泰迪熊（2012）

你不会被反同性恋的黑帮给揍了吧
Well, do you think you’re part of some gay beat-up underworld?
比如那种专打同性恋的俱乐部之类的
Like one of those gay beat-up clubs or something?
我也不清楚 可我喜欢姑娘啊
I don’t know. I dig chicks, man.
我什么都不记得了 脑袋一团糟
I don’t remember any of it. I was so fucked up.
也许我是同志吧
I might be gay, I don’t know.
帮我盯一下这里好吗
Do you mind covering for me for a bit?
我去个厕所
I might go lay down in the john.
兄弟们好
Buddies. Where is it hanging?
埃利克斯 昨晚去夜店玩了吗
Alix, what’s up? You get in the club last night?
没进去 门口的保安是个混球
I didn’t get in because the bouncer was douche-face.
不过排队的时候交了几个朋友
But I made friends in the line.
听上去不错
That’s good, I guess.
谁能给我推荐一家好的餐厅
Guys, anybody know a nice restaurant,
那种在洗手间
like something where they give out
免费发放泡泡糖的餐厅
free bubblegum in the bathrooms?
你要干什么
For what?
明天是我和劳里的四周年纪念日
Lori and I have been dating four years tomorrow.
我想带她去个好地方
I want to take her someplace really nice.
恭喜 约翰
Congratulations, John.
你们都交往四年了吗
You guys have been going out for four years?
我最长的一段只有6个月
My longest relationship was like six months
然后我的女友在梦中放了个屁
and then she farted in her sleep.
我就想 拉倒吧
I’m like, “I’m out of here, man.”
然后就在她醒来前逃之夭夭
I was gone before she woke up.
看来你不怎么宽容
You’re not very tolerant?
劳里在你面前放过屁吗
Lori ever fart in front of you?
当然了
Yeah.
-真的吗 -很多次呢
– Really? – Yeah, many times.
-你是意大利人吗 -不
– You Italian? – No.
怎么这么问
Why?
没事 带她去柏林汉姆吃日本料理吧
Never mind. Take her to Benihana.
约翰 你们都交往四年了
John, look, don’t you think after four years
也许她想要的不仅仅是一顿饭而已
maybe she’s hoping for something more than dinner?
那是什么呢
Like what?
如果是我 我或许希望你能求婚
I don’t know, but if it were me, I’d be expecting a proposal.
得了吧 没人想要对方求婚
Come on, nobody’s expecting anybody to propose.
婚姻并不是…
I mean, marriage isn’t…
爱还不够吗 我觉得爱情就足够了
Isn’t love enough? I submit that love is enough.
你可以把戒指放在她屁♥眼♥里
You can put the ring in her ass,
让她放屁崩出来
let her fart it out.
这剧逊爆了 不过真经典
So bad, but so good.
对了 记着提醒我
By the way, don’t let me forget,
我们要为明晚去看棕熊队比赛
you and I got to nail down a plan
做好安排
for the Bruins game tomorrow night.
我不去了 我得和劳里吃饭
No, I can’t. I’m taking Lori to dinner.
为什么
For what?
明天就是我们交往四周年纪念了
Well, we’ve been dating four years tomorrow.
我擦 有你的
Fuck me. Nice.
问你点正事
Let me ask you something.
她不会在期待
You don’t think she’s going to be
我更进一步的行动吧
expecting something big, do you?
什么行动 肛♥交♥吗
What, like anal?
不 我在说那个套在手指上的小金环
No, like a fucking circular gold thing on her finger.
拉倒吧 才四年 约翰尼
Fuck that! It’s been four years, Johnny.
咱俩在一起都27年了
You and me have been together for 27 years.
我的戒指呢 我的戒指在哪呢 混♥蛋♥
Where’s my ring? Where’s my ring, asshole?
-我的戒指呢 混账东西 -快住手
– Where’s my ring, motherfucker? – Stop it. Come on!
给我戴到毛毛手指上 混♥蛋♥ 快点
Put it on my fuzzy finger, you fuck! Come on!
好了 别闹了
All right, knock it off!
好吧 我就是随便说说
All right, I’m just saying.
难道你不认为
But do you think she might
她也许正期待着我的求婚吗
be expecting me to make that kind of a move?
不 我不认为
No, I don’t think she is.
而且现在时机也不合适
And, not only that, it’s the wrong time.
这主意真差劲 你看看手上还有几张票
It’s a terrible idea. I mean, you got the economy.
还欠银行一屁♥股♥债 随时可能上法♥院♥
You got the credit bubble, the Supreme Court.
海地破产政♥府♥就是你的前车之鉴
I mean, look at Haiti.
我确实没考虑到这一点
I guess I didn’t think about that.
你要考虑这个因素
Well, that’s… It’s a factor.
你是谁
Who are you?
我是飞侠哥顿 纽约喷气机队四分卫
Flash Gordon. Quarterback, New York Jets.
看到没 这就是美国式幻想
This is the American fantasy, right here.
让一个橄榄球运动员来拯救世界
A professional NFL player is called upon to save the world.
-汤姆·布雷迪也能做到 -汤姆·布雷迪当然能做到
– Tom Brady could do that. – Tom Brady could do that!
亲爱的
Sweetie.
劳里
Lori.
买♥♥什么了
What do you got there?
火鸡汉堡
Turkey burgers.
今晚我们要宴请哪位基友吗
Are we having homosexuals over for dinner tonight?
没别人 就你们两个基友
No, just you homos.
你只是在模仿我的笑话 不过
You kind of just reworded my joke, but…
今天上班怎么样
How was work?
还好
It was fine.
你的那个白♥痴♥老板呢
How’s your dickhead boss?
雷克斯没怎么样
Rex is fine.
他今天只骚扰了我一次 还算有进步
He only hit on me once today, so, it’s a good thing.
约翰尼 来杯啤酒吗
Johnny, how about a beer?
喝山下智酒吗
A couple of Charles Brew-kowskis?
或者来点儿梅葆酒
Couple of Brew-stoyevskis?
不然就喝孟德斯酒吧
Maybe a Mike Brew-gaslowski?
来点儿马英酒怎么样
Perhaps a Ted Brew-ski?
你赢了
That’s a good one.
我也来一杯谢耳朵酒
You know what, I think I, too, want a Martina Navrati-brewski.
这么说不对
No, that doesn’t work.
别扫兴
Don’t ruin it. No.
胡扯 这么说完全可以
Bullshit! That totally works.
不 不可以
No, no.
-可以 -不行的
– Yeah, it does. – It doesn’t work.
名字的结尾本身必须有”酒”字
The name has to have a “ski” At the end of it,
你刚才把”酒”字
and you just put “Brewski”
强加到名字结尾了 所以说
at the end of “Martina Navratilova”. So…
我还以为只是在说有趣的名字
I just thought we were saying funny names.
不是的 必须在结尾有”酒”字
No, it has to have a “ski” At the end of it.
要不然就没什么挑战性了
Otherwise, where’s the challenge?
如果不说带”酒”字的名字
If there’s no “ski” At the end of the root word,
我们不就变成不会说人话的白♥痴♥了
then we would just be idiots saying nonsense.
失踪的登山队员找到了
They found the missing hikers.
是吗
They did?
-没错 -怎么回事
– Yeah. – What happened?
他们走散了
They said they got separated
其中一个人的脚卡在了石缝里
and one of them had his foot stuck under a rock
整整五天
for like, five days.
如果你的腿被石头卡住了
You know, if your leg got trapped under a rock,
为了救你我会把它咬下来
I’d chew it off to get you free.
你会吗
You would?
肯定会的
I sure would.
这算吃人吗
Is that cannibalism?
不 我觉得不咽下去就不算
No, I think it’s only cannibalism if you swallow.
当然不会
No!
别担心 我肯定咽不下去
Don’t worry about that, because I don’t swallow.
是吗 我听说的可不是这样
Really? ‘Cause that’s not what I heard.
那都是谣言 我是很有品位的人
Well, it’s not true, okay? I’m a classy broad.
看得出来
I can see that.
说到品味
Listen, speaking of classy,
西奥贝拉可是家很贵的餐厅
Ciao Bella is a really expensive restaurant.
所以明天我们不去那里也行
So, we can go anywhere else tomorrow.
只要在一起 去哪我都不介意
I really don’t care, as long as we’re together.
开什么玩笑
Are you kidding me?
不行不行 咱们在一起四年了
No, no, no. Four years, we’ve been going out.
我要带你去城里最好的地方
I’m taking you to the best place in town.