瑞士军刀男

or I’m just hallucinating from starvation.
这简直太疯狂了
This is…This is crazy.
疯狂
Crazy…
别别别 别唱
No, no, no, no, no.
打住 别唱了
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop singing.
你不该听到这歌♥的
You weren’t supposed to hear that.
我喜欢 唱歌♥
Oh, I like that. Singing.
好吧 你还记得任何以前的事吗 你的生活
Okay, can you remember anything about before, y-your life?
你怎么来到这里的 我们这是在哪
How you got here? Where we are?
你怎么救的我
How you saved me?
-任何信息 -那是什么
– Anything? – Hey, what is that?
那是…不 我…
Oh, that, no. I…
不用管 别管那个了
Don’t worry… Don’t worry about that.
重要的是 我们得找到回家的路
What’s important is that we find a way to get home.
好吧 我在试着回忆…
Okay. I’m trying to remember.
家是什么
What is home?
这就是家里的东西
This is from home.
通常里面会装满叫芝士泡芙的东西
It’s normally full of these things called cheese puffs.
明白吗
Okay?
有时候吃完它
Um, sometimes, um, your fingers
你的手指会被染成桔色
would be coated in orange after eating it.
你妈妈可能会让你洗手
And your mom probably told you to wash your hands,
但我打赌你会趁她不注意时直接舔干净
but I bet you’d just lick it off when she wasn’t looking.
-想起什么了吗 -什么
– Anything? – What?
什么
What?
等等 应该发生什么
Wait. Wait, what’s supposed to happen?
我不知道 我以为…
I don’t know. I thought…
以为我没准能触发一些记忆什么的
thought maybe I could tap into some sense memory or something,
然后突然一下 你颈后的汗毛就竖起来了
and, bam, the…The hairs would stand up on the back of your neck,
心跳也开始加速 一切记忆都回来了
and your heart would start pounding as it all rushes back to you,
一切被你遗忘的事 你张大了嘴
everything you left behind. Your jaw hangs open.
镜头推进
The camera pushes in.
音乐响起
Cue the music.
-你记得《侏罗纪公园》啊 -什么
– You remember “Jurassic Park”! – What?
你刚才唱的就是主题曲啊
You were just singing the theme song.
劳拉·邓恩演的 还有腕龙
Laura Dern, the brachiosaurus.
我不知道《侏罗纪公园》
I don’t know “Jurassic Park.”
但你记得这歌♥
You remember the song.
曼尼
Manny…
如果你连《侏罗纪公园》都不知道
if you don’t know “Jurassic Park,”
那说明你什么都不知道
You don’t know shit.
这些也来自家里 大家都在的地方
This is from home, where all the other people are.
-现在怎么跑这来了 -这些是垃圾
– Why is it out here now? – Oh, it’s trash.
是别人不想要的东西 所以我们捡来藏好
It’s everything people don’t want, so we hide it.
为什么别人不想要了
Why don’t people want it anymore?
比如这个坏了
Well, that’s broken.
这个空了
That’s empty.
这个没用了
This is useless.
臭了 旧了
Smelly. Old.
你怎么跑到离家这么远的地方的
How’d you get so far from home?
我从家里跑了 不过…
I…I ran away, but that’s…
无所谓了 就是…
It doesn’t matter. That’s…
重要的是让你回忆起你的人生
What’s important is you remembering your life.
好吧 什么是人生
Okay. What is life?
好吧
Uh, okay.
这是你
This is you.
这是你的身体
This is your body,
这里是你的大脑
and…And that’s where your brain is,
也是你记忆的所在
and that’s where you’re going to remember something.
人类经过了
Humans have evolved over
几百万年才进化成现在的样子
millions and millions of years to be this way.
我们做这些
We do all this stuff,
是因为它们能帮助我们生存…吧
because it helps us survive… kind of.
那是什么
What’s that?
那是大便
That’s poop.
大便就是你身体不想要的东西
Poop is when your body takes everything it doesn’t want
屁♥股♥会把它们挤出去
and squeezes it out of your butt.
有一本图画书叫《大家来大便》
Everything poops. There’s a book.
是儿童必读物
Everybody reads about it when they’re a kid.
人每天都会大便
People poop every day.
当害怕或生病时会拉得更多
Or extra when they’re scared or sick
还有死亡的时候 那是因为
or right when they die, because,
人死的时候会拉裤子
uh, you shit your pants when you die.
-天啊 -不 那没什么的
– Oh, God. – No, it’s okay.
每天都有人死去
People die every day.
那怎么处理那么多死人
What do they do with all the dead people?
-把他们藏起来吗 -对
– Do they hide them? – Yeah.
-所以我就像垃圾 -不 你不一样
– So I’m like trash? – No. You’re different.
你可能曾经掉进了放射性废料
Maybe you fell in radioactive waste,
或者你是经过基因改造的军人
or maybe you were a special genetically engineered soldier
经低温冰冻后穿越时空来拯救我
who was cryogenically frozen and sent back in time to save me
拯救全人类
and save all of mankind.
超级曼尼 救救我
Oh, Super Manny, save me!
你体内有股神奇的力量
You’ve got something in there.
你就像万能的万金油
You’re like the multipurpose tool guy.
-你是特别的 -我是特别的
– You’re special. – I’m special?
是啊 所以我需要你帮我回家
Yeah. And that’s why I need you to help me get home.
回到文明社会
Back in civilization,
这个星球上还有70亿活着的人
there’s 7 billion other living people on the planet
在奔跑 眨眼 呼吸 吃饭
just running around and blinking and breathing and eating,
你曾经也是他们中的一员
and you used to be one of them.
也许你正在寻找幸福
You were probably just looking for happiness.
每个人都在寻找幸福
That’s what everyone does.
这是你快乐时的模样
This is what you look like when you’re happy.
快乐
Happy.
你在寻觅一个能让你快乐的人
You look for someone who will make you happy,
朋友 女友 或是一只狗
a friend, a girlfriend, or a dog.
-真乖 -真乖
– Good boy. – Good boy.
也许你会幸运地遇上一个特别的人
Sometimes you might be lucky enough to bump into the one person
一个你想与之共度余生的人
you wanna spend the rest of your life with,
-那就是爱 -好吧
– and that is love. – Okay.
你想回家 因为你想得到爱
You want to go home so you can have love?
是啊
Yeah.
但你之前逃离了 是因为没人爱你
But you ran away ’cause nobody loves you?
不是这样的
That’s not true.
你伤心 空虚 肮脏
You’re broken and empty and dirty
臭气熏天 一无是处 垂垂老矣
and smelly and useless and old.
-你就像垃圾一样 对吧 -闭嘴 搞什么
– You’re like trash, right? – Shut up. What…
对不起 汉克 我只是说出了心里话
I’m sorry, Hank. I’m just saying the things in my head.
你不能想到什么就说什么
Well, you can’t just say everything that comes into your head.
那叫嘴贱
That’s bad talking.
对不起
I’m sorry.
救命
Help!
有人能听到吗
Can anybody hear me?!
我迷路了
I’m lost!
我现在要怎么做 汉克
What do I do now, Hank?
曼尼 看看她们
Manny… just look at them.
想象她们没穿衣服的样子
Imagine them without their clothes on.
她们衣服下是什么
What’s underneath their clothes?
你懂的 她们的…
You know, their…
胸部 阴♥道♥ 屁♥股♥
boobs and vaginas, butts.
胸部 阴♥道♥ 屁♥股♥
Boobs, vaginas, and butts.
-那些地方有什么用 -曼尼
– What do you do with those? – Manny…
你懂的 以前…
You know, it used to be…
我小的时候 很难能看到这样的杂♥志♥
really hard to come by a magazine like that when I was a kid.
我得去翻公路旁的草丛
I’d have to go digging under the bushes by the freeway
或偷看我爸的收藏
and sneak into my dad’s stash.
没有互联网的时候
I mean, before the Internet,
每个女孩子都显得更特别
every girl was a lot more special.
我想你可能和我一样
I bet you probably did the same thing,
给每个女孩编一个爱情故事