四十岁的老处男（2005）

她的孩子走进了房♥间
And then her kid walked in the room.
等下，等一下
Wait. Hold up.
她像你隐瞒了她有孩子, 伙计?
She was hiding the kid from you, dawg?
其实，没什么关系..
You know what, it doesn’t matter…
因为从此就该走下坡路了
because it was going downhillstraight from there.
听着, 这事儿可没这么简单
Listen, you don’t wantno baby-daddy drama.
这次一定要听我的，好吗?
Trust me on this one, all right?
他老公可能正在蹲大牢
For all you know,he in prison right now.
假如说你们俩在一起了
Let’s say y’all living together.
接下来会怎么样呢？ 每个月的1号♥和15号♥…
Next thing you know, you the onegoing on the 1st and the 15th…
你就得替她付账单
to pick up the government check.
要是他老公在外面有兄弟…
What if he got boysthat’s on the outside…
他们盯上了你怎么办?
and they stalking you?
你懂我的意思吗？ 你得好好想想，伙计
You see what I’m saying?You got to think, partner…
你♥他♥妈♥的胡说些什么啊?
What the fuck are you talking about?
我告诉你该怎么办 你跟她说你是个处♥男♥
Here’s what you do.You tell her you’re a virgin.
看看她有什么反应?
You test her with this shit, okay?
来，先跟我演练一下 来
Here, tell me. Tell me.This is how it’s gonna go. Tell me.
我是个处♥男♥ 很好
I’m a virgin.- Sweet.
我很喜欢 因为这样的话说明你没有性病
I like that becauseyou don’t have chlamydia.
这种人到处都是
And I know that,and that shit is everywhere.
可要是她笑话我怎么办?
What if she laughs at me, though?
她要是敢笑 你就给她点颜色看看
Then you punch her in the fucking headif she laughs.
我可不会动手打她 她是个好人
I’m not going to punch her in the head.She’s really sweet.
我的意思是 在精神上给她点颜色看看
No. I mean, you punch herin her fucking head emotionally.
她与众不同 我感觉好像……
She’s different. She’s someoneI felt like I had…
她和我有某种联♥系♥
a connection with.
你现在需要做的就是打出这第一炮
All you trying to do right nowis bust off this first night.
你的弹♥药♥储备了好久了
You got a whole lot of semenback up in you.
那我去跟她说
I am going to tell her.
这样就对了，哥们 我会去的
You should totally tell her, man.- I’m going to.
因为我看过大话王这个电影
‘Cause I watched this moviecalled Liar Liar…
它告诉人们一个道理 “千万别撒谎”
and the message was, “Don’t lie.”
很有哲理
And that was a smart movie.
是啊，没错 好的
Yeah, that’s the right thing.- Yeah.
真的? 你的朋友们也都喜欢和处♥男♥上♥床♥?
Really? All your girlfriendswanted to have sex with virgins, too?
这太有意思了 我根本不知道你们谈论这些
That’s funny. I didn’t even knowyou girls talked like that.
我想我的第一次也会是 你最美妙的一次
I think my first timemight be your best time, too.
哦，我知道 你知道什么…
Well, I knew it.You know what…
我知道你会有这样的反应 还有……
I knew that you’d react that wayand I knew that…
你肯定想全情投入的…
you would want to lead me throughmy first sexual encounter…
百般呵护的…
with all the compassionand care that someone…
带我展开第一次性的体验
would give to their soul mate.
噢 天哪，我有麻烦了
Oh, my God. I’m in trouble.
嗨, Andy.
Hey, Andy.
今晚还看《幸存者》么?
You watching Survivor tonight?
呃……不了 今晚我要和人出去吃饭
No, actually I’m going out to dinnerwith somebody.
嗨
Hi.
就是她
This is her.
Trish, 这是Joe和Sara. 嗨
Trish, this is Joe and Sara.- Hi.
嗨 Trish 嗨
Hi, Trish.- Hey.
不过帮我录下来，好吗?
But tape it for me, okay?
没问题 好吧 谢谢
Will do. All right.- Thanks.
再会 再会
So long.- Bye-bye.
再见 玩得开心
See you later.- Have a good night.
好啊，小伙子今晚终于要开张了
Yeah, my man’s gonna get it on tonight.
是的 先生
Yes, sir.
是啊，咱俩也很久没开张了
Yeah, and you better get on me, too.
这老婆子怎么了?
What is wrong with this woman?
上帝啊，宽恕她吧 宽恕她吧
Mercy, mercy, mercy.
那晚的事，我很抱歉
I’m so sorry that happenedthe other night.
不，抱歉的应该是我
No, I’m sorry.
哦，我的上帝啊 应该我道歉
Oh, my God.- That was me.
不
No.
让我… 我有话想和你说
Let me…I have something I want to tell you.
不过很难开口
Kind of hard to talk about.
但是…
But…
你知道，有些事情…
you know, there are certain things…
比如我是谁，还有….
about who I am that…
对不起，让我先说吧 这话我憋了很久了
I’m sorry.I just have to get this off my chest.
太对不起了 我没有告诉你我有孩子
I am so sorry,I didn’t tell you I had kids.
是啊，这是怎么回事?
Yeah, what was that about?
天哪，真的让我大吃一惊
Gosh. You know,that really surprised me.
也许你是该告诉我，但是……
No, you should havetold me probably, but…
对不起，我知道
I’m sorry. I know.
你有没有孩子和我有什么关系?
What do I care if you have a kid?
好吧，我有两个孩子
Well, I have two kids.
哇，好吧，他们多大了?
Wow. Okay.How old are they?
6岁
Six.
16岁
Sixteen.
21岁
Twenty-one.
42岁
Forty-two.
56岁 你到底有多少个孩子?
Fifty-six.How many kids do you have?
好吧，其实是三个
I have three.- Okay, three.
其中一个已经有孩子了
Yeah, and one of themhas a kid.
1岁大的孩子
A one-year-old.
哦，太好了
That’s cool. That’s great.
我们这样交谈感觉很好 我也是
I’m really glad we’re doing this.- Me, too.
听着, Andy…
Listen, Andy…
我不是想把你吓跑 但是…
I don’t want to send you runningfor the hills or anything, but…
我想如果我们决定继续下去的话…
I really feel like if we decide todo this again, then…
也许我们应该把生理问题放在一边
maybe we should hold offon the physical part for a while.
这主意太棒了
That is a fantastic idea.
我怎么就想不到?
Why didn’t I think of that?
真的? 绝对是
Really?- Totally.
不做♥爱♥? 当然不要，为什么要做♥爱♥?
No sex?- No. Why do that?
因为，我是这样想的
Because here’s the thing.
从我个人的经验来说…
From personal experience…
我发现性♥爱♥有时会把事情变得复杂
I found that sex can reallycomplicate things.
而我们现在应该做的是 逐渐了解对方
And what we should be doing right nowis getting to know each other.
是啊
Yeah.
我没想到你会赞同
Well, I never thoughtyou’d go for it.
我当然赞同
I’m going for it.
这想法真是非常、非常的棒
Well, that just is a great,great notion.
你是当真的吧?
Are you serious?
你看我的脸，有多严肃
Look at my face.Look at how serious I am.
你能看到我的鼻孔吗?
Can you see my nostrils?
是的 瞧它多严肃
Yes.- That’s serious.
看上去更像是生气
That’s more angry.
可是，你知道 大多数男人现在会说:
Yeah, you know what,most guys would be saying:
“没问题”, 可是到了第三次约会 就会改口说:
“Yeah,” right now, but, like,by the third date, it would be:
嗨，宝贝, 我真的需要用身体来表达我的感觉…
“Hey, baby, I really need tophysically express how I feel”…
诸如此类的 哦，嗨，宝贝..
…and all that stuff.- Well, hey, baby…
你知道的, 3次…. 10次吧，10次
you know, three dates…Make it 10, 10 dates.
15次怎么样?
How about 15?
15次？让15次见鬼吧 20次吧
Fifteen. Screw your 15.20 dates.
好的，20次 20次
Okay, 20 dates.- Twenty dates.
好的 我简直是天才
Okay.- This is genius.
你会受伤的
It’s gonna hurt.
没有你想得那么严重
Not as much as you think.
这样我们也可以真正开始互相了解
We can really get to knoweach other this way.
没错
Yeah.
这算一次，对吗? 不，从下次开始算
This is one, right?- No, next one.
我们进来方便吗 还是你们正在做?
Is it safe to come in,or are you guys doing it?
方便，亲爱的
Honey, it’s safe.
好极了
Great.
你们来的正是时候
Well, good timing.
是啊 你还记得 Marla吧
Yeah.- You remember Marla.
你好，我们见过面 这是我的小兔子
Hi, we met.- And this is my little bunny rabbit.
Julia- Julia.- Hey.
嗨