斯图尔特：倒带人生（2007）

A whole book about them little summer things.
书名《捕食的黄蜂》
这本呢 这本讲什么
This one. What is this one about?
书名《淡紫色》
淡紫色
The colour mauve.
这要怎么讲
How do you fucking get away with this?
我那个金点子
Now, this blinding idea.
你有车吗
Have you got a car?
没有
No.
你更喜欢哪种 大众还是沃尔沃
What do you like better: Volvo or VW?
几周之后
And then a few weeks later
我突然想给他写本书
I had the idea about the book
于是就开始做了点调查
and started doing a little research.
那孩子受了不少苦
That boy has suffered.
斯图尔特的祖母
你是该给他写本书
He deserves a book.
你也该给我写本书
You should write a book about me.
他一直很贴心
Always such a caring boy.
斯图尔特的妈妈 朱迪丝
是个无忧无虑的小家伙
Happy-go-lucky little thing.
总是四处乱跑 上帝保佑他
Legs all over the show, bless him.
三个月后 我们按照斯图尔特的金点子
Three months after that we carried out Stuart’s blinding idea
决定去内政部门前过夜
which was a sleep-over protest in front of the home office
向当时的内政大臣杰克·司卓抗♥议♥
to persuade the then Home Secretary, Jack Straw,
说服他释放露丝和约翰
to release Ruth and John.
他之前打算绑♥架♥内政大臣
Which was better than his first idea,
显然这个计划好得多
which was to kidnap him.
斯图尔特为我们解决了交通问题
Stuart took care of our transport. Somehow.
在驱车去伦敦的途中
And on the way to London
我给他读了书的前几页
I read him the first few pages of my book idea.
斯图尔特·克莱夫·史都华
“Stuart Clive Shorter
曾经是个无忧无虑的小男孩
was a happy-go-lucky little boy,
“他是我最贴心的孩子”
‘the most considerate of my children’,
他母亲回忆道
marvels his mother.”
瞎扯 无聊透顶
Bollocks! Boring!
你到底为啥要写这书
Why do you want to write this fucking book anyway?
为了挣很多很多很多钱
To make lots and lots and lots of money.
你真觉得写这些能挣到钱吗
Seriously? You think you can make money out of it?
可以啊 大概吧
Could, maybe.
这种无聊东西还能挣钱
Something as boring as that?
别这么没礼貌 再说了
Don’t be so rude. Anyway,
你童年这么无聊又不能赖我
it’s not my fault that you started out so dull.
你要写得更刺♥激♥点
You gotta make it more exciting.
倒着写吧
Do it backwards.
像写神秘谋杀案一样 像那些畅销书一样
Like a murder mystery. Like a best-seller.
像汤姆·克兰西写得那些书
You know, like what Tom Clancy writes.
汤姆·克兰西 美国反恐惊悚小说大♥师♥
我是怎么落到这地步的
Yeah! How’d I get to be like this?
什么扼杀了那个曾经乖巧的小男孩
What murdered the little boy I was?
得让那些上班族看了眼前一亮
Make them nine-to-five sit up.
打个比方 往洗衣机里扔了了10只袜子出来7只,其他到哪去了
I mean, you put ten socks in the washing machine and only seven come out where the other go
再给你讲一个 -斯图尔特
I’ll tell you another thing and all… – Stuart?
你把机器拆开 它们也不在里面
You take the machine apart and it ain’t in it neither.
斯图尔特 -什么
Stuart? – What?
这是什么 -什么
What’s this? – What?
这个
This.
这个 亚历山大 叫做虱子
That, Alexander, is a lice.
你蛋蛋附近最容易长这些
The main place you get those is around your bollocks.
这虱子会长大的
That lice, that’ll grow.
疥虫比这小
Scabies are smaller
它们会钻到你皮肤下面
and they go under the skin
就待在那里啃你
and live there, literally nibbling.
剑桥到伦敦 80.4公里的路
It took five and a half hours for our convoy
我们车队开了足足5个半小时
to do the 50 miles from Cambridge to London.
斯图尔特的时速从没超过50公里每小时
Stuart would never drive above 30 miles an hour.
沃尔瑟姆斯托市政厅
看啊 白金汉宫
Hey, Buckingham Palace.
净胡说八道
What a load of bollocks! Huh!
谁需要女王啊
Who needs a queen?
内政部
不不 别这么铺 -什么
Oh, no, no. No, not like that. – What?
用这个 铺在下面 懂了吗 这样
Use this, right? Underneath, yeah? Here you are.
下面散掉的热比上面多多了
You lose more heat that way than you do that way.
释放剑桥两人
这才是露丝和约翰所需 身后长眼时刻提防
Ruth and John need these: eyes on the back of their heads!
拒绝暴♥力♥统治
End police state now!
他们什么也没做
People are being wrongfully imprisoned
不过做做慈善 帮帮流浪汉
for working in a charity and doing nothing
就被不正当关押了
but trying to help the homeless.
不公正审判导致
Charity workers in prison
慈善工作者被关押 滚吧你们
because of a miscarriage of… Oh, fuck off.
不公正审判导致慈善工作者被关押
Charity workers in prison because of a miscarriage of justice.
各位 大家听着
Okay, listen up, everyone! Everyone! Listen up!
请大家静一静
Everyone, please. Quiet, please!
各位 我们需要你们过来一点 谢谢
Everyone, we need you to move this way, thank you.
等一下 等等
Wait a minute, hold on, hold on.
为什么 我们是和平抗♥议♥
Why? This is a peaceful protest.
就是 到底为什么
Yeah! Fucking why?
未经内政部允许
You can’t cross these brass flags
不得越过这些黄铜旗
if the Home Office doesn’t want you to.
该死的 这是社♥会♥主♥义♥法♥西♥斯♥
That’s social fucking fascism, that is!
然后还得在你们后方围上栅栏
And then we must put a fence in behind you
确保你们不会非法闯入
to ensure you’re not trespassing and ones
两边也得放置栅栏保护你们 -什么
on either side to protect you. – What?
确保路过的群众不会踩到你们 先生
From the public, sir. They might step on you.
还得在你们前方放置栅栏
And a fence in front just in case during the night
以防你们睡着后滚到马路上被车轧
you roll onto the road and get run over.
我看出来了 你就是想把我们关到笼子里
Oh, I see. So you mean to cage us in completely.
我没说笼子 先生 那是你说的
I didn’t say cage, sir, no. That was your word.
犯人真的有工资拿吗
Do prisoners really get wages?
是啊
Yeah.
像一般人挣得那么多吗
You mean a lot like normal people?
是啊 能小赚一笔呢
Yeah, make a fucking fortune.
每周监狱里都出来不少千万富翁
Millionaires coming out of the nick every week.
肥猫监狱
你进过很多次监狱吗
You’ve been in a lot of prisons then?
是吧 该死
Have I? Fucking hell.
多少次
How many?
最开始
Well, start off,
我还是个小鬼的时候
when I was a nipper
去过山德少年管教所
there was Send Detention Centre,
贝恩特管教所
Baintnow House,
然后又回到山德
back to Send again,
然后是亚历克斯托和诺维奇
Eriestoke, Norwich,
长大之后就是正经监狱了
then I grew up and went to big boy prison.
怀特默
Whitemoor.
那才是货真价实的监狱啊
Now that’s what I call a real prison.
伙计 那里可什么人都有
You got everything there, mate:
恐♥怖♥分♥子♥ 精神病 威胁社会安全的
terrorists, psychopaths, security threats,
杀人犯 过失杀人犯 疯子
murderers, manslaughters, crazies…
你属于哪一种
Which lot do you belong to?
疯子吧
Crazies, really.
诺维奇 之后又回到怀特默监狱
Norwich, Whitemoor again.
格雷顿 安特格朗特监狱
Grendon Underground.
31个 应该没少算
Thirty-one. I don’t think I miss any.
对了 差点忘了
Oh yes, I have actually!
我去过3次莱斯特监狱
I’ve been to Leicester three times as well.
卫兰监狱是最近去的
Wayland was me last one.
晚安 睡个好觉
Good night. Sleep well.
谢谢 你们也是
Thank you. Same to you.
你 既然你这么闲得无聊
You. Since you got so much fucking time on your hands,
我来问你 你知道每年有多少人
answer this one: do you know how many people
在监狱里被狱卒弄死吗 那可都是谋杀
get killed by screws in prison every year? Murders.
头儿 真不好意思
Oh, sorry, Gov. Excuse us,
把人仰面推到头碰脚会把人弄死吗
how was we supposed to know that bending him