禁忌（2012）

将我置于一个前所未有的可怕境地
puts me in a new, frightening position.
我无法为我的行为辩解
I can’t justify my actions.
尽管我的心祈求我不要这样
My heart begs me not to,
我还是做了最终决定
but I have made a final decision.
我不会再见你了
I shall not see you any more.
我想只有这样 才能停止这可怕的罪孽
I believe this is the only way to stop this horrendous crime.
正好 命运给了我和我的朋友
Conveniently, fate has given the boys and me
三个月的演出合同 是在国外的著名酒店
a three-month contract to play in a famous hotel abroad.
亲爱的 请为你自己 为你丈夫着想
My dear, please think of yourself, your husband
也为腹中的孩子着想
and the child growing in your womb.
我带着永恒的悲痛向你告别
I bid you farewell with eternal sadness.
你永远的
Yours forever,
吉安•卢卡•文图拉
Gian Luca Ventura.”
亲爱的先生
“Dear sir,
你的名气让我很容易就找到了你的地址
Your fame made it easy for me to find your address.
你的来信
Your letter
让我几天以来高烧不退
left me suffering with fevers for several days.
你高尚的态度
The nobility of your attitude
让我爱你更深 这原本是不可能的
makes me love you even more, something I thought was impossible.
然而你的高尚 却是我的不幸
That nobility is, however, my misfortune.
我一直以为我足够幸福了
I always thought I was a happy person,
但在你怀里 我感受到了更多的幸福
but the abundance of happiness I have found in your arms
如今这却使我成为命运最悲惨的女人
makes me the most doomed of women today.
如果可能 请忘了我吧
Forget me if you can,
因为我永远是你的
because I will always be yours.
奥罗拉
Aurora.”
我亲爱的奥罗拉
“My sweet and dear Aurora,
五月
是你必须忘了我 因为我永远都是
It is you who must forget me because I will always be
一个可鄙的罪人
a despicable villain.
然而我从未想过 在我所有的罪过中
I never thought, however, that in all my crookedness,
最大的过错竟是与你相爱
my biggest crime would be to fall in love.
如果我否认对你的思念 那一定是在说谎
I’d be lying if I denied how much I still think of you.
你可能会被我脑中的一些想法吓坏
You would be scared by some of the thoughts in my mind.
这些想法源于幼稚的狂喜
They are the result of a juvenile rapture
但毫无未来可言
with no chance of a future.
因此我会保持沉默
I shall therefore silence myself,
我恳求你
and I beg you,
也恳求上帝 如果我相信他的存在
as I would beg to God if I believed in Him,
请你别再写信给我了
to write to me no more.
吉安•卢卡•文图拉
Gian Luca Ventura.”
亲爱的吉安•卢卡
“My dear Gian Luca,
那些说时间可以治愈一切的人
Those who claim time heals
一定不像我爱得那样深
all wounds have never loved as much as I have.
我必须向你坦白我可怕的想法
I must confess this monstrosity to you:
我的丈夫 未出生的孩子 甚至上帝
neither my husband, nor the unborn child, not even God
都不能让我为我们共度的时光有一丝悔恨
bring me the slightest remorse for our moments together.
如果我诅咒我们的相遇
If I curse the day I met you
那只能是因为 它带来了我们的别离
it’s because it was followed by the one when we separated.
你印象中的我和现实中的我不同
The image you keep of me hardly resembles reality.
我最大的耻辱就是
My biggest shame is
爱着一个人 却怀着另一个人的孩子
to love one man and carry the offspring of another.
你永远的 奥罗拉
Yours always, Aurora.”
吉安•卢卡
“Gian Luca,
没有收到你的回信 看来你已将我忘记
Your lack of reply makes me think you must have forgotten me.
你做了该做的 我想说
You do as you must, and I wish I could say
这让我很高兴
it makes me happy.
我必须活下去
I have to exist
因为腹中的孩子需要我
because the life I carry demands that I do.
尽管我遭遇了不幸 但孩子是无辜的
An innocent life, despite my misadventures.
永别了 我最亲爱的朋友
I bid you farewell forever, my dearest friend,
同时我要告诉你 无论何时
whilst telling you that, now and forever,
只要你一句话
if you were ever to ask me,
我会毫不犹豫从胸口捧出我跳动的心
I would not hesitate to pull out of my chest a beating heart
它永远属于你
which is always yours.
奥罗拉
Aurora.”
六月
七月
接下来的几周 我辞了工作 避开朋友
In the following weeks, I left my job and avoided friends.
八月
马里奥温和地要求我结束这段冒险
The gentle way in which Mario demanded I end the adventure
我却不能感到一丝安慰
was not comforting.
我很了解他 意识到了最后通牒的严重
I knew him well enough to recognise the gravity of an ultimatum.
我们私奔了
We hit the road.
奥罗拉处于怀孕后期 需要照顾
Aurora’s advanced state of pregnancy required care,
但我们临近边境
but our proximity to the border
可以冒险在树丛里过一晚
was worth the risk of spending one night in the bush.
我们留宿在一幢废弃的房♥子里
We stopped in an abandoned house
注视着火焰
and we stared at the fire,
试图读出命运的征兆
trying to read in it the signs of destiny.
我们被领到附近的村庄
We were shown to a nearby village.
奥罗拉陷入沉默
Aurora had entered a mute state
只在宫缩时发出阵阵喊叫
interrupted only by the screams of new contractions.
马里奥一死 她就开始分娩了
She went into labour immediately after Mario’s death
她在一间小屋里分娩 我被禁止进入
and continued in a hut which I was forbidden to enter,
这是古老的母系氏族规定
following the rules of an ancient matriarchal pact.
我希望能从这荒谬的噩梦中醒来
I hoped to wake up from that absurd nightmare.
我承认我所做的并不光彩
I admit I have covered myself in dishonourable attributes.
尽管种种证据表明我的疯狂
But despite the recurring evidence of my madness,
我仍留有一点良心
I still kept a remnant of conscience.
我知道爱人命悬一线
Knowing my lover’s life was at stake
知道我们的罪行已让我们永远失去了
and that our crime had forever compromised
共同的未来
a future together,
我让一个男孩去找来奥罗拉的丈夫
I asked a boy to fetch Aurora’s husband.
我放弃了私奔 做好了坦白的准备
I therefore renounced our escape and was ready to confess
坦白我诱拐了他的妻子 杀害了马里奥
to being the kidnapper of his wife and Mario’s killer.
倘若余生在监狱里度过
Being imprisoned for the rest of my life
或是被这遭背叛的丈夫一枪毙命
or ripped by the deceived husband’s bullet
和这令人绝望的僵局相比
were cheerful prospects
都算是美好的结局了
compared to the despairing impasse of my situation.
女婴出生了
The birth of a girl was announced.
消息很快传遍全村
The news spread fast in the village.
奥罗拉和她的女儿
Aurora and her daughter,
在别人看来是温存的画面
which was surely a tender sight for others,
但对我来说
was almost as unbearable to me
却像身边马里奥的尸体一样不堪入目
as the sight of Mario’s dead body beside me.
总之 我等待并渴望结局的到来
In sum, I awaited and yearned for the end.
无论什么结局
Any end.
第二天
The next day,
关于马里奥死亡的神秘公报传开了
a mysterious communique about Mario’s death was broadcast,
如今 这被认为是
which today is thought to
殖民战争的关键导火索
have been a crucial trigger for the colonial war:
自♥由♥运♥动♥声称
The freedom movement admits responsibility
为这名殖民♥主♥义自卫队成员的死亡负责
for the death of this member of the colonialist militia
以此宣战
as an act of war.
这位白人占领区的代表
This representative of the white occupation
在蒙肯治 45号♥区被射杀
was shot in quadrant 45, mukange,
当时他正在为专♥制♥政♥权♥暗中侦查
where he was caught spying on the strategic positions
非洲革命武装力量的战略要地
of the African revolutionary forces for the oppressive regime.
我们的人♥民♥武装力量将会继续奋斗
Our popular forces will continue the struggle
直到人♥民♥和国家完全自♥由♥
for total freedom of our people and country.
九月
在收到她最后一封信的两天之后
I left Africa and Aurora’s life forever
我离开了非洲
two days later
也永远离开了奥罗拉的生活
after receiving her final letter.
大约十年后 在印度
It was in India, about ten years later,
我听闻她丈夫的死讯
that I heard of her husband’s death.
这也是我命中的一个机缘巧合
It was one of those odd twists of fate in my life,
我认识了一个朋友 碰巧也认识他
when I’d befriended someone who also knew him.
这个朋友告诉我奥罗拉已经回到里斯本
The friend told me Aurora had returned to Lisbon,
和女儿住在一起
where she was living with her daughter.
我也决定定居葡萄牙
I decided to settle in Portugal, too,
并设法让她知道我的住址