女间谍

Oh, God. Really?
伙计们
Guys!
有只老鼠在我的乳♥沟♥上
There’s a mouse on my tits.
我想你那里才是安全的
I think you’re safe there.
-好的 晚安 -安
-Alright, goodnight. -Night.
你能行的 苏珊
You got this, Susan.
你是一个战士
You’re a warrior.
你本身就是武器
You’re a weapon.
好了 听着 别担心
Okay. Look, no sweat.
看起来你因为我吓出一身汗了
Looks like you’re sweating to me.
我去
Jesus!
你在我房♥间干嘛
What are you doing in my room?
啥 你是问我怎么进来这狗屎一样的烂房♥间吗
What? How did I get into this shit box hotel room?
因为老子才是真正的间谍
Because I’m a real spy.
我以为你不干了
I thought you quit.
我们必须阻止这桩核弹交易
We have to stop the sale of a nuclear bomb.
结果他们派的人看着就跟圣诞老人的操♥逼♥妻子似的
And they send in someone who looks likes Santa Claus’ fucking wife.
呃 你别忘了现在我才是卧底
Uh. Did you forget I’m undercover.
因为你没资格做这个任务
Because you’re not suppose to be here
老子有个习惯 就是专门干那些别人说我办不到的事
I make a habit of doing things that people say I can’t do.
闯过火海 蒙眼滑雪
Walk through fire. Water ski blindfolded.
一大把年纪去学钢琴
Take a piano at a late age.
我还要干翻德·卢卡和瑞娜还有屌♥大淫夫
And I’m gonna take down De Luca and Rayna and Dudaev.
而且我还要带回核弹
And I’m gonna get that bomb back.
那你为啥来管我的事情
Why do you even care what I do?
你觉得你能胜任这个任务了吗
You think you’re ready for the field?
我曾经给自己用过心脏除颤器
I once used the defibrillators on myself
我还把玻璃碎片放到我他妈的眼睛里
I put shards of glass in my fucking eye.
我还从摩天大楼跳下
I jumped from a high rise building.
只用一件雨衣当降落伞
Using only a raincoat as a parachute.
我在着陆时摔断两条腿
I broke both legs upon landing.
而且我还得假装
And I still had to pretend
我正在他妈的太阳马戏团里表演
I was in a fucking Cirque Du Soleil show.
我还吞下一堆微型芯片
I’ve swallowed enough microchips
然后又把它们像屎一样拉出来
and shit them back out again.
再组装成一台电脑
To make a computer.
这胳膊 曾经被整只扯断
This arm has been ripped off completely.
然后又用这只他妈的手臂接回去
And re-attached with this fucking hand.
你要知道 这不可能
You know it’s, that’s impossible.
我是说从医学角度来讲
I mean medically.
在一次风险极大的暗♥杀♥行动中
During the threat of an assassination attempt
我假扮的奥巴马 出席国会的时候
I appeared convincingly, in front of Congress,
看上去让人非常信服
as Barack Obama.
脸有涂黑吗 少扯蛋好吗
In black face? That’s not appropriate.
我曾眼睁睁看着我的养父母在一辆货车里被炸死
I watched the couple that raised me explode in a van.
我还看着我最爱的马子 被扔到飞机外面
I watched the woman I loved, get tossed from a plane.
接着又撞到另一架飞机 在半空中
And hit by another plane, midair!
我把车从高速公路上 开到火车顶上
I drove a car off the freeway, on top of a train,
然后我陷入火海 不是汽车
while I was on fire. Not the car!
是我着火
I was on fire.
天哪 你真英勇
Jesus. You’re intense.
这是从你的迷你冰箱拿的
Took this from your mini-bar.
好吧 乱拿东西是不对的
Well, that’s not right.
你会搞砸这个任务
You’re going to ruin this mission.
不 你才会搞砸这个任务
No. You’re going to ruin this mission.
不 是你
No. You are.
不 你才是
No, you’re going to.
你的次数无穷大
You times infinity.
还有哪个酒店比这里更容易被谋杀
Could this hotel be more murdered?
好的 我的办公室就在这喽
Okay. So my office is in here.
也就说德·卢卡的办公室就在对面那条街的39号♥…
Which means that De Luke’s is right across the street at 39…
哦天哪 告诉我这不是德·卢卡德的房♥子
Oh God. Tell me that’s not De Luca’s building?
德·卢卡肯定是知道我们要来了
De Luca must have known we were coming.
现在我该咋办
What am I suppose to do now?
好了 不要慌 学会苦中作乐
Okay, don’t panic. Lemonade out of lemons.
保持镇定 我们能行的
Stay focus. We can do this.
打扰一下
什么时候着火的
就昨晚 很大一场火灾呢
看
我能看看吗
拿去吧 拿去吧
这男的住在这条街上吗
不 我不认识他
好的 收到了 收到了
Okay. I got it. I got it.
我会在系统上搜一下 这需要花费几分钟
I’ll run it through the system. It will take a few minutes.
什么都没发现
Nothing’s coming up.
可能只是一个围观群众
Might just be a looky-loo.
继续找 我觉得这基佬有问题
Keep looking. I’ve got a feeling about this guy.
是吗 我倒是觉得你♥他♥妈♥会把这次任务搞砸
Well, I’ve got a feeling you’re about to fuck things up.
哦 拿根鱼竿操♥死♥我吧 是福特
Oh. Bugger me with a fishfook. It’s Ford.
莎伦 福特在执行任务 你知道这事吗
Sharon? Ford is in the field. Did you know this?
在他回来报到以前 我什么也做不了
Until he checks in, there’s nothing I can do.
你去交几个基佬 别跟着我好吗
You go make some friends and stop stalking me.
你的任务难道就是去打草惊蛇
Was it your mission to tip off the target,
让他烧了房♥子里的一切东西
so he burns everything in their builds?
干的漂亮 佩服
It’s so well done. Phenomenal.
我肯定他们已经起疑心了
I’m sure they got suspicious
因为他们看到了你在这晃来晃去
because they’ve been seeing you all over the place.
你迟早会把你自己害死
You’re going to get yourself killed.
老子是杀不死的
Nothing kills me.
老子对179种不同的毒药免疫
I am immune to 179 different kinds of poison.
我之所以知道是因为老子曾经一次性都喝过
I know because I ingested them all at once.
当时老子正卧底在一个隐藏很深的
When I was deep undercover in an underground,
制毒犯罪组织
poison ingesting crime ring
-哇哦 -就像斗狗一样
-Wow. -It was like dog fighting.
但不是用狗去斗
But instead of dogs fighting.
而是喝毒药比赛
It was humans ingesting poison
有钱人会下注赌我们谁会活谁会死
rich people will bet whether we would live or die
我很难相信你扯的这些事
I’m having a hard time with this one.
老子死了5分钟 然后又活了过来
I died for 5 minutes, and then I came back to life.
吹什么牛 他以为他在演《报童传奇》吗
Was it bull? He looks like he’s in the cast of Newsies?
克罗克知道你在这里吗
Does Crocker even know you’re here?
老子拯救国家不需要任何人的批准
I don’t need anyone’s permission to save the country.
还要为我最亲爱的战友布拉德利·法恩报仇
and avenge my dear friend, Bradley Fine’s death.
你从来没有喜欢过他
You’ve didn’t ever liked him
你以前还叫他比佛利 怨妇
You used to call him Beverly Whine.
当年你作为他的神秘圣诞老人 你居然送他卫生巾
You had him as secret Santa and you gave him tampons.
这就是所谓的男人之间的战争
It’s called the rivalry of men.
你是不会懂的
You wouldn’t understand it
除非你有根这样的棍子 在你裙子下面
Unless you got the dong, up underneath that skirt.
好了 你个下流胚子别再说棍子 也别做这种手势
Okay. That’s super rude and don’t say dong. Don’t do that.
当老子不想被看到时 就没人能看得见我
Nobody sees me when I don’t want them to
老子动起来就像个他妈的幽灵
I move like a fucking shadow.
不好意思 先生
Excuse me, sir.
他整个就是一流氓
He’s gone all sorts of rogue
莎伦说他真的不干了
Sharon says he really did quit.
伊莱恩也没法阻止他了
Elaine couldn’t stop him.
他出去了
He’s out for blood.
是啊 一个真正的硬汉 还有他的LV背包
Yeah, a real tough guy and his Louis Vuitton backpack.
南希 你看到了吗
Nancy, do you see that?
看火灾的那个男人
It’s the man from the fire.
我要跟着他
I’m follow him.
哦 好激动
Oh, exciting.
我跟踪你 你跟踪他
And I’m follow you, follow him.
多么美好的一天
So I’m having quite a day here.
你认为福特是在诱他到陷阱吗
Do you think Ford is leading him to a trap?
这二♥逼♥根本不知道他被人跟踪了
Idiot doesn’t even know he is being followed.
他跟一个女人见面了 我不认识她
He is meeting with some woman. I don’t recognize her.
你知道她是谁吗
You have any idea who she is?
不 认不太出
No, it’s hard to make out
你能再靠近一点吗
Can you get any closer?
南希 我们的目标把瑞克·福特的背包调包了
Nancy, our guys just switched Rick Ford’s backpack.
这是个陷阱
It’s a setup.
呃…我必须去警告他