自闭历程（2010）

My pleasure.
妳是养马的人吗？我是说妳的衬衫上有马
Are you a horsewoman? I mean, you know, your shirt?
我喜欢马，但我研究牛
Well, I like horses, but I work with cattle.
牧牛杂♥志♥说我设计的消毒池是杰作
I designed a dip that Cattle magazine called brilliant.
我的天，我先生看过妳的报导
Oh, my golly, my husband read about you.
他在艾柏特工作
He works over at Abbot.
艾柏特屠宰场？
Abbot slaughterhouse?
是的，妳听说过？
Yeah. You heard of it?
我想重新设计它
I wanna redesign it. I went there, but they wouldn’t let me meet with them.
我到过那里
但他们不准我跟他们见面
但我知道要怎么做新设备
But I have several ideas about how to make a new facility
会更人道和有效
that will be much more humane and efficient.
那么妳一定要跟我先生见面
Well, I guess you just have to meet my husband then.
我们相遇真奇妙
How wonderful that we bumped into each other.
打开一道门而我走进去了
A door opened and I went through it.
是的，而我帮你打开了门
Yes, you did. And I held it.
这像母牛用的机场
This looks like an airport for cows.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我说的不是赞美的话
I didn’t mean that as a compliment.
用输送带运输牛？
And conveyor belts for cattle?
知道这要花多少成本吗？
Do you have any idea what the cost is on this?
妳要用实心的墙和地板
And you’ve got solid walls and floors.
我们使用板条是因为比较便宜
We have those slatted for a reason. It’s cheaper.
对不起，葛兰亭小姐
I’m sorry, Miss Grandin.
妳显然没有设计这种东西的经验
It’s clear you just don’t have the experience to design something like this.
用实心墙是为了避免牲口被外面的光线或事情分心
The walls are solid so the cattle won’t be distracted by light or movement outside.
牠们碰到没预料到的事会突然停下
They balk at unexpected things.
我确定这对牛很好，但是成本…
I’m sure that’s nice for the cattle, but the cost, Miss…
牠们狂奔时赶牛或是控制牠们要花多少钱？
How much money does it cost you to pay handlers to prod the cattle along and then hold them back when they stampede?
每天会因为牛挤成一团而使通道堵塞几次？
How many times a day do your chutes stop because of pile-ups?
有多少头牛跌断腿，使一切都停顿？
How many cows break a leg and bring everything to a halt?
用我的系统就不会有那些事
With my system, there’d be none of that.
牠们会稳定平静的移♥动♥
There’d be a steady, calm flow.
听起来不错但妳并不知道是否真有效
Well, that sounds great, but you don’t have any idea of whether it’ll work or not.
我知道
But I do.
我跟尼古莱·特斯拉或托马斯·爱迪生一样
I’m like Nikola Tesla or Thomas Edison.
我知道我的系统会有效，因为我想了一千遍
I know my system will work ’cause I’ve been through it a thousand times in my head.
我看信道的方式跟牛一样
I can see a chute just as the cattle will
因为自闭症让我能够这样
because that’s something my autism lets me do.
我可以在心里完成一个蓝图
I can walk through a plan in my mind,
检查每一根梁和铆钉
examining every beam and every rivet.
你只看到蓝图，但我已走过整个工厂
I mean, you just see a plan, but I’m walking through the whole plant.
好，牛要通过一系列实心的曲线
Okay, the cattle go through a series of solid curves.
地板也是实心的，而且有凹槽
And the floor is solid, too, grooved.
通道越来越窄但牛不会介意
The chute gets smaller, but the cattle won’t mind.
牠们看不到任何危险
They don’t… They don’t see any danger.
牠们以为只是要走到另一辆货车上
They think they’re just getting into another truck.
坡道让牠们缓慢上升
The stairway leads them gently upwards.
地板变成输送带
The floor becomes a conveyor.
靠垫慢慢上升到牠们胸前，舒适的运送牠们
A rest rises up to meet their chest so they’re comfortably carried.
牠们会很平静
They’ll be very calm.
大自然很残忍♥，但我们用不着
Nature is cruel, but we don’t have to be.
我们应该给牠们一点尊敬
We owe them some respect.
我第一次碰触牛是在牠被重击的时候
I touched the first cow as it was being stunned.
几秒钟后会变成另一块牛肉
In a few seconds, it was gonna be just another piece of beef,
但是那一刻牠还是个体
but in that moment, it was still an individual.
牠很平静
It was calm.
然后就离开了
And then it was gone.
我开始了解生命多么宝贵
I became aware of how precious life was.
我想到死亡，觉得跟上帝接近
And I thought about death and I felt close to God.
我不希望把理想带进坟墓
I don’t want my thoughts to die with me.
我想做一点事
I want to have done something.
谢谢妳邀请我
Thank you for inviting me.
妳是我唯一希望来这里的人
You’re the one person I wanted here.
其它人见到这些事会受不了
Other people would have been overwhelmed by what they were seeing.
他们会混淆
It would have confused them.
我知道只有妳能感受真正发生什么事
I knew that you would be the only one able to sense what was really going on,
妳能感受我想达成什么
who could feel what I was trying to accomplish.
我知道有很多事我无法了解
I know there are a lot of things I can’t understand,
但我还是希望我的人生有意义
but I still want my life to have meaning.
（全国自闭症大会，1981)
我不知是否还想听更多专家的话
I don’t know that I want to hear from any more experts.
– 没用的!- 我们已经尝试这些东西好多年了!
– That doesn’t work!- We’ve been trying those things for years!
请你让我说完
Will you please let me finish?
自闭症的孩子可以用密集心理治疗医好
With intensive psychotherapy, an autistic child can be treated…
但林蓝报告明白指出自闭症不是心理问题
But the Rimland report plainly shows that autism is not a psychological problem.
– 我不熟悉林蓝报告- 冷静点，没关系，冷静
– I am not familiar with the Rimland report.- Calm down. Calm down.
冷静，宝贝
Calm down, sweetie.
宝贝，冷静
Sweetie, calm down.
– 冷静- 让她冷静的坐下比较好
– Calm down.- It would be better if you could get her to sit calmly.
尽量控制她
You know, try to control her.
你在说什么？
What are you talking about?
但有人告诉我们自我刺♥激♥很好，最后会让他们安静
But we were told self-stimming is good. It eventually calms them.
自我刺♥激♥是自我安慰
Self-stimming is self- comforting.
自我刺♥激♥、摇摆、旋转、在地上打滚，拍打…
Self-stimulation, rocking, spinning, rolling on the floor, flapping the…
我认为旋转很好
Well, I think spinning is good.
打滚也很好
And rolling, too.
自我刺♥激♥最后好像可以安抚神经系统
Self-stimulation does seem to eventually calm the nervous system.
它可以补偿没有被拥抱过
It can be a way to compensate for not being held.
被别人搂抱很可怕
And being held by another person is scary,
但是打滚或是接触表面
but rolling or, or being held by surfaces produces
可以产生正常儿童被搂抱时得到的那种安抚效果
the calming effect that ordinary children get from a hug.
妳孩子多大？
How old is your child?
我没有孩子
Well, I don’t have children.
但我有自闭症
No, I’m autistic.
我需要被搂抱的感觉
And I need the sensation of being hugged.
我发明了一种机器，可以进去让它搂抱
And I’ve developed a machine that I get into and hugs me
事后我会变得不一样
and I’m different afterwards.
我会去社交
I’m more social.
我四岁之前不会说话
Well, I didn’t speak until I was four
但我现在有学士和硕士学位
and now I have a B.A. And a master’s
正在读博士
and I’m studying for my doctorate.
– 你怎么学会说话的？- 这怎么可能？
– How did you learn to speak?- How’s it possible?
请不要大吼，拜托，不要…
Please don’t shout. Please don’t…
大多数自闭症患者对声音和色彩很敏感
Most autistic people are very sensitive to sounds and colors.
过度刺♥激♥会痛
Over-stimulation hurts.
例如同时有太多人说话会使我们惊恐
You know, people talking too much at once, you know, can cause us to panic.
妳是怎么医好的？
How did you get cured?
我并没有痊愈，我永远都会自闭
Well, I’m not cured. I’ll always be autistic.
我妈不相信我不会说话
My mother refused to believe that I wouldn’t speak.
我学会说话后她逼我上学
And when I learned to speak, she made me go to school.
不论在学校还是在家里，礼貌和规矩都很重要
And in school and at home, manners and rules were really important.
他们强加在我身上
They were pounded into me.
我很幸运
I was lucky.
这些东西对我有效
All these things worked for me.
大家努力确保我参与其中
Everyone worked hard to make sure that I was engaged.
他们知道我跟别人不同，但不是不如人
I mean, they knew I was different, but not less.
我有天赋
You know, I had a gift.
我可以用新的方式看世界
I could see the world in a new way.
我可以看到别人看不到的细节
I could see details that other people were blind to.
我母亲逼我独♥立♥
My mother pushed me to become self-sufficient.
我每年暑假到姨妈的牧场上工作
I worked summers at my aunt’s ranch.
我上寄宿学校和大学
I went to boarding school and college and those things…
这些事最初让我很不舒服
Those things were uncomfortable for me at first,
但它们帮助我打开通往新世界的门
but they helped me to open doors to new worlds.
打扰一下，我们想知道你的一切
Excuse me, please, but we want to hear everything.
-是的，拜托了 – 是的，请你告诉我们吧
– Yes. Please. – Yes. Please tell us.
– 拜托了，请你告诉我们这一切- 是的，请你告诉我们
– Please, everything you can tell us.- Yes. Tell us, please.
妳是科学家吗？
Are you a scientist?
法国鱼，法国鱼
French fish! French fish!
妳不能打人
You cannot hit people.