征服钱海（1999）

噢 棒极了 天哪
Oh, it’s terrific, man.
这个地方我唯一喜欢的东西就是它
It’s the only thing I like about this place.
他们在马桶的上方装了个聚光灯
They got a spotlight over the john.
那个 三面都有镜子
That, and there’s mirrors on 3 sides,
所以你其实可以看着你擦自己的屁♥股♥
so you can actually watch yourself wiping your own ass.
这就是你的人生目标吗
Is that a major goal of yours?
嗯 我认为每个人一生中都应该
Well, I think it’s something everybody should experience
至少经历一次
at least once in their lifetime.
你知道如果古埃及国王能看到自己擦自己的屁♥股♥
Do you realize what the ancient kings of egypt would have given
他们会赏赐什么吗
if they’d been able to watch themselves wiping their own asses?
重赏 但是他们看不到
Plenty. But they couldn’t,
因为技术不允许
because the technology was unavailable.
他们有镜子
They had mirrors.
拜托 只有小手镜
Oh, hand mirrors, phil.
那个又小又破的东西
Little bitty jobs.
你 你想用手镜来看
You… you try watching yourself
自己擦自己的屁♥股♥
wiping your own ass with a hand mirror.
你看不到 你什么都看不到
You can’t… you can’t see anything.
你倒不如看别人好了
You might as well be watching somebody else.
不 不 不 正确的做法是
No, no, no. To do it right,
你需要满满一屋子的镜子才行
you need the full-fledged wall-to-wall mirrors.
这样你就能看到整个画面
Then you get the total picture.
让你知道你和别人也没那么大的差别
Reminds you you’re not that much different than anybody else
归根结底
when it comes down to it.
它给你一种谦卑的感觉
Gives you a sense of humility.
随你怎么说
Whatever you say.
哦 门被卡住了
Oh. The door is jammed.
我打电♥话♥叫人来弄
I… I put a call in.
哦 天啊
Oh, christ.
嘿 你感觉好点了吗 鲍勃
Hey. You feeling any better, bob?
是的 只是 只是有点恶心
Yeah, just a… just a little queasy is all.
今天菲尔让你在地上工作了一整天吗
Did phil have you working on the floor all day today?
差不多
Some of it.
就在那个小房♥间里吗
Workin’ the booth?
嗯 是的
Uh, yeah.
嗯 怪不得
Well, no wonder.
你应该让他去死
You should have told him to go fuck himself.
我讨厌在小房♥间里工作
I hate working the booth.
嗯 我觉得挺有意思的
Uh, I thought it was kind of interesting.
这里没有衣橱
There’s no closet in here.
所以我放了衣架在这
That’s why I got the coatrack.
是啊 好吧 什么东西都有一时之兴 鲍勃
Yeah, well, anything’s interesting for a while, bob.
牙医手术也是一时之兴
Dental surgery is interesting for a while,
但是有些东西很快就过时了
but some things get old in a hurry.
这是必须的
It’s something that has to be done.
啊 好
Ah. Well.
我早就这样说过 鲍勃
There you are, bob.
前人流传下来的名言
Words handed down from on high.
“这是必须的”
“It’s something that has to be done.”
莱利 从你这讨根烟
Larry, let me bum a cigarette off you.
以前还可以给你 现在不行了
Well, you could ordinarily, phil, but not anymore.
我戒了
I gave it up.
不可能
You did not.
我对天发誓
I swear to god.
什么时候戒的 几个月前
When? A couple of months ago.
要是你还爱惜自己的身体 你也会戒的
And you would, too, if you knew what was good for you.
去你的 你又不是我老婆
Fuck you, larry. You’re not my wife.
你说得对 菲尔 我又不是你老婆
You’re right, phil. I’m not your wife.
还好你提醒了我
And it’s good of you to point that out,
因为我们这么亲密
because as close as we are,
有时候我都忘了
I sometimes forget.
鲍勃说的比我俩说的更有理
Bob’s got more sense than the two of us put together.
你从没抽过烟 对吧 鲍勃
You’ve never smoked a cigarette in your life, have you, bob?
对 没抽过
No, I haven’t.
我打赌你也不怎么喝酒 对吗
And I bet you don’t drink much, either, do you?
有时特殊场合喝点啤酒
An occasional beer now and then.
是啊 但是不喝烈酒 对吗
Yeah, but nothing hard, right?
对
No.
要是我说错了纠正我
And correct me if I’m wrong,
但我打赌我不会说错的
but I’m willing to bet, I’d even lay money,
你活这么大
that never in your life.
从来没有去过一家脱衣舞俱乐部
have you walked into a strip joint,
走上舞台 抓住舞娘 把她扔在地上
walked up on the stage, grabbed the dancer, threw her down on the ground,
然后在大家的面前狠狠地干♥她♥ 没有吧
and fucked her brains out right there in front of everybody.
你说什么
I never what?
天哪 莱利
Jesus christ, larry.
回答问题 有或没有
Just answer the question, yes or no.
没有 我 我从来没有靠近过那种地方
No, I… I’ve never even been near a place like that.
看吧 我说对了
Well, see, that’s what I’m saying.
你应该申请做圣徒 鲍勃
You oughta apply for sainthood, bob.
申请条件也不像以前那么严苛了
Competition’s not as stiff as it used to be.
我觉得你有一个很好的入教机会
I think you got a good chance at gettin’ in.
你是天主教♥徒♥吗 不是
You catholic? No.
圣公会教♥徒♥ 不是
Episcopalian? No.
那你信什么教
Well, what, then?
浸礼会教
Uh, baptist.
哦 那就有问题了
Oh, well, that is a problem.
但是他们一定也有类似的东西 不是吗
But they must have something like that, shouldn’t they?
给那些什么也不用干就这样过辈子的人
For people who go through their whole lives without doing anything.
嗯 据我所知没有
Uh, not as far as I know.
该死 那是时候改变宗教信仰了 鲍勃
Well, damn it, then it’s time to change religions, bob.
去有人赏识你的地方
Go someplace you’re appreciated,
去有机会升迁的地方
where there’s a chance to move up.
如果行得通的话告诉我
You let me know if it happens.
我第一个就告诉你
You’ll be the first.
记住 这可是我的主意
Remember, it was my idea.
所以我有特权
I get dibs on the concessions.
比如送我小塑料雕像之类的
Little plastic statues, things like that.
你要去哪
Where are you going?
我就到下面的酒吧待一会儿
I’m gonna just run down to the bar for a few minutes.
一会儿就回来
I’ll be right back.
我跟你一起去
Uh, I’ll go with you.
不 不行 你最好待在这儿
Uh, no, no. You better stay here.
必须有个人看着莱利
Have to have somebody keep their eye on larry,
别让他把这里转租给别人
make sure he doesn’t sublet the joint.
你下去的时候顺便停在15楼
When you’re down there, why don’t you stop on 15
看看知道自己所作所为人是什么样子的
and see what it’s like with people who know what they’re doing?
看你还好不好意思说我要求高
That is if you can live with the shame!
给我带些虾回来
And bring me back some shrimp!
真是个笨蛋
What a nut.
他还是你
Him or you?
他
Him.
这家伙真逗
Guy cracks me up.
在这里我要叫笨蛋的人其实不是他
He’s not the one I’d exactly call a nut around here.
那只是因为你不了解他
Well, that’s just because you don’t know him.
你要胡萝卜条吗 鲍勃
You want a carrot stick, bob?
你和他共事多久了
How long have you and he worked together?
那得看你什么意思了
Well, that depends on what you mean.
你要胡萝卜条吗
Do you want a carrot stick, bob?
不要 谢谢
No. Thanks.
用宏观历史时间来看 我们才认识
Well, in geologic time, we just met.
用犬类时间来看 我们早就认识了
However, in dog years, we go way back.
用人类时间呢
How about human years?
人类的话
Human years.
是啊
Yeah.
那我们认识有一段时间了
We’ve known each other a while.
问这个干嘛
Why do you ask?
我印象中他是个有趣的家伙
He strikes me as an interesting guy.
他是个很棒的家伙
Oh, that’s one hell of a guy.
鲍勃 如果你想找个人当偶像 就选菲尔吧
Bob, if you’re looking for somebody to admire, pick phil.