大病（2017）

we serve mithai,
我们食用米泰（印度人春节吃的甜食）
which my khansamah, Chris, will serve to you right now.
我的“胡萨米”克里斯 现在会为你提供服务
Khansamah is Urdu for “servant.”
胡萨米是乌尔都语 意为仆人
If you want to make it at home,
如果你想在家做
the main ingredients are condensed milk,
主要成份是炼乳
sugar, and love.
糖和爱
At least, that was my mom’s recipe.
起码我妈妈的食谱是这样的
Hey, you look like a children’s toy from Malaysia.
看起来像马来西亚的儿童玩具
Now would you all please rise
现在请你们起立
for the Pakistani national anthem?
巴基斯坦国歌♥
Pak sarzamin shad bad
保佑神圣的土地
Kishwar-i hasin shad bad
物产丰富
Hey.
嘿
Hey. So, what’d you think?
嘿 你觉得怎么样
Um, I thought it was great. Yeah?
嗯 我觉得很棒 是吗
I never knew that Pakistan
我从来不知道巴基斯坦
had the world’s largest irrigation system.
拥有世界上最大的灌溉系统
Yeah, something like 14 million hectares
嗯 大约有1400万公顷的土地
are being irrigated.
正在灌溉
Like, as soon as I read that, I was like,
我说到那句的时候 我就像
“Oh, that’s going in the show.”
对了 那就是表演嘛
Totally. Hi, Emily.
正解 嘿 艾米丽
Hey. Hi, guys.
嘿 嘿 伙计们
Hey. Dude, that was You were in the zone, man.
嘿 伙计 那是 你处于巅峰状态 伙计
That was That was the best one we’ve seen.
那是我们见过的最好的
Yeah, that was so honest and good.
是的 那么的诚买♥♥和美好
And you know what I realized halfway through?
你知道我中途意识到什么吗
You’re from Pakistan. Yes.
你是巴基斯坦人 没错
Cool, good to see you, Emily. Yes. Okay, bye, guys.
很高兴见到你 艾米丽 好了 再见 伙计们
Great. Bye, guys. Keep up the
好极了 再见 伙计们 保持
They seemed to like it. They’re so nice.
他们似乎挺喜欢 他们真好
So, really, what’d you think? Like, it’s a work in progress.
所以 你觉得呢 就像循序工作
I really liked it. I learned a lot about Pakistan
我真的很喜欢 我更了解巴基斯坦了
and cricket, all those positions.
还有板球知识 占位等等
But I just wish that I had learned more about you.
但我希望能更多地了解你
Does that make any sense? Yeah.
这样合理吗 嗯
Hey. Oh, hi.
嘿 哦 嗨
It’s 3:00 a.m.
现在是凌晨3:00
Is that, uh, diner around the corner open?
街角的餐馆开着吗
It’s 24 hours.
24小时的
Why, you want an old lemon meringue pie?
干嘛 你想吃老式柠檬酥皮馅饼
You’re so funny.
你真有趣
No, actually, um, I just, I really need to, um,
不 事实上 我真的需要
get a cup of coffee.
去喝杯咖啡
I can make you coffee.
我可以给你煮咖啡
I love diner coffee. I just love that burnt taste.
我喜欢快餐咖啡 那种烧焦的味道
All right, I’ll come with you.
好吧 我跟你一起去
No, no, no, no, no. No, why would you do that?
不 不 不 你干嘛
It’s a bad neighborhood.
这里治安不好
I’m not gonna let you go on your own.
我不会让你自己去的
Why? ‘Cause I’m a woman? Okay.
为什么 因为我是女人 是的
Seriously, that’s the most misogynous thing
说真的 这是我听过的
I’ve ever heard.
最“厌女”的事
Why are you being so weird? Fuck you.
你为什么这么古怪 去你的
I’m not being weird. You’re being so weird.
我不是怪人 你现在很古怪
You’re being weird. You’re being so weird.
你太古怪了 你真是太古怪了
How am I weird? I want to sleep
我怎么就古怪了 睡觉的时候
while it’s sleep time. This is normal.
我想睡觉 这是正常的
Girls go to get coffee in the middle of the night.
女孩们半夜去喝咖啡
Have you never had a girlfriend before?
你以前没交过女朋友吗
This is what it’s like. Are you okay?
就这样的 你没事吧
Everything is not okay. Everything is not good.
一切都不是 一切都不好
Hey, hey, hey. You could tell me anything,
嘿 嘿 嘿 你可以告诉我任何事
you know that, right?
你知道的吧
You could tell me anything.
你可以告诉我任何事
I have to take a shit, okay?
我要去大便 好吗
I have to take a huge, fucking dookie.
我得造个大蛋糕
I can’t poo in your bathroom
我不能在你的洗手间造蛋糕
because you don’t have any matches,
因为你没有火柴
and you don’t have any air freshener.
你没有空气清新剂
What kind of person doesn’t have any matches
什么样的人 浴室里没有火柴
or air freshener in the bathroom?
也没有空气清新剂
The walls are so thin, and Chris is right out there.
墙很薄 克里斯就在外面
Please, stop laughing. Please, please, please.
别笑了 求你了 求你了
Okay. I have an idea.
好吧 我有个主意
Hey. How are you?
嘿 你好吗
I do not want to talk about it.
我不想谈这事
Watch and learn, Bhai.
注意学习 巴依
It’s all about shifting the weight and the torque.
全都是为了转移重量和扭矩
Oh, Christ.
天啊
Oh. Okay.
好的
Hey, you’re like a Pakistani Sammy Sosa.
嘿 你就像巴基斯坦的塞米·索萨（棒球明星）
There you go, honey. Yeah. That’s it.
好了 亲爱的 就是这样
He’s pretty good. Just do what he’s doing.
他很不错 想干啥干啥
Okay, great.
好吧 很好
Mine.
我的
Come on, man, just let me
来吧 伙计 让我
Mine. Mine, mine, mine, thank you.
我的 我的 谢谢
Why do you get the Chana? You go on that No.
为什么你要这样 你继续 不
Mmm.
嗯
This cookie’s really good.
这饼干真好吃
They’re biscuits. Listen to yourself.
只是饼干 听你说些什么
You hardly sound Pakistani.
你听起来不像巴基斯坦人
“Cookies.”
饼干
Sound like Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
听起来像朱丽娅·路易斯·德莱弗斯（世界顶级美丽富豪女第三名）
Such a burger.
好一个汉堡包
I’m not a burger. Yes, you’re a burger.
我不是汉堡 是的 你是个汉堡
I’m not a burger. You’re a big, fat burger.
我不是汉堡 你是个大胖子汉堡
And biscuit is actually a British term.
而饼干实际上是英国术语
Oh, thank you for all the information
谢谢你提供的信息
I don’t give a shit about.
我才不在乎呢
And you should listen to Mom and grow a beard.
你应该听妈妈的话留胡子
Gets really itchy. I’ve tried.
很痒 我试过了
It’s all patchy. Oh, is it itchy?
零零碎碎的 痒吗
I know I sound like a baby. Well, try being a man
我知道我像个婴儿 好吧 试着做男人
and conditioning like I do.
和我一样健身
What’s the whole thing with Muslims
穆♥斯♥林♥留长胡子到底是
growing beards, anyway?
怎么回事
It’s such an arbitrary thing, right?
这是个武断的事情 对吧
Like, who decided that, “Oh, we have to have beards.”
是谁决定的啊 我们得留胡子
Oh. But you’ll do So, there’s a billion of us,
但你必须的 我们有10亿人
and you’re the only one with the truth.
你是唯一懂真♥相♥的人
Is that right?
是吗
So, the sun is just shining down on you right now.
所以 太阳现在正照耀着你
It’s just parting.
只是离别
You know, I have to tell you something, Bhai.
我得告诉你一件事 巴依
Here we go. Yeah.
说吧
I’ve been dating this girl.
我一直在和这个女孩约会
She’s white. Oh.
她是白人 哦
I thought you were gonna say
我以为你会说
you were involved in a hit-and-run
你肇事逃逸
or you got caught forging some checks,
或者你被发现伪造支票
but a white girl?
但白人女孩
I mean, that’s such a cliché.
我是说这太老套了
It’s okay, and we hate terrorists.
没关系 我们讨厌恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
It’s Just sorry.
只是 抱歉
Listen, I understand. You’re in America,
我明白 你是在美国
and you want to mow a few lawns
你想多修剪几个草坪
and see what it’s like, but
体验外国女人是什么感觉 但
Eventually, you have to marry a Pakistani girl.
最终 你还是要娶巴基斯坦女孩