四十岁的老处男（2005）

No, this is my child, dude.Jill is pregnant.
是你的? 是啊
That’s yours?- Yeah.
这就是她为什么要和我分手…
That’s why she broke upwith me in the first place…
因为鉴于我会一直 在外面拈花惹草这个事实..
’cause she just thoughtthat I wouldn’t be a good father…
她觉得我不会是个好父亲
in light of the fact thatI’d be cheating on her all the time.
不过那些过去她已经都忘掉了 现在没事了
But she got over all that.It’s cool now.
祝贺你，兄弟 真是太好了
Congratulations, man.That is great.
我们今晚有个聚会, Andy…
We having a party tonight, Andy…
我真的很想你去, 伙计
and I really want you to be there, man.
我们要庆祝一下 我真的真的非常想让你去
We celebrating and I really,really want you to be there.
这看起来象个多普勒雷达
It looks like the Doppler radar.
你能相信吗?
Can you believe that?
那个孩子还不到4个月大
This child ain’t even four months old.
他还不到4个月大 看看他的家伙
He ain’t four months old yet.Look at what he’s packing.
在60寸电视上看的话 每个人的鸡鸡都会很大的
Everybody dick looks bigon 60-inch TV.
我姐姐的鸡鸡在电视上 看起来也很大，知道吗?
My sister’s dick looks big on TV,okay?
噢，天哪 这个家伙, Eric Gilliland…
Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland…
他一个人就买♥♥了15个 真的?
…he has bought, like, 15 of these.- Really?
没错，我觉得他可能 比你还要喜欢这些玩偶
Yeah, I think he likes action figureseven more than you.
不可能 我觉得是
That is impossible.- I think so.
Andy, 如果这些东西 照这个速度离开你的书架的话…
Andy, the way these thingsare flying off your shelf…
我觉得你也许能挣…
you know, I think youcould actually make like…
10万美元左右
maybe like $100,000.
真的? 对，你可以开自己的店了
Really?- Yeah, you could open your store.
哇塞 亲爱的……
Wow.- Honey…
那是一大笔钱 我知道
That’s a lot of money.- I know.
真难以置信 没有你我肯定不行
That’s incredible.I wouldn’t have done it without you.
谢谢
Thanks.
这还不是唯一的好消息 什么？
And that’s not the only good news.- What?
你知道今晚是什么日子吗? 今晚有 《幸存者》?
You know what tonight is?- Survivor is on?
不对 我知道
No.- I know.
是《小飞侠》?
Is it The Apprentice?
不对
No.
是什么?
What?
我们的第20次约会
It’s our 20th date.
哇 没错.
Wow.- Yeah.
真的吗? 恩
Really?- Uh-huh.
真的假的啊？我以为这是第18次
Seriously?I think we’re at 18.
因为有那么两次约会…
‘Cause there werea couple of dates there…
并没有算作是约会 对
…that don’t really count as dates.- No.
那些就算是我免费送你的
I’ll give you a free passon those other ones.
谢谢你
Thank you.
听着 什么?
Listen.- What?
听着 恩
Listen.- Mmm-hmm.
我真的很喜欢你
I really like you.
我想我是爱上你了
I think I’m falling for you.
我不知道 我觉得发展下去会有结果
I don’t know. I kind of seethis going somewhere.
我也是
I do, too.
我只是觉得我们应该为彼此而疯狂
I just think we should justgo crazy on each other.
好吧 好是吗?
Okay.- Okay?
哦，感谢上帝!
Oh, thank God!
哦!
Oh!
嗯，我应该…. 我把那些拣起来
Okay, I should…I gotta pick those up.
不要现在拣嘛
Don’t pick them up now.
不，我一定要现在拣起来
No, I have to pick those upright now.
等一下啦，等会儿再拣 你看，不行，别
Wait, we’ll get them later.- Listen, no, I can’t, no.
这真的很重要 因为…
Listen, it’s really importantbecause…
一旦这盒子破了….
once the integrity of the boxgets compromised…
这是原始的包装 这些东西之所以值钱…
This is original packagingand that’s why these things…
就是因为这个 所以不能弄坏了
are so valuable.So you don’t screw with that.
千万不能弄坏了 好吧
You really don’t screw with that.- All right.
我们可以等下再把它们包起来,对吧
We can wrap them again later,you know.
嗯，我知道 不过你知道吗…
Yeah, I know.But you know what…
有一点是非常重要的 我们不能让它贬值…
this is very importantthat we don’t lose the value…
不能破坏它的完整性
and compromise the integrity of it.
Andy, 我对你投怀送抱…
Andy, I’m throwing myselfat you and…
而你满脑子里想的就是他妈一个玩具
all you can think aboutis a fucking toy.
他们不是他妈的玩具那么简单! 这是个铁金刚，你知道吗?
They’re not fucking toys!This is Iron Man, okay?
这个是我二年级的时候得到的
I got this when I was in second grade.
你知道要一个孩子 不把它打开是多么不容易吗?
Do you know how hard it isfor a kid to not open that?
你给我听着
This is important.
这些是我的东西…
These are my things…
你想让我把它们卖♥♥掉 而我不想卖♥♥
and you are trying to make mesell them and I don’t want to.
不 你在设计我
No.- And you’re making me.
我没有设计你… 你在怂恿我…
I’m not making…- You are encouraging me…
辞掉我的工作 我没有！我没有要你…
…to quit my job.- I’m not! I’m not trying to…
你想让我开一家店 你想让我把什么都卖♥♥掉
You want me to open a store.You want me to sell everything.
你知道吗 我来告诉你吧
You know what,I’m gonna tell you something.
我不会就这么改变的 我不能为了你而改变
I don’t just change like that.I can’t just change for you.
我不……我没有想改变你 我喜欢你
I don’t… I’m not tryingto change you. I like you.
我只是…… 我只想帮你长大, Andy.
I’m just… I’m tryingto help you grow up, Andy.
这样啊，那真是多谢
Well, thanks a lot.
我是说，上帝啊 你每天骑着自行车去仓库上班
I mean, my God, you ride a bicycleto work in a stockroom.
你知道吗，我不在仓库上班了
You know what, I’m notin the stockroom anymore.
我现在是楼层经理 好吧
I’m a floor manager.- Okay.
而且我骑车是因为我喜欢 爱因斯坦也骑车
And I ride a bike because I like to.Einstein rode a bike.
可是你别忘了 爱因斯坦还有个和他上♥床♥的老婆
He had a wife who he fucked,by the way.
我要怎么做你才会跟我上♥床♥呢?
What do I have to dofor you to have sex with me?
你想让我打扮得象雷神一样吗？ 我可以打扮得象雷神一样
Do you want me to dress up like Thor?I’ll dress up like Thor.
我可以打扮得象铁金刚
I’ll dress up like Iron Man.
他们做了什么？ 我也可以做同样的事
What do they do?I’ll do it.
这是怎么了？ 什么事情都和性有关
What?Everything’s always about sex.
你为什么不想和我上♥床♥?
Why don’t you want to have sex with me?
为什么不想呢？告诉我 告诉我实话
Why not? Tell me.You tell me the truth.
是因为我的孩子已经有孩子了吗？ 是这个原因吗?
Is it because I have a kidwho has a kid? Is that why?
不是，你是个祖母 这一点很酷
No, it’s cool thatyou’re a grandmother.
我非常喜欢 你已经是祖母这一点
I love the factthat you’re a grandmother.
噢，上帝！ 你是，你是个性感的祖母
Oh, God!- You are. You’re a hot grandma.
噢，上帝啊!
Oh, my God!
你真恶毒，给我滚出去!
You are so mean! Get out!
好，好吧，好！ 好，好，你走吧
Okay, fine. Good!- Good, fine. You’re gonna go.
弄成这样不是因为我 都是你的原因, Andy.
I didn’t ask for any of this.- You asked for all of it, Andy.
好吧，很好
Okay. Great.
好吧
Okay.
你想要这样…
That’s the way you want it…
兄弟就这样跟你玩
that’s the way homie’s gonna play it.
嗯，我们摊牌
Yeah. Truth be told.
宝贝，你今天晚上最好好好享受…
Baby, you betterenjoy yourself tonight…
因为宝宝一出生 在他上大学之前…
’cause once this baby’s born,you ain’t going out again…
你都不能出去了
till that baby is in college.
我? 对
Me?- Yeah.
你整天泡在俱乐部里 出去瞎混的那个不是我吧
You the club rat. I’m notthe one that be going out.
我才没有整天在俱乐部里
I’m not a club rat.
你站起来 到那边去…
You’re gonna get up,you march over there…
我要你去和Bernadette搭讪
and I want youto hit on Bernadette now.
伙计，我才不去和Bernadette搭讪呢
Dude, I’m not gonna hiton Bernadette.
你一定要去，兄弟…
Yes, you are, man…
首先你的沮丧让我感到无聊…
’cause your depressionis boring me for one thing…
另外还让我也有点沮丧..
and it’s actually making mea little depressed…
结果是你在影响我的情绪这一点…
which is then in turnmaking me more depressed…
让我感到更沮丧
that you’re actually affecting my mood.
听着，我现在没有任何心情 和一个女人说话，好吗
Look, I’m not in any kind of placeto talk to a woman, all right?
我只是……我很脆弱
I’m just… I’m fragile.
我是为你才雇了她
I hired her for you.
我雇了一个体重90磅的女孩 到Smart Tech里工作…
I hired a 90-pound girlto work in the stockroom at Smart Tech…
是为了你，知道吗?
for you, okay?
我应该雇一个体重300磅…
I should have hired a 300-pound guy…
能搬起60吋电视的家伙
who could lift a 60-inch flat screen.
可是实际上 我雇了一个连iPod都搬不动的…
But instead I hired a hot girl…
性感MM来给你排忧解闷
who can’t lift an iPodto bring you out of your funk.
你是为我才雇了她? 对