一些怪人（2016）

黑色小短裤 然后吃鸡
black shorts of his and suck his dick.
行 随你
Okay, all right.
他弟弟很小 你知道吗
But he’s got a small dick, you know?
我知道你不会信我
You don’t believe me about this,
但是 我一向对这种事
but I’ve got a sixth sense about
有准确的第六感
these kinds of things, I do, seriously.
信你信你
I believe you.
我敢打赌 它只有橡皮擦那么大
I bet it is the size of a dry erase marker.
行了行了 你想离开这儿吗
Okay, do you wanna just get out of here?
随便啊 反正我都会口他的
I don’t care you know, I’d suck it anyway.
或者比想像中容易
Probably make it easier.
喂
Hello?
妈的 他太美了
God he’s beautiful.
嘿 你有完没完
Hey, you done?
行
Yeah, yeah.
我们走吧
Let’s go.
那小孩嘴口吹着口琴
So the kid is just standing there
就站在那儿
with his harmonica in his mouth.
没错
Right.
然后他爸爸站在他肩膀上
And his dad’s on his shoulders
脖子上套着绞索
with a noose around his neck…
妈哒 我得把你介绍给Jill 等下我
Oh shit, I gotta introduce you to Jill, hold on.
Jill
Jill!
基本上他只是站着
Basically he’s just left to stand
直到他去世
here until, basically until he passes out.
Jill
Jill!
他爸爸也绞死了 真是疯了
And his dad hangs to death, it’s insane,
简直太厉害了
it’s such a great, great shot,
有时间我给你看下
I’ll have to show it to you sometime.
行
Yeah.
等下 他怎么吹口琴的如果他
Wait, how does he play the harmonica if hes’s…
他没有在吹口琴
He’s not playing the harmonica.
Jill
Jill!
这就像一个简单的
It’s like, it’s just like a simple…
她应该出去了
She must’ve gone out.
你想打游戏吗
You wanna play video games?
我去
Fuck.
卧♥槽♥
Shit.
今天生物课上来了个新女孩
So there was this new girl in bio today.
是吗
Oh yeah?
她可爱吗
Is she cute?
你要约她出来吗
Is she cute, you gonna ask her out?
你想尝一下情感挫折吗
You gonna break some hearts?
切
Pfft.
切啥 你到底想说什么
What pfft, what do you say it like that for?
说吧
Come on.
你挺帅的
You are a handsome…
我是指
I just mean…
你是个帅小伙
You’re a handsome goddamn dude,
认真的 你把握的很好
seriously, I mean it, you got
关于独眼侠这方面的事情
this whole monocular man thing
像个总间谍一样
going on, total secret agent,
简直是Nick Fury(神盾局指挥官)
total Nick Fury, Nick fucking Fury man,
漫画里的 不是电影里的
except in the comic books, not in the movie,
你并不是塞缪尔·杰克逊(饰演指挥官) 你不秃
you’re not Samuel L. Jackson, you’re not bald.
也不是黑人
Or black.
兄弟 她超胖的 像个房♥子
But dude, she is the size of a house.
我是指她大可把我
I mean she should save time and
直接推进垃圾桶里
shove me in a trash compactor.
这女孩可以粉碎我
This girl would crush me.
不不不 她才没那么胖
No no no, she’s not too fat.
不 她有的
Yeah she is.
她没有胖到那种程度
She’s not that fat.
只是四肢短小而已 卧♥槽♥
Just four feet too short, fuck.
啥
What?
胖女人和电动车有什么相似之处呢
What do fat women and mopeds have in common?
不知道
I don’t know.
他们都很好骑 但是你绝对不想
They’re both to fun to ride, but you wouldn’t
被你的朋友看到这些
want your friends to see you on either one.
对吗
Right?
行 我有一个
Okay, I have one.
好
Okay.
你知道怎么找到一个胖女孩的阴♥道♥吗
How do you find a fat girl’s vagina?
怎样
How?
你逐一翻看她们身上的肉褶子 直到你闻到那股排泄物的味道
You flip through the folds until you smell crap.
然后你就找到噜
Then you go back one.
你在哪听到这些的
Where did you even hear that?
忘了 可能是网上也有可能是小黄书
I don’t know, it was on the internet or something.
嘿 你去哪了 我们到处找你
Hey where were you, we were looking all over for you.
认识一下 Matt 这是Jill Jill 这是Matt
Oh yeah, Matt, Jill, Jill, Matt.
嗨
Hey.
这里有人坐吗
Is anyone sitting here?
你是Elmo的阿姨咯
So you’re Elmo’s aunt?
这听上去超级奇怪 对不
I mean that’s pretty weird right?
这到底是什么血缘关系啊
How does that even happen?
他妈是我姐妹 我爸是他外公
His mom is my sister and my dad’s his grandpa.
怎么 你还想让我把我整个家谱给你画出来吗
What, do you want me to draw you a family tree?
不 不 我只是
No, no, I just…
我也不知道 因为我和我姐妹
I don’t know, ’cause I mean my sister and I,
我们就像 我也不知道 我只是想
we’re like, I don’t know, I was just trying…
你只是想把话题绕来绕去然后自以为很自然的
You was just trying to make some weird roundabout
为那天伤害我感情而道歉
apology for hurting my feelings the other day.
啥
What…
你真的很操蛋
Which is fucking lame by the way.
你以为你可以随便乱开胖子的玩笑吗
You can do that with a fucking fat joke, ugh.
但很显然你是想弥补或者是
So you clearly wanna make amends or
安抚你自己的良心或者只是想
pacify your conscience or weasel me
骗我上♥床♥什么的
into bed or whatever the fuck it is
这些就是你现在在做的 -等下 啥
That you’re trying to do, – Wait, what?
所以 为什么你不直接点
So why don’t you just get it over with?
“我很抱歉”
“I’m sorry”?
没错 我很抱歉
Okay, I’m sorry.
真心的吗
Do you mean it?
没错
Yeah.
好极了
Great.
我们重归于好了 坐吧
We can be friends again, take a seat.
你知道多久了
So how long have you known…
你知道吗
You know what?
这里挺没劲的
This isn’t really doing it for me.
你想要去别的地方吃饭么
You wanna get out of here and eat someplace else?
好啊
Sure.
我打电♥话♥叫Elmo
I’ll call Elmo.
好
Okay.
我们在哪里
Where are we?
对呀 我们这是去哪里啊
Yeah, where the fuck are we going man, come on.
别担心 我知道路 我要带你们去一个类似于
No, it’s going, we’re going to this
咖啡厅 酒吧 餐厅 的混合体的那种地方
cool cafe, bar, diner type, I don’t
重点是 那里有一个吧台
know what it is, but there is a bar
而且他们不查有没有到合法年龄
inside, we don’t have to be 21.
我过去常和我姐姐一起去那里
I used to go there all the time with my sister,
那儿吃的很不错 腌牛肉很棒
they’ve got great food, great corned beef hash.
他们也有沙拉之类的 所以也帮你安排好了
I mean they have salads and stuff too, so you’re all set.
你刚刚什么意思 暗示说我肥
Dude, did you just call me fat?
什么
What?
搞什么 混♥蛋♥
What the fuck dude?
不是那样 因为你在课上说
No, ’cause in class you said that thing
你自己是个素食主义者 所以我就想
about being a vegetarian, so I just thought…
别别别别 拜托 我不是
No no no no, hey, I didn’t…
你这个麻木不仁的混♥蛋♥
You’re an insensitive motherfucker.
我不是有意那么说的
I didn’t mean anything by it.