四十岁的老处男（2005）

你过得如何? 过得好吗….
How have you been?What’s been going on…
我打赌…. 嘿, 你是不是经常这么做啊?
I bet… Hey, have you beendoing a lot of this?
先生，拜托 先生
Sir, please, sir.
你简直是…
You are never gonna meet anybody…
对女人偏见到极点, 你这个恶心的狗♥娘♥养♥的
with that kind of mentality about women,you sick son of a bitch.
你♥他♥妈♥的算什么来审问我?
Who the fuck are youto put me on trial?
我根本没见过你
I’ve never even met you.
你为什么不闭上臭嘴, 可以吗?
So why don’t you back the shit off,all right?
别在这审问了
And stop with the inquisition.
这就是你要说的?
That’s how you talk?
知道吗，我没必要回答你
You know what,I don’t have to answer to you.
你也不是我的婊♥子♥
You ain’t my bitch.
听清楚我说得了?
Know what I saying?
那么, 狗屎, 伙计.见鬼去吧
So, shit, man. Fuck it.
你不应该和这个变♥态♥一起鬼混
You shouldn’t even behanging out with this pervert.
我没有和他一起鬼混 我和他一起工作，就这样
I don’t hang out with him.I work with him and that’s it.
我曾尝试介绍他给几个很好的人…
I tried to introduce himto a few nice people…
他把自己当傻瓜
he made a fool of himself.
我没和他鬼混，宝贝 那不是我
I don’t mess with him, baby.That’s not me.
你应该把你的婊♥子♥拴在绳子上
You should keep your hoon a leash.
兄弟，我不能让你这么… 嘿
Bro, I can’t let you…- Hey.
我不能让你这么说我的女人，伙计
I can’t let you be talkingto my woman like that, dawg.
知道我说什么吗? 母狗是很野的 伙计
Know what I’m saying?- Bitch is running wild, man.
你会想念这个屁♥股♥吗? 这个是个自♥由♥男人的屁♥股♥
You miss that ass?That’s the ass of a free man.
这个屁♥股♥今晚要出去 也许去俱乐部
That ass is going out tonight,maybe to a club.
也许夜♥总♥会♥
Maybe to a night club.
嘿, Andy…
Hey, Andy…
看看你的好朋友 哦，我的上帝阿
…take a look at your pal.- Oh, my God.
是啊，他在上演公共直肠镜检查
Yeah, he’s performinga public colonoscopy.
不是很好吗?
Isn’t that sweet?
今天我放假David回家…
I’m gonna sendDavid home for the day…
你来替班
and you’re gonna fill in for him.
什么，卖♥♥东西? 说对了
What? Selling things?- You got that right.
我不认为这是个好主意
I don’t think that’s a good idea.
而且你的和人交谈
And you’re gonna have totalk to people, too.
我知道这对你来说是一个可怕的概念..
I know that’s a frighteningconcept to you…
但是我认为你可以处理好
but I think you can handle it.
那么快去卖♥♥东西吧
So get out thereand start selling some shit.
…给Amy的东西
…thing for Amy.
抓住 看看这个
Hold it.- Check it out.
我想她
I miss her.
伙计，这层绝对充满诱惑
Dude, the floor’sthe ultimate aphrodisiac.
你要做得就是去选一个
All you got to dois go make your pick now.
去吧，伙计 好吧
Come on, man.- Okay.
你可以表现的热心一点
And you could acta little enthused about it.
好
Yeah.
这就对了 这就对了 粉色上衣的那只小羊
That’s right. That’s right.Gazelle in the pink top.
哦，见鬼 嗨
Oh, shit.- Hi.
看起来你再看数码相机
Looks like you’rechecking out digital cameras.
知道吗, 他不会自动这么做的
You know what, he ain’t goingto do it willingly.
不，我们还得做些事情帮他一把
No. We need to, like,really facilitate things a bit more.
嘿, Andy. 是我
Yo, Andy.- Yeah.
什么事 伙计? 我是Jay, 哥们
What’s up, dude?This is Jay, man.
嘿, Jay.
Hey, Jay.
今晚我举办一个聚会
I am throwing a party tonight.
绝对会很棒的
It’s gonna be real mellow,just chilled up.
你绝对有必要来
Now, you reallyneed to be there.
会真的很精彩的
It’s gonna be really, really colorful.
你有空吗?
Are you free?
嗯，我想是的
Yeah, I think so.
你开玩笑,我知道你有空的
That was a joke, man.I know you’re free.
恩 我要走了，伙计
I’m okay.- Gotta go, man.
好吧，再见
All right, bye.
那么，告诉我, Montel…
So, tell me, Montel…
为什么不邀请我们去晚会? 我门是恐怖组织的吗?
why weren’t we invited to the party?What are we, Al-Qaeda?
不，别着急
No, hold up.
不，不 那不是那种聚会
No, no.- It’s not that kind of party, y’all.
你也别来我们的聚会了 懂吗?
You’re not comingto our fucking party either, okay?
你去死吧?
Fuck you, okay?
首先, 不是那种聚会
First of all,it ain’t that kind of party.
去操山羊吧 对
Go fuck a goat.- Yeah.
你为什么送让我去操山羊，伙计?
Why you always telling meto fuck a goat, man?
去操山羊吧!
Fuck a goat!
喂?
Hello?
喂?
Hello?
你好
Hello.
你好，嗨
Hello. Hi.
你是来参加Jay的聚会的? 是的
Are you here for Jay’s party?- Yes.
我就是Jay的聚会
I am Jay’s party.
知道吗, 叫一个人妖妓♥女♥ 这样帮不了我，伙计们
You know what, hiring a transvestiteprostitute isn’t helping me, man.
什么? 没人叫人妖妓♥女♥阿
What? Ain’t nobody hiredno damn transvestite.
你在说什么?
What are you talking about?
顺便一提，他还真漂亮
She was really nice, incidentally.
如果哪个姐姐是人妖…
If that sister was a transvestite…
也是人妖中的蒙娜丽莎
that was the Mona Lisaof transvestites.
你脑袋里装了收音机芯片吧?
You got a hummer from the tranny,didn’t you?
他们是不是欠我们一个? 因为技术上来说，我们已经付钱了
You know, aren’t we owed one now?’Cause technically we paid her.
去准备老二吧, 伙计
Get a dick, man.
你们真的喜欢我吗?
Do you guys even like me?
还是这是一个粗俗的玩笑?
Or is this some sort of cruel jokethat you’re all in on?
因为我不是变♥态♥，我是正常人
Because I’m not a freak.I’m a good person.
我一直认为Matt Damon 很像Streisand, 但是…
I always thought that Matt Damonwas like a Streisand, but…
我想在这里他演的很烂
I think that he’s rockingthe shit in this one.
闭嘴, Dave!
Shut up, Dave!
等一下. 我们休战1分钟
Hold up. Let’s just chillon the aggression for a minute.
看看他 他真是一个坏屁♥股♥
Look at him.He is such a bad ass.
他像Luke Wilson.
He looks just like Luke Wilson.
恩
Mmm-hmm.
那么你认为她肯定是个男的?
So you saying she was definitely a man?
是的
Yes.
好吧, 恩,你是怎么知道她是个男人的?
Okay, well, how do you knowthat she was a man?
因为她的手像巨人安德烈的手一样大
Because her hands wereas big as Andr?the Giant’s.
她有一个像他的睾丸一样大的喉结
And she had an Adam’s appleas big as her balls.
那么你没有证据
So you have no proof.
知道吗? 别烦我
You know what?Just leave me alone.
离我远点，否则我就去告诉 Paula…
Just stay away from me.Or I’m gonna tell Paula…
你们偷了刻录盘的事情
that you’re all stealingthe recordable CDs.
得了 因为我们收了钱了
Come on.- That’s like we were paid to do it.
我们这么做 因为我们是你的朋友…
We did this ’cause we’re your friends…
我们认为你没有胆量自己这么做
and we didn’t think you havethe balls to do it yourself.
真的? 是的
Really?- Yeah.
好吧，看这个
Okay, watch this.
嗨, Andy,只不过是CD而已
Yo, Andy, it’s just CDs, man.
会让我第三次事业的，伙计
That’s a third strike for me, dawg.
嗨
Hi.
Andy.嗨 是啊
Andy. Hi.- Right, yeah.
你记住我的名字了 是啊
You remember my name.- I did.
你好吗? 我很好 我喜欢你的小店
How you doing?- I’m great. I like your store.
很好, 是的 如果你有时间, 可以随便看看….
That’s good, yeah.If you have time, look around. It’s…
好的
Okay.
生意如何?
How’s business been?
你知道，一直在发展 我的意思是，还需要些时间
You know, it’s coming along.I mean, it takes a while.
你愿意出去玩吗? 好啊
Do you want to go out sometime?- Yes.
时，我很乐意 一定会很棒的
Yes, I would like that.That would be great.
我像这个周末也许有空, 如果可以的话
I think I’m maybe free this weekend,if that’s okay.
或者你明天给我打电♥话♥我们在敲定
Or you could call me tomorrowand we can just firm it up.
好的，好极了 很好
Okay. Great.- Great.
好的，那么我给你打电♥话♥ 嗯，很好
Okay, so I’ll call you,and yeah, that’ll be good.
你好吗? 恭喜你
How you doing?- Congratulations.
好吧, 那么我…. 好吧
Okay, so I’ll… Yeah.