泰迪熊（2012）

你♥他♥妈♥简直是不可理喻
You’re fucking unbelievable, you know that?
我看起来很傻吗
I mean how stupid do you think I am?
你以为像这样胡扯一气
If you think that by making shit like that up
我就会迁怒于她然后和你和好如初的话
you’re going to make me choose some kind of loyalty to you
那你就大错特错了
over her you’re out of your fucking mind.
约翰尼 我说的是真话
Johnny, it’s the truth, I’m telling you.
能滚多远滚多远
You know what? Get out of here.
知道吗 你就是个缩头乌龟
You know what? You’re acting like a cock. You know that?
什么 我是缩头乌龟
What? I’m acting like a cock?
你就是
Yes, you are.
闭上你的肉嘴听我说两句
So shut your meat hole for a second and listen to me.
肉嘴 什么
Meat hole? What?
好像不大对 不对
That’s not right, is it? No.
布丁嘴 是这么说吗
“Pudding hole”? Is that what they say?
好像也不对
No, it can’t be that either.
因为 碗里的肉不吃掉
Because, “How can you have any pudding
布丁哪里来
if you don’t eat your meat?”
对不对 平克·弗洛伊德的歌♥
Right? Pink Floyd.
重点是 自己做的孽
Look, the point is, you’re blaming me
你却把责任推到我身上
for something that you did to yourself.
劳里说的很对
Lori was right about you.
你对你生命中的任何事
You cannot take responsibility
都负不起责任
for anything that goes on in your life.
那你就能负的起吗
Oh, and you can?
我不需要负责人 我他妈不过是只泰迪熊
I don’t have to. I’m a fucking teddy bear.
我并没有把你五花大绑拽到那个派对上
You know something? I didn’t tie you up and drag you to that party.
我希望你能来 只因为你是我最好的朋友
I wanted you to come because you’re supposedly my best friend.
别不承认
You can’t stand there and tell me
你总是把劳里视为咱俩友谊的眼中钉
that you haven’t always seen Lori as a threat to our friendship.
现在这样不正合你意
It works out so much better for you
你和我又能回到每天早上
when you and I are getting fucked up
躺在沙发上瞎混的日子了
on the couch at 9:00 A.M, doesn’t it?
听听你说的话
Listen to yourself.
我是谁啊 帝王明吗 能控制你的思想吗
What am I? Emperor Ming, here, controlling your mind?
这都是你自己选择的 约翰
That’s your choice, John.
把责任都推给我
And by blaming me, you, you’re just
让我觉得你就是个娘们
making yourself look like a pussy.
有时候回想我8岁那年
Sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning
圣诞节那天早上
when I was eight years old.
我真后悔要了那只泰迪熊
I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
有种你再说一次
Say that one more time.
你这只狗♥娘♥养♥的泰迪熊
Teddy Rux-fucking-pin!
别他妈打了
Fucking stop! Fuck!
你哭什么
Why are you crying?
我老二被电视砸了
My dick is squished by the TV.
我很抱歉 约翰尼
I’m so sorry, Johnny.
我也是
So am I, man.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
我得帮你和劳里破镜重圆
You got to let me help you make things right with you and Lori.
圆不成了 她现在恨死我了
There’s no putting things right. She fucking hates me.
不 约翰 我们得把她夺回来
No, John. We can get her back.
听着
Look,
还记得你10岁那年吗
you remember when you were 1 0,
你拿气♥枪♥打中了那只松鼠
and you hit that squirrel with your BB gun?
我们俩看到它从树上掉下来
And then when we saw it fall from the tree,
我们都哭了 还记得吗
we both started crying, you remember?
我们跑过去
And then we ran up to it
给它做心肺复苏 它活过来了
and we tried to give it CPR, and it came back to life.
约翰 这次我们也能成功
John, we could do that again.
泰迪
Ted,
我们给它做心肺复苏的时候
we crushed its ribcage and
扯开了它的胸腔 还把肺打爆了
blew out its lungs trying to give it CPR.
它被弄死了
It died.
不管怎么说我们得去舱穹
Come on. We’re going to the Hatch Shell.
多谢 我们休息一会
Thanks. We’re going to take a short break,
马上回来
but we’ll be back in a few.
唱得真不错 爵士小妞
Play Chopsticks, you jazzy slut.
泰迪
Teddy!
你好吗
How are you?
你好吗 毛茸茸的小混♥蛋♥
How are you doing, you fuzzy little asshole?
比不上一个卖♥♥了3千7百万张专辑的半穆♥斯♥林♥小妞
Well, I’m not a hot, half-Muslim chick
不过也还凑合吧
who sold 37 million records, but I’m hanging in there.
我是一半印度血统 不过多谢夸奖
Half-Indian, but thanks.
好吧 无所谓 多亏了911
Yeah, whatever. Thanks for 9/11 .
给你介绍我的好哥们
Listen, I want you to meet a good pal of mine, all right?
这是约翰·班尼特 这是诺拉·琼斯
John Bennett, Norah Jones.
你好 诺拉·琼斯
Hi, Norah Jones.
你好 你手上好多汗啊
Hey, there, sweaty.
准备好上台接受掌声了吗
You ready to bring down the house?
是的 多谢你给我机会 琼斯小姐…
Yes, ma’am. Thank you for the opportunity, Miss…
琼斯女士 谢谢
Ma’am Jones. Thank you.
天啊 你这么打扮可真漂亮
Jesus, you look fantastic.
你之前见到我都是没穿衣服的时候吧
Well, you’re probably not used to seeing me fully clothed.
我和诺拉是2002年
Me and Norah met in 2002
在拜琳达·卡莉斯家开派对时认识的
at a party at Belinda Carlisle’s house
我们在衣帽间来了一炮 虽说那次不太舒服
and we had awkward fuzzy sex in the coatroom.
对于没有老二的人来说你技术算不错了
Actually, you weren’t so bad for a guy with no penis.
是啊 为此我给孩之宝公♥司♥
You know, I have written
写了好几封抱怨信了
so many angry letters to Hasbro about that.
多谢
Thank you.
我得休息一会儿
Now, I’m going to give my chops a rest
请我一个朋友上台演唱
and bring a friend up to the stage.
他要为今晚在场的一位
He’s going to sing a song to a special lady
他深爱的女士唱一首歌♥
in the audience who he loves very much.
掌声有请约翰·班尼特
Please give a big hand to John Bennett.
我得找机会和她再来一炮
I gotta fuck her again.
我叫约翰·班尼特
Hi, my name is John Bennett,
这首歌♥献给劳里·柯林斯
and this is for Lori Collins.
因为我爱你
Because I love you.
这首歌♥让我想起了
This song always reminds
我一生最重要的那个夜晚
me of the most important night of my life.
我们相遇的那晚
The night we met.
我要唱电影《八爪女》的主题曲
This is the theme song from the movie Octopussy.
我想投入甜蜜的梦乡
All I wanted was a sweet distraction
一个小时或更加漫长
For an hour or two
无心为之令吾梦翱翔
Had no intention to do
再烂也比凯蒂·佩里唱得好
Still better than Katy Perry.
爱情的奇妙化学反应
Funny how it always goes with love
无心插柳而柳却成荫
When you don’t look, you find
两情相悦
But then we’re two of a kind
比翼齐飞
We move as one
共聚一处便是天堂
We’re an all time high
太难听了 滚下去吧
You suck, get off the stage!
别这样 给他个机会
Come on. Give him a chance.
共度良宵
Doing so much more
混♥蛋♥
You’re an asshole!
堪比…
Than falling…
叫救护车
Someone call an ambulance!
太疯狂了
That was insane.
你看到那家伙摔在地上的时候了吗
Did you see the way the guy’s body hit the ground?
就像个布娃娃似的
He was like a ragdoll.
我现在不想聊这事
Yeah, I’d rather just not talk about it.
想去喝一杯吗
Do you want to go get a drink after this?
差点出人命 喝杯酒镇定一下
I feel like I could use one after seeing a guy almost die.
不 你还是送我回家吧
No, I think I’d rather just have you take me home.
就一杯 走吧
One drink. Come on.
不 我现在没心情
No, not really feeling up to it.
好吧 我懂
All right, I get it.
这也不怪你
And, you know, I don’t blame you.