泰迪熊（2012）

所谈论的第一件事都是
the first item on our agenda is,
劳里最近怎么样
“What’s going on with Lori?”
所以他没提到倒是很有趣
So, it’s funny that that didn’t come up.
肯定是事情太多忘记了
That must have slipped through the cracks.
不过我们确实一直在谈你
Yeah, but we do talk about you all the time.
还记得有一次我说
Yeah, you remember the other day, I was saying
劳里的头发多好看啊
how great Lori’s hair always looks.
老天爷 实在是太美了
Oh, my God, it always looks so great!
美得我他妈的都想帮她梳梳头了
I always want to fucking brush it.
对吧 约翰尼 我这么说的
Right, Johnny? I say that.
那么 甜美琳
So, Tamilynn,
说说你的故事吧
why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?
比如 你是哪里人之类的
Like, where are you from?
我一直想了解了解泰迪的女友们
I’m always fascinated to meet Ted’s girlfriends.
“们”是什么意思
What do you mean “Girlfriends”?
除了我还有不少吗
Was there a lot of them or something?
不 她不是这个意思 对吧 劳里
No, that’s not what she meant at all. Right, Lori?
-劳里 你不是这意思吧 -不 不 不
Lori, you didn’t mean that. No, no, no.
我的意思是泰迪这么英俊潇洒
What I meant to say was Ted’s very handsome
我很好奇什么样的小姐
so I’m always interested in meeting
才能勾搭上他
the lady that can snatch him up.
你在暗示我是个婊♥子♥吗
Did you just call me a whore?
什么
What?
管好自己在勾搭谁就行了 小妞
You just worry about your own “Snatch.” How about that, honey?
搞什么飞机 和谐地吃顿饭而已啊
What the hell happened? We’re having a friendly meal here.
多好的一晚上
This was a nice evening.
别跟我瞎扯淡
Don’t talk shit to me.
只是问个问题而已
I just asked you a question.
你就是一势利小人
You know, you’re a freaking snob.
别因为自己在一个狗屁大公♥司♥工作
You think you’re cool because you work
就自我感觉良好了
at some fucking fancy shit place, whatever.
淡定 劳里 淡定
Okay, take it easy. Nice, Lori, real nice.
我 她不会说话又不是我的错
Me? It’s not my fault she can’t speak English.
去你♥妈♥的♥
Oh, fuck you!
就因为你自己是个狗屁副总
Just because you’re on the business world and shit
你是不是就觉得所有人都要该给你跪舔了
you think, what, everybody should suck your asshole, or something?
好了好了 甜美 宝贝儿 咱们离开这儿吧
Okay. All right, Tami, come on, honey. Let’s get out of here.
去我那儿来点伏特加和草莓快客吧
We’ll go back to my place for a couple of vodka and strawberry Quiks.
老娘生过孩子 贱♥人♥
You know what? I gave birth once, bitch.
老娘是见过世面的
I could kick your fucking ass.
别让我在昆西见到你 听到了吗
And you better never show your face around Quincy, you hear me?
-好了 走吧 -要不让你爹娘都不认识你
– Okay, come on. – Ever!
我都不知道你还生过孩子 还是活的吗
I didn’t know you had a baby. Is it alive?
真是个贱♥货♥
What a cunt.
我讨厌这个词
Ow! I hate that word!
-什么 -这个词
– What? – That word.
它太伤人了 就像一把光剑
It’s so sharp, it’s like an electric sword
能把什么好事都毁了
slashing everything in its path.
你为什么用这个词啊
Why would you say that?
你刚才都没帮我说话
You didn’t exactly stand up for me.
我不想得罪任何一个人
I’m trying to walk a line, here.
这样对你和他都公平些
I want to be fair to you and to him, you know?
我倒是觉得你有点偏袒他了
I think you’re being a little more fair to him.
别这样
Oh, come on.
对了 你老板今早打电♥话♥问我的手怎么样了
You know, your boss called this morning asking me how my arm was.
因为我阻止狗打架把手弄伤了
Yeah, because of that dog fight that I tried to break up.
要我猜的话
If I had to make a guess
你又找这种胡扯的借口
I would say that you made up some bullshit excuse
翘班去找泰迪了吧
to get out of work to go to Ted’s.
我猜对没
Now, am I right?
但我把你说成了英雄
I made you out to be a hero.
约翰 让泰迪搬走就是为了
You know what, John, we asked Ted to move out
给我们营造一个没有他的环境
so we can give ourselves a chance without him.
但你要这样每天翘班去和你的泰迪熊
You’re not giving anything a chance
日夜笙歌♥是营造不了任何环境的
if you keep blowing off work to get high with your teddy bear.
你说得对
You’re right.
我知道我每次都喝多
I’ve been getting stoned too much. I know that.
我也明白我花了太多时间和泰迪搅在一起
I’ve been bumming around with Ted too much. I know that, too.
再给我一个机会 我保证改过自新
You give me one more chance, I promise I can fix it.
约翰 我需要的是成熟的男人
John, I need a man.
不是只会抱着泰迪熊的男孩
Not a little boy with a teddy bear.
遵命 成熟男人 近在眼前
I know, done. Man. Right here, in front of you, all right?
瞧瞧这胸肌 成熟男人的胸肌
Look at these pecs. These are man pecs.
再看看我嘴上的胡子 成熟男人的胡子
Look at the hair on my upper lip. That’s man hair.
我刚放了个屁 成熟男人的屁
I just farted. That was a man fart.
好吧 约翰 但我对天发誓 这是最后一次了
Fine, John, but this is, I swear to God, your last chance.
相信我 我爱你
Trust me. I love you.
好吧 我也爱你
All right, I love you.
我太爱你了 你不会后悔的 我发誓
I love you so much. You won’t be sorry, I swear.
你刚才真放屁了吗
Did you really just fart?
放了 不过用手扇到那边去了
Yeah, but I pushed it that way with my hand.
我在想谁会第一个闻到
I wonder who it’s going to hit first.
要是我曾说过 我就已经跟他说过无数遍了
So, if I told him once, I told him a million times
这些数额不会增加
these numbers do not add up.
谁那么无法无天
Who did this to us?
该死的 我正在谈生意呢
God damn it! I’m here on business!
好了 咱们进去吧
All right, here we go.
我真的很高兴你能来
I’m really glad that you came.
-我也很高兴能来 -真的
– Me, too. – Yeah?
我能胖揍你老板一顿吗
Is it okay if I kick your boss’s ass?
应该不会影响到你的人际关系吧
That won’t affect your workplace chemistry, will it?
拜托你老实点
Please play nice.
好吧 为了你
For you, I will.
-谢谢 -必须的
– Thank you. – Anything.
终于到了 还担心你不来了呢
There she is. I was worried you weren’t coming.
小子 别来无恙 你的小兔子呢
Hey, squirt, how you doing? Where’s your bunny rabbit?
他是只熊
He’s a bear.
明白 天哪 这房♥子真♥他♥妈♥大
Got it. Oh, my God! This house is fucking huge!
小心别走丢了 进屋吧
I know. Try not to get lost. Come on in.
女士们都在这呢
Wow! Here are the ladies.
瞧瞧你们 实在是太美了
Look at you guys. You guys look amazing.
眼影画得有些重 不过也挺好
A little heavy on the eye makeup, but pretty good.
-谢谢 雷克斯 -谢谢
– Thank you, Rex. – Thank you.
你们都认识劳里和吉姆吧
You guys know Lori and Jim, right?
– 他是约翰 -约翰
– John. – John, yeah.
你好
Hi.
这样吧 我带约翰去吧台那边喝一杯
Listen, why don’t John and I go get a drink at the bar?
没问题
Sure.
好的 马上就回来 走吧 伙计
Great, we’ll be right back. Come on, buddy.
你这毛衣有些年头了吧
It’s an old sweater, huh?
这是韦德·博格斯亲笔签名的棒球棍
This is Wade Boggs’ autographed bat.
竞拍时我差点就输给菲尔·多纳休了
I just barely outbid Phil Donahue for that at auction.
真酷
Wow, cool.
对 超酷的
Yeah, cool.
这是乔·路易斯第一场拳赛用的拳套
These boxing gloves were worn by Joe Louis in his first fight.
这才叫艺术 看得懂吗
This is art. Get it?
这是约翰·列侬的眼镜
These were John Lennon’s glasses.
大概值一百万美元吧
They’re worth, like, a million dollars.
这是我和汤姆·斯克里特的合影
That’s me and Tom Skerritt.
瞧瞧这个
Check this out.
这是朗斯·阿姆斯特朗的蛋蛋
It’s Lance Armstrong’s nut.
我将它冷冻干燥后铸铜了
I had it freeze-dried and bronzed.
每当我的生活陷入低谷
Every now and then when my life’s getting me down
万事皆不如意时
and things are tough,
我都会上楼来看看它
I just come up here and I look at it.
它让我明白一切还没那么糟
And it reminds me that things aren’t so bad.
有时你觉得自己像个傻帽
Sometimes you feel like a nut.
有时还不如傻帽呢
Sometimes you don’t.
来说说吧 约翰尼·奎斯特
So, talk to me, Johnny Quest.
你和劳里怎么样了
How are things with you and Lori?