四十岁的老处男（2005）

From now on, your dick is my dick.I’m getting you some pussy.
一个沙袋! 拜托，伙计! 你应该能做得更好啊
A bag of sand! Come on, man!You could do better than that.
上帝，我真溅? 我真蠢!
God, me so horny?Me so stupid!
哦，拜托
Oh, come on.
会没事的 他们甚至不会记得这事
It’s gonna be fine.They don’t even remember.
他们没问题的
Those guys are cool.
这真是糟透了
This is gonna be bad.
嗯，好吧，处♥男♥不是脏词
Yeah, well,virgin’s not a dirty word.
脏词应该是：混♥蛋♥…
You know what’s a dirty word,is asshole…
就是你们这群混♥蛋♥
and that’s what you guys are.
知道吗，我也许没做过爱 但是我可以干♥你♥
You know, I may not have had sex,but I could fuck you up.
是啊
Yeah.
得了
Come on.
嘿, David 嘿, Andy
Hey, David.- Hey, Andy.
怎么了? CaI,早晨好
What’s up?- Cal, good morning.
嘿, Andy. 嘿
Hey, Andy.- Hey.
我们正想给你找一个阴♥唇♥呢
We’re gonna have to get yousome punani.
Andy, 是时候了, 伙计 我们要….
Andy, it’s going down,partner. We’re gonna be…
这是为你准备的，伙计 这是为你准备的
This for you, partner, this for you.
周五，周六 她们会像波浪一般涌向你
Waves of them coming at youon Friday, Saturday.
周日你就被榨干了
By Sunday,your nuts gonna be drained.
嘿, Andy, 别理他们 没有性生活没什么大不了的
Hey, Andy, don’t let him bother you.It’s okay not to have sex.
不是每个人都对女人有吸引力的
Not everybody is a pussy magnet.
你多大了? 25? 我40了
What are you? 25?- I’m 40.
见鬼, 伙计 那你可是要抓紧了
Holy shit, man.You’ve got to get on that.
生活中可以没有性 生活中要有孩子和激♥情♥
Life isn’t about sex.Life is about children and passion.
是啊
Yeah.
活力 是啊, 生活要有激♥情♥
And spirit.- Yeah, life’s about passion.
不是做♥爱♥，睾丸，阴♥唇♥
It’s not about fuckingand balls and pussy.
是爱情，是人之间
It’s about love.It’s about people.
是一种结合 都是结合
It’s about connection.- It’s all about connections.
不是老二，屁♥股♥，奶♥子♥ 肛♥交♥
It’s not about cock and ass and titsand butthole pleasures.
和肛♥交♥一点关系都没有
It’s not aboutbutthole pleasures at all.
不是生锈了的老二
It’s not about this rusty tromboneand dirty Sanchez.
轻别说了 还有Cincinnati bowtie.
Please stop.- And Cincinnati bowtie.
还有用女人淫♥水♥做的鸡尾酒 沾满大便的睾丸
And your pussy juice cocktailand this shit-stained balls.
Mooj, 请不要再说了 放松点…
Mooj, just please stop.- Just relax…
好吧 够了，晚会结束
All right.That’s enough, party’s over.
让处♥男♥快去工作吧
Let the virgin get back to work.
Andy!
Andy, 得了，我们是开玩笑
Andy, come on.We were just kidding.
毫无意义
Pointless.
Andy, 没热在乎你是个处♥男♥
Andy, nobody caresthat you’re a virgin.
别这么孩子气
Don’t be such a baby.
他们就是为了乐子 他们没别的意思的
They were just having fun.They didn’t mean anything.
离我远点, David 等等
Get away from me, David.- Wait a minute.
不要再跟着我了 等下
Stop following me!- Hold up.
等一下 我现在就去辞职
Hold on.- I’m gonna have to quit my job now.
你没必要辞职
You don’t have to quit your job.
你知道吗,我不愿意和你们一起玩了
You know what, I don’t wannago out with you guys.
好吧 行了?我不需要你们的帮助
Fine.- Okay? I don’t need your help.
好的，行 如果你不喜欢 你可以不和我们一起出去玩
Okay, fine, you don’t have to go outwith us if you don’t want.
你知道吗,我尊重女人 我爱♥女♥人♥
You know what, I respect women,I love women.
我如此尊重她们，所以我才远离她们
I respect them so much that I completelystay away from them.
好的 我的生活很充实
Okay.- I have a very fulfilling life.
现在,我把你的银色裤子变成蓝色
And now, I am makingyour silver pants blue.
来点刺♥激♥的，来吧!
Get some roadburn, come on!
来吧，混♥蛋♥!
Come on, sucker!
现在，全世界美丽的女士们?
# Now, pretty ladiesaround the worid #
我有很奇怪的东西要给你们看??
# Got a weird thingto show you #
噢, 我的上帝啊!
Oh, my God!
嘿, Will和Grace 回去工作
Hey, Will and Grace, back to work.
嘿, Haziz,你可以让我们单独呆一会吗?
Hey, Haziz, can you justgive us a second?
我们正处在进退两难的地步
We’re just kind ofin the middle of something.
我在休息，明白吗?
I’m on my break, okay?
滚开, Haziz 别烦我我们，懂吗?
Fuck off, Haziz.Leave us alone, all right?
滚开? 去你♥妈♥的♥! 去你♥妈♥的♥!
Fuck off? Fuck you!- Fuck you!
去你♥妈♥的♥! 滚开 滚开
Fuck you! Fuck off.- Fuck off.
我要踢你的老二，混♥蛋♥
I’m gonna kick you in the nuts,asshole.
嘿，嘿! 嘴巴干净点, 行吗? 我有家的
Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay?I have a family.
你看看你对我怎么说的吧!
Watch how you talk to me!
这是一个自♥由♥的国家, Bambi 如果我想抽烟，我可以抽烟
It’s a free country, Bambi.I can smoke out here if I want to.
抽我的老二吧
Smoke my pole.
你是一个无情的人 滚进去!
You are a very unkind man.- Get inside!
这很不专业
This is not professional.
Paula,那帮混♥蛋♥在那边….
Paula, this asshole over here…
没事
Paula!- It’s okay.- Paula!
没事. 得了 你知道 这就是….
It’s all right. Come on.You know, it’s just…
那么 怎么可能从来都没有做♥爱♥过呢?
So, how could this not have happened?
就是从来都没做过
It just never happened.
我年轻的时候，我试过 没成功
When I was young, I tried,and it didn’t happen.
等我老了，我就越来越紧张…
And then I got older and I gotmore and more nervous…
因为从来就没成功过 所以感觉有点…
because it hadn’t happened yet.And I got kind of…
怪怪的 真的没成功过…
weirded out about it.Then it really didn’t happen…
随后，我不知道 我就不再尝试了
and then, I don’t know,I just kind of stopped trying.
你想不想再试试看?
Do you want to give itanother shot?
也许太晚了
Maybe it’s too late.
有些时候我觉得对我来说太晚了
Sometimes I feel thatit is just too late for me.
不，这真疯狂
No, that’s crazy.
你40岁了 你知道的 40岁相当于另外一个20岁
You’re 40 years old.You know, 40 is the new 20.
你打算在60年之内…
You wanna spend the next 60 yearsof your life…
没有性经验吗?
never experiencing sex?
不单单是性，而是爱…
And not just sex, but love…
是一种关系，欢笑与拥抱
and a relationship, and laughingand cuddling and all that shit.
我不知道
I don’t know.
我不知道该怎么做 听着，你必须冒冒险
I wouldn’t know what to do.- Look, you gotta take a risk.
你得冒冒险 看看我
You gotta risk it.Look at me.
我和一个女孩交往4个月…
I went out with this girlfor four months…
这段时间是我生命中…
and it was the greatest…
最棒最棒的一段日子
greatest thing in my life.
直到一次登山活动 她被另一个家伙拐走了, 我想是这样的
Until she went down on thisguy in an Escalade, I think.
你知道 与其说
And, you know, instead of saying:
好, 我自作自受
“Okay, what am I doingthat caused this behavior?”…
不说我甩了她 愚蠢的决定
I dumped her. Stupid decision.
紧接着我花了两年时间后悔
I spent the last two yearsof my life regretting it.
你现在为什么不把她追回来?
Why don’t you get her back right now?
因为她和这个卖♥♥罐子的在约会
Because she’s dating this pot dealer.
愚蠢的糟糕的决定
Stupid horrible decision.
但是, 嘿,这就是她的归宿 你知道的，我要接受现实
But, hey, that’s her journey, you know.I gotta respect that.
我的给她空间
I gotta give her the space.
她要做婊♥子♥给每个人都吹♥箫♥…
She wants to be some immature little bitchand blow everybody…
这就是爱情, 伙计 听起来很可怕
…that’s love, man.- It sounds horrible.
当然很可怕 很难受…
Of course it’s horrible.It’s suffering…
很痛苦 而且….你日益消瘦…
and it’s pain and it’s…You know, you lose weight…
然后你又增肥…
and then you put back on weight…
你给她们打一大堆电♥话♥…
and then you call thema bunch of times…
还有电子邮件 等他们搬家或者换电子邮件地址
and you try and email and then they moveor they change their email…
但是这就是爱情
but that’s just love.
你是否意识到这是我们第一次谈话…
Do you realize thatthis is the first time…
超过30秒?
we’ve spoken for more than,like, 30 seconds?
恩
Uh-huh.
这真好 这个周末和我们一起出来玩吧
It’s kind of nice.- Come out with us this weekend.
没有压力，我们就是为了好好玩玩
No pressure.We’ll just have a good time.
好吧，好的，我会的，我要试试看
Okay, yeah, I will.I’ll give it a shot.
很好
Great.
但是我不打算和任何人上♥床♥
But I’m not going to have sexwith anybody.
很好, 性该是你考虑的最后一件事情
Good, sex should bethe last thing on your mind.
Logjam. Hi.
见鬼
Shit.
哦，上帝
Oh, God.
对不起
Sorry.
回见 谢谢你的舞蹈