[laughs] I love you. I don’t care.
我爱你 我无所谓
Good. I’ll see you in court.
好吧 那我们法庭上见
[both laugh]
如果这部电影 最终以我俩之间的十年官司收场…
If this whole movie ends
in, like, a ten-year, bitter lawsuit between the two of us…
很赤♥裸♥嘛 挺不错
It’s very intimate. It’s cool.
[upbeat music plays]
与你会面并开始我们的治疗过程
[Jonah] So meeting you and starting our process
是出于我对快乐的渴望
was out of desperation to get happier.
这不好说 我就是没有健康的自尊心
It’s hard to say. It’s just I had no…healthy self-esteem.
对
Right.
我从小就很胖
Having grown up overweight
这听起来没什么大不了的
was something, um, that sounds like not a big deal
也许像是在自怜
or like, “Poor you,” or whatever.
但就我个人而言
But for me personally,
那把我彻底搞砸了
it intensely fucked me up.
你向我解释了阴影面的概念
You explained to me the idea of a Shadow.
它是你最想向全世界隐藏的自己
It’s the version of yourself that you want to hide from the world the most.
而这就是我那天所想到的 14岁的我
And this is what I pictured that day. Me at 14.
遇见你的时候我大约33岁
When I met you, I was 33, maybe.
当时的我取得了非凡的成就
I had an incredible amount of success,
也锻炼出了前所未有的好身材
was in really great shape, physically.
所有这些都应该 让这个14岁的我不复存在
All things that should have rendered this idea of myself nonexistent…
但你向我解释的是 这其实是我眼中的自己
Mm-hmm.
鈥ut what you explained to me was that this is how I saw myself,
而我在否认自己
and I was denying myself
因为我对这个曾经的我感到非常羞耻
because I felt so much shame about…
-[Stutz] Right. -鈥hat this was me.
我以为只要我成功了 人们就不会去注意这一点
I thought, if I got successful, they wouldn’t see that.
后来我成功了 结果人们只顾讨论这一点
And then I did, and then all people did was just say more of that,
那真的很难受
and it hurt.
我仍然觉得自己是这个人
And then I still felt like this person,
这种感觉仍然驻留在我心里 并且偶尔会涌现
and that…still resides in me in a way that comes up.
所以本质上 我仍然是这个不可爱的人
So inherently, at my core, I’m still this unlovable person,
但治疗强调的是逐步走向不仅是接受
but the work is, like, inching towards
而且还要以这个人为傲
not only accepting but, like, bringing this–
-That it’s great to be this person. -Yes.
对
But that’s still very hard.
但这还是非常困难
这辈子都会很困难
Yeah, it’ll be hard for the rest of your life.
[piano music plays]
（阴影面）
每个人都有个阴影面
[Stutz] Everybody has a Shadow. Everybody’s Shadow is a bit different,
每个人的阴影面都略有不同
但另一方面 每个人的阴影面都是一样的
but on the other hand, everybody’s Shadow is the same,
因为那是让他们自己感到羞耻的一面
because it’s the part of themselves they’re ashamed of.
你首先要做的是找出你的阴影面
The first thing you want to do is find your Shadow.
你必须能够看到这个东西 才能专注于它
You have to be able to see this thing to focus on it
并且知道如何应对它
and to know how to work with it.
对 你需要视觉参考
[splutters] You need a visual.
所以闭上你的眼睛
So close your eyes.
现在想象一下你生命中的某个时刻
Now visualize a time in your life
当时你感到自卑、难堪、 遭受拒绝、沮丧
when you felt inferior, embarrassed, rejected, despondent,
并且为此感到羞耻
that you’re ashamed of it.
你希望自己没有这样的一面
It’s the part of you that you wish you were not,
但你有 不仅如此 你还无法摆脱它
but you are, and not only that, you can’t get rid of it.
（你）
（阴影面）
对我来说 那是一个超胖、满脸痘痘
To me, it’s a 14-year-old boy who’s very overweight and has acne
觉得自己极不受世界欢迎的14岁男孩
and feels very undesirable to the world.
好 问题是 你现在会如何对待这个景象？
Okay. The question is, “What do you do with that image in the present?”
那是来自过去的东西 对吧？
That’s something from the past, right?
与你的阴影面对话 问他对你有何感觉
Talk to your Shadow and ask him how does he feel about you.
问它你是如何应对它、对待它的
How you’ve dealt with him, how you’ve treated him.
看看它怎么回答
And see what he answers.
（倾听你的阴影面）
He says, “You’ve denied my existence,
它说“你否认了我的存在
你对我的存在感到羞耻”
and you felt shame at my mere existence.”
问它对此有何感受
Ask him how he feels about that.
很受伤、很生气、很难过
Unbelievably hurt, angry, and upset.
好 仔细听好了
Now, listen very carefully.
阴影面需要关注
The Shadow needs attention,
但它需要的不是世界的关注
but he needs the attention not from the world.
它不需要奥斯卡奖
He doesn’t need an Academy Award.
对你的阴影面来说 唯一重要的是你的关注
The only being whose attention matters to your Shadow is you.
我要你问你的阴影面
I want you to ask your Shadow, what can you do
你能做什么来弥补 你这么长时间没有关注它的事实？
to make up for
the fact that you didn’t pay attention to him for such a long time?
[piano music plays]
[inhales, exhales]
他说要我让他参与到我的生活中
He says to include him in my life
与他分享我的生活 颂扬他
and share my life with him and celebrate him.
并且以他为傲
And be proud of me.
意思是在社交场合、工作场合 或恋爱场合中
Meaning in, like, a social setting or a work setting or a romantic setting,
你往往都无视他的存在
where you’re not acknowledging this person,
但他的存在不仅没有问题 他还是你美丽的一面
and it’s not only okay that they exist, but they are a beautiful part of you.
好 睁开眼睛
[Stutz] All right. Open your eyes.
这是有望改善 你和你的阴影面的关系的工具
This is a tool that will hopefully make your relationship with your Shadow better.
这适用于害羞的人
This is good for shyness.
适用于需要做公开演讲的时候
It’s good if you have to make a public presentation.
甚至是需要和配偶对质的时候 何时都用得上
It’s even good if you have to confront your spouse. It doesn’t really matter.
或者是要去约会的时候
Or you’re going on a date.
或者在任何高风险或高压力的场合
Or anything that’s, like, high-stakes or high-pressure,
你觉得自己有必要成为 “最完美的自己”的时候
where you feel you have to be your, quote-unquote, unflawed, best self.
对 我们的目标不是要表现出色
Yeah. Our goal is not to give a good performance.
我们的目标是要使用这个工具 然后包容接着发生的一切
Our goal is to use this tool and then tolerate whatever happens.
对 因为如果我满足于真实的自我
Yeah, because if I’m content with my true self,
那么其他人的意见 对我的影响就会少很多
then other people’s opinions just affect me way, way less.
你要明白 重点不在于他外表如何 或者外表是好是坏
So you understand what we’re talking about,
it’s not how this looks or if it looks good or bad.
不断与他相互联♥系♥的过程 才是最重要的
It’s the process of constantly relating to it that matters.
如果你不尊重他 或者更确切地说 如果你不关注他
If you don’t pay him respect, or attention is the best word for it,
他就会让你做具有破坏性的事情
he’ll make you do things that are actually destructive.
所以它既是一种 能让你在当下感觉好点的工具
So it’s both a tool that will make you feel better in the moment,
也是一套关于 你作为人类的未来去向的哲学
and it’s also a philosophy about, “Where am I going as a human being?”
与阴影面同步这个想法
And the idea of being in sync with the Shadow,
是一种完整性
it’s a sense of wholeness.
完整性意味着 “我不需要其他任何东西
Wholeness means I don’t need anything else.
我是完整的”
“I’m whole the way I am.” And that’s very freeing.
那是一种很自♥由♥的感觉
哎呀 不好意思
Whoops. Sorry.
请不要踢我的阴影面
Please don’t kick my Shadow.
非常好 我很抱歉
Very good. I’m sorry.
他伤到你了吗？
-Did he hurt you? -[Stutz laughs]
那个怪叔叔伤到你了吗？
Did the weird man hurt you?
我现在很爱他了 所以得好好照顾他
See, I love him now. I have to take care of him.
你可以跟我回家
-You can come home with me. -[laughs]
[piano music plays]
五年前遇见你的时候 我是个完全没有自信的人
I met you five years ago, and I had no confidence as a human being.
-我没在自己身上下功夫 -对
-I just didn’t invest in myself. -Right.
没去理解该如何喜欢自己
And, like, understand how to like myself.
我只是一直在努力实现
I just worked to achieve this thing,
这个你称之为快照的东西
which is your idea of the Snapshot.
对 没错
[Stutz] That’s correct.
这亦被称为幻觉之域
So this is also called the Realm of Illusion.
这是典型的第X部分在作怪
Again, it’s a classic Part X thing.
这意味着你在寻找完美的体验
It means that you are looking for a perfect experience.
可以是完美的老婆
So it could be the perfect wife, the perfect amount of money in the bank,
完美的银行存款 完美的电影
都不重要 无论是什么 它都不存在
the perfect movie.
It doesn’t matter. Whatever it is, it doesn’t exist.
它只是你自己脑海中的一个图像
It’s just an image in your own mind. Think about this.
想想看 快照的本质是什么？
What is the nature of a snapshot?
它是不会动的 它是静止的
It has no movement, right? It’s still.
它没有深度
And it has no depth.
但在这种情况下 你拍了这张快照
But in this case, you’ve taken this Snapshot,
然后因为它而搞垮自己
and you’ve crippled yourself with it.
你幻想
You fantasize.
人们告诉自己 如果他们能进入那个完美的世界
People tell themselves, if they can enter that perfect world,
那么奇迹就会发生
then magic will happen.
但你不能忘记