剧透预警 Spoiler Alert（2022）

It’s an incredibly long time for any couple to be together
特别是对同志伴侣
but especially for a gay couple.
-嗯 -对吧？在这个时代
-Mmm. -Right? I mean, in this day and age,
这，可以算是特例了
it’s, um, a really special thing.
-我同意… -尽管
-I agree. So… -And, even though
尼克和我在一起也就…
Nick and I have only been together for…
大概，几周的时间…
like, a couple weeks now…
三周，如果短♥信♥聊天也算上的话
Three weeks, if you count texting.
对。三周
Right. Three weeks.
嗯，我…我真心希望我们可以
Um, I just… I’m really hoping that we can follow
像你们一样亲密无间
in your wonderful example of togetherness.
好吧，我…显然，我还没跟他说
Okay, I… Obviously, I’ve not told him.
-噢，真的？ -真的
-Oh, really? -Yeah.
怎么回事？我是不是错过了什么？
What’s wrong? Did I miss something?
-确实如此 -对
-Yes, you did. -Yeah.
你们什么情况？
What brings you here?
-呃… -你想说吗？
-Um… -You want to say that?
好。呃…
Yeah. Uh…
那个，我们…有些…
Well, we’ve… been having a few…
-小问题 -小问题。对
-minor problems. -Problems. Yeah.
一方面，我们的性生活，呃，有点缺少激♥情♥
For one thing, our sex life, uh, leaves a little to be desired.
按照迈克的意思就是他的衣服焊死在他身上了
By which Michael means his clothes are dead-bolted to his body.
我们朋友聚餐的时候他还在刷Grindr（同志聊天软件）
He was on Grindr during dinner with our friends,
-所有人都看见了 -没人看见
-and everyone saw. -No one saw.
我就看了两秒钟
I was on it for two seconds.
而且，我们都说好了。眼看手不动
Besides, that’s our agreement. Looking, but no touching.
他整个人都没清醒过
He is never not stoned.
我们卧室有个角落
There’s a corner of our bedroom
那些瓶瓶罐罐
that has started to look like the pot version
整得跟老白的毒品实验室似的
（老白Walter White是美剧《绝命毒师》里的化学老师兼制毒师）
of Walter White’s meth lab.
我叫他试试，但他拒绝了。你说不定你会喜欢的，迈克
I ask him to join me, but he refuses. You might actually enjoy it, Michael.
他总是叫我尝试这个，而我的答案都是一样
He always asks me this, and I always tell him the same thing,
谢了，车厘加西亚，我不用
“Thanks, Cherry Garcia. I’m good.”
是杰瑞加西亚，不是车厘加西亚。车厘加西亚是一款冰淇淋口味
It’s Jerry Garcia, not Cherry Garcia. Cherry Garcia is a flavor of ice cream.
真的吗？
Is that true?
我们刚认识的时候，他只喝健怡可乐
When I first met him, he only drank Diet Coke,
现在他一个晚上可以喝掉整瓶红酒
and now he drinks a bottle of wine a night.
这能让我放松。释放压力。我值得拥有
It relaxes me. It takes the edge off. I think I’ve earned that.
当我们吃完晚餐开始看《鲁保罗变装皇后秀》
By the time we’ve finished dinner and started Drag Race,
他开始喝第二瓶了
he’s well into his second bottle.
《鲁保罗变装皇后秀》只在周一播放。这是周播剧
Drag Race is only on Mondays. It’s a Monday show.
当我做完睡前准备，他还在边喝酒边看电视
While I’m doing my bedtime routine, he carries on drinking and watching TV.
他没说的部分是他的睡前准备需要持续90分钟
What he’s not telling you is that his bedtime routine lasts 90 minutes.
-他是在干嘛？ -那是我的独处时间
-What’s he doing? -It’s my alone time.
基特和我刚开始约会时，他甚至连个电视机都没有
When Kit and I first started dating, he didn’t even own a television,
我感觉现在他电视看得比我还多
and now I feel like he watches more than I do.
你怎么知道？你从来不在家
How would you know? You’re never home.
他都离不开办公室，那真是太奇怪了
He never leaves the office, which is weird.
回顾一集《实习医生格蕾》能有多难
And how hard can it possibly be to recap an episode of Grey’s Anatomy?
这是一部看似简单其实复杂的电视剧
That is a deceptively complex show.
你看过吗？
Have you seen it?
我是知道有这么一部剧
I, I know of it.
他和汤姆·戴利眉来眼去打得火热
He has an insane flirtation with Tom Daley.
那个奥林匹克跳水运动员？
The Olympic diver?
他叫塞巴斯蒂安，他是我同事
His name’s Sebastian, and he’s my coworker.
-嘿，克莱尔 -嗨，迈克
-Hey, Claire. -Hi, Michael.
我先把这些事情收个尾，然后我们就可以…
Let me just wrap up these things, then we can…
我尽力
I’ll do my best.
汤姆·戴利，大不列颠
Thomas Daley, Great Britain.
-8.5分，8.5分… -他们按小时收费
-8.5, 8.5… -They charge by the hour.
我先给他们列个收费清单
I’m gonna go set up an invoice for them.
嘿
Hey.
很抱歉我错过了招待会。情况顺利吗？
I’m so sorry I missed the reception. How did it go?
-嗯，挺顺利 -出租车司机蠢死了
-Yeah. Yeah, it was good. -Stupid cabbie.
我叫他走隧♥道♥，他却开上了曼哈顿大桥
Took the Manhattan Bridge when I told him, “Take the tunnel.”
为什么你不直接坐回家，毕竟所有人都走完了
Well, you should’ve just taken it home, because everyone’s left already.
我很抱歉
I’m sorry.
不如你先回家放行李，我还要在这待一会儿
Why don’t you go home and unpack, and, you know, I’m just gonna stay here.
-你确定？ -对
-You sure? -Yeah.
那我们回家见
I’ll see you at home.
好。我们一会儿见
Okay. I’ll see you later.
好吧。他整个就是汤姆·戴利的分身
Okay, fine. He’s Tom Daley’s doppelgänger,
如果你硬要抠字眼的话
if you want to be technical about it.
难道我们不是应该谈谈彼此吗？迈克
Are we not supposed to talk to each other, Michael?
你现在这样像是谈话该有的样子吗？
I don’t know if that’s all you’re doing is talking.
我不想跟你讨论这个
I don’t want to talk about this.
你不想谈。他从来不想谈论任何事情
You don’t want to talk about anything. He never talks about anything.
你确定？你不想谈谈？
You sure? You don’t want to talk about it?
新泽西警方最近逮捕了一名男士
New Jersey police recently arrested a man
他将放了镇静剂的甜甜圈
for bringing a doughnut filled with Xanax pills
给了当地高中的一名学生…
to a local high school student…
嘿，你还没睡
Hey, you’re still up.
肯定有很多收尾工作要做咯
Must have had a lot of cleaning up to do.
对啊
Yeah.
之后我们一些人出去吃了点东西
Then a few of us went out for a bite to eat after.
都有谁去了？
Who all went?
就平常那几个
Just the usual suspects.
-塞巴斯蒂安也在？ -当然
-Was Sebastian there? -Yes.
他去了。有什么问题吗？
He was. Is that a problem?
我不知道。有吗？
I don’t know. Is it?
我们一起工作，迈克
I work with him, Michael.
我就不能和同事一起吃个饭？
Am I not allowed to go to dinner with a coworker?
算了……当我没说
You know what, let me just… Forget it.
你就这么一走了之？这不公平
You’re just gonna walk off? That’s not fair.
我才是那个被冷落的人，而你却假装受伤
I’m the one that’s being blown off, and you’re acting hurt
扮演受害者？你觉得公平吗？
like you’re the victim? How is that fair?
-我说算了。没事了 -不。怎么可能没事
-I said forget it. It’s fine. -No. It’s not fine.
我们现在不谈这个
We don’t need to talk about this right now.
我们现在就要把话说开。还有很多事情需要讲讲清楚
We do need to talk about it. There are a lot of things we need to talk about.
你已经不是第一次这样了
It’s not the first time you haven’t been there.
-都变成家常便饭了 -我道过歉了
-It’s happened a lot. -And I apologize.
关于截稿日我很抱歉，但是读者们全靠我了
I’m sorry I have deadlines, but my readers depend upon me.
这只是电视，迈克。不是要你去拯救世界
It’s TV, Mike. You’re not saving the world.
-这也不是艺术 -你想让我说什么？基特
-It’s not art. -What do you want me to say, Kit?
很抱歉我出去挣钱了？很抱歉我得出差
That I’m sorry I make money? I’m sorry I have to travel
为我们还贷？ -够了，迈克
-in order to pay our mortgage? -Okay, Mike.
我在外面忙工作忙得披头散发
And while I’m out there working my ass off,
鬼知道你在这儿
you’re back here doing God knows what
跟妮娜和塞巴斯蒂安做些什么，艺廊开张？
with Nina and Sebastian, going to, what, art openings?
还是在边桌上厮搞鬼混？
Jerking each other off over stupid side tables?
对，你说的一点儿没错
Yes, that is exactly what I do.
我们现在真的是没法儿沟通了
We’re just in very different worlds right now.
是，我们现在真的没法儿沟通了
Yeah, we’re in very different world right now.
我同意
I agree.
所以你们想听听我的看法？
So, you want to hear my assessment?
对。当然
Yes. Absolutely.
我认为你们在怨恨对方
I think you guys resent each other.
但是你们彼此又很相爱以至于无法分开
But you love each other too much to part ways.
我认为你们或许应该独处一段时间
I think you may need to spend time apart
如果你们还想重修旧好的话
if you really want to come back together.
实际上目前我们已经分居了
We’re actually currently living in separate apartments.
-我住这儿 -然后…
-I’m living here. -And…
我在布鲁克林有个地儿
I have a place in Brooklyn.
我去过。挺小的
I’ve been there. It’s small.
但是不错。但还是小
But nice. But small.
-但还不错 -挺好
-But nice. -Nice.
所以，你们是分开了？
So, you’re broken up?
我们只是需要花点时间把事情想通
We’re taking some time to figure some things out.
不过老实说，还是得为你们的有爱干杯
But honestly, to your wonderful togetherness.
-好了，开吃
-Okay, let’s eat.