四十岁的老处男（2005）

和你们?
With you guys?
好的, 好吧
Yeah, sure.That would be cool.
你知道怎么玩, 对吧? 知道，我有时会在网上玩
You know how to play, right?- Yeah, I play online sometimes.
我们晚上在店里玩 很好
We’re gonna play in the store.- Great.
允许我们这么做吗?
Are we allowed to do that?
当然不能 是啊
Absolutely not.- Yeah.
噢
Oh.
那么, 我要告诉Paula
Well, so I’m gonna go tell Paula.
开个玩笑
I’m just kidding.
我开玩笑 听起来很棒. 我们今天晚上见
I’m kidding. That sounds great.Cool, I’ll see you guys tonight.
好 好的
Okay.- All right.
哎呀
Oops.
我已经有负罪感了 少来了
I almost feel guilty.- No, you don’t.
下一个!
Going down!
下一个!
Going down!
Dumbass.
通杀
And a full house.
哦，见鬼! 什么?
Oh, my dukes!- What?
你在网上玩过多少次啊, 哥们?
How much fucking online pokerdo you play, dawg?
如果我不玩轮盘的话 一晚上大概1-2个小时吧
For like an hour or two a night,when I’m not playing Halo.
你们为什么邀请了这家伙来? 他他妈的简直是高手
Why did you invite this guy?He’s a fucking ringer, man.
真♥他♥妈♥的见鬼
This is hog shit.
是你, 你这个该死的蠢猪让我来的
You, you’re a fucking assholeto tell me to come here.
你不是告诉我他是个好人吗?
You tell me he was a nice guy,didn’t you?
嗯, 去他妈的吧,你去死吧 还有你，你…
Well, fuck you people,and fuck you, you and you…
他妈的都见鬼去吧
fuck and kiss my big brownfucking ass, okay?
明天见
I’m gonna see you tomorrow.
和平 好的, 伙计
Peace.- All right, man.
见鬼去吧
Fuck a goat.
晚安，我喜欢这家伙
Good night.- I love that guy.
伙计, 你简直…. 噢, 见鬼, 我要走了. 见鬼
Dude, you totally…Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.
马上要去见Ellen
About to go see Ellenin a little bit.
现在就走? 凌晨行动 恩?
Going now?Late-night action, huh?
哥们，你知道是怎么一回事
Dude, you know how it goes.
你女朋友知道你深夜拜访吗?
Does your girlfriend knowabout all these late-night visits?
这就是一个默许的协议 是啊
It’s like an unspoken agreement.Yeah.
就像一个完全没说出口的协议
It’s like a completelyand utterly unspoken agreement.
如果你认识她, 如果你知道我对付的是谁…
If you knew her, if you knewwho I was dealing with…
你就不会说这些蠢话了
you wouldn’t be saying this shit.
对这个女人你做什么都行…
There’s nothing you can’t dowith this woman…
我做了任何事情…
straight up and down.I’ve done every single thing…
我都在创新 我曾经涂上润滑油…
I could possibly create.I’ve literally lubed up…
她给我足交
and made love to the archesof her feet. All right.
哇! 是啊
Wow!- Yeah.
足交! 真恶心，伙计
Foot fuck!- That’s sick, man.
哇 你的不够恶心
Wow.- That is not sick.
听听我这个恶心不 哦，见鬼
I will give you sick.- Oh, shit.
我最近上过一个女人, 她的….
I was sleeping with a womanrecently, she had the…
奶♥子♥简直难以置信 哦，伙计，我爱奶♥子♥
Her tits were unbelievable.- Oh, man, I love titties.
于是我们就开始做，在我快结束的时候…
And so we’re doing itand I’m about to finish…
她的狗过来开始舔我的屁♥眼♥
and her dog starts licking my ass.
我对上帝发誓, 我必须决定 我是继续完活，还是停下来赶走狗
I swear to God, I have to decide,do I finish or do I stop the dog?
我了解你这个混♥蛋♥的 他一定继续然后射了
I know your nasty ass.He finished.
我射了而且我偷走了那条狗
I finished.And then I stole the dog.
不, 我没有, 不过….
No, I didn’t, but…
你知道，有些时候Amy和我做♥爱♥的时候…
You know, sometimes,Amy and I would make love…
感觉就像我们不是两个人…
till it was almost likewe weren’t two people…
二是两个灵魂或者什么
but we were two spiritsor something.
我们的灵魂这样相连，我无法形容
Our souls were connected in this way,I can’t describe it.
时间在走，就像我们在分享一颗心
Time stood still. It was like we weresharing the same heart.
别说了, 老兄! 你为什么总用你这个故事终结我们的笑话?
Stop, man! Why do you always comeand kill the vibe with those things?
分享同一颗心，就像…
“Sharing the same heart,”that’s like some…
小甜甜，见鬼，伙计
Britney Spears shit, man.
这三个家伙，不没有人喜欢听这些
This is three grown ass men,don’t nobody want to hear that shit.
是啊，伙计 拜托, 没人要听这些
Yeah, man, come on,nobody wants to hear that shit.
谢谢, Andy 兄弟，你们2年前就分手了
Thank you, Andy.Dude, you broke up two years ago.
你总该放下了 2年了，伙计
You get over it at some point.- Two years, man.
你得忘了她…
You need to get past that…
因为没有一个娘们值得如此想念的…
because no ass is worth thinkingthat much about…
我总是这么说
I always say.
Andy,帮我个忙
Andy, do me a favor.
请你帮他挽回他自己 你来讲一个黄色故事
Would you please help him redeem himselfby telling a real sex story?
对
Yes.
我不…. 你知道吗, 我很绅士的，我不….
I don’t… You know what,I’m a gentleman and I don’t…
我不能随便讲那种事情的
I don’t kiss and tell.
去死吧, 我下注 讲讲你经历过最下流的事情
Fuck it, I raise you.Nastiest shit you’ve ever done.
我说下流
I’m talking about nasty.
哇哦
Wow.
现在我脑子中很多故事涌现出来
So many stories are runningthrough my head right now.
我和一个女孩约会…
I dated this girl…
有一阵子了 她的确是个下流的变♥态♥
for a while, and she wasreally a nasty freak.
她无时无刻不想躺下来做♥爱♥
She just loved to get downwith sex all the time.
她就像, 任何时候 她就像
She was like, any time of day,she was like:
让我们来吧 我很下流
“Yeah, let’s go. I’m so nasty.”
当我插她的时候
And I’d be nailing her.
哦，见鬼 她就像
Oh, shit.- She’d be like:
哦，你在插♥我♥，真酷
“Oh, you’re nailing me. Cool.”
她对你讲脏话? 哦，她就爱讲脏话
She talk dirty to you?- She loved to dirty-talk.
完全沉浸其中 她就像
Totally into it.She’d be like:
好棒，插♥我♥吧 干我吧
“Yeah, let’s screw, let’s…I wanna fuck.”
上帝,真得很下流
God, it was so dirty.
她就说：我欲♥火♥中烧 我和你做♥爱♥很长时间
She’d be like, “Me so horny,me love you long time.”
所以….
So…
那么她的奶♥子♥如何? 是啊, 形容一下她的….
So what were the titties like?- Yeah, describe her…
是啊，她有一对大奶♥子♥
Yeah, she had great tits.
不, 我的意思是 详细点 她是否，就像 你知道的…
No, I mean, like, detailed.Did she have, like, you know…
那粉红色的乳♥头♥ 噢, 是啊
…them little pink teeny nipples.- Oh, yeah.
或者像国家地理杂♥志♥里那样长的
Or like the longNational Geographic nipples.
或者像Braille又或者Stevie Wonders的那种
You have like the bumpy Braille nipples,the Stevie Wonders.
是阿 的确不错
Yeah, they were nice.
你知道的, 当你抓住女人的胸部的时候….
You know, when you, like,you grab a woman’s breast and it’s…
有种感觉…
And you feel it and…
就像你在摸沙袋…
it feels like a bag of sandwhen you’re touching it.
沙袋?
Bag of sand?
你知道我的意思的 我们为什么不继续打牌呢?
You know what I mean.Why don’t we just play?
为什么你不发牌呢?
Why don’t you just deal the cards?
你在说什么?
What are you talking about?
老兄，你以前摸过女人的胸吗?
Have you ever felta breast before, man?
摸过
Yes.
哥们，你是同性恋吗? 不，我不是同性恋
Dude, are you gay?- No, I’m not gay.
我曾经和很多女人在一起
I’ve been with tons of women.
我曾经在犹太人的学校 摸过一个同性恋的睾丸
I touched a guy’s ballsat Hebrew school once.
哥们，这没什么大不了的 你喜欢干男人
Dude, it’s not a big deal.You like to fuck guys.
这没什么 我有个朋友就喜欢干这个 在监狱里
I’m cool. I got friendswho fuck guys, in jail.
不，我不是同性恋
No, I’m not gay.
我曾经和很多女人分手过
No, I’ve borked a lot of womenin my day.
分手?
You’ve “borked”?
等等 回答这个问题
Hold up.Yo, answer this question:
你是处♥男♥吗?
Are you a virgin?
你是处♥男♥吗?
Are you a virgin?
是啊,从我10岁算起
Yeah, not since I was 10.
这就解释通了 你是处♥男♥
It all makes sense.You’re a virgin.
我是…闭嘴 这怎么可能?
I am… Shut up.- How does that happen?
他他妈的是个处♥男♥
He’s a fucking virgin.
我就知道 就是这么回事 伙计 他是一个处♥男♥
I knew it. That makes so much sense, man.Look, he’s a virgin.
你们真喜欢胡闹 好了，得了, 别捉弄他了
You guys are hilarious.- All right, come on, don’t be mean.
我不是捉弄他 我是想帮他
I’m not being mean.I’m trying to help the partner out.
我是想说我想帮你过上性福生活 伙计
I’m trying to sayI wanna get you laid, dude.
我理解怎么一回事
I understand what’s going on.
你们真是一群混♥蛋♥
You guys are so up your asses.
从现在起 你的老二就是我的老二 我要给你找个女人