斯图尔特：倒带人生（2007）

我们怎么会知道呢
in half the wrong fucking way was bad for his health?
只有我这种人
It was only people like me
才是烂到底的人 是吗
what is really rotten, isn’t it?
只有我们才坏透了 没希望了
Really bad. Beyond hope.
你们什么都不知道 是吧
You haven’t got the faintest fucking clue, have you?
他只是说了句晚安
Yeah, all he said was “Good night”.
你可以滚了 你个大老土可以去死了
You can fuck off and all you fucking geeky?
闭嘴斯图尔特
Oh, shut up yourself, Stuart.
你个中产阶级混♥蛋♥ 亚历山大
You fucking wanking middle class cunt fuck, Alexander.
你不是想知道我怎么变成这样的吗
You want to know how I became what I am?
我这是在回答你的问题
I’m giving you fucking answers!
你怎么不写本只问不答的书啊
Why don’t you write a book with no fucking answers, eh?
写啊 你自己找答案去吧
Go on, you fuck off. You find your fucking answers.
如果把怒气从分10级 1到10
On a scale of anger, one to ten,
斯图尔特的妹妹
我大概是4 斯图尔特是11
I’m probably on four and Stuart’s on eleven.
你永远不会知道每个家庭
You never can tell how families have been down
斯图尔特的祖父
经历了什么样的起起伏伏
and they’ve been up then they’ve been down again.
就像斯图尔特的生活一样
You just like Stuart, you know?
毒品啊 牢狱啊 还去乞讨
Drugs, prison, being a beggar.
去啊
Go on, go on.
混♥蛋♥ -早上好
Bastards! – Morning.
味道不错吧
Like the taste of piss, eh?
你们这些混♥蛋♥
You bastards.
有人挺香的嘛
Someone smells nice.
准备了3个月啊
After three months of preparation.
谁出的白♥痴♥主意
I mean, who’s bloody stupid idea
竟然挑周末来举♥行♥抗♥议♥
was it that we camp out over the weekend anyway,
正好是司卓先生不上班的时候
the one time Mr. Straw’s not going to be there?
一定是你的主意 -去你的
I bet it was yours. – Oh, fuck off.
我喜欢这首歌♥ -这首歌♥不错
Oh, I like this song. – This is a good song.
因为你如此美丽
Because you’re gorgeous
我愿为你倾尽一切
I’d do anything for you
因为你如此美丽
Because you’re gorgeous
我知道你会让我度过难关
I know you’ll get me through
不过那个周末还是有点收获的
Still, one blimey thing did come out of that weekend:
我打算听从斯图尔特的建议
Stuart’s idea that his life
把他的人生倒着写
should be written backwards.
我可是割喉了才搞到的
It was cutting me throat what done it.
把啤酒瓶的碎玻璃插脖子里了 差点挂掉
Put a beer glass into me neck. Just lost it.
有时候你发现要去死真是太难了
Sometimes you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to fucking die.
因为你试图自杀
So, you got a council flat,
他们就批准给你救济房♥了
because you tried to kill yourself?
不耍点把戏怎么搞得到房♥子
Works a trick for the old housing points, doesn’t it?
直接冲到名单第一个去了
Whoosh! Straight to the top of the list.
但还是没法打发干净
It’s not all gone though.
什么东西
What’s not all gone?
愤恨啊
The hatred.
这里 宿敌太多了 伙计
I got so many enemies. Up here, mate.
我就怕哪天我爆发了
Somebody’s going to get hurt though,
伤了人什么的
that’s what scares me.
你觉得什么时候会爆发
When’s this thing going to happen?
我管这个叫我的”黑雾”
I call it me “black mists”.
下周 下个月 还是马上
Next week? Next month? Next ten seconds?
剑桥市以马忤斯镇 家具店
这工艺做的太棒了
That is lovely bit of workmanship.
这才是实在货
That’s value. That’s value.
天啊 应该是这边
Oh my God. This for the series.
给我儿子的
For my son.
你还有儿子
You’ve got a son!?
和他妈妈在格拉斯哥呢
Yeah. In Glasgow with his mum.
没记错的话应该14岁了
Fourteen years of age to mind.
老是往高尔夫球场跑 小家伙
Always out on the golf course, the little ‘un.
不错吧 虽然没有月桂路好
Not bad there, mate. Not better than Laurel Lane.
葡萄酒闻着就不舒服
Wine always smells like sick.
给 喝啤酒吧
Here, have a beer.
你要吃什么
Fancy something to eat?
你为什么想当作家
So why do you want to be a writer, then?
其实我也不知道
Oh, I don’t know, really.
我们家都这样 有点魔怔了
Bit like a disease, all my family’s got it.
我也不能被落下 是吧
Didn’t want to be left out, did I?
我知道你什么意思 伙计
Nah. I know what you mean, mate.
我爸是个贼
Me dad is a thief,
我妈是个酒吧女招待
and, um, me mum’s a barmaid.
你日记里用橘色笔标出来的是什么
What’s the colour orange highlighter in your diary for?
家庭事务
Family stuff.
黄色的呢
Yellow?
社交
Social.
你写我的那本书
Now, uh, this book that you’re writing about me,
就是想要你出名吗
is it just to make your name?
还会让你出名
And yours.
其实关于工作我也有个主意
I’ve, uh, had an idea for a job, too.
对一个时间紧的外国商人来说
For the foreign businessman what doesn’t have time to waste,
他最需要什么
what does he need?
一间在车里的办公室
An office… in a van.
横向思维 不错吧
It’s lateral thinking, isn’t it?
从斯坦斯特德下飞机
Gets off the plane at Stansted,
直接进我面包车里
straight into the back of me van.
我这什么都有
That will have everything:
会速记的漂亮小妞
good-looking bird what can do shorthand,
传真 网络 到处都是电线 棒吧
fax, internet, wires all over the fucking gaff. It’s brilliant.
番茄酱还是酱油
Red sauce or brown?
好 谢谢 要番茄酱
Oh, yes please. I mean, uh, red.
那什么 -对了 楼上的家伙
What—what’s? – Oh yeah, that fella upstairs
说要帮我搭一张像邦德那种
is gonna make me a bed what folds up
可以靠着墙折起来的床
against the wall, like what James Bond has.
是啊 但它一定得有弹簧和栓锁
Yeah. It’s got to have, springs and latches
固定在地板上 不然就嘭-嘭-嗖了
on the floor otherwise it’s boing, boing, whoosh!
“嘭-嘭-嗖”
Boing, boing, whoosh?
你懂的
You know what I mean,
妞可不喜欢睡到一半
bird’s not going to be too happy if she gets her face
脸被砸到墙上
squeezed up against the plaster, is she?
你好啊
Hey.
抱歉啊
Sorry.
这是个好东西 哪都能用
Good stuff, that. You can use it with anything.
看到床旁边那里了吗
See that right by the bed?
本来有一大滩污渍的
This should be a huge stain
我上周嗑高了吐得满地
where I overdosed there last week.
还有倒的罐头啊什么的
And all the spilled cans and vomit.
用这个给清洗得一干二净的
That cleaned it up really, really well, actually.
但你得等大概一星期
But you want to, you want to leave it,
之后再用吸尘器
for about… about a week before you vacuum.
给你 伙计
Here you are, mate.
当心 有点烫
Careful, yeah? It’s a bit hot.
我好像没有问过你怎么入狱的
I never asked you why you were in prison.
上次吗 都是些蠢事
The last time? Stupid things.
我哥们史密斯 泡泡糖冠军
Me mate, Smithy, well bubblegum chap,
我没骗你 他上了《吉尼斯世界记录》的
I’m not being funny, he’s in the Guinness Book of Records.
在1983年那版
1983 edition, as it goes.
我俩就像亲兄弟一样一起对抗世界
Like brothers fighting the world.
互相尊重 信任 共享荣耀
Respect, trust, and honour.
快快快
Go, go, go, go, go!
好的
Right.
靠 你拿薄荷糖了吗
Oh, fuck. Did you get menthols?
薄荷糖 没有
Menthols? Fuck off.
她会杀了我的
She’ll fucking kill me.
她让我拿薄荷糖
She asked for menthols.
给她伏特加也一样
Well, give her the vodka.
她才不要伏特加 她要薄荷糖
She don’t want vodka, she wants menthols!
快快快
Go, go, go, go, go!
靠 这也不是薄荷糖