坐卧两用室（1969）

Sorry we’re late home, Dad.
我有孩子了
l had the baby.
先生 你不觉得他长得有点像您吗？
Don’t you think he looks a bit like you, sir?
这一天真漫长呢
lt’s been a long day.
哦
Oh.
晚安
Good night.
妈妈：强♥奸♥！
MOTHER: Rape!
该死 我不能再保持沉默了！
LORD FORTNUM: Damn it, l can hold my tongue no longer!
怎么了？-你怎么敢 奸夫！
What? -How dare you, adulterer!
胆大妄为 占我们那个鸟羽朋友的便宜！
How dare you take advantage of our feathered friend !
妈妈！ -妈妈：我真是感到羞耻
Mummy! -MOTHER: l’m so ashamed.
妈妈：在我女儿的面前把我里面弄乱了
MOTHER: Compromised internally in front of my own daughter.
马上把我的门给关了
Close my doors at once.
我们不能明早再谈吗?我都… -爸爸 是妈妈
Can’t we go into this in the morning? l’m all. . . -Daddy, it’s Mummy.
妈妈：很好 上尉 但是对我温柔一点
MOTHER: Very well, Captain. But be gentle with me.
晚安安
Nighty-night.
晚安安 妈妈
Night-night, Mum.
妈妈：晚安 亲爱的
MOTHER: Good night, dear.
哦 晚安 爸爸
Uh, good night, Dad.
马丁：不行
MARTlN: No.
这里没东西能吃
Nothing edible here.
自从他们投放了那个玩意儿 你懂的
You know, ever since they dropped the, uh, you know,
木虫就完全绝种了
woodworms have become quite extinct.
哦 真的吗？
Oh, really?
很奇怪
Very strange.
可能不是俄♥罗♥斯♥人和美国人投的
Perhaps it wasn’t the Russians and Americans who dropped it, then.
可能是能多洁（英国除虫公♥司♥）
Perhaps it was Rentokil.
晚饭好了 爸爸
Dinner is served, Daddy-o.
好吧…
Well. . .
我不知道他是谁 但他很及时
Well, l don’t know who he is, but he’s just in time.
好 请坐吧
Well. Sit you down.
什么？这是什么？鸡肉？
What? What is it, darling? Chicken?
不 这是爸爸
No, it’s Daddy.
哦 好吧 没关系 不要太难过
Oh. Well, never mind. Don’t take it too hard.
如果找得到另一只鸟的话 就把他的栖木让出去
We’ll let his perch to another bird, if we can find one.
温柔点 布鲁斯
Be gentle, Bules.
这么恐怖的事是怎么发生的？
How did this terrible thing happen?
他从政以后
After his career in politics,
他说过 等他死后
he said he wanted his body to be left to science.
他想把遗体捐给科研事业
Then he threw himself off his perch.
呃？
Eh?
给 这是什么蠢东西？
Here, what’s that silly thing?
是她爸爸
lt’s her father.
爸爸？哦 这就意味着首相要补选了
Father, eh? Ooh ! This’ll mean a by-election.
我的天！
Oh dear Lord !
他尝起来真是绝了 我们从来没吃过这么好的
Cor, he tastes marvellous. We’ve never had so good.
哦
Oh.
我在走
l am moving.
戴上防毒面罩
Gas masks on !
带上防毒面罩 快！
Gas masks on ! Hurry up.
原♥子♥弹♥ 辐射上升！快点！
Atomic bomb, radiation rising ! Hurry up!
辐射上升 带上面罩！
Radiation rising. Masks on !
都戴上面罩
All your masks on !
我说过 国防部长有幽默感真是件好事
My word, it’s a good job the Minister of Defence
他发明这些面罩的时候
had a sense of humour when he invented these masks.
跟你说 我就在想 我不觉得人类的脸能按这个模子长
Mind you, l was thinking. l don’t think the human face fits the modern need.
你不能！ -不能
You don’t? -No.
如果我能活到喧嚣的后原子时代
lf l had my way in the hurly-burly of post-atomic living,
我会把他的嘴安在他的坚果上
l’d have a bloke’s mouth on top of his nut.
这样的话 如果他上班快迟到了
You see, then when he’s late for work
他只要把他的早饭放帽子里
all he has to do is slide his breakfast under his hat
他就能在去办公室的路上吃东西了
and eat it on the way to the office.
哈？
Huh?
你觉得这一切快结束了吗？
Do you think we’ve come to the end of it all?
哦 亲爱的
Oh, dear.
没有
Nah.
戴上面罩！戴上面罩！
MATE: Get your masks on ! Get your masks on !
戴上面罩！原♥子♥弹♥！
Get your masks on ! Atomic bomb!
哦 天 别再来了
Oh, please, God, not again.
该死的雾
Bloody fog.
我们现在该怎么办呢?
What’s to become of us now?
我们继续前进
Well, we’ll just have to keep going.
为什么？
What for?
因为我们是英国人
Because we’re British.
英国人？
British?
那有什么用啊 我们都不知道谁赢了这场战争
Well, what a lot of use that is. We don’t even know who’s won the war.
我们的食物吃完了 没有药 吃我们的父母
We’ve run out of food. No medicine. We’re eating our parents.
还英国人呢！
British !
还有一件事 要是按我的路子来的话
MATE: And another thing. lf l had my way,
我会把男人的生殖器设计在他的手指上
l’d have a bloke’s genitals on the end of his finger.
那他必须得戴手套了
MARTlN: He’d wear a glove, of course?
当然！你不想让霜结在那上面吧？
MATE: Oh, yes! You don’t want the frost to get at it, eh?
你想想 那样的话 男人在没有走廊的列车上会多方便
And you think how handy it would be in them non-corridor trains.
他只要在把手伸出窗户抖一抖 对不对？
He could waggle it out the window then, couldn’t he?
那你打算把女人的生殖器安在哪儿？
Where would you put a woman’s equivalent?
嗯…我会把那玩意儿放这 肩膀上
Well, l’d. . . l’d have that up here on her shoulder. See?
哦？-这样她就不会被..侏儒..强♥奸♥了
Oh? -Then she couldn’t get raped by, uh, midgets.
如果他们站在其他侏儒的肩上呢？
Supposing they stood on each other’s shoulders?
不！让她跪下来就方便多了
No! lt’d be easier for her to kneel down.
不 这行不通 不可能的！
Oh no, it wouldn’t work. Out of the question !
什么意思？ -你想
How do you mean? -Picture to yourself.
拥挤的车厢 年轻小伙起身把位置让给一个漂亮姑娘
Crowded train, a young man gets up to give his seat to a young, pretty girl.
她一开始还没注意 直到…
She doesn’t notice at first, and then. . .
“打扰了 小姐”
“Excuse me, miss.” Ah?
天啊天啊！
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!
天啊 你说是吧
Oh dear, indeed.
这会让地铁的票价上涨 对吧？
That would put the price of tickets up on the Tube, wouldn’t it, eh?
你不觉得有点不舒服吗
lsn’t it looking a bit off to you?
那就把他带进去
Well, take him inside, then.
…禁“指”室
. . . no-poking compartment.
啊 进去吧亲爱的 雾蒙蒙的
Ah, let’s get in now, dear. Blowing up foggy.
这 这 到这来
Here, here, here. Come here.
转过来 亲爱的
Turn round, darling.
什么？
What?
抱歉…抱歉小姐
Pardon. . . Pardon me, miss.
橡胶？
Rubber?
请你离开
Please go away.
这是橡胶
lt’s rubber.
这是橡胶！橡胶！
lt’s rubber! Rubber!
气
Gas.
这是一种致命雾气 就像以前一样
This is a killer fog, all right. Just like the old days.
诶 是吧？
Eh? lsn’t it, eh?
嘿！你会喜欢这个的 他们被毒气毒死的过程♥真♥是太可怕了
Hey! You’ll enjoy this. lt was horrible how they were gassed.
哦！
Oh!
我的孩子！
My baby!
我可怜的孩子！
My poor baby!
孩子死了！
lt’s dead !
听着 我们都知道鲁伯特只是个小东西罢了
Now, look, darling, we all know that Rupert was thing.
那也是我们的东西 我们的! 阿兰和我一起创造的
lt was our thing. Ours! We made it, Alan and l.
是我在这个世界上唯一在乎的东西
lt was the only thing l ever cared for in the whole world.
没关系 亲爱的 改天咱们能再造一个
Well, never mind, darling, we might someday make another.
真是可惜 太可惜了
What a shame. What a shame.
来 来 亲爱的 我帮你把那瓶笨牛奶喝完
Here. Here, darling, l’ll drink that silly, silly bottle of milk up for you.
干得好
MARTlN: That’s right.
嘿！看！他已经叼上奶瓶了
Hey! Look! He’s already got the hang of it.
看 亲爱的 我们要不把他领养了 怎么样？
Look, darling, why don’t we adopt this one? Mmm?
来 这是他的拨浪鼓 小淘气要玩拨浪鼓吗？
Here we are. There’s his rattle. Diddles want his rattle, then?
小淘气要玩拨浪鼓吗？
Diddles want his rattle?
滚犊子！
Piss off!
听啊 亲爱的 他的第一句话 “滚犊子”
Listen, darling, his first words. “Piss off!”
滚犊子