坏妈妈手册（2007）

他们从垃圾堆上抓海鸥 然后把它们当成小鸡
They catch seagulls off the rubbish tip and pass them off as chicken.
妈 它们是普通的鸡腿 四只打包卖♥♥
They’re ordinary drumsticks, Mum. They come in packs of four.
我在乐购买♥♥的 还买♥♥了那些没人吃的水果
I got them in Tesco’s, along with all the fruit nobody eats.
天知道我♥干♥嘛费劲买♥♥这些 我就该买♥♥一袋子霉菌
God knows why I bother, I should just buy a bag of mould.
那可不对劲 一只鸡长了四条腿？
That’s never right. Chicken with four legs?
-它们还有三个翅膀呢 奶奶 -天啊
– There were three wings as well, Nan. – Good God.
我被邀请去巴黎
I’ve been invited to Paris.
-你？ -为什么？
– You? – Why?
是学校组织的旅行
Er, it’s a school trip.
只有一个星期 我想如果艾薇可以照顾奶奶四天
It’s only for a week and I figured if Ivy could look after Nan for four days,
-你们两个可以搞定剩余三天 -噢 你不能去
– you two could manage the other three. – Oh, you can’t.
-什么？ -路途遥远 亲爱的 而且…
– I’m sorry? – It’s a long way, love, and…
什么事都有可能出错 -灾难 炸♥弹♥
there’s all sorts can go wrong – disasters, bombs.
你还是在家呆着安全
You stop at home and be safe.
我要说 事实上 我现在工作上有很多事要忙
I should say, actually, that I’ve got a lot on at work right now.
很忙 我不知道能不能抽出空帮忙
Very busy. I don’t know if I’ll be much use to you.
而且他们往洞里大小便
And they go to t’toilet in holes.
真的 艾琳·塞登告诉我的 他们在地上有块瓷砖
They do. Irene Seddon told me they just have tiles on the floor
中间有个洞 肮脏的混球
and have an ‘ole in the middle. Dirty buggers.
-我们… -你别说了
– We… – Don’t you start.
“我还要考试 让我承担额外的责任是不公平的”
“I’ve got exams. It’s not fair to give me extra responsibilities.
“我以为你希望我好好学习”
“I thought you wanted me to do well. ”
哦 我走 我走 随便了
Oh, just go. Just go. Whatever.
该死的 她怎么了？
Bloody ‘ell. What’s up with her?
-你什么意思？ -不对劲
– How d’you mean? – Something’s up.
她不是该发五星级的癫了吗 刚才眼都不眨
We should’ve had a five-star strop, but she didn’t even blink.
嗯 她现在有男朋友了 不是吗
Well. She’s got herself a fella now, in’t she?
~ 男人
~ Man
~ 男人
~ Man
~ 男人
~ Man
~ 男人
~ Man
~ 我是一个没有梦的男人 女孩…
~ I’m a man with no dreams, girl… ~
我能和你说句话吗？
Can I have a word?
发生了什么？
What’s going on?
你和皮特是认真的吗？
Is it serious with Pete?
-保罗 -保罗
– Paul. – Paul.
-你和他上♥床♥了吗？ -没有
– Are you having sex with him? – No.
-讲实话？ -我发誓！
– Honestly? – I swear!
不会危及我的学习
Mustn’t jeopardise my education
不会让我无法取得4个A 约克大学的会计学位
and fail to achieve four A-grade A levels, an accountancy degree at York,
以及一段辉煌的职业生涯
followed by a meteoric career,
26岁的婚姻 柴郡的好房♥子
marriage at 26, nice house in Cheshire
以及两个健康的孩子 可能取名叫安娜贝尔和马克斯
and two healthy children – suggested names Annabel and Max.
现在行了吗？ 我只是有点忙…
Now, do you mind? Only I’m a bit busy…
当我发现我怀孕的时候 我哭了又哭
When I found out I was pregnant, I cried and cried.
我以为我的人生结束了
I thought my life was over.
-你想说什么？ -我没有准备好
– What’s your point? – I wasn’t ready.
你也没有
And nor are you.
好吧 这完全扯得有点太远了
Well, that’s completely bloody irrelevant anyway.
听着 妈 他把我甩了
Look, Mum, he’s dumped me.
该死的保罗把我甩了
Bloody Paul bloody dumped me.
现在你满意了吗？
Are you satisfied now?
所以去吧 去你的巴黎然后玩得开心 妈
So go on, buzz of to Paris and have a great time, Mum.
还记得奶奶说的吗？
What is it Nan says?
永远不要追赶小伙子或公共汽车 五分钟后还会有一个
Never run after a lad or a bus, there’ll be another one in five minutes.
别这样 妈
Oh, don’t, Mum.
噢 你等着瞧
Oh, you wait.
你会上约克大学 让整个世界都为你瞩目
You’ll go to York and set the world on fire
他的结局就是睡无聊的家庭主妇
and he’ll end up sleeping with bored housewives
为驾照过关多收她们的钱
and overcharging them for MOTs.
-你又来了 -什么？
– You’re doing it again. – What?
替我规划人生！ 活像你有个什么清单似的
Planning my life for me! It’s like you’ve got a checklist or something.
噢 该死的男人！
Oh, bloody men!
你喜欢的人对你不感兴趣
The ones you like aren’t interested,
你懒得理的人天天围着你转
the ones you’re not fussed about are all over you.
凯伦 亲爱的！
Karen, love!
总之你从没和他上过床 是吧？
Just as well you never slept with him, eh?
我们有粥吗？
Have we got any porridge?
噢 你爷爷可爱喝粥了
Oh, now, your grandad loved porridge.
他曾经说过 “你可以留着香槟”
He used to say, “You can keep your champagne.
“给我们一碗粥 再来点茶”
“Give us a bowl of porridge and a drop of tea
“我就快乐似沙袋”
“and I’m as happy as a sandbag. ”
如果你想要糖 可以从碗里倒一些出来吗
If you want sugar, could you take some from the bowl?
让我们文明用餐
Let’s be civilised for once.
这是什么？
What’s this?
出生证明 我办护照需要用到
Birth certificate, I need it for the passport.
夏洛特 这太恶心了 你能用上盘子吗
Charlotte, that’s disgusting, could you use a plate, please?
妈…
Mum…
你有好好看过这个吗？
have you ever had a proper look at this?
-什么？ -还有一次
– What? – And there was one time
他去绍斯波特看歌♥手表演
he went to see t’minstrels at Southport,
有个小伙子上场唱了《丹尼男孩》
and there was a chap come on and sang Danny Boy
然后 所有观众都大喊着“安可！安可！”
and er… and all t’audience were shouting “Encore! Encore!”
妈 妈 这很重要 妈
Mum, Mum, this is important, Mum.
这到底是怎么回事？ 上面说我是领养的
What the hell’s going on here? It says I’m adopted.
-你不是我妈妈吗？ -然后他昏过去了
– Are you not my mother? – And he conked out.
别管那该死的安可了 让那该死的男人再唱一次…
Never mind t’bloody encore, let t’bloody man sing again…
妈 它写的是真的吗？
Mum, is that thing right?
我不是你的孩子？
Am I not yours?
哦 我弄得一团糟
Oh, I’ve made a mess.
妈！
Mum!
妈 发生了什么？ 你做了什么？ 你还好吗？
Mum, what’s happened? What did you do? Are you all right?
我只是在地毯上摔了 可能是油洒了点什么的
I just slipped on the lino. I think it were a bit of fat spilt or summat.
-来吧 -哦
– Come on. – Oh.
-噢 我没事 -妈
– Oh, I’m all right. – Oh, Mum.
-噢！ -来吧
– Ooh! – Come on.
-我…我就是脚有点 -噢！
– It… It’s just me foot. – Oh!
-噢 妈 -噢！
– Oh, Mum. – Oh!
我不想让你担心
I didn’t want to worry you.
哦我得自己振作
Oh, I’ve gotta shake meself.
你不能总是为我服务
You can’t always be waiting on me.
你有你自己的人生
You’ve got your own life.
你好 你好 我是库珀太太
Hello, hello, it’s Mrs Cooper.
对 我需要医生
Yeah, I need a doctor.
噢
Oh.
夏洛特 我想问你能不能替我关照一下这位小伙子
Ah, Charlotte, I wondered if I could ask you to look after this young man for me.
丹尼尔 · 盖尔 他家刚刚搬来 来自…
Daniel Gale. His family have moved from…
-呃 吉尔福德 -对
– Erm, Guildford. – Yeah.
他会加入预科班
And he’s joining us in the sixth form.
我相信你们俩会有很多共同话题的
I’m sure you’ll find you have a lot in common.
情况不太严重 但她确实搞得一团糟
It’s not serious but, er, well, she has given it a nasty twist.
-对 -她很快就能起床走动了
– Right. – She’ll be up and about soon.
但把她留在客厅里 我想她应付不了楼梯
But keep her in the living room. I don’t know how she’ll cope with the stairs.
她只是需要一些“温柔 爱心 关怀” 那种小题大做
She just needs some TLC. Some fussing over.
她很幸运有你这样的女儿 再见
She’s lucky to have you, you know. Bye.
再见
Bye.
那个新医生是个好人
He’s a nice man, that new doctor.
他有个儿子 和夏洛特一般大
He’s a son, same age as Charlotte.
他老婆是个禁酒主义者
His wife’s a teetotaller.
你注意到他的手了吗？ 他的指甲很漂亮
Did you notice his hands? He’s got beautiful fingernails.
如果不是你乱咬指甲 你也能有那么漂亮的指甲
You’d have nails like that if you didn’t bite them.
-你感觉怎么样 -他说我的骨头挺结实
– How are you feeling? – He said I’d got good bones.
在我这个年龄
For my age.
我去烧水了
I’m going to put the kettle on.
对不起 亲爱的
I’m sorry, love.
你为什么不告诉我 妈妈？
Why didn’t you ever tell me, Mum?
所以 你不是要去…
So… So, your trip to…?
去哪儿来着… 再说一遍？
To wotsit… Where were it again then?
是去巴黎
It was to Paris.
该死的法国的该死的巴黎
Bloody Paris in bloody France