以及我能做什么来改善我们的关系
or what she needs to make the relationship better
我觉得真的很棒 因为我能放下防备心
in this context, honestly, ’cause I won’t feel as defensive.
-你是指因为这里有第三方？ -对
-You mean if there’s a third party here? -[Jonah] Yeah.
说到这 菲尔昨天提到了一件事
Speaking of, Phil mentioned something yesterday.
他说你们一起睡过
He said you guys were together intimately.
[laughs]
-要不要澄清下？ -他开玩笑的
-Wanna address that? -[Sharon] He’s joking.
不是 是他说的 都拍下来了
No, he said that. We have it on film.
睡过他不会忘记的 相信我
He wouldn’t forget, trust me. [laughs]
满意了吧
There you go.
-你有答案了 -卧♥槽♥
-There you go. -Dude, fuck.
我看今天就到此为止吧
I think this could be a good time to wrap now.
-可以收工了 -好吧
[laughs]
-I think it’s time. -All right.
但在收工之前 我想问一件事 认真的
Um, well, one thing before we do, actually. Not a joke.
你有没有…不是像现在这样的
Like, did you ever have– Not like this, literally,
但你有没有和你妈妈 进行过这种敞开心扉的对话？
but did you ever have this kind of emotionally open conversation
没有 完全没有
with your mom ever?
No, not even close.
如果她现在还在的话 你会吗？
If she was around now, would you?
现在？会
Now? Yeah.
我会
Yeah.
[piano music plays]
你得明白 我妈妈就像来自另一个星球
You gotta understand, my mother was from a different planet.
她爸爸是个精神病患者
Her father, he was, uh, a psychopath.
他会毒打老婆和最小的孩子
So he would come in and beat the shit out of his wife
and also the youngest one but never touched my mother,
但从不碰我妈妈 而这对她来说是最大的折磨
and that was the worst torture for her of all.
所以她八♥九♥岁的时候
So I think, by the time she was eight, nine years old,
就再也不和她爸爸说话
she wouldn’t say a word to him.
在1932年 大萧条的高峰期 他突然离开了
1932, the height of the Depression, he just ups and leaves.
他什么都没说 也没告诉他们他要离开
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t tell them he’s leaving.
直接就在半夜里走人了
In the middle of the night, he books. He’s gone.
40年后 他试图联♥系♥我妈妈
Forty years later, he tried to, um, contact my mother,
但我妈妈可强硬了 算了吧 我想她连信都没回
but my mother is hard-core. Forget it. I don’t think she answered the letter.
出于显而易见的原因 她对男人有成见
She had this thing with men, for obvious reasons.
每次吃晚饭的时候 她都会长篇抨击男人
Every night at dinner, she’d give a tirade about men.
男人这个不好 那个不好
“Men are this, men are that.” I couldn’t really disagree with her.
她说的也不是完全没道理
我可怜的爸爸不得不成为她的啦啦队
My poor father had to be the cheerleader for this.
-他会怎么做？ -他会说“对 她说得对”
-[Jonah] What would he do? -He’d say, “Yeah, she’s right.”
“男人糟透了”
-[Jonah laughs] -“Men are terrible.”
直到我十三四岁时才意识到 “靠 我也是男人诶”
It didn’t occur to me until I was about 13, 14. “Shit, I’m a man. Hmm.”
即便在50年后 她仍然无法克服这一点
But she couldn’t get over that, even 50 years later.
-仍然无法克服 -所以她被困在迷宫里
-Couldn’t get over it. -[Jonah] She’s stuck in the Maze.
她被困在迷宫里40年 50年了
She’s stuck in the Maze for 40 years, 50 years, yeah.
（迷宫）
Lovesick Blues” by Mason Ramsey plays]
迷宫总是涉及其他人
The Maze always involves other people.
它是第X部分的产物
It’s the product of Part X,
因为第X部分想要公平
because Part X wants fairness.
一个典型的例子是
A classic example
这个人只愿意去想和去谈论另一个人
is when somebody only wants to think and talk about another person.
你告诉自己的是
What you’re telling yourself is,
“一旦对方补偿我 我就放下这件事”
“I’ll move past this once they make up for whatever it is,
可能他们对你发火了 出轨了
being angry at me, cheating.”
是什么无所谓
It doesn’t matter what.
你觉得他们亏待了你
You feel they’ve mistreated you,
而你对公平的追求让你的人生搁浅了
and your quest for fairness puts your life on hold.
（你的人生）
Time is fleeting, and we don’t have time for that bullshit.
时间转瞬即逝 我们没时间浪费在这种破事上
（迷宫）
（向前进 被困在过去）
我觉得自己好像 在迷宫里度过了整个人生
[Jonah] I feel like I spent my whole fucking life in the Maze.
因为没有得到回报 因为自己觉得不公平的事情而纠结
Being stuck on not being paid back for something I was viewing as unfair
浪费了无法挽回的时间和岁月
wasted hours, days, months, years of my life that I can’t get back.
那么她怎样才能走出迷宫呢？
So how could she have gotten out of the Maze?
事情是这样的 一般人都希望得到回报
[Stutz] Here’s the thing. The average person wants to get paid back.
他们希望一切都公平 他们希望一切都平衡
They want everything to be fair. They want everything to be balanced.
但你不会从别人那里得到这些
But you’re not gonna get it from them.
要觉得自己得到了回报
The way you feel you’re getting paid,
要觉得事情重新获得了平衡
the way you feel things are being rebalanced,
你只能从行为本身去获得满足感
is to get your satisfaction from the exercise itself.
这就是所谓的主动联结的爱
That’s called Active Love.
（主动联结的爱）
Lovesick Blues” by Mason Ramsey continues]
闭上你的眼睛
So close your eyes
想象自己被一个 完全由爱组成的宇宙包围着
and imagine you’re surrounded by a universe completely made out of love.
我知道听起来很疯狂 但你♥他♥妈♥给我闭嘴 照我说的去做
I know it sounds nuts, but just shut the fuck up.
Do what I tell you.
别预先下判断 看看会发生什么
-[laughs] -Don’t prejudge it and see what happens.
让我尝试给它下个定义
Let me try to define it.
这是个几乎充满爱的能量的世界
It’s just…It’s a world that’s almost dense with loving energy.
感觉你自己吸收了宇宙中所有的爱
Feel yourself taking in all the love in the universe,
然后温柔而有力地 把它全部放在你的心里
and gently, but firmly, place all of it in your heart.
就在那一刻 你是整个宇宙的爱的主要领导人
Right at that moment, you’re the principal leader of love
in the whole universe.
而你要做的是 你要看着你生气的人
What you do is you want to see the person you’re angry at,
你讨厌的人 你鄙视的人
that you hate, that you despise,
然后把你集中的所有的爱
and you send all this love you’ve concentrated
传送到对方身上
towards the other person.
你毫无保留 你给予一切
You hold nothing back. You give everything.
你感觉到 不仅仅是看到
You feel, not just see,
你感觉到你的爱进入了对方的身体
you feel your love enter the other person’s body.
这非常重要
It’s very important.
有那么一瞬间 你俩合而为一
For a minute, you become one.
在那一刻 你觉得 “要是我能与这个混♥蛋♥合而为一
At that point, you feel like, “If I can become one with this bastard,
我就能与任何人合而为一”
I can become one with anybody.”
那是一种能力感 几乎是一种掌控感
And that’s the sense of prowess, almost of mastery.
人们说“你这是在要求我 去爱我讨厌的人”
People say, “Well, you’re asking me to love somebody I hate.”
这不是一个原谅别人的方法 这不是为了别人
It’s not a way to forgive somebody. It’s not for the other person.
这是为了让你感到完整 然后把你从迷宫中解放出来
It’s to make you feel whole and then free you from the Maze.
好让你可以继续前进
Then you can move forward.
你是想追求正确还是想创造新事物？
So do you wanna be right, or do you wanna create something?
归根结底就是这个问题
That’s what it always comes down to.
生活必须向前推进
Life is moving forward.
如果你想浪费时间玩游戏 你能这么做
If you want to waste your time playing games over here, you can,
但你不能把那些日子和时间找回来
but you can’t get those days, hours back.
年纪大些后 她成了一名社区组织者
When she got older, she became a community organizer,
而且非常了不起
and she was awesome.
如果你问她是干什么的
If you asked her, “What was your job?” she would say, “Organizing rent strikes.”
她会说“我靠组♥织♥集♥体♥抗租活动谋生”
她谁都不怕
“That’s what I do for a living.” She wasn’t scared of anybody.
事实上 纽约市长看到我妈妈时说
In fact, the mayor of New York sees my mother and says, “Wait a minute.”
“等一下 在罗莎莉施图茨离开之前 我不会进行此次谈判”
“I will not proceed with this negotiation until Rosalie Stutz leaves.”
他们不得不让她离开 他怕我妈妈怕得要命
[laughs] And they had to make her leave.
He was scared to death of her.
她将她与男人的悲剧 转变成一种不害怕他们的超能力
[Jonah] She turned her tragedy with men into a superpower
还取得了伟大的成就
of not being scared of them and getting great good done.
没错
Yeah, she did.
你觉得你身为一个男人
[Jonah] How do you think that affects you,
妈妈却讨厌男人对你有什么影响？
having your mom hate men and you being a man?
Um…
我能感觉到每个人都在等我的答案
I can feel everybody waiting for the answer,
但我不知道我是否知道确切的答案
but I don’t know if I know exactly the answer.
有一点我倒是确定
I know one thing for sure. [chuckles]
这让我在女人面前没有安全感 不用想也知道
It made me insecure around women. I mean, that’s a no-brainer.
[piano music plays]
就好像我内心没有任何途径
It was like there was no pathway inside me
可以走到一个女人面前并感到安全
that could step to a woman and feel safe.
我想这是最好的表达方式
I guess that’s the best way to say it.
因为你觉得 你妈妈对你的反应是贬低你
[Jonah] Because you think your mom’s reaction to you
所以你看不到 能让你感到安全的与女人相处的方式
was to, like,cut you down,
and so you couldn’t see a way with women where you could feel safe?
对 我压根就没有这种期望
Yeah. It wasn’t even on my list of expectations.
她给我的感觉是我根本就没有资格
The way she would make me feel is, “You have no right to even be doing this.”
我稍微克服了一点 但…
I overcame it a little bit, but not–
只是在行为上克服了 而不是情感上
I didn’t overcome it emotionally so much as I did just behaviorally.
你觉得这会让你很难信任女人吗？
Do you think it made it hard to trust women, like, overall?
不…嗯 现在吗？
Not– Well, is it…Now?