足迹（1972）

万一有人看见了呢
Well, suppose somebody saw you climbing in?
这里? 这么偏的地方会有人？
Here? In the middle of nowhere?
我拿张地图都很难找到这鬼地方
I could hardly find this place with a bloody map!
那可说不准
You never know.
一对嘻戏的夫妻 一个碰巧路过的强♥奸♥犯
A dallying couple, a passing sheep rapist.
还有别忘了 我们还要给警♥察♥和保险公♥司♥
Besides, dear boy, don’t forget the clues we’ve got to leave
留下一点线索
for the police and the insurance company.
你不能在花♥园♥里留下你的脚印
We don’t want your footsteps in the flower beds,
或者把你的外套扣子落在窗台上
or your coat button snagged on the window sill.
不 不 不 你必须伪装起来
No, no, no! You must be disguised!
好吧 怎么干
All right, how?
跟我来 宝贝
Please to follow me, number one son.
你知道 我亲爱的麦洛
You know, my dear Milo,
电视诞生之前的美好时光里
in the good old days, before television, that is,
人们只能自娱自乐
people constructed the pleasures of life for themselves.
他们互相取乐或者是轮流表演
They amused each other and were in turn amused.
他们并不是只坐着呆呆的看
They didn’t just sit and stare.
在这所房♥里 如果没有这些珠宝游戏
Why, in this house there was scarcely a weekend
猜字谜等多种多样的游戏 化妆 打扮
without its treasure hunts, charades,
周末就太无聊透顶了
games of infinite variety, make up and dress up.
隐藏身份的方法真是太多了
There was virtually no end to the concealment of identity,
但我想玛格丽特肯定跟你说了
but surely Marguerite has told you.
实际上她从来都没有提及过
Actually, she never mentioned it.
毕竟这是以前的事了
It was all some time ago.
这是我的著作里的一些场景 是我的一位画家朋友创作的
A few scenes from some of my books, lovingly recreated by an artist friend.
恋尸狂理发师韦尔斯
The necrophilic barber of Tunbridge Wells
还有这个愚蠢的被西蒙用馅饼毒害的家伙
and the doltish pie poisoner from the Simple Simon murders.
这个是我的最爱 这个才是真正有创造性的
And here’s my favourite. Now, this really is ingenious…
听我说安德鲁 我们是在找伪装的东西
Andrew, we were looking for a disguise.
噢 是的 好小子
Quite so, dear boy, so we were.
这里 就在这里 这个旧的化妆篮
Now, here we are, the old dressing up basket,
它是我们的百宝箱 让我们看看有什么
our old treasure chest of make-believe. Let’s see what we’ve got.
噢 这个不错 应该有一个黑面具 一个黑色的帽子
This should suit. Item, one black face mask, one black flat cap,
有条纹的运动衫 还有带”赃物”的标记的包
a striped jersey and a bag marked “swag”.
我直接背个”我是小偷”的霓虹招牌得了
Why not a neon sign with “burglar” on it?
有道理
You may have a point.
啊哈哈哈 我的最爱 教会的入侵者
One of my favourites, the ecclesiastical house breaker,
莱特芬格修士的行头
Brother Lightfingers.
或许我们永远都不会知道 在那个可怕谋杀案发生的当晚
Perhaps we shall never know the identity of the cowled figure
出现在旧庄园庭院里的戴头巾的人
seen haunting the grounds of the old Manor House
究竟是什么身份
on the night of the terrible murder.
如果真的是活人所为
If living identity had happened.
如今还会有人声称
There are those to this day who claim to hear
他听到受害者几声痛苦的尖叫
the agonised screams of the victim
在烟囱口回荡着
echoing through the chimney pots!
看在上帝的份上 安德鲁 不要再嚷了
For Christ’s sake, Andrew, stop mucking about!
你有没有一套旧的夜行服 一件雨衣
Haven’t you just got an old pair of sneakers, a raincoat
还有一只袜子 用来套住我的头?
and a sock I can pull over my head?
旧的夜行服和袜子? 麦洛 你的品位也太差劲
Old pair of sneakers and a sock? Milo, where’s your sense of style?
我们的犯罪应该要 绽放出30年代的那种光芒
We must give our crime the true sparkle of the ’30s,
带一点贵族化的离奇
a little amateur aristocratic quirkiness.
难道你不想和你的宿敌
Don’t you feel the need to give your old arch enemy,
苏格兰场的普拉德巡官 来一场激烈的竞争吗
Inspector Plodder, of the Yard, a run for his money?
博凯尔先生 麦洛 你扮演他
Monsieur Beaucaire. Milo, this is you.
1924年电影《Monsieur Beaucaire》里 博凯尔为追求一位贵族美人而乔装成理发师
一个合适的假发 还有很多美丽的斑点
A full-bottomed wig, lots of beauty spots
还有永远吸不完的鼻烟盒
and all the snuff you could want.
噢 真漂亮
Groovy!
看 我直接男扮女装得了
Look, I might even do the whole thing in drag.
吻我吧 你这蠢蛋
Kiss me, you fool.
我再也无法抗拒了 亲爱的
I can fight it no longer, darling.
如果你必须要走的话 不要回头 安德鲁…
If you must go, don’t look back, Andrew…
我的个妈呀！他谁啊
Jesus Christ! Who’s that?
噢 你在这 梅德姑妈 你真淘气
So that’s where you’ve been, Auntie Borden, naughty girl.
现在决定穿那套了吗? – 不 我不喜欢
Shall we decide on the dress, then? – No, I don’t like it.
你选一个好吗
Well, you are a choosy one, aren’t you?
好像剩下的也不多了
There doesn’t seem to be a very great deal left.
只能选乔伊了
We’ll just have to settle for Joey.
乔伊 你说对了
Joey. Now you’re talking.
一个小丑
A clown!
你难道没看见吗
Can’t you see it all?
锯末环 闪闪发亮的装饰品 灯光!
The sawdust ring, the tinsel, the glitter, the lights!
大象 钢丝 以及人们的欢呼
The elephants, the high wire, the roar of the crowds.
麦洛·廷德登场 孩子们的最爱!
There is Milo Tindle, the kiddies’ delight!
这真是太棒了 – 把你的外套脱下来
Now, this is all right. – Off with your jacket!
对了 你的衬衫 还有裤子
That’s right, your shirt and your trousers.
为什么?
What for?
噢 我们不能让警♥察♥发现这件漂亮衣服上的任何纤维
We don’t want the police to find any fibres from this beautiful frock.
你不知道在那些实验室当中他们有多聪明
You’ve no idea how clever they are in those laboratories of theirs.
我们不能承担任何风险
We won’t take any risks, you and I.
这就对了 把内♥裤♥也脱了 不要害羞
That’s right, down to your smalls. Don’t be shy.
我终于看到了一个很有修养的男孩了
I know a well brought up boy when I see one.
晚上还把裤子折起来
Folds his trousers at night, huh?
嗨 小丑鞋 你知道吗 我一直都想有这样的一双鞋子
Hey, slap shoes. Do you know I’ve always wanted a pair of these?
好家伙
Yes, my boy.
从我还是小孩的时候 父亲带我到希腊的时候就想了
My father took me to the palladium when I was a kid.
我本有可能加入娱乐业的 你知道吗
I might have caught on in show business, you know?
世事难料啊 我有很多朋友都混到了顶层
You never know, a lot of my friends did.
你知道他们是怎么做到的吗 他们是跳舞跳上去的
They got to the top. You know how? They danced their way through.
告诉你 我从事理发行业是歌♥舞杂耍团的一大损失
You know, I guess vaudeville’s loss was hairdressing’s gain.
好了 准备好了吗 – 准备好了
Talking of gain, are we ready? – Yes!
女士们先生们 请注意
Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.
伟大的盛会
The grand parade.
隆重有请廷德里尼
Make way for Tindolini!
孩子们的最爱 比科林更疯狂 比葛拉可更伟大!
The kiddies’ favourite. Crazier than Kelly, greater than Grock!
现在 女士们 先生们
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
小丑之王 麦洛·廷德里尼 走到了场中♥央♥
in the centre ring, the king of the clowns, Milo Tindolini!
他觉得我很滑稽- 噢 你很滑稽 关掉
He thinks I’m funny. – You are funny. Turn it off!
现在 一把玻璃刀用来进屋
Now then, one glass cutter for breaking in with,
用一片油灰粘在玻璃上
one piece of putty for holding on to the cut piece of glass
这样玻璃就不会掉在地上
so it doesn’t clatter to the ground
也不会吵醒可能藏在屋里饥肠辘辘的杜宾犬
and awake the ravenous Doberman Pinscher
还有一个听诊器
you suspect lurks inside and one stethoscope.
听诊器? – 用来敲保险箱
Stethoscope? – Safe breakers for the use of.
这里的理论就是 你用这个去听 试图破解保险箱的锁…
The theory is you tried to pick the lock of the safe by listening to the tumblers,
但失败了 因此你不得不用炸♥药♥
you failed and had to resort to dynamite.
炸♥药♥？为什么 – 用来开保险箱
Dynamite? What for? – Safes for the blowing open of.
不过那个让我来搞定 来一个奇异的表演怎么样
But you can leave all that to me. Now, how about a bizarre touch?
砰砰砰的几声 把那个窗户打破
Perhaps a tear-drenched pom-pom impaled upon a splinter of glass.
你干嘛不在时代杂♥志♥上登副广♥告♥
Why not take a full page ad in The Times
再卖♥♥一些门票让那些警♥察♥们来看?
and sell tickets for the cops to come and watch?
砰砰
Pom-poms.
普拉德巡官累了一天了 我只是想让他开心一点
Well, I was only trying to lighten Inspector Plodder’s day
但如果你不喜欢的话…
for him, but if you don’t like it…
普拉德巡员根本就不存在
There is no such animal as Inspector Plodder
只存在你的侦探小说里面
outside your detective stories.
随便哪个精明点的人
It’ll probably be some sharp-eyed bloke
都可以推断出这场罪案的所有细节
who knows his job down to the last detail!
你就等着瞧好了
You can bet your bottom dollar on that!
还有穿这身衣服根本动弹不得 这双可恶的鞋子可真荒谬
And I can’t move in this outfit! These bloody boots are ridiculous!
但你也喜欢那个 千万不要脱掉 你没瞧见明天的头版头条吗?
But you loved them so. Do keep them on! Can’t you see the headlines?
威尔特郡陷入瘫痪 警♥察♥大队无从入手 大靴神偷又将进攻何处?
“Wiltshire paralysed, police baffled, where will Big Boots strike next?”
会找到我的头上
Right in the arse, that’s where, mine.
靴子只会向警♥察♥表明 这是一个职业小偷
All those boots will tell the police is that a true professional
他知道在花圃里会留下脚印
realising that the flower beds would carry footprints,
所以决定装扮起来
decided to disguise his own.
现在开始吧 所有的道具都拿好了吗
Now, do come along. Now, have you got everything?
玻璃刀 油灰 还有…
Glass cutter, putty and…
是的是的 我都有了 – 还有听诊器
Yes, yes, yes… I’ve got everything. – And the stethoscope?
噢 麦洛 你真棒 你真是一个十足的小丑
Milo, you are maudlin. You are the complete clown.
谢谢