烟（1995）

向你保证故事真实性
And I guarantee every word of it is true.
(珠宝劫匪被击毙 布鲁克林血腥枪战）
开始么？
Are we ready?
好的 随时可以
Ready. Whenever you are.
洗耳恭听
I’m all ears.
还记得你上次问我怎么开始拍照的么？
Remember how you once asked me how I started taking pictures?
这个故事就是关于我的第一个照相机的
Well, this is the story of how I got my first camera.
其实 它是我唯一的相机
As a matter of fact, it’s the only camera I’ve ever had.
—跟得上我说的么？ —一字不落
-Are you following me so far? -Every word.
所以故事是这样的
So this is the story of how it happened.
那是’76年 我刚进维尼店里
It was the summer of seventy-six, back when I first started working for Vinnie.
国♥庆♥200年的夏天
The summer of the bicentennial.
一天早上有个孩子进店偷东西
A kid came in one morning and started stealing things from the store.
他站在远端平装书架旁 把轻薄的杂♥志♥塞进了衬衫
He’s standing by the rack of paperbacks on the far wall. He’s stuffing skin magazines under his shirt.
我一开始没看见他 柜台人很多
I didn’t see him at first because it was crowded around the counter.
但当我发现了他 我就叫了
But once I noticed what he was up to, I started to shout.
他像只兔子一样溜了 咻
He took off like a jackrabbit, shoo
等我从柜台后面出来 他已经跑到第七大道了
and by the time I got out from behind the counter, he was already tearing down Seventh Avenue.
我追了他半个街区后 放弃了
I chased him about half a block. Then I gave up.
他在路上掉了东西
He’d dropped something along the way.
因为我不想追了嘛 就弯下腰看是什么
And since I didn’t feel like running anymore, I bent down to see what it was.
是他的钱包
It turned out to be his wallet.
里面没钱 但有他的驾照
There wasn’t any money inside, but his driver’s license was there,
还有3、4张照片
along with three or four snapshots.
我完全可以报♥警♥抓他 驾照上有他名字地址
I suppose I could have called the cops and had him arrested. I had his name and address from the license.
但我可怜他
But I felt kind of sorry for him.
他还小
He was just a measly little punk,
看了他钱包里的照片
and once I looked at those pictures in his wallet,
我对他恨不起来
I couldn’t bring myself to feel very angry at him….
罗杰·古德温.
他的名字
That was his name.
记得有张照片 他和母亲站一起
In one of the pictures, I remember, he was standing next to his mother.
另一张 他捧着个学校得的奖状
In another one, he was holding a trophy he got at school
（PS：1930-80年代红极一时的抽奖）
笑得好像赢了彩票大奖
and smiling like he just won the Irish Sweepstakes*.
我不忍♥心
I just didn’t have the heart.
布鲁克林出生的穷孩子
A poor kid from Brooklyn, without much going for him.
几本色亲杂♥志♥而已 谁稀罕？
Who cared about a couple of dirty magazines, anyway?
于是我收起了钱包
So I held onto the wallet.
我总想着要还给他 但一拖再拖
Every once in a while I’d get a little urge to send it back to him, but I kept delaying and never did anything about it.
到了圣诞节
Then Christmas rolls around, and
我闲了下来
I’m stuck with nothing to do.
维尼本想请我去 但他妈病了 他和妻子要赶回迈阿密
Vinnie was going to invite me over, but his mother got sick, and he and his wife had to go down to Miami
事发突然
at the last minute.
所以圣诞早上我一个人在家 感到很凄凉
So I’m sitting in my apartment that morning, feeling a little sorry for myself.
突然我看到了架子上的钱包
And then I see Roger Goodwin’s wallet lying on a shelf.
我想 干嘛不偶尔干件好事呢？
I figure what the hell, why not do something nice for once?
我穿上大衣 出门去还钱包
I put on my coat and go out to return the wallet.
地址是波尔丘的某个廉租♥房♥♥
The address somewhere in Boerum Hill, somewhere in the projects.
那天很冷 我几乎都快找迷路了
It was freezing out that day, and I remember I kept getting lost trying to find the right building.
那片的房♥子看着都一样 容易来来回♥回♥兜圈子
Everything looks the same in that place, and you keep going over the same ground thinking you’re somewhere else.
总之 我最后找到了 我按响了门铃
Anyway, I finally got to the building, the apartment I was looking for and rang the bell…
没反应 我怀疑没人在家
Nothing happens. I assume no one’s there.
但我决定再试一次
I ring again just to make sure.
我不死心 稍微等了会儿
I’m just about to give up. I wait a little longer.
我听到有脚步声过来
I hear someone shuffling to the door.
一个老妇人的声音问 谁啊？
An old woman’s voice asks, “Who’s there?”
我说我找 罗杰·古德温
and I say I’m looking for Roger Goodwin.
是你么，罗杰？她问
Is that you, Roger? she says.
然后她解了足有15道锁 开了门
And then she undoes about fifteen locks and opens the door.
她看着起码80岁 甚或90岁
She’s got to be at least eighty, maybe ninety years old,
我首先注意到的是
and the first thing I notice about her is…
她看不见
she’s blind.
我知道你会来，罗杰 她说道
I knew you’d come. Roger, she says.
我知道圣诞节 你不会忘了你埃塞尔奶奶的
“I knew you wouldn’t forget your Granny Ethel on Christmas.”
说着她张开双臂 像要拥抱
And then she opens her arms as if she’s about to hug me.
我当时没时间想 对吧？我得立马回答她
I don’t have much time to think, you understand? I’d to say something real fast.
还没等我反应过来 我已经脱口而出
and before I knew what was happening, I could hear the words coming out of my mouth.
没错 埃塞尔奶奶
“That’s right, Granny Ethel,” I said.
我回来陪你过圣诞节
“I came back to see you on Christmas.”
别问我为什么这么说 我也不知道 只是顺势而为
Don’t ask me why I said it. I don’t have any idea. It just came out that way.
一下子 老妇人就在门口抱住了我 我也回抱了她
Suddenly this old woman’s hugging me there in front of the door, and I’m hugging her back.
就像我们默契地决定 共演这出戏
It was as we both decided to play this game,
连剧本都不用
without having to discuss the rules.
其实 她知道我不是她孙子
I mean, she knew I wasn’t her grandson.
她是老态龙钟，但是…
She was old and dotty, but
她不至于区分不出陌生人和自己的亲孙子
she wasn’t so far gone that she couldn’t tell a complete stranger from her own flesh and blood.
但她乐于演下去
But it made her happy to pretend,
反正我也没事 我也乐意陪她演
and since I had nothing better to do, I was happy to go along with her.
我们进了门 一起度过这一天
So we went into the apartment and spent the day together.
当她问我近况如何 我就现编
Every time she asked me how I was doing, I would lie to her.
我告诉她我在雪茄店找了份工作
I told her I had found a good job in a cigar store.
告诉她我快结婚了 顺着她的心意编
I told her I was about to get married. I told her a hundred pretty stories,
她也装作相信我的每句话
and she made like she believed every one of them.
很好 罗杰 她点头微笑着说
That’s fine, Roger, she would say, nodding her head and smiling.
我就知道你会一帆风顺的
I always knew things would turn out for you….
后来 我觉得饿了
After a while, I started getting hungry.
屋里没有吃的 所以我跑去附近的小店
Since there was no food in the house, I went out to a store in the neighborhood and I…
买♥♥了一堆便宜货
picked up a whole budget stuff.
电烤鸡 蔬菜汤
A precooked chicken, vegetable soup,
一桶土豆色拉 都是便宜货
a bucket of potato salad, all budget stuff.
埃塞尔奶奶在卧室藏了好几瓶红酒
Granny Ethel had a couple of bottles of wine stashed in her bedroom,
所以我们俩联手办了顿像样的圣诞大餐
and so both of us together managed to put together a fairly decent Christmas dinner.
记得 我俩都喝得有点醉醺醺了
We both got a little tipsy from the wine, I remember,
吃完我们坐到了客厅里
and after the meal was over we went out to sit in the living room
那里的椅子更舒服
where the chairs were more comfortable…
我要上厕所 所以我顺着走道去了厕所
I had to take a pee, so I excused myself and I went to the bathroom down the hallway.
在那 故事发生了转折
And that’s where things took another turn.
扮演她孙子本来就够蠢的了
It was ditsy enough doing my little jig as Ethel’s grandson,
但后来我♥干♥的
but what I did then
简直是疯了
was particularly crazy,
我至今无法原谅自己
and I’ve never forgiven myself since…
我进了厕所
I go into the bathroom,
背靠在花洒旁边的墙上
I stacked up against the wall next to the shower,
我看见一堆6、7个相机
I see a pile of six or seven cameras.
崭新的35毫米相机
Brand-new, thirty-five millimeter cameras,
原装带盒
still in their boxes.
我还从没拍过照片
I’ve never taken a picture in my life,
更别说偷东西了
much less never stolen anything,
但当我看到厕所里这些相机
but once I see those cameras sitting in the bathroom,
我决定要占有一个
I decide I want one of them for myself.
就这样
Just like that.
想都没想
And without even thinking about it,
我拿起一个相机 夹在臂下 返回了客厅
I pick up one of the cameras, tuck under my arm and go out back to the living room….
我又待了有3分钟
I wasn’t gone for more than three minutes,
这期间 奶奶睡着了
but in that time Granny Ethel had fallen asleep.
估计酒喝太多
Too much Chianti, I suppose.
我去厨房♥洗掉了盘子
I went out into the kitchen and washed the dishes,
她大声打着呼噜，睡得像个婴儿
She slept to the whole racket, snoring like a baby.
没必要吵醒她 所以
There was no point in disturbing her, so…
我决定走了
I decided to leave.
我都没法留个字条告诉她 因为她看不见
I couldn’t even write a note to say good-bye, seeing that she was blind and all,
我就这么走了
so I just left.
我把她孙子的钱包放桌上
I put her grandson’s wallet on the table,
再次拿起了相机
picked up the camera again,
走出了公♥寓♥
and walked out of the apartment.
故事讲完了
And that’s the end of the story.
你后来还见过她么？回去过么？
Did you ever see her again? Ever go back to see her?
就一次 大概3、4个月后
Once, maybe three or four months later.
我对偷了相机很愧疚 甚至都没用它
I felt so bad about stealing the camera, I hadn’t even used it yet.
最后我决定还回去 但奶奶已经不在了
I finally made up my mind to return it, but Granny Ethel wasn’t there anymore.
搬来了新住户 而他不知道奶奶去了哪