四十岁的老处男（2005）

Plant it with your finger.
有什么能帮你的吗?
Can I help you?
我不知道，你能吗?
I don’t know. Can you?
你想看点什么吗?
Are you looking for something?
这有什么东西我应该看的吗?
Is there somethingI should be looking for?
我们有很多书
We have a lot of books.
所以，就要看你需要什么了
So, maybe it dependson what you like.
你想要什么?
What do you like?
我们有很多关于…
We have a great section of…
“自己动手做”的部分
do-it-yourself.
你喜欢”自己动手做”吗?
Do you like to “do it yourself”?
有时候，我的意思是…
Sometimes. I mean…
如果心血来潮的话
if the mood strikes.
你现在心血来潮如何?
How is the mood striking you now?
你叫什么名字?
What’s your name?
你叫什么名字?
What’s your name?
我叫Beth
I’m Beth.
我叫Andy
Andy.
Andy
别泄露秘密噢, Andy? 我不会的
Don’t tell on me, okay, Andy?- I wont.
除非你想让我泄密…
Unless you want to be told on…
Beth.
哇，这办法真管用!
Wow. That totally worked!
我基本什么都没说，她却为我着迷
I literally said nothing.And she found me fascinating.
我以为你这么做好久了呢
I would’ve thoughtyou were doing that for years.
我应该约她出来吗? 不，这是关键
Should I have asked her out?- No. That’s the key.
你要等到开花结果…
You wait for it to grow into a plant…
然后你就可以”干”这个果实了
and then you fuck the plant.
好吧
Okay.
真简单
This is easy.
好的
All right.
你好 Trish 你好吗? 过得如何?
Hello, Trish. How you doing?What’s going on?
有趣的笑话
Good joke.
和你谈话真有趣
This is a fun conversation.
有种点，现在就给她打电♥话♥
Just grow a backboneand call her.
你要你打给她的 他要你打给她
She asked you to call her.She wants you to call her.
喂
Hello.
嘿，你好吗?
Hey, how you doing?
你好吗? 我很好
How you doing?- I’m well.
你是哪位?
Who is this?
我是James. James? 我们认识吗, James?
This is James.- James. Do I know you, James?
我想知道你是否有时间…
I was wondering whetheryou had a few minutes…
谈谈洗衣粉
to talk abouta little laundry detergent.
你是电♥话♥推销员吗, James?
Are you a telemarketer, James?
是啊
Yep.
你是在那个高楼的顶层吗?
Are you at the topof a tall building?
你可以马上到屋顶去吗 跳下去死吧你!
Can you get to a roof quickly?Jump off!
我的意思是，你们这帮人真有病
I mean, you people are sick.
你为什么不去他妈的着一份真正的工作?
Get a real fucking job,why don’t you?
给你自己脑袋来一枪吧
Go shoot yourselfin the fucking head.
嘿，你为什么不找把刀自己撞上去?
Hey, why don’t you just, you know,get a knife and run into it?
你为什么不这么做呢，恩?
Why don’t you do that, huh?
好吧 回见, James
Okay.- I’ll see you later, James.
很高兴和你谈话 去你♥妈♥的♥吧 再见吧
Nice to talk to you.- Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye.
哦
Oh.
嘿，伙计 给你弄来一箱子A片
Hey, man.Got a big box of porn for you.
我能进去吗? 可以
Can I come in?- Yeah.
很棒的游戏座椅
Sweet video game chair.
箱子里是什么?
So what’s in the box?
我个人收藏的A片
It’s my personal collectionof erotica.
我想给你了
I want to give it to you.
我想也许其中几盘带子能打开…
I think there might be a few tapesin there that just might open up…
爱情的潘多拉之盒
Pandora’s box of love.
好的
Okay.
Amy和我经常看Harry Twatter…
Amy and I, we used to watchHarry Twatter…
我们一边在电视上放…
and we’d put it on the television…
一边模仿上面去做…
and then act it outas it was going on…
这真是….
and it was…
她真可爱
She’s adorable.
狗♥娘♥养♥的婊♥子♥
Fucking bitch.
恩，你真是慷慨而且…
Well, you know,this is really gracious and kind…
大方
and generous and everything.
但是我不想有一大盒子A片在我公♥寓♥里
But I just don’t wanta big box of porn in my apartment.
还有真正的好东西呢
There’s some reallygreat stuff in here.
真的很棒的电影，伙计
Really great movies in here,man.
你看过摇滚学校?吗
Hey, did you ever seeSchool of Rock?
看过 嗯，这个是….
Yeah.- Well, this is…
这个是 ….学校
It’s called School of…
你知道的….
You know…
很棒的 是黑鬼Jack主演
That’s nice.- But it stars Jack Black Cock.
明白了
That makes sense.
在这呢，伙计
Dude, here it is.
蠢猪Jams 第三纪 我剪辑制♥作♥的
Boner Jams ’03.It’s a mixed tape I made.
全是让我在2003年夏天沉浸其中的经典片段
All these great scenes that I wasreally into in the summer of 2003.
我想你一定会喜欢的 恩，我能看出来
I think you’d really dig it.- Yeah. Now I can see that.
这个是…
This is…
人人都爱雷蒙德
Everybody Loves Raymond.
这可能不是…
That’s probably not supposed to be…
这个很不错的连续剧 我有时会把他录下来
This is a good show.I just tape it sometimes.
我认为你有些东西不明白 Dave
Well, I don’t thinkyou understand something, Dave.
我不想要这些东西? 因为我常常做那种事情
I don’t want this stuff, okay?Because I don’t do that, that much.
做什么，手♥淫♥? 是的
What, masturbate?- Yeah.
我来这之前还做了两次呢
Dude, I’ve jacked it twicesince I’ve been here.
你开玩笑吧? 为什么不? 我没这个业余爱好
Are you kidding me? Why not?- It’s not a hobby of mine.
嗯，那么,这就是你唯一没有的爱好
Well, then, that’s the only hobbyyou don’t have.
不，说真的 谈论这个我感觉不舒服…
No, seriously, I just don’t feelcomfortable talking about…
你需要的 你受伤了
You need to.You’re wound up.
你就像其中的一个…
You’re like one of theseaction figures…
都封闭在一个盒子中了
all hermetically sealed in your box.
你还玩… 不!
You gotta play with…- Don’t!
别碰它!
Don’t take it out!
对不起 知道吗, 只是….
I’m sorry.You know what, it’s just…
你如果把它从包装中取出来 它就不值钱了
It loses its value if youtake it out of its packaging.
我想说 让它出来吧，给它些新鲜空气
I’m just saying, let it out.Give it some air, man. Play with it.
把你的A片拿走 我不拿
Take your porn with you.- I’m not taking it.
把你的这箱子A片拿走
Take your box-o-porn.
是我给你的礼物 不，我不需要
It’s my gift to you.- No. I don’t want it.
David, 这不是….
David, it’s not…
Andy, 最后一次…
Andy, for the last time…
我不要你这一大箱子色情的东西
I don’t want your giant boxof pornography.
不，不 不! 得了 伙计
No, no, no!Come on, man.
真没劲
So uncool.
没劲?
Uncool?
非要把一箱子色情录像 带给一个老实人才是没劲呢, Andy.
Uncool is trying to give an honest mana big box of porn, Andy.
最后一次,我不想…
For the last time,I don’t want to watch…
和你一起看公鸡学校
School of Cock with you.
这是非官方的
It’s nothing official.
就是象征表示一下我的谢意
Just a little tokenof my appreciation.
嘿, Andy 我想和你说脏话
Hi, Andy.I’m gonna talk dirty to you.
我想和你做♥爱♥
I want to havelots of sexy sex with you.
我要抚摸你的大胖…
I want to touch your big,fat noodle…
因为我想和你下流交往
’cause I want to havenaughty intercourse with you.
我想让你的阴♥茎♥, 进入我的身体 Andy
I want you to put your penis on,I mean, in me, Andy.
我想要做，好多次…
I want to do lots of,lots of sexy…
和你做♥爱♥，见鬼
hot things with you. Shit.
这真的不管用 Andy 我不知道说什么…
This really isn’t working, Andy.I don’t know what to say…
因为我就是你
because I am you.
好，换带子
Okay. New tape.
做什么都不对，都是我们的错
Nothing is ever good enoughand it’s always our fault.
嘿，不许对你母亲这么说话.
Hey, you can’t speakto your mother like that.
哪你呢 她不是我妈妈
You do.- She’s not my mother.
我听说Dave给了你一箱子A片