四十岁的老处男（2005）

这是Andy. Julia, 你好吗?
This is Andy.- Julia, how you doing?
告诉我 你喜不喜欢魔术?
You know what,do you by any chance like magic?
喜欢 我一猜就是
Yeah.- I thought that you might.
因为进来的时候我注意到…
Because I noticed on the way in…
你耳朵后面有闪闪发光的东西
that you had something shinybehind your ear.
Marla, 你看到了吗? 她耳朵后面的东西?
Marla, did you see that?Something behind her ear?
看到了吧? 我能看一眼吗?
You think you do?Could I check?
我看看你耳朵后面你不介意吧?
Do you mind if I checkbehind your ear?
发财啦!
Big money!
太神奇了 哇，神奇吧
That’s amazing.- Wow, it is amazing.
我觉得你耳朵后面还有点儿东西
There’s something else, too,behind your ear, I think.
不对，不是你耳朵后面 我想那就是你的耳朵
No, actually it’s not behind your ear.I think it is your ear.
我撕!
Rip!
是你的耳朵 拿好你的耳朵
It is your ear.There is your ear.
我把它撕下来了
I ripped it off.
上帝啊! 是啊….
Gross!- Yeah, that’s…
好了，等一下 不错，这意味着…
All right. Wait.Okay, but that means that you…
你整天在兜里揣着 一个橡皮耳朵到处跑?
walk around with a rubber earin your pocket all day?
嗯，差不多有一半时间是这样
Yeah, like half the time.
如果你愿意 我可以去你们学校…
You know, I can cometo your high school…
表演给你的朋友们看
and do it for your friendsif you want.
我想我该走了.
You know what, I should head out.
真的? 是啊
Really?- Yeah.
还是得我送你回去
I have to give you a ride home.
对，是的 没错
Right. Yes, you do.
是啊, 因为你没有车，对吗?
Yeah, ’cause you don’t havea car or anything, right?
对，我没有车
Right, I don’t have a car.
因为他没有汽车，只会变魔术
‘Cause he doesn’t have a car,and he does magic.
太好了
Awesome.
讽刺挖苦对我而言我就像第二语言
And sarcasm is likea second language to me.
所以，我完全明白你的意思
So, I’m right there with you.
但是，爸爸…
But, Dad…
我不懂得怎样去爱
I don’t know how to love.
你从没有…
You never…
教过我怎样去….
taught me how…
喂 嗨, Cal.
Hello.- Hey, Cal.
嗨 我刚和人约会回来
Hey.- I just got back from a date.
你告诉她你是处♥男♥了吗?
Did you tell heryou’re a virgin?
没有 我还没来得及说
No. I haven’t gotten to that yet.
真的? 你们现在正要上♥床♥吗?
Really?Are you having sex right now?
没有，她真令人难以置信
No. She was incredible.
她真的太棒了 她没有给我任何压力
She was amazing.She didn’t pressure me.
另外，她有三个孩子
And she has three kids.
其中一个已经有了自己的孩子
And one of her kids has a kid.
你没事吧?
You all right?
你刚才是不是说 她有三个孩子，其中一个已经有了孩子?
Did you just say she has three kids,one of whom has a kid?
对 那么，那就是当祖母了?
Yeah.- So, so, she’s a grandma?
不是啦
No.
虽然我不是医生或者是想医生一类的东西…
I’m not a doctoror anything like that…
不过她他妈的已经当祖母了
but she’s a fucking grandma.
是啊，管他呢，对吧
Yeah, whatever, you know.
她是我见过的最性感的祖母
She’s the hottest grandmaI ever saw.
没错 她是一个性感的祖母
Yeah, she is.She’s a hot grandma.
这位祖母长得挺漂亮 我的祖母长得象Jack Palance.
That’s a good-looking grandma.My grandma looks like Jack Palance.
她可不是Jack PaIance
Well, she’s no Jack Palance.
不. 如果Jack Palance长得象她..
No. If Jack Palancelooked like that lady…
那我立刻就要和Jack Palance上♥床♥
I would want tofuck Jack Palance right now.
是啊，我也是
Yeah, me, too.
她是一个性感的祖母
She’s a hot grandma.
靠，一点没错 不 上个老祖母 兄弟
Heck, yeah.No, do a grandma, man.
你应该在她盖着塑料布的沙发上上她
You should fuck heron her plastic-covered couch.
在她看《她书写谋杀》的时候上她
Fuck her while she watchesMurder, She Wrote.
她也许会觉得性♥欲♥大开
She would probably find thatvery erotic.
嗯，无所谓啦
Yeah, whatever, you know.
上了她之后让她在你生日的时候 给你寄一张12美元的支票
Fuck her and then have her send youa check for $12 on your birthday.
我就是那个和性感老祖母在一起的家伙
I’m the dude with the hot granny.
你想跟我谈什么?
What did you want to talk to me about?
恩, Andy,销♥售♥额统计出来了…
Well, Andy, the numbers just came in…
到目前为止你是业绩最好的销♥售♥人员
and you are by far our best salesman.
所以，我要升你做楼层经理
So, I am promoting youto floor manager.
这是他妈的扯淡中的扯淡!
This is the bullshit of all bullshits!
你个混♥蛋♥! 马屁精!
You scumbag! Ass kisser!
谢谢你，太好了
Thank you. That’s great.
我知道你有女朋友了 是啊，我们开始约会了
I understand you have a girlfriend.- Yeah, kind of seeing somebody.
我很为你高兴 谢谢，她真的非常好
I’m very happy for you.- Thanks. She’s great.
你还是处♥男♥吗?
Are you still a virgin?
你知道，我并不是很想..
You know, I don’t really…
谈我的私生活 你还是个处♥男♥
…talk about my personal life.- You’re a virgin.
对，没错 嗯
Yes, I am.- Yeah.
我的门永远向你敞开
My door is always open.
所以这么说 很好
So to speak.- Great.
很好，谢谢你
Great. Thank you.
我是很谨慎的
I’m very discreet.
不过我要在你的梦里缠着你
But I’ll haunt your dreams.
好，好
Okay.- Okay.
哇
Wow.
那么谁来接手我的工作? Cal会接手你的工作
So who’s gonna take my job?- Cal will be taking over your job.
他正在面试别人…
And he’s interviewing peopleright now…
来接手他现在的工作
for his old job.
那好，你以前接触过电子产品吗?
So, have you ever workedwith electronics before?
没有 没有?
No.- No?
不过我家里有电子产品
But I have electronics in my home.
非常好，这份工作就是这个意思 你非常符合要求
Perfect. That’s the job pretty much.You’re very well-qualified.
比另外那些废物强
More than these other losers.
这个我可以 等等，最后一件事
I could do that…- Wait, last thing.
我还需要免费延长…
I’m also gonna need thatextended warranty on it…
这个东西的保修期
for the price of “on the house.”
这个我办不到
That I can’t do.
嘿，别象个黑鬼似的 咱们做个兄弟嘛，好不好，帮帮忙啦
Hey, don’t be a Negro. Be my nigger.All right? Help me out.
等等，我不是什么黑鬼
Hold up.I ain’t nobody’s nigger.
我的意思是，你戴这样的领带 肯定是黑鬼啦
I mean, you’re somebody’s niggerwearing this nigger tie.
你现在谦虚了
Now you being condescending.
已经警告过你了，好吗? 你最好友好一点
See, you’ve been warned, all right?Just move forward amicably.
噢，好吧，那你听着
Okay. Well, check this out.
首先，你对我用了那么多高深的词
First of all, you’re throwingtoo many big words at me.
因为我一个都听不懂….
Okay, now becauseI don’t understand them…
所以我认为那是对我的不尊重
I’m gonna take them as disrespect.
别那么多废话 帮帮忙把生意谈好
Watch your mouth,and help me with the sale.
好，现在你发现自己像个黑鬼了
Okay, see,now you found yourself a nigger.
你不是要找黑鬼吗? 黑鬼来了，看到吗?
You were looking for a nigger?Nigger here now. See?
今天的预报:黑暗且多云, 可能爆发大规模战斗
Today’s forecast:Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.
你想来吗? 我建议你后退
You want to go?- I suggest you move back.
来，兄弟，再来呀
Then, nig, fire on.
我们怎么办?
What are we gonna do?
你要怎么办,楼层经理先生?
What are you gonna do,Mr. Floor Manager?
上，搞定他们，小伙子
Go, get them, tiger.
他妈的你还来劲了
This shit just got rigged.
你想干什么，混♥蛋♥? 我告诉你吧
What are you gonna do, bitch?- I’ll tell you what.
你知道Luca Perry 第20号♥和第25号♥?
You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?
你听说过20岁摇滚吗, 黑鬼?
You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger?
我16岁, 黑鬼 我说”结冰”
Since I was 16, nigger,I’m saying “frosty.”
知道我说什么吗, “勺子”, 黑鬼
You know what I’m saying,”spoon”, nigger.
我们干侏儒的屁♥眼♥
We fucked dwarfs in the ass.
黑鬼,这个矮子永远长不高…
Nigger, this dwarf heredon’t got to be tall…
能碰到黑鬼的脸!
to pull the trigger offin somebody face!
黑鬼，往后退 怎么回事? 嗨….
Come on nigger, back up.- What’s up? Hey…
欢迎光临本店
Welcome to Smart Tech.
这是你的人? 我能帮什么忙吗?
Is this your boy?- What can I help you with?
是的，黑鬼 我们要一起扁你！!
Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you!
需要帮忙吗，先生? 黑鬼，你说什么?
How can we help you, sir?- Nigger, what?