瑞士军刀男

我要每天都坐公交车
I am gonna ride the bus every day.
曼尼 这只是开始
Manny, this is just the beginning.
每天 你都坐公交车 掐着分钟
Every day, you ride the bus and count the minutes,
希望你能再见到她
hoping you’ll see her again.
天啊
Oh, my God.
她微笑时
She smiles,
你会感到一种奇怪的震颤感爬上你的后颈
and you feel a strange tingle up the back of your neck.
你体内的某种肉♥欲♥
Something carnal inside of you
让你的身体流汗
causes your body to break out in sweats.
你感觉自己是世界上最幸运的人
You feel like the luckiest man in the world.
每隔一天 她都会独自坐在那儿
She sits alone, just like every other day,
望向窗外 陷入沉思
and looks out the window lost in her thoughts.
你懂那种眼神 她和你一样孤独
You know that look. She’s just as alone as you are.
但她大可不必这样 因为你可以去找她说说话
But she doesn’t have to be. You could talk to her.
告诉她你今天愿意坐在她边上
Tell her you’d love to sit next to her today
以后每隔一天也都如此
and every other day,
因为人生苦短 谁都不应该独自一人乘车
because life is short, and no one deserves to ride the bus alone.
快停下来
I want this to stop.
-不管用吗 -不是
– It’s not working? – No.
她太美了
She’s too beautiful.
我现在没法去找她说话
I can’t talk to her now.
如果我说了什么傻话怎么办 我想死的心都有了
What if I say something stupid? I’ll just wanna die.
她就在那儿 你不打算行动吗
She’s right there. You’re not gonna do anything?
换你你会怎么办
What would you do?
我会
I would…
我很可能会等待
I would probably wait,
目送她下车
and watch her get off the bus
然后回家 自己吃完一整个披萨
and go home and eat a whole box of pizza by myself.
曼尼 我应该告诉你实话的
Manny, I should tell you the truth.
我其实不擅长这种事
I’m not really good at this stuff.
好啦 没人爱你
Oh, right. Nobody loves you.
戴上这个
Try these on.
我还是什么也看不见啊
My eyeballs can’t see as well.
但你看起来很神秘 姑娘们喜欢神秘的家伙
But you look mysterious, and girls like mysterious.
-你感觉很酷 对吗 -也许吧
– You feel cool, right? – I guess.
你看着很酷
You look cool.
你要干什么
What are you doing?
你只需要主动找她说话就好了
All you have to do is talk to her.
我对你有信心
I believe in you.
你是一个人吗
Are you sitting alone?
-是啊 -所以你是个怪胎
– Yeah. – So you’re a freak.
什么
What?
现在你不怪了
Now you’re not.
你在听什么呢
So what are you listening to?
一首我为你写的歌♥
It’s a song I wrote for you.
-汉克 -什么
– Hank? – Hmm?
拿起我的手
Pick up my hand.
好 放在她的手上
Okay, now put it on her hand.
很好 接下来我想看着她
Okay. I wanna look at her.
我叫曼尼
My name is Manny.
我叫莎…
My name is S…
莎拉
Sarah.
莎拉
Sarah.
那是她的名字吗
That’s her name?
莎拉·约翰逊
Sarah Johnson.
-莎拉·约翰逊 -对 莎拉·约翰逊
– Sarah Johnson? – Yeah, Sarah Johnson.
曼尼 你的脸
Manny, your face.
我高兴的时候就是这个样子
Oh, this is what I look like when I’m happy.
我们得回家 汉克
We have to get home, Hank.
我们得回家 这样我就能去找莎拉
We have to get home, so I can find Sarah
和她生双胞胎 打两份工
and have twins with her and work two jobs
-一起变老 -曼尼 我的手
– and grow old. – Manny, my hand.
曼尼 帮我回家
Manny, help me get home.
什么情况这是
What was that?
伏特加
Vodka.
我们办个派对吧
Let’s have a party.
好啊 邀请每个我们认识的人
Yeah. Let’s invite everyone we know.
大家 我们要办派对啦
Everyone! We’re having a party!
曼尼 我要告诉你点事 你…
Manny, I need to tell you something. You…
有点醉了
Little tipsy.
莎拉
Sarah…
我想你就是我的真命天女
I think you’re the one.
我从来没这样高兴过
I’ve never been happier.
曼尼 看着我
Manny… look at me.
你跟我相处得越久
The more you’re gonna see of me,
就会越不喜欢我
the more you’re not gonna like me.
那叫边际收益递减什么的
It’s diminishing returns and whatever.
-莎拉 你自♥慰♥过吗 -什么
– Sarah, do you ever masturbate? – What?
我有个朋友叫汉克
I have this friend called Hank
他从不自♥慰♥ 因为那会让他想起他妈
and he won’t masturbate, ’cause it makes him think about his mom.
曼尼 那个 那是我们之间的秘密
Manny, that… That was between us.
不 听着 莎拉
No, listen. Sarah…
莎拉
Sarah.
汉克的妈妈在他非常非常小的时候就过世了
So, Hank’s mom died when he was very, very little,
所以每次他想起她时 都会很伤心
and so it makes him upset to think about her.
尽管自♥慰♥会让他很爽
And so even though masturbation makes him happy,
他还是不会那么做
he won’t do it.
好吧
Okay.
我不知道自♥慰♥到底是什么 或是具体怎么操作
I don’t know exactly what masturbation is or how it works,
但我猜应该感觉像是微风拂过发丝
but I guess it probably feels a lot like the wind in your hair
或是开车疾驰
or driving really fast in a car
或是吃一口你最爱的食物
or taking a bite out of your favorite food
或是和你的朋友共舞
or dancing with your friends
或是唱你最爱的歌♥
or singing your favorite song
或是乘车
or riding the bus
或是望向窗外
or looking out of windows.
你为何要拒绝这样的欢愉呢
Now, why would you ever say no to that?
我觉得他妈妈也会想让他快乐
I just think his mom would want him to be happy.
不是吗
Don’t you?
是啊 我想是吧
Yeah. I think so.
现在什么会让你快乐
And what would make you happy right now?
也许
Maybe…
-我真是喝醉了 -我也是
– I’m really drunk. – Oh, yeah. Me, too.
-我们该睡觉了 -是啊
– We should go to bed. – Yeah.
汉克 把我的脑袋从窗外拉回来 好吗
Hank, will you just take my head out of the window?
谢谢
Thank you.
晚安
Sleep well.
早安 汉克
Morning, Hank.
昨晚睡得好吗
How’d you sleep?
起来晚了
It’s late.
得继续赶路了
Better get a move on.
汉克 多亏有你
Hank, thanks to you,
我就要真正♥见♥到她了
I’m gonna get to see her soon… for real.
我有一种感觉 但我不知道怎么描述
I have this feeling, and I don’t know what to call it.
感觉虽然我现在在你的上面
It’s like I feel like even though I’m on top of you right now,
跟你有身体接触
touching you physically,
但我们之间有东西隔着
there’s something stuck in between us.
我经常感觉你想说什么
I often feel like you have something to say,
但你又不知道该说什么
but you don’t know what to say,
所以我们最后都什么也不说
and so neither of us is saying anything,
不知为何 我觉得这种状态会一直持续下去
and for some reason, I feel like this might go on forever.
-这种现象有专门的名称吗 -没有 算不上
– Is that a thing? – No, it’s not a thing.
所以以前从来没人有这种感觉吗
So no one’s ever felt this way before?
你也许是人类史上的第一人
You might be the first one ever in the history of mankind.
那又让我有了另一种感觉 我
That has just made me have another feeling, and I…
曼尼 求你了 现在先别感觉了
Manny, please, no more feelings right now.
汉克 我想 我想我感觉到了恐惧
Oh, Hank, I think… I think I’m feeling fear.
现在不是时候 曼尼
Not now, Manny.
不 真的 我很害怕
No, really, I’m scared.
我很害怕 因为如果我死了 我会很想念你
I’m scared, ’cause I think if I die, I might really miss you.