泰迪熊（2012）

插的是狗的屁♥眼♥ 对吧
Up the dog’s ass, right?
是狗的屁♥眼♥ 不是消防员的屁♥眼♥
Yeah, up the dog’s, not the fireman’s ass.
我以为消防员用手指插自己屁♥眼♥
I thought the fireman stuck his own finger up his own ass.
我觉得消防员一般不那么干
No, I don’t think a firefighter would do that.
快去处理吧 回来告诉我她怎么样了
Go, take care of it. Let me know how she is.
-谢了 -去吧
– Thank you. – Go.
伍迪·哈瑞森的老二世界第一小
Woody Harrelson. Smallest dick I’ve ever seen on a man.
看碟就这点好
See, that’s why I watch these things.
有好多平时看不到的
That’s like a cool
幕后猛料
behind-the-scenes thing that you wouldn’t know.
来试试这个
Oh, hey, listen, try this.
我跟供货商说要带劲的 他给了我这个
I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that.
这是什么
What is it?
这个叫”精神强♥暴♥” 其实药效很轻
It’s called “Mind Rape.” It’s actually pretty mellow.
听起来可不轻
It doesn’t sound very mellow.
它只有三种衍生品
Well, he only had three other batches.
“野性呼唤”
“Gorilla Panic,”
“亦真亦幻”
“They’re Coming, They’re Coming,”
还有一种叫”永久创伤”
and something called, “This is Permanent.”
来吧 点上试试
Go on, spark it up.
对 就这样
There you go. You got it.
还行吧 干得好
Nice. Good, huh? Good job.
-还行 -好好享受吧
– Yeah. – Take pride in that.
这地方弄得不错
You know, this place looks great.
谢谢 都是宜家货
Thanks, man, it’s all IKEA.
一共才47刀
Did the whole place for $47.
-真棒 -是啊
– Nice. – Yeah.
邻居都怎么样
How are the neighbors?
隔壁住着一户亚洲人
You know, there’s an Asian family living next door
他们不会敲锣打鼓的 所以还不错
but they don’t have a gong or nothing, so it’s not too bad.
-真幸运 -是啊
– That’s lucky. – Yeah, it is.
-工作怎么样 -糟透了
– How’s work? – It sucks.
你呢
You?
其实还不错
You know, not bad actually.
刚搭上一个收银妹
I met a girl. She’s a cashier.
-不是吧 太棒了 -是的
– No way, that’s awesome! – Yeah.
应该搞一次对对碰约会什么的
Well, we should fucking double-date, or something.
你 我和劳里 她叫什么
You, me and Lori, and what’s her name?
大俗名 猜猜
White trash name. Guess.
-曼迪 -不是
– Mandy? – No.
-玛丽琳 -不是
– Marilyn? – No.
-蕊妮 甜妮 -不是
– Britney? Tiffany? – No. No.
-迪丝 -不是
– Candice? – No.
别找茬 这方面我是行家
Don’t fuck with me on this. I know this shit!
-我像在找茬吗 -好 来报菜名
– Do you see me fucking with you? – All right, speed round.
我给你报一段
I’m going to rattle off some names
说到了你就吱一声
and when I hit it, fucking buzz it.
-我会的 -听好了
– I will tell you. – You got me?
甜心 甜蜜 甜香 甜美
All right, Brandi, Heather, Channing,
如花 如玉 如梦 如烟
Breanna, Amber, Sabrina, Melody,
春香 夏香 秋香 冬香
Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal,
金花 银花 翠花 秀花
Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tami,
若梅 若兰 若菊 若竹
Lauren, Charlene, Chantal, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista,
美慧 美娟 美凤 美娇
Mindy, Noelle, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra,
莺儿 燕儿 情儿 婉儿
Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Earline, Claudine,
曼青 曼云 曼君 曼玉
Savannah, Kasey, Dolly, Kendra, Carla, Chloe, Devon, Emmylou.
-不会是他妈的莫愁吧 -不是
– Fucking Becky? – No.
是不是这其中某个名字后面加个”琳”字
Wait, was it any one of those names with a “Lynn” After it?
是
Yes.
我知道了 混♥蛋♥
I got you, motherfucker.
我知道了
I got you. Okay.
甜心琳 甜蜜琳 甜香琳
Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn, Channing…
甜美琳
Tami-Lynn.
靠
Fuck!
怎么回事
What the hell?
老兄 能多开几个收款台吗
Hey, man, you think you can open more than one register?
这里排了几千个人
There’s, like, 1,000 people here.
应该开有三个收银台才对
There’s supposed to be three registers open.
我的老天
For God’s sakes.
把手指插♥我♥商标里
Stick your finger in the loop of my tag.
你跟一名同事躺在我们向公众出♥售♥的
You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker
农产品上做♥爱♥
on top of the produce that we sell to the public.
我上星期用一根萝卜跟她干了一炮
I fucked her with a parsnip last week
然后把萝卜卖♥♥给了一户有4个小孩的家庭
and I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
你胆子不小 我们需要胆量
That took guts. We need guts.
我要给你升迁
I’m promoting you.
你肯定是有心理障碍 对吧
You got a lot of problems, don’t you?
卡里姆投篮
All right, Kareem!
逊爆了 卡里姆
Ah! You suck, Kareem.
有人吗
Hello?
泰迪
Hey, Ted.
老兄 近来如何
Hey there, fella. How are you?
你是孤身一人吗
Are you out here all alone?
不 我不是
Uh, no, no, I’m not.
基♥督♥不会扔下我们不管
You know, you’re never alone when you’re with Christ.
所以我不是孤身一人
So, no, I’m not alone.
我也不是
Yeah. Me, too.
我跟劳勃可以给你一个很好的家
You know, Robert and I could give you a very, very good home.
我现在过得就很好
Yeah, I’m pretty happy where I am.
刚租了一间破公♥寓♥
I just got a shitty new apartment…
我可以给你价值6千刀的铁路债券
I can offer you $6,000 in railroad bonds.
我刚刚打完内战
Well, you know, since I just returned
退役回来
from active duty in the Civil War,
这买♥♥卖♥♥听起来挺诱人的
that actually sounds very appealing.
等等 不对
Oh, wait, I’m sorry.
那是150年前的事了 所以我没兴趣
That was 150 years ago and I don’t give a shit.
好吧
Okay.
泰迪 快点 约好跟你朋友吃饭
Teddy, come on, we’re going
就快迟到了
to be late for dinner with your friends.
马上过去 亲爱的
Okay, I’ll be there in a second, baby.
你看到了 我应酬在身
As you can see, my dance card is quite full.
所以只好推掉你了
So, I’m going to have to decline.
能抱一下你吗
Can I just get a hug?
不行
Oh, uh. No.
-来吧 -不行
– Yeah. – No, no.
拒绝你真的让我很难受
And it kills me to have to tell you no,
谁叫我是个老好人呢
because I’m a people pleaser.
多谢你大晚上千辛万苦来跟踪我
Thank you for creeping up my night.
-耶稣与你同在…-好吧
– And Jesus be with you…- Okay.
阿门
In Christ.
那是谁
Who was that guy?
西妮·欧康纳
That was Sinead O’Connor.
她已经风光不再了
She don’t look so good no more.
四人聚餐真是太棒了
How great is this? The four of us out to dinner.
我们之前一直都说要一起…
How long have we been saying we were going to. . .
劳里 你好吗 好久不见了
Lori, how you doing? I haven’t talked to you in forever.
我很好 很好
I’m good. I’m good.
公♥司♥下周举办20周年纪念派对
The company’s having their 20th anniversary party next week.
挺重大的
So, that’s something.
劳里是一家巨头公♥关♥公♥司♥的资深副总裁
Lori’s a senior VP at a big, huge PR firm.
没什么大不了的
It’s not that big of a deal.
这公♥司♥20岁了
Company’s turning 20, huh?
所以你跟它做♥爱♥ 但不能跟它喝酒
So you can bang it, but you can’t get it drunk.
她听懂了
Right? Yeah, she gets it.
她喜欢我的幽默
She enjoys my humor.
雷克斯准备举办一场家庭派对
Yeah, Rex is having a house party
不过我很惊讶约翰居然没告诉你
but I’m surprised John didn’t tell you,
自你搬出去以后你俩是
considering you two have seen each other
天天都在”幽会”吧
every single day since you moved out.
有趣的是我们每次”幽会”时
You know, it’s funny, because whenever Johnny and I hang out