泰迪熊（2012）

老天 又开始了
Oh, jeez, here we go.
亲爱的 拜托让泰迪搬出去吧
Baby, please ask Ted to move out
这样我们才能继续我们的生活
so we can move on with our lives.
劳里 从我8岁起我们就是死党
Lori, look, he’s been my best friend since I was eight.
你得理解 我小时候不合群
I was not a popular child. You have to understand.
在他之前我一个朋友都没有
I had no friends before he came along.
多亏他我才能建立自信
He’s the only reason I ever gained any fucking confidence.
但你早过了8岁的年龄 你已经35岁了
But you’re no longer eight. You’re 35 years old.
而且他不再是你唯一的朋友了
And unless you’re too blind to notice,
除非你还要睁眼说瞎话
he’s not your only friend anymore.
我们改天再说这个好吗
Can we talk about this another time,
现在就好好享受周年晚餐吧
and just enjoy our anniversary dinner?
该死 等一下
Oh, shit, hang on a second.
我手♥机♥掉座位底下了
Now my phone fell under the seat somewhere.
能给我响一声吗
Can you call it?
好
Yeah.
这是我的来电铃♥声♥吗
Is that my ringtone?
是的
Oh, yeah.
是什么 听起来这么像反派登场
What is it? ‘Cause it sounds negative.
不会 这是《恋恋笔记本》里面的
No, no, it’s from The Notebook.
我还得再找一会
This is going to take some doing, I think.
那我上楼等你
I’ll just meet you upstairs then?
好 我很快上去
Yeah, I’ll be right there.
劳里 这么早就回来了
Lori, hey, you’re home early.
这他妈是怎么回事
What the hell is this?
我跟姑娘们刚刚在看《杰克与吉尔》
The ladies and I were just watching Jack and JiII.
亚当·桑德勒演了一对兄妹 糟糕透顶
Adam Sandler plays a guy and his sister, and it’s just awful.
烂得没法看
It’s unwatchable.
但她们都是鸡 所以没关系
But, they’re hookers, so it’s fine.
这地方都被你们拆了 她们是谁
This place is a wreck. Who are these girls?
我真没礼貌
Oh. Where are my manners?
这几位是似神仙 爱销魂 浪胸涌
Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Cherene,
长相思
and Sauvignon Blanc.
我爱死这些姑娘了
I love you girls.
真得感谢你们老爸没把你们射墙上
You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers
让我有机会度过如此美妙的夜晚
I wish I could thank for this great night.
那是什么
What is that?
什么是什么
What is what?
地板上
There is. . .
有泡屎
A shit on my floor.
墙角那里有泡屎
In the corner, there is a shit!
对了 我们在玩真心话大冒险
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were playing truth or dare
浪胸涌真是什么都敢玩
and Cherene’s pretty ballsy.
地板上有泡屎
There is a shit on my floor!
柯尔克卡尔肯定会说 不然就是屎上有地板
“Or is the floor on the shit?” Is what Kierkegaard would say.
谁住在这 我要抓走他
Who lives here? I’m coming to get whoever lives here.
你欠我龙虾币
You owe me lobster money.
我死党约翰尼
That’s my buddy, Johnny.
不是龙虾壳 后面玩的那个
Not the lobster, the guy running it.
手♥机♥找到了
I found my phone.
出什么事了
What’s going on?
那是泡屎吗
Is that a shit?
老天 这些鱼长得真奇葩
God, there are some fucked-up fish out there.
看那条 跟新教♥徒♥似的
Look at that one. WASP-y, white-guy fish.
我娶错人了 现在后悔终生
“I married the wrong woman, and now I lead a life of regret.”
看这条
Oh, look at this guy.
我1981年去了趟纽约
“I went to New York once in 1981 ,
真没安全感啊
and I just did not feel safe.”
泰迪 你得搬出去
Ted, you gotta move out.
什么
What?
这是早晚的事
It’s got to happen.
我做错什么了
What did I do?
我跟劳里的关系正处在紧要关头
My relationship is at a very delicate stage, you know.
我们现在需要点私人空间
Lori and I may just need a little space right now.
加上你这次都玩出屎来了
Plus, a hooker took a shit in our apartment.
-天啊 -怎么了
– Oh, God! – Ah, what?
太恶心了
Oh, this is so gross!
别说了 我不想听 弄好了吗
Don’t tell me! I don’t want to hear about it! Did you get it?
-没弄好 -弄好了说一声
– No, I didn’t get it! – Tell me when you get it!
老天 我弄到手上了
Oh, my God, I got some on my thumb!
不 今后不能用那只手做饭了
No! You can never cook with that hand again!
你必须学着用左手做饭
You have to learn to cook left-handed.
真是有屎以来最恶心的事
This is the most disgusting thing ever!
别过来 离我远点
Don’t! Get it away from me!
听着 那晚谁都没过好
Look, that was a tough night for all of us.
泰迪 你是我的一切 劳里也是
Ted, you mean everything to me, and so does Lori.
我在想办法把你们两个都留在我生命里
I’m just trying to find a way to keep you both in my life.
是她逼你的 是吧
She’s making you do it, isn’t she?
是 但这不代表我们不能往来了
Yes. But that doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.
我们会常聚聚的
We’ll hang out all the time.
说好的”雷霆兄弟一生相伴”怎么办
Yeah, but what about “Thunder buddies for life,” Johnny?
我知道 我真不知道该怎么办
I know. I just don’t know what to do, here.
我知道这样很逊 但不然我就会失去她
I know it sucks, but otherwise I’m going to lose her.
我真心爱她 泰迪
And I do love her, Ted.
我明白 约翰尼
I know you do, Johnny.
我会帮你安顿下来的 我保证
I’ll help you get on your feet out there, I promise.
我知道 我们会常聚的 对吧
I know. And we’ll hang out all the time, right?
必须的
All the time.
好吧 去他妈的 来抱一个
Fuck it. Bring it in. Come here.
快点 来抱一个 臭小子
Bring it in, you bastard. Come on.
我爱你
I love you!
靠 抱歉 是那个…
Fuck. Shit, sorry, that’s the thing from the…
-原来的…-对 对
– The old… – Yeah, yeah.
-我不是基佬 -我知道
– I’m not gay. – I know.
你也不是 所以没事
And you’re not gay, so we’re fine.
得给你找份工作
We gotta get you a job.
我看上去蠢透了
I look stupid.
哪有 短小精悍 挺不错
No you don’t. You look dapper.
我看着跟个萌系小会计一样
I don’t. I look like Snuggle’s accountant.
谁说的 没那么糟糕
Come on, it’s not that bad.
约翰 我看起来像奶奶去世的时候
John, I look like something you give your kid
用来安慰孩子们的东西
when you tell him Grandma died.
我知道这样很逊
Look, I know it sucks, okay?
但你总得工作
But you’ve got to make some money
挣钱付房♥租
so you can pay for an apartment.
我不想在杂货店工作
I don’t want to work at a grocery store.
但你又没一技之长
Yeah, but you have no skills.
我说过 我当律师没问题
I told you, I can totally be a lawyer.
你工作到手我们就庆祝 怎么样
You get the job, we’re celebrating after, okay?
要是没到手呢
Uh-huh. And if I don’t get the job,
我们还抽那锅烟吗
are we still going to smoke that pot?
也许会吧
Probably, yes.
交谈愉快 教练 多谢
Uh-huh. Okay, all right. Good talk, coach, thanks.
去吧 哥们 一鸣惊人
All right, buddy, go get ’em.
别担心 我会努力
And don’t worry, I’ll do my very best
争取这份我如此”渴望”的工作的
to get this job that I so crave.
你觉得你能干这份工作吗
So you think you got what it takes?
告诉你我能干什么 我知道你老婆下面什么味
I’ll tell you what I got. Your wife’s pussy on my breath.
从来没人这么对我说话
Nobody’s ever talked to me like that before.
那是因为大家
That’s ’cause everyone’s
嘴里都塞着你老婆的木耳
mouth is usually full of your wife’s box.
你被录用了
You’re hired.
我擦
Shit.
我是个拿最低工资的过气名人
Well, I am a former celebrity in a minimum wage job.
《多彩笔触》的卡司肯定跟我一样郁闷
This is how the cast of Diff’rent Strokes feels.
这一天又一天的
All day, every day. Just awful.
没断气先过气 真是个悲剧
They must feel awful. The live ones must feel awful.
拜托 没那么糟
Come on. It’s not that bad, okay?
瞧我那破工作 但我就很知足
I got a shitty job, and I assure you, I am quite content.
不好意思
Excuse me.