坏妈妈手册（2007）

我想要什么？奢华的出国游
What would I like? Luxury holiday abroad.
有好工作的 正直的男人 说得好像身边真有这种人似的
Good job, decent man. Like there are any of those around.
告诉你我不想要什么
Tell you what I don’t like.
在这呆着… 现在 就像我这样
Being here… now, like I am.
《坏妈妈手册》
The Bad Mother’s Handbook
这些日子里我唯一所做的就是让自己疲于奔命
All I do these days is run meself ragged.
我随时听候所有人的召唤
I’m at everybody’s beck and call.
这是我的女儿 夏洛特 她可是位淑女
There’s me daughter, Charlotte. She’s a madam.
聪明 哦 非常聪明
Clever, ooh, very clever.
从小成绩一直是A 但 天呐 挺易怒？我得说
A grades all the way but, God, touchy? I’ll say.
你总是如履薄冰
You walk on eggshells.
不过她也是事事认真 我承认
She’s conscientious, though, I’ll give her that.
前一分钟 我还想给她一个拥抱 告诉她我有多为她骄傲
One minute, I want to give her and hug and tell her how proud I am of her.
接着我就只想揍她 用钝器打她的头
The next I want to beat her about the head with a blunt instrument.
当然 她爸也没一点用 没用透了 所以我把他赶出了家门
Her dad’s no bloody use, of course. Never was. That’s why I kicked him out.
噢 他是个不错的小伙子
Oh, he’s a nice enough chap,
但他没有方向 而且总是无所事事
but he’s no direction and he’s always been bone idle.
然后 你看 还有我的妈妈
Then, you see, there’s me mother.
我不介意为她更换结肠造口袋 就这样
I don’t mind changing her colostomy bags for her. That’s just how it is.
虽然维护费用该死的高 但也不是她能控制的
Although it’s damned high maintenance, but she can’t help that.
不 让我介意的是她思维那么飘来荡去
No, what gets me down is the way her mind comes and goes.
就像收音机一样时断时续 所以有时你能听明白
It’s like a radio tuning in and out, so sometimes you get sense,
多数时候一点都不
other times nothing.
让我想说 “看在上帝的份上，妈妈！”
I want to go, “For God’s sake, Mum!”
不过接着当然 我感到自己是头蠢母牛 因为她会说
But then, of course, I feel like a complete cow, because she goes,
“你只是不懂你将来会怎样 你会老” 这是真的
“You don’t know what you’ll come to. You’ll be old. ” Which is true.
所以我现在满手是活 不是吗？
So I’ve got me hands full, haven’t I?
但你猜怎么？去他们的所有人
But you know what? Sod ’em.
我已经受够了照顾每个人
I’ve had it with looking after everyone.
他们终于得自己照顾自己一回了 因为
They can fend for themselves for once because…
我要去巴黎了
I’m going to Paris.
我是说你现在想要什么？继续说
I meant what would you like now? Go on.
我想给我的汽油卡充值 这样在我离开期间不会用完
I’d like to top up me gas payments, so they don’t run out while I’m gone.
女士！女士！校长找你
Miss! Miss! The headmaster wants you.
-噢！ -哦！
– Ooh! – Oh!
那么 你们都准备好了？
So, you’re all prepared, then?
你们把所有该准备的都差不多准备好了吗？
You’ve pretty much done everything you have to?
呃 那个 我还没有整理好我的护照
Er, well, I’ve not sorted my passport yet.
-我还在等我的出生证明但… -我们可以走快速通道
– Waiting for me birth certificate but… – We can fast-track that.
他们可以在一周内完成 学校会付钱的
They can do ’em in a week. School’ll pay.
我会和奇瑞尔女士谈谈 她能帮你代班 反正也就三个早上嘛
I’ll talk to Ms Quirrell. She’ll cover your hours. It’s only three mornings, after all.
当然 不是说你不重要
Not that you’re not essential to us, of course.
助教一职可是… 至关重要
Teaching assistants are… vital.
至关重要
Vital.
好吧 唔 我正要去准备汽油和电力
Right. Well, I’m in front with the gas and electric,
我早让艾琳 · 塞登做好了准备 这不用说
and I’ve primed Irene Seddon on the QT
我还囤了一大堆的罐装鲑鱼 所以…
and I’ve been stocking up with tinned salmon, so…
好极了
Excellent.
只有一件事没做
Only one more thing.
还要把这件事告诉家人
Just got to break it to the family.
那你还会… 来了吗？
But you are going to… come?
冠军 你来了吗？
Champion. So did you come?
噢 不 不 抱歉 还没来
Oh, no, no. Sorry, not that time.
喔 但你该来了 我希望让你眼前放烟花什么的
Oh, but you should. I want it to be like fireworks and that.
我为了你和这一切
For you an’ all.
唉 有时候你让我感觉根本就没在努力
Oh, sometimes it’s like you’re not even trying.
听着 这真的不重要 事情自己会解决的
Look, it really don’t matter, it’ll sort itself out.
现在就比以前好多了
It’s loads better than it was.
很好 天啊 我累坏了
Good. God, I’m knackered.
该死 我的小东西在哪？
Oh, shit, where’s the johnny?
什么？
What?
噢 它一定还在你的体内
Oh, it must still be inside you.
等等 让我看看
Hang on, I’ll have a look.
让猎犬看看小兔子！
Let the dog see the rabbit!
哦 太棒了
Oh, yes!
哦 没事了 没洒也没破
Oh, it’s fine. Not split or anything.
一定是在过程中不小心脱落了
Must’ve come off during.
-击中目标！ -别这样 保罗 如果我妈妈发现它…
– Goal! – Don’t Paul. If my mum finds it…
它已经就位咯
Looks like this has had it.
“仙女的低语渐渐消散”
“Fairy’s whisper tears away
“欢乐在这个特别的”“日子”
“Joyful on this special… ” “.. day. ”
别这样 保罗 那是奶奶的东西
Stop it, Paul. It was Nan’s.
下次我们换种姿势做 怎么样？
How about next time we try a different position?
总有能成功的 你在上面怎样？
Summat’s gotta work. You on top?
你为什么一直说这个？
Why d’you keep going on about it?
你这样让我感觉好像我有什么不对
You’re making me feel like there’s something wrong with me.
你不如快去看医生 检查检查自己
You could nip down the doctor’s and get yourself checked over.
-什么？ -看看有什么问题
– What? – See if there’s owt amiss.
或者也可能是你的技巧不能胜任这份工作
Or it could be your technique that’s not up to the job,
-你的用具有问题 -不 可不是哦
– your equipment that’s at fault. – Er, no it in’t, actually.
我知道我没有问题 珍妮特 · 派珀就从来没有问题
I know there’s nowt wrong with me, cos Jeanette Piper never has any trouble
她基本上每次我们做♥爱♥时
and she always comes every…
都来了
time.
奶奶 我到家了！
Nan, I’m home!
快 穿上衣服 努力让自己看起来… 聪明点
Quick, get your clothes on and try and look… clever.
噢 很好 你在
Ooh, good, you’re in.
我只是想和你说句话
Only, I want a word with you.
-那是什么？ -一束朱顶红
– What’s that? – It’s an amaryllis.
我想你可能会喜欢…
I thought you might like t…
哎 我不知道我♥干♥嘛费劲买♥♥这个
Oh, I don’t know why I bother.
那是什么？
What’s that?
我们有免费的 保罗在帮助我 额…
We had a free. Paul’s helping me with, erm…
-学数学 -是吗？
– maths. – Is he?
十分钟后过来喝茶
Tea in ten minutes.
~ 我有点疯狂 都是为了你的爱
~ I’m half crazy, all for the love of you
~ 我们的婚礼不会光鲜靓丽
~ It won’t be a stylish marriage
~ 我买♥♥不起豪华坐骑
~ I can’t afford a carriage
~ 但你看起来会很美丽
~ But you’ll look sweet
~ 坐在那
~ Upon the seat
~ 双人自行车的座椅
~ Of a bicycle made for two ~
而且他总是需要煤炭烧着
And he always had to have a coal fire going.
因为他在美索不达米亚服役时得了疟疾
Cos he caught malaria when he was serving in Mesopotamia.
-他总是开玩笑说 -你对它们做了什么？
– He was always joking about… – What have you done with them?
我… 我没有碰过他们 什么？
I… I haven’t touched them. What?
我为你的茶配的香肠 你这应该有
The sausages I did for your tea. You must have.
噢 大概是狗
Oh, it were t’dog.
我们没有养狗
We haven’t got a dog.
没有责备你的意思 我就是想问 是你吃了它们？
You’re not in trouble, I just want to know. Have you eaten ’em?
是 可能是我吃了
Aye. I might’ve done.
昨天我配茶吃的
Yesterday for me tea.
好 那你怎么吃 鉴于我今天早上才做？
Well, how can you, when I only cooked ’em this morning?
天哪 每件小事都这样
Oh, God, it’s every little thing.
你真是个任性的女人
You’re a natchy woman.
你跟我的女儿凯伦很像 她无端端的就怒发冲冠
You’re like my daughter Karen. She gets her hair up at nothing.
我就是你的女儿！
I am your daughter!
夏洛特 就今天 求你了！
Charlotte, today, please!
噢 不 你不是
Oh, no, you’re not.
不完全是
Not really.
你好？
How do?
爸
Dad.
嗨 亲爱的 你妈给我打电♥话♥ 让我过来喝茶
Hello, love. Your mother rang me, said I’m to come over for tea.
-目前什么局势？ -我不知道 你为什么不问她？
– What’s the score? – I’ve no idea. Why don’t you ask her?
好吧
Yeah.
嘿 凯伦 你有刀吗？
Oi, Karen, have you a knife?
我想 我踩到了什么东西
I just trod in summat, I think.
那是艾伦·本瑟姆的儿子吗？周六在他叔叔车♥库♥帮忙的那位？
Was that Alan Benthem’s son? Works in his uncle’s garage on Saturdays?
正辅♥导♥查莉数学呢
Helping Charlie with her maths.
数学？ 那小子连二加二等于几都不知道
Maths? Can’t add two and two, that one.
不管了 希望他能老实点
Hope he’s behaving himself, though, anyroad.
-看在上帝的份上 -喂 你老实待着
– For God’s sake. – Er, you stay where you are.