剧透预警 Spoiler Alert（2022）

There’s a place I dream about
那儿的太阳永远不会落山
Where the sun never goes out
那儿的天空深邃和蔚蓝
And the sky is deep and blue
你会带我一起去吗…
Won’t you take me…
这样可以吗？
This okay?
嗯
Yes.
谢谢
Thank you.
噢，我们能够重新开始…
Ooh, we can begin again…
为了这个约会我换了七次外套
I changed my outfit seven times before this date.
如果我是一部网剧那你就是高贵的线缆
You always felt like premium cable to my network sitcom.
-嗨。很高兴见到你 -很高兴见到你
-Hi. Good to see you. -It’s good to see you.
-嗨 -你一定是迈克了
-Hi. -So you must be Michael.
我没到自己列入“必须品”的范畴了
I didn’t realize I was in “must be” territory.
你见过他的，妮娜
You’ve already met him, Nina.
噢，我的天！运动之夜
Oh, my God. Jock Night.
-运动之夜 -你就是那个高高的呆呆
-Jock Night. -You are the tall dweeb.
以后我都要叫这个名了？
Is that what I’m gonna be called?
不不不。这个地方很美吧？
No, no, no. Isn’t this place beautiful?
-你能相信这就是她工作的地方？ -相当令人印象深刻
-Can you believe that she works here? -It’s quite stunning.
真是。这…
It really is. It’s…
这是一个艺术工作室
It’s an atelier.
工作…什么？
Ateli… What?
这么说吧。这是一个设计师展厅
It’s… You know what? It’s just a designer showroom.
-挺漂亮 -基特来这工作以后
-Well, it’s beautiful. -But Kit can tell you
可以给你仔细介绍
all about it when he starts working here.
我需要有人为目录拍拍照之类的
Yeah, we need someone to do some photographs for our catalog.
那太好了
That’d be cool.
妮娜就爱用这种假意的工作机会戏弄我
Nina loves to taunt me with false promises of employment…
需要喝点什么吗？健怡可乐？
Can I get anyone a drink? A Diet Coke?
受宠若惊。谢谢
I feel very seen. Thank you.
所以，迈克…
So, Michael…
-嗯 -跟我说说你的事情呗？
-Yes. -What is your whole life story?
一句话。自我介绍
One sentence. Tell me everything.
要不这样？玩点有趣的
Actually, you know what? Let’s make it fun.
生平总结。一个词。开始
Life story. One word. Go.
-基本… -根本
-Basically… -“Basically.”
喔，我喜欢。相当迷人
Oh, I like that. That is fascinating.
-好了，到你。一个词。 -没耐心
-Okay, you. One word. -Impatient.
-这就说得过去了… -打住
-That actually makes a lot of… -Hold that thought.
你看过黑苹果了吗？
Have you seen the black apple?
那个…我不知道那是什么意思
Well… I don’t know what that means.
-来来来。他会找到我们的。 -我不认为我有看过。行吧
-Come. Come, come, come. He’ll find us. -I can’t imagine that I have. Okay.
借过
It’s… Excuse me.
我会认为它模糊了艺术和生产之间的界限
So, I would say that it blurs the lines between art and produce,
聆听镀金时代的回响
and that it hearkens back to the Gilded Age.
相当富有深意
There’s a certain opulence about it.
相当令人印象深刻的分♥析♥。他很专业嘛
That’s a very impressive analysis. He’s a real pro.
它提醒着我们，有时候生活就像黑白一样纯粹
Yeah, well, it reminds us that sometimes life is just black and white
苹果就是一颗苹果，那样就很好了
and that sometimes an apple is just an apple and it’s good.
-这件作品不好吗？ -不，相当糟糕
-Is this good? -No, it’s terrible.
-很糟糕？ -当然
-It’s terrible? -Yes.
最好的情况，它会待在一间高端医生的办公室里
At best, it belongs in a high-end doctor’s office.
得了吧。你太宽容了
Stop. You’re being generous.
我仿佛看到它挂在一个低端牙科诊所里了
I could see this in a low-end dentist’s office.
看你这么努力就给你个A吧。干杯
I give you an A for effort. Cheers.
呼~谢谢
Phew. Thank you.
-讨厌 -你的表现很棒了
-I hate that. -You did very well.
应该的。这件作品相当糟糕
Yeah, you should. It’s not good at all.
屋顶花♥园♥到了
This is the roof garden.
-天啊！ -很棒吧？
-Oh, my goodness. -Isn’t it amazing?
是，看看这儿。太美了！
Yeah, look at this. It’s beautiful.
顺便说一句，他们是真的喜欢你。
They all really like you, by the way.
我感觉妮娜讨厌我
I feel like Nina hates me.
不，不。如果她讨厌你，会表现得更随和。
No, no. If she didn’t like you, she’d be much more accommodating.
-我保证 -噢，还好知道了。
-I promise. -Oh, that’s good to know.
我爱这个城市
I love this city.
-感谢你今晚过来 -感谢你邀请了我
-Thank you for coming tonight. -Thank you for having me.
很高兴有你作伴
It’s a pleasure to have you as my date.
那么，今晚是不是去你家？
So, um, shall we go to your place tonight?
末班车似乎半小时后开。我不确定我们…
The last bus is in like half an hour. I don’t even know if we…
好了。我们能赶上，放心。会很有趣的。
Come on. We could make that, easy. It’d be fun.
很明显你从来没有在周五的晚上到过港务局
Clearly, you’ve never been to Port Authority on a Friday night.
是不是有什么原因你不希望我去你家
Is there a reason you don’t want me to see your place?
一开始，是装♥修♥粉尘
I mean, at first, it was paint fumes,
然后现在你是藏了个尸体还是什么？我…
and now you hiding a dead body or something? I…
不，没有。不是啦…荒唐
No, no. There’s no… That’s ridiculous.
不让你去我家这个想法整个就很荒唐呀
The whole idea that I wouldn’t want you to see my place, that’s ridiculous.
那行，然后？
Okay, then. So?
行了
Okay.
好。那就去我家
Fine. We’ll go to my place.
如果你真的想去的话
If that’s what you want.
-噢，我就是想去，迈克 -行吧
-Oh, it’s what I want, Michael. -Okay, then.
-就这么定了 -嗯哼
-That’s what we’ll do. -Mmm-hmm.
-一起去我家 -嗯哼
-We’ll go to my place. -Mmm-hmm.
-现在？ -当然
-Now? -Yeah.
出发
Let’s go.
-好的 -快点儿
-All right. -Come on.
走吧
Let’s go.
这里是走廊。刚刚…
And this is the hallway. Just…
刷了蛋壳漆到…
Eggshell white on the…
-墙上 -挺可爱的颜色
-The wall. -That’s a lovely color.
那个，呃，到了。
And, um, here’s my door.
这就是你…随处可见的一扇普通的门
This is just your… all-American, typical door.
等我，开一下门
And so, um, I guess I’ll just open the door
然后进来吧
and we can go inside.
好。本来就该这样，迈克。
Yep. That’s, that’s usually how it works, Michael.
进去之前，再提一下
Before we go in, I want to remind you
你的朋友真的说了喜欢我
that your friends said that they really like me.
噢，我的天！开门吧
Oh, Jesus. Just open the door.
好的
Okay.
就是说，我真的是一个很普通的人
I mean, I’m just a person like everybody.
快点。让我看看你的公♥寓♥
Come on. Let me see your apartment.
快
Come on.
好
Okay.
那个……
Okay. So, um…
这就是我的住处
This is where I live.
我的公♥寓♥
My apartment.
温馨小屋
Home sweet home.
行吧
Okay.
呃…
Um…
-噢，你不会想要… -噢，我的天
-Oh, you don’t want to… -Oh, my God.
-在这里啊 -进我房♥间
-They’re in here, too. -go in the bedroom.
噢，蓝爸爸
Oh, Papa.
这都是些什么？迈克
What is this, Michael?
他们都是蓝精灵
They’re Smurfs.
是，我…我看得出
Yes, I… I can see that.
这是…这是囤物癖？
Is it… Is it a fetish?
噢，天，不。这不是囤物癖。不，这是，呃…我觉得这是一种爱好啦
Oh, God, no. This is not a fetish. No, this is, uh… I guess it’s a hobby.
或者…应该说是热衷
Or… maybe it’s a passion.
呃，我从十岁的时候开始收集这些
Uh, I started collecting these when I was ten.
都怪我的朋友琳达·斯维多。是她拉我入坑
It was my friend Linda Swzedo’s fault. She got me into them.
她超迷这些的，然后我也逐渐上头
She was totally obsessed with them, and then I became obsessed, too.
每周日我妈妈都会带我去商场
Uh, my mother would take me to Gift Expressions
在帮她买♥♥完杂物之后
every Sunday after I helped her grocery shop,
她会买♥♥个蓝精灵小手办给我作为奖励
and she would buy me a Smurf figurine as a reward.
我最喜欢的是帅帅，之后我才意识到那个居然是典藏款
My favorite was Vanity Smurf, who I now realize was a total closet case.
就像我一样（指未出柜）。然后…
Like I was. And then…
自从妈妈去世，我有十年左右没再收集
I don’t know, after my mom died, I did take a ten-year Smurf sabbatical.
直到易趣网出现
But along came eBay,
我便开始一发不可收拾
and then I just kind of… all hell broke loose.
我开始去玩具展，去跳蚤市场