四十岁的老处男（2005）

开始出去阴毛的时候 我就出去
She starts doing his pubes,I’m out of here.
做完了之后 你就会好看多了
You gonna look good after this, man.
谢谢，伙计
Thanks, man.
那么，准备好了吗? 是的
So, ready?- Yeah.
你♥他♥妈♥的!
You fucker!
对不起 这是你的工作
I’m sorry.That’s just your job.
你要我停下来吗? 不，没事，继续
You want me to stop now?- No. It’s okay.
我们再来一个
Let’s do another one.
那条看起来很性感
That one little patchlooks sexy though.
看起来还不错吗? 是啊, 真得不错
Does it look good?- Yeah, it looks really good.
很有男人的味道
It looks man-tastic.
好的
Okay.
唔! 我没想到会这样 我真的没想到
Wow! I didn’t expect that at all.I really didn’t expect that.
你说对了，只有第一次会疼
You got it. The first oneis the only one that hurts.
是啊 这些毛长的很深了
Yeah.Those hairs are pretty deep.
好吧
Okay.
准备好了吗? 嗯
You ready?- Yup.
他妈的狗♥娘♥养♥的!
Sucker motherfucker!
你♥他♥妈♥的! 我恨你!
You shithead! I hate you!
我恨死你了!
I hate you so much!
这个很疼
That one hurt.
这个比第一个疼多了
That one hurtjust as much as the first one.
是啊，伙计 哥们!
That’s great, man.- Man!
1 2 3
干我吧!
Fuck me!
干♥死♥我了!
In the asshole!
对不起 对不起
I’m sorry.- I’m sorry.
我并不经常骂人的
I really don’t swear this much.
知道吗,我胃不好
You know what,I got a weak stomach.
我实在看不下去了 我们回头见
That’s all I can really take.I’ll see ya’ll.
Jay- Jay.- Be tough, Andy, you got it.
坚强点 Andy 你能行的
Jay去哪里了? 他去吐了
Where did Jay go?- He went to throw up.
准备好? 来吧
Ready?- Yup.
1 2
他妈的，见他妈的鬼!
Cocksucker motherfucker!
你刚数到2
You pulled on two.
你为什么不到3在拉?
Why didn’t you pull on three?
滚你♥妈♥的♥!
Freddy pie hole!
不! Kelly Clarkson!
No! Kelly Clarkson!
结束了吗，或者还要..
Ya’ll done or ya’ll…
真♥他♥妈♥的见鬼 哦，狗屎!
That’s fucked up.- Oh, shit falls!
真♥他♥妈♥的见鬼
That’s fucked up.
我恨你
I hate you.
别笑了 你这个变♥态♥!
Stop smiling, you jerk!
你这个娘们
You pussy.
哦，上帝啊. 下一个是什么?
Oh, God. What’s next?
你要动乳♥头♥ 不要动乳♥头♥
You’re doing the nipple.- Not the nipple.
拜托 不要动乳♥头♥
Come on.- Not the nipple.
求你了, Cal,抓住我的手
Please, Cal, hold my hand.
你开玩笑，伙计? 快他妈的抓住我的手，伙计
You kidding me, man?- Hold my goddamn hand, man.
快点!抓住 好了，抓住了
Do it! Just hold.- Okay, here we go.
准备好了吗?
Ready?
没…准备好了
No. Yup.
1 2 3
他妈的到底是乳♥头♥!
Nipple fuck!
Mika, 你应该烧死在地狱里!
Mika, you should burn in hell!
行了，好了 不，我是认真的，我不干了
Okay, all right.No, seriously, I think I’m done.
我们结束了，我认为不错
I think we’re done.I think that’s good.
知道吗, 伙计们…
You know what, guys…
我看起来一点也不好!
this is not a good look for me!
你看起来像一个信♥号♥♥灯
You look like a man-o’-lantern.
非常感谢 谢谢 谢谢你
Thank you very much.Appreciate it. Thank you.
非常感谢 不客气
Thank you very much.- You’re welcome.
谢谢你 谢谢
Thank you.- Thanks.
Andy,我很抱歉
Andy, I owe you an apology, man.
我过去2年半对你不怎么好
I wasn’t very nice to youfor the past two-and-a-half years.
你对我很好
You were nice to me.
不, 我…. 我认为你真的很无聊…
No, I was… I thoughtyou were really boring and…
我一直以为你是一个连环杀手
I kind of thoughtyou were a serial killer.
我没开玩笑
I’m not joking.
嘿! 对不起，见鬼，对不起，对不起
Hey!- Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry.
别担心 里面有很多染料
Don’t worry. There’s a lot ofpadding in these.
我想把这个从凉台上扔出去 一定会没事的
I could hurl it off the balcony,it would be fine.
是啊，的确不错 我们不能摔坏这个…
Yeah. It will be fine.- We couldn’t break this…
我们尝试一下 没问题
…if we tried.- No problem.
听着，你不应该听Dave和Jay的?
Look, you shouldn’t listento Dave and Jay, okay?
这些家伙很疯狂 你应该听我的, 知道吗?
Those guys are crazy.You should listen to me, okay?
看，那有一个翘臀美女在工作
Look, there is a hot-ass girlwho works right there.
在那边,在书店里 你应该和她约会，伙计
There she is, in the bookstore.You should ask her out, man.
她的内♥裤♥有点不对劲
Something wrong with her underpants.
是啊, 我不是那个意思
Yeah, they’re not in my mouth.
你知道，我…
You know, I kind of…
挺喜欢那个ebay店的女人的
like the woman from the eBay store.
还好了, 但是…
That’s great, but…
你在不能…
you’re not gonna get with anyone…
在一棵树上吊死，伙计
unless you play the odds on this, man.
你要广种薄收
You need to plant a lot of seeds.
像这个 当我种大♥麻♥的时候, 我意识到…
It’s like this.When I was growing pot, I realized…
我种的越多… 谢谢
…that the more seeds I planted…- Thank you.
…我能抽到的越多
…the more potI could ultimately smoke.
我认为我得到的建议够多了 我可以自己应付了
I think I have all the advicethat I can handle right now.
别记仇
Don’t get bitter.
我没记仇 我差点失去乳♥头♥, 懂吗?
I’m not bitter.I almost lost a nipple, okay?
那是Jay的主义, 对吧?
That was Jay’s idea, okay?
我不想说什么 但是除去胸毛…
And I wasn’t going to say anything,but waxing your chest is…
就可能想你做过得最好的事情?
like the gayest thingyou could possibly do, okay?
看着我 外表并不重要 说真的，看着我
Look at me. Looks are not important.Really look at me.
我丑的像低能儿…
I am ugly as fuckby traditional standards…
但是我还是有女人
but I get with women.
你不奇怪，这怎么可能吗?
Aren’t you curiousas to how that’s possible?
我才没丑的像低能儿呢
I am not ugly as fuck.
我没说你丑的像…
I didn’t say you were ugly as…
你含沙射影了 好吧
Well, you implied it.- Okay.
你丑的像低能儿还是像狗屎都没关系
It doesn’t matter if you’re ugly as fuckor you’re ugly as shit.
关键在于和女人讲话，我知道怎么做…
It’s about talking to women,and I know how to do that…
因为我观察，因为我是一个小说家
because I observe,because I am a novelist.
什么?你以前从来没告诉过我
What? You never told me that before.
哪是因为我不是一个自大的人, Andy.
That’s because I am notan arrogant prick, Andy.
懂吗? 大部分男人的弊病是…
Okay? The problem most men have is…
他们不知道如何和女人交谈
they don’t know how to talk to women.
你知道我的问题是什么吗? 我不感兴趣
You know what my problem is?I am not interesting.
我要说的是? “我去魔术露营地?”
What am I supposed to say?”I went to magic camp?”
“我的口♥技♥很纯熟”
“I’m an accomplished ventriloquist?”
“我是第七代帝王”
“I am a seventh-degreeimperial yo-yo master.”
“给我，大♥师♥”
Do me, yo-yo master.
“我要你给我 因为你就是我要的人”
I want you to do me,’cause you’re the yo-yo guy.
你好了吗? 听着
Are you done? Listen.
大部分的男人的弊病是…
The problem most men have is…
他们该过直接，不懂得如何与女人交谈
they just plain straight uphave no clue how to talk to women.
问她们一个问题 就这样
Just ask a question, okay?That’s it.
因为女人不在乎你说什么…
Because women do not careabout what you have to say…
一点也不，你知道的
at all anyway, you know.
他们想要得就是谈她们自己
And all they want to dois talk about themselves.
那么你就让她们谈
So you’re just gonnalet them do that.
懂吗? 所以，记住
Okay? So remember.
问问题，就对了 像一个男人
Questions, be cool,and be kind of a dick.
对 就像《玉焰》中的David Caruso
Here, be David Caruso in Jade.
我知道你再说什么
Okay. I know exactlywhat you’re talking about.
真的，那太好了
You do. That’s good.
她来了
There she is.
去播种吧，伙计
Go plant that seed, man.
用你的手指播种