐满你全身 到处拉屎
and is constantly screaming.
一直在尖叫
I already have friends like that.
我已经有这样的朋友了
People say, “Sam ”
人们说 “萨姆”
I know you’re bummed, all right, but, like
我知道你很失望 好吧 但是 就像
Emily’s a good person. I’m not saying she’s not.
艾米丽是个好人 我没说她不是
All I’m saying is, this is the universe
我想说的是 宇宙
telling you, “Seize your moment.
告诉你 “抓住你的时刻”
“Be a little selfish and pursue your career.”
“自私地追求你的事业
Bob Dalavan’s gonna be here on Thursday.
鲍勃·达勒万 星期四会来
If you get the Montreal Comedy Festival,
如果你能进入蒙特利尔喜剧节
it would change things for you.
会改变你的－切
You don’t want to get stuck in Chicago, right?
你不想被困在芝加哥吧
You don’t want to end up like Sam Highsmith,
你不想像萨姆·海史密斯那样结束
who’s been doing the “People say Sam” bit
他一直重复 “人们口中的萨姆” 的段子
since ’03.
自打2003年
I don’t like kids.
我不喜欢孩子
People say, “Sam ” See?
人们说 “萨姆 ” 懂
Is that what you want? It’s like
这就是你想要的吗 就像
Is that what you want for your life?
这就是你想要的生活
It’s amazing. And it’s the same material.
太神奇了 同一个段子
What do people say? Sam.
人们怎么说 萨姆
People say what? Sam.
人们怎么说 萨姆
I’m Sam Highsmith. Thank you very much.
我是萨姆·海史密斯 谢谢
You know what, I’m gonna tell him
你知道吗 我会告诉他的
He’s a hack. how I feel about it.
他是个黑客 我对他的感受
Fucking tell him. Never writes anything new.
他妈的告诉他 不要写任何新的东西
I’m gonna tell him It’s fucking bullshit.
我要告诉他 这是狗屁
Great set, dude. I’m feeling it, bro.
太棒了 伙计 我感觉到了 震撼
Killing me, man. Crushing. Love the new stuff.
杀了我 伙计 喜欢新的东西
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
我们应该为自己感到羞耻
We’re weak. We’re weak.
我们很弱
I wouldn’t call it an obsession,
我不会称之为 “心理暗示”
but I’m pretty good at magic.
但我很擅长魔术
Yeah.
对
Can you make his belly disappear?
你能让他的肚子消失吗
Oh. Come on.
哦 拜托
I’m too happy with my belly.
我对我的肚子太满意了
Does anyone have a dollar?
有人有一美元吗
I will give you something. Okay.
我给你 好的
Twenty? Big spender.
20块 大款
All right. Andrew Jackson.
好吧 安德鲁·杰克逊
Don’t you think he would look cool
你认为他
with a pair of sunglasses?
戴墨镜酷吗
Yeah, I really
嗯 我真的
Okay. Mmm. Okay.
好吧 嗯 好的
Oh, he’s Okay. Right?
好极了 是吗
Okay, stylish. Yes. Mmmhmm.
好吧 时尚 是的 嗯
Okay.
好的
And now we sprinkle the magic dust on.
现在 我们洒上魔尘
Just a little bit.
就－点点
Yeah, you can’t do it without the magic dust. Yeah.
你不能缺少魔尘的
No, yeah, I need it. All right.
必须要 没有魔尘不行 好吧
Abracadabra. Okay.
咒语 好的
Watching carefully. Mmmhmm.
仔细看 嗯
That is amazing.
太棒了
And he does look better with glasses.
他戴眼镜确实好看些
Right? He does.
对吗 是的
How did you do that?
你是怎么做到的
Oh, no, a magician never reveals her tricks.
魔术师从不透露秘密
Here’s your 20 back, Mr. Nanjiani.
这是你的20块 南贾尼先生
Do you think I can use this $20 bill now to buy something?
这张20美元还能买♥♥东西吗
It look better now, right?
现在看起来好多了 对吧
I was watching this monster movie with my friend.
我和我朋友在看怪兽电影
And he turned to me, and he was like,
他转向我 他就像
“What would you do in that situation?”
“这种情况下 你会做什么 ”
I’m never gonna be one of the last guys alive.
我绝不会成为最后一个活着的人
I’m gonna be the first guy to die.
我会是第一个死的人
I die so the other characters get to find out
我死了 所以其他的角色才能
that something weird’s going on.
继续挖掘奇怪的事情
I go off alone to find the cat.
于是 我独自去找那只猫
I never even find out that there were monsters.
我都没发现有怪兽
To me, the plot of the movie was we’re at a research facility
对我来说 电影的情节就是我们在研究机构内
and the cat’s missing!
那只猫不见了
The end.
剧终
Denise, this
丹尼斯 这个
is your name in Urdu.
你名字的乌尔都语
Wow, that is so cool.
哇 太酷了
Kumail? Hey.
库米尔 嘿
Hey, Bob Dalavan. Yeah. I know you.
嘿 鲍勃·达勒万 我认识你