大病（2017）

I want to say something. Dad.
我想说点什么 爸爸
Talk amongst yourselves.
对你们说
This might take a
这可能需要
Emily successfully peeled an orange this morning.
艾米丽今天早上成功地剥了一个橘子
Dad! Yeah.
爸爸 嗯
It was It was a clementine.
那是 橘儿（巴黎女歌♥手）
Full disclosure, a clementine.
完全剥开 一个橘子
It’s those little ones that, you know,
就是那些小型的
a baby monkey could peel it.
一只小猴就能剥开的那种
But, uh, but she did it.
但是她做到了
And And, yeah, so that’s all. We just
我的话完了
Thank you, everybody. Hey
谢谢诸位
Hi.
你好
I like your cane.
我喜欢你的手杖
I heard pimpin’ ain’t easy. Right.
我听说拉皮条不容易 正解
Hey, could we talk for a second?
我们能谈－下吗
Sure.
当然
So I’ve been collecting some things, uh,
我收集了一些东西
that are important to me,
对我来说很重要
and I wanted to show them to you.
我想让你看看
I call this my bag of devotion.
我把这称为我的挚爱之包
Uh, so this is, uh, all the visitor passes
这是 所有的访客通行证
from when I visited you when you were in the
当我去医院着你的时候
um
嗯
So these are the tickets
这些是门票
from when your parents came to see me perform,
来自你父母看我表演的时候
and, uh, I I realized how great they are,
我意识到他们有多棒
and how great you are,
你有多伟大
and how great honesty is.
伟大的诚实
What did you do?
你做了什么
Did you cremate someone?
你火葬了某人吗
These are the ashes of all the Pakistani women
这些是所有巴基斯坦女人的骨灰
Not the women
不是人
The pictures of the Pakistani women.
是巴基斯坦女人的照片
I thought this was a good idea, and it feels kind of
我觉得这是个好主意 感觉有点
It feels a little stupid.
感觉有点笨
I know I was a terrible boyfriend,
我知道我是一个糟糕的男朋友
but I have changed.
但我变了
And I am the person you need me to be.
我就是你需要的那个人
I really am.
我真的是
So
所以
Will you take me back?
覆水能收吗
Kumail, I’m really glad that you
库米尔 我真的很高兴你
went through this experience,
经历过这种体验
but you have to understand that
但你要明白
that all happened when I was asleep.
这一切都发生在我睡着的时候
Like, you felt one way a few weeks ago,
你几周前是另一种感觉
and now you’re saying you feel the total opposite way,
而你现在却说 感觉相反
and the only thing that’s changed
问题唯一改变的就是
is that I was in a coma.
是我昏迷了
Honestly, I I
老实说我
I look at all of this, and I just think,
我看着这一切 我想
you know, I just can’t do it again.
我不能再来一次
And I can’t I
我不能 我
I can’t be the reason that you don’t have a family.
我不能成为你不组建家庭的原因
It just feels totally different now.
现在的感觉完全不同了
And I can’t do that again.
我不能再和你恋爱
Do you understand?
你明白吗
Okay. Okay?
是的 明白吗
Okay.
明白了
Sorry.
抱歉
Ma.
妈妈
Dad.
爸爸
Fatima. Bhai. Kya haal hai?
法蒂玛 巴依 大家好
Oh, there’s no plate.
没有盘子
Oh.
哦
Oh, I forgot, um, I’ve decided
我忘了 我决定
I won’t let you kick me out of the family.
我不会让你赶我走
Since I’m a member of the family,
既然我是家庭成员
it would stand to reason that I would get a vote
我可以对是否开除我一事
in whether or not I get kicked out,
进行投票
and that vote would have to be unanimous,
投票必须是一致
standard parliamentary procedure.
标准议事程序
So, all those in favor of not kicking Kumail
不赞成踢走库米尔的人
out of the family, raise your hand.
家庭成员 请举手
Great. Motion to kick Kumail out of the family denied.
好极了 将库米尔赶出家庭的动议被驳回
So, you guys can just talk to me.
这样 你们就可以跟我说话了
Okay, you’re giving me the silent treatment.
好吧 既然你们对我置之不理
I figured that was what was gonna happen.
我想接下来
I have a solution.
我有个办法
So, “Hi, how are you?”
“嘿 你好吗 ”
That’s just a real basic one. You know.
基本用语
“Pass the salt.” Practical.
“把盐递给我” 很实用
“Always with the comedy.”
“总是与喜剧有关”
Mom, made that one specially for you.
“妈妈 特地为你做的”
“Kumail, how did you become so much more handsome
“库米尔 你怎么”
“than your brother NAVEED?”
“比纳维德帅那么多 ”
Bullshit.
废话
I admit, this one is designed
我承认 我是来
to stir up some controversy.
挑起争议的
“It’s interesting how you can’t really
“很有趣 你不能真正”
“kick someone out of your family because
“把某人踢出你的家庭 因为”
“they will always be your family.”
“他们将永远是你的家人”
I agree with that one. That’s a good one.
我同意这一点 写的不错
So, I’m gonna leave these here for you.
我把这些都留给你们
I am sorry I lied about the girls
对不起 我骗了那些姑娘
and the LSAT and all of that.
还有法学院考试
That was wrong.
都错了
And one more thing.
还有一件事
I’m moving to New York to pursue stand-up,
我要搬到纽约去追求自立
but I am not leaving this family.
但我不会离开这个家
My parents, um, they want me to get arrange married.
我父母想让我接受包办结婚
Or, as it’s, uh, called in Pakistan, romance!
巴基斯坦称之为浪漫
And earlier today,
今天早些时候
I told them everything. I told them
我告诉他们－切 我告诉他们
about my life, I told them about Emily.
我的生活 我说了艾米丽
They kicked me out of the family.
他们把我赶出了家门
I may never talk to them again.
我可能再也不能跟他们说话了
So, that happened.
就这样
What is it? Can I come in?
干嘛呢 我能进来吗
Okay.
好的
I swear, you and Dad
我发誓
are just like my freshman year roommate,
你和你♥爸♥就像我大一的室友
but instead of just, like, boning random dudes,
除了不搞男人
you’re just parenting all the time.
你们到处为人父母
All over the place. In every room of the house.
到处都是 在房♥子的每一个房♥间
Including right next to me.
包括我旁边
We got to go.
我们得走了
Home?
回家
No. Yeah.
不 是的
It’s time.
是时候了
I’m not ready.
我还没准备好
Yeah, you know what?
你知道吗
You’re strong.
你很坚强
And you are.
真的
And we would go to the mosque and hear graphic details
我们会去清♥真♥寺 听取1400年前
of religious people being killed 1,400 years ago.
宗教人士被杀的细节
I mean, like, Tarantino-esque details.
我是说 昆汀·塔伦蒂诺式的细节
And everyone would be crying,
每个人都会哭
like, competing to see who could cry the hardest.
就像比谁会哭的最惨