要是他说了算 他每天晚上都会请人到家里做客
If it was up to him, he would have people over to the house every single night,
我妈妈讨厌这样
and she hated it.
妈妈告诉我 在布朗克斯区一个阳光明媚的下午
My mother told me, she said, on a beautiful sunny day in the Bronx,
一大群孩子正在街上玩耍
a trillion kids out playing in the streets,
而她最喜欢做的事就是呆在屋里看书
she told me her favorite thing was to stay indoors and read a book.
她的想法是“别来烦我 离我远一点
Her thing was, “Stay off my case. Stay away from me.”
我想迷失在这本书里 因为生活太痛苦了
“I want to get lost in this book because life is too painful.”
我不想面对生活 我只想面对这本书”
“I don’t wanna deal with life. I wanna deal with this book.”
可想而知 这两人之间存在着很大的问题
So you can see these two people, there was big problems.
那是什么时候？是1950年代吗？
[Jonah] What time period? The ’50s?
对 应该是1956年
Yeah. That was, like, uh鈥β?56.
It’s probably…
我想想 他哪年去世的来着？
Let’s see, he– When did he die?
[melancholic music continues]
你已经去世的弟弟叫什么名字？
[Jonah] What was your brother’s name who passed away?
已经去世的那个弟弟叫埃迪
[Stutz] His name was Eddie. The one that died, yeah.
他们一眼就看出来了
They knew immediately.
那种肿瘤 好像会伴随着某种特定的皮疹
It was a certain kind of tumor that has a certain kind of rash, I think.
那位医生多年后告诉我
The doctor, he told me years later,
他一走进房♥间就知道那是什么了
he said he knew the moment he walked into the room what it was.
但我爸妈没告诉我们 那是个错误
But my parents didn’t tell us. It was a mistake.
他去世的时候你几岁？九岁吗？
[Jonah] How old are you when he dies? You’re nine?
对 当时我九岁
Yeah, I was nine. Yeah.
当时他三岁？
[Jonah] And he was three?
对 当时他三岁
He was three, yeah.
我记得我会走进浴室里
I would go into the bathroom.
把一只脚放在马桶上
I remember, I’d put one foot up on the toilet bowl,
就好像自己是个中世纪骑士或什么的
like I was some kind of a medieval knight or something,
然后我会跟上帝说话 我对上帝说
and I talked to God, and I said to God,
“如果你让他活下去 我就信奉你
“If you let him live, I will believe in you.”
否则就不信奉你”
“If you don’t, I won’t.” Obviously, I had to overcome that.
显然这是我需要克服的心理障碍
每次来到纽约 我都会特意经过那座大楼
Any time I’m in New York, I try to go past that building.
我喜欢站在那天爸爸朝我们走来时 我们所站的位置
I like to stand in the spot
where we were standing when my father came up to us.
我妈妈从出租车上下来
My mother gets out of the cab
径直走进大楼 乘电梯上楼
and just walks right into the building and takes the elevator upstairs.
连看都没看我们一眼
She didn’t even look at us.
我上楼问妈妈“我能回学校去吗？”
Seriously, I asked my mother, “Can I go back to school?”
她说“行 你想做什么都行”
And she said, “Yeah, you can do anything you want.”
于是我回去了
And I did.
我觉得当时我是在逃避现实
And I think that was part of my denial.
所有人都在快速前进 想逃避正在发生的事
Everybody was moving quickly to deny what was happening.
所有人都热切地不接受正在发生的事
Everybody was avidly not accepting what was going on.
那是第X部分
That was Part X. Part X was in my mind
在我理解这一切之前 我脑子里就存在着第X部分
before I understood any of this.
[melancholic music continues]
（第X部分）
第X部分 是了解你的工具如何运作的关键
[Jonah] Part X is such a major part of understanding how your tools work,
所以我想聊聊它
so I wanted to talk about that.
当逆境来临时
So, when adversity comes,
这对你来说是一个机会
it’s an opportunity for you to–
在那一刻 你将直接面对第X部分
At that moment, you’re gonna face Part X directly.
第X部分是爱评判别人的你
Part X is the judgmental part of you,
是社恐的你
the antisocial part of you.
它是一种无形的力量
It’s an invisible…force
它想阻止你改变或成长
that wants to keep you from changing or growing.
它想阻止你进化
It wants to block your evolution.
它想阻止你充分发挥潜力
It wants to block your potential.
它想搞砸你的人生
It wants to fuck up your shit.
所以在做人的故事里
So Part X would be the villain
第X部分就是反派
in the story of being a person.
而工具是这场旅程中的英雄 可以用来对抗反派的东西
The tools are what the hero on the journey can use to fight the villain.
对 第X部分是不可能之声
Yes. Part X is the voice of impossibility.
因为不管你觉得你需要做什么 它都会告诉你是不可能的
Whatever it is you think you need to do, it’s gonna tell you that’s impossible.
“放弃吧”
“Give up.”
它给你造了一份非常具体的档案 告诉你你是谁 你有什么能力
It gives you a very specific dossier about who you are, what you’re capable of.
而这激起了人类心中最原始的恐惧
And it creates this, like, primal fear in human beings.
你的第X部分对你说了什么？
What does your Part X say to you?
它让我觉得我在浪费时间
It makes me feel like I’m wasting time.
它告诉我 我发明了这些东西
It tells me I’ve invented all this stuff,
这些东西很棒 我非常有信心 但它们永远不会…
and the stuff is great, I’m very confident, but it’ll never–
它们不会深入地渗透到我们的文化中
It won’t spread deeply enough into the culture.
那么人们如何才能摆脱第X部分呢？
[Jonah] So how can people get rid of Part X?
摆脱不了
You can’t.
你能暂时打败它 但它总会卷土重来
You can defeat him temporarily, but he’s always gonna keep coming back.
这就是为什么 现实有三个要素是没人能逃避得了的
That’s why you have three aspects of reality that nobody gets to avoid.
痛苦、不确定性
Pain, uncertainty,
以及不间断的努力
and constant work.
所以这些是你无论如何都得忍♥受的
So those are things you’re just gonna have to live with,
no matter what.
如果真像你说的那样 如果你能除掉第X部分
If it did work like that, if you could banish Part X,
那么就不会有进一步的进展了
then there’d be no further progress.
所以如果这是个故事 主角需要第X部分 他需要反派
So if this is a story, the main character needs Part X, needs the villain,
因为如果主角不需要战胜反派
because if the main character doesn’t have to overcome a villain,
-就没有故事了 -对
there’s no story.
没有成长 没有改变 没有勇敢 没有无畏
-[Stutz] Right. -There’s no growth.
There’s no change. There’s no bravery. There’s no courageousness.
我们需要第X部分的消极性 否则我们不会成长
We need the negativity of Part X, or else we don’t grow.
没错
[Stutz] Yeah, that’s correct.
并不是说你无法为目标努力奋斗 并不是说你无法成功
It doesn’t mean you can’t, um, work very hard at a goal.
It doesn’t mean you can’t succeed.
但如果你想要快乐 这些都不会让你快乐
But if you wanna be happy– ‘Cause that won’t make you happy.
会让你快乐的是那个过程
What willmake you happy is the process.
你必须学着去爱上 应对这三样东西的过程
You have to learn how to love the process of dealing with those three things.
这时候工具就能派上用场
That’s where the tools come in.
当它们出现的时候 你能识别出来
When it appears, you can identify it,
然后用工具去抵消它们
and then, you can use a tool on it to nullify it.
（痛苦 不确定性 努力 工具）
要是你能教会一个人这么做 这些工具就能改变他的一生
If you can teach someone to do that, they can change their whole life.
因为对人类来说 最高的创造性表达
Because the highest creative expression for a human being
是能够在逆境中创造新事物
is to be able to create something new right in the face of adversity,
而逆境越大 机会就越大
and the worse the adversity, the greater the opportunity.
[melancholic music ends]
得知他死了 就好像发现了一个新的世界一样
Finding out that he’d died was like…
It was like discovering a new world.
我心想“我只是个小孩 这种事竟然会发生在我身上”
And I said, “Wow, that could happen to me? I’m just a kid.”
这是他的死对我最大的影响
That was one of the biggest effects it had on me,
除了我爸妈彻底崩溃这一事实
besides the fact that my parents collapsed.
他们在情感上 无法完全发挥父母的作用
They couldn’t quite function as parents emotionally.
他们就是做不到
They just couldn’t do it.
你是否…
[Jonah] Do you…
你能怪他们吗？
Can you blame them?
我从没为此责怪过他们
No, I’ve never blamed them for that.
谢天谢地
Thank God.
是啊
Yeah.
我的人生彻底地改变了 因为一切都变成了有双重意义
It changed my whole life, because everything had a double meaning.
如果我去打垒球或什么的 然后到点回家吃饭了
If I’d go to play softball or something and I had a time to be back for dinner,
我只要…
if I was like–
我发誓 我只要迟到一分钟 我爸妈就会发狂
I swear, if I was one minute late, they would just go nuts.
童年结束了
Childhood was over.
一切都变得认真严肃 你不敢搞砸任何事
Everything was serious. You didn’t want to fuck it up.
他的死成了我必须背负的巨大负担
His death became this giant weight that I had to carry around,
但没人愿意承认这该死的负担的存在
but nobody would admit the fucking weight was there.
（我真的爱你 菲利普）
我永远不会忘记这事
I’ll never forget this. A friend of mine, he was badly hurt.
我有个朋友 他受了重伤
所以我和爸爸一起去医院看望他
I went with my father to visit him in the hospital,
走的时候 爸爸转过身来对我说
and on the way out, my father turns around, and he says,
“那是唯一的职业”
“That’s the only profession.”
意思是 “如果你从事除了医生以外的职业
Meaning, “If you do anything else but become a doctor,
我们这里不欢迎你”
you’re persona non grata over here.”
“我爱你 但如果你不成为一名医生 我永远不会尊重你”
“I love you, but if you don’t become a doctor,
I’ll never respect you.”
他和我妈妈都是无神论者 所以他们没什么可以依靠的
He and my mother were both atheists, so they had nothing to fall back on.
那是一场与死亡的战斗 如果我不加入这场战斗
It was a fight against death, and if I didn’t join the fight,
整个家庭就会分崩离析
the whole family was gonna fall apart.
所以你有责任去缓解 他们的紧张和焦虑