足球尤物（2006）

太不公平了，马尔维利欧
It just isn’t fair, Malvolio.
我等了奥莉维亚三年 现在杀出个陈咬金
I wait three years for Olivia, and then some transfer student comes in
突然她就…
and suddenly she’s acting like some…
…走火入魔的热恋女子
…obsessed, love-struck teenager.
我决不能坐以待毙，马尔维利欧！
I’m not gonna take that lying down, Malvolio!
是，我知道，我知道
Yeah, I know. I know.
你说得没错
You’re absolutely right.
我会继续观察 会找到他的弱点
I’ll do some digging, I’ll find out what it is,
然后在奥莉维亚面前狠狠地给他一刀
and I’ll nip his chances with Olivia right in the bud.
什么？哦，对，是的 出去走走，来吧
What’s that? Oh, yeah, sure. A walk. Sorry. Come on.
你真聪明
You are so smart.
喂？
Hello.
– 想我吗？ – 怎么样？
– Miss me? – What’s going on?
你的嗓子怎么了？
What’s wrong with your voice?
我只是有点感冒
I just have a little bit of a cold.
所以，有点痰
So… I’m still a little phlegmy.
– 学校的事呢？ – 对
– Call my school? – Yeah.
已经办妥了。你确保在12号♥前回来就行
It’s all taken care of. Just make sure you’re back by the 12th.
太酷了，维
It was so cool, Vi.
之前几天的表演，把整个会场都掀翻了
We went on a couple days early, and the crowd flipped for us.
他们要求再来一首 我们即兴演了我写的歌♥
They wanted an encore, so we did one of my songs acoustically.
– 他们爱死那歌♥词了 – 哦，那真好
– They went nuts for my lyrics. – Oh, that’s so cool.
还有摩妮琪，你说得对
And you were right about Monique.
她已成过去式了
She’s history.
– 已经分了，是吗？ – 我得走了，以后聊
– She really is, isn’t she? – I got to go. I’ll talk to you later.
好，拜
OK. Bye.
假发不舒服吗，海斯丁斯？
Trouble with your wig, Hastings?
不，其实我有头皮病
No, I actually… I have a scalp condition.
– 不，你没有 – 真的有
– No, you don’t. – Yeah, I do.
我真的有 现在又发作了…
I really do. It’s really acting up during the…
不，你没有
No, you don’t.
你这是男性脱发症
You’ve got male pattern baldness.
挪过去，孩子
Scoot over, kiddo.
不知道你有没有发现
I don’t know if you’ve realized,
实际上，我的头发也开始少了
but recently I’ve started to thin out myself.
我试了很多如霜和膏药
I’ve tried all the creams and the butters,
但还是无法平息大地母亲的愤怒之火
and I still can’t seem to stop Mother Nature’s vindictive fury,
所以你也不行
and neither can you.
总有一天你要卸去伪装
There’s gonna be a time when you’ll have to come out
走出衣橱并秀出真正的自己
of the closet and just accept yourself for who you are.
小秃头，好吗？
A baldy. OK?
别担心，知道吗？
But it’s gonna be all right. OK?
哦，我们俩的秘密 女生喜欢秃头
Oh, and between you and me, chicks dig it.
来击掌，对嘛
Hang ten. Yeah.
嗨，奥莉维亚 别放心上，但马尔奥利欧不见了
Hi, Olivia. I don’t want you to be worried, but Malvolio’s missing.
哦，不
– Oh, no! – Yeah.
如果你找到他，别喂东西 他肠胃过敏
If you see him, don’t feed him. He has an irritable bowel.
是啊，喂他还真是我的第一反应
Yeah. ‘Cause that would be my very first instinct.
喂那狼珠
To feed the tarantula.
我有个点子
Here’s a wild idea.
你有没有想过和杜克·奥斯♥诺♥拍拖？
Have you ever thought about going out with Duke Orsino?
我看有戏
I see that.
– 杜克？ – 是啊
– Duke? – Yeah.
– 不行 – 行
– No. – Yeah.
– 不行 – 行
– No. – Yeah.
– 行 – 不行！
– Yeah? – No!
我觉得，他长得不错还有…
I mean, he’s good-looking and everything,
但他不适合我
but he’s just not the guy for me.
我不知道
I don’t know.
但或许他比你想象的要好
Think there may be more to him than you think there is.
你是说他不是什么臭男生…
So you’re telling me he’s not just another dumb jock
只想泡我，然后就能在朋友面前炫耀…
who wants to hook up with me so he could tell his friends, but too…?
– 但又怕你把他管得死死的 – 没错
– Insecure to treat you as an equal? – Exactly.
说得没错
Tell me about it.
你是这学校里唯一对我没那意思的人
You’re the first guy at school who hasn’t tried anything with me.
相信我，你不适合我
Trust me, you’re not my type.
那，为什么？
Well, why not?
你知道，这只是…
You know, it’s just…
…我从没对你有其他想法
…I don’t think of you in that way.
我们是朋友，你知道
We’re friends, you know.
你是这里唯一几个
You’re actually one of the few people here
我能顺利相处的人
that I feel comfortable around.
我也有同样的感觉
I feel the same way about you.
那好，听我的
Good. Then just take my advice.
和杜克拍拖一次
Go out with Duke.
我会考虑的
I’ll consider it.
那到底是什么？
So, what is that exactly?
我想是脾脏
I think that’s the spleen.
好了，谁是你的救世主？
OK, who’s your daddy?
我让她考虑了 八字已有一撇
I got her to agree to consider you. You’re halfway in.
好，好，我该不该约她？
All right, OK. So should I ask her out?
不行。你会吓坏他的
No. You don’t want to freak her out.
你得先跟她聊聊天，知道吗？
You got to have a casual conversation first. Hello.
为什么我觉得你对女人没啥经验？
Why do I get the feeling you don’t do this very often?
哥们儿，我只是 我真不会跟女生交谈
Man, I just… I’m not really good at talking to girls.
– 为什么？你很帅啊！ – 什么？
– Why? You’re hot! – What?
你知道，你是个有魅力人…
You know, you’re an appealing guy…
男的…人…人男
Man… guy… guy-man.
听着，我不知道 我总是说…
Look, I don’t know. I just always say the wrong…
说不该说的话
I just always say the wrong thing.
那好吧。来，站起来
OK. All right. Come on. Let’s get up.
我来练习一下 我来扮女生，你过来跟我说话
I want to try something. I’ll act like a girl, and you’re going to talk to me.
有必要？
Do I have to?
当然！因为我是维奥拉
Yes! Because I’m Viola.
– 杜克？很高兴见到你 – 这太吓人了
– Duke? Nice to meet you. – That was creepy.
你刚听上去就像个女的
You really just sounded like a girl just then.
我经常模仿我妹妹
I used to imitate my sister all the time.
这个我在行 来，站起来！
I got really good at it. Come on. And get up!
过来，问我些问题，
Come on. Ask me some questions,
如果口气正确的话 就会有化学反应了
and if the chemistry’s right, things’ll just start flowing.
– 问什么问题？ – 随便什么，问我如果…
– Questions about what? – Anything. Ask me if…
…我喜欢…
…I like…
…奶酪
…cheese.
好吧。你喜欢奶酪吗？
OK. Do you like cheese?
怎么了，我喜欢的。 我最喜欢干酪
Why, yes I do. My favorite’s Gouda.
– 我也喜欢干酪 – 看见没？
– I like Gouda too. – See?
– 看见什么？ – 对话很自然
– See what? – We’re flowing.
可我们在聊奶酪
We’re talking about cheese.
那又怎样？自然就是自然
So what? Flow is flow.
什么？那是什么？
What? What’s that?
那是什么？他碰了我，他碰我！
What is that?! It touched me! It touched me!
是麦尔肯姆的狼蛛！抓住它！
It’s Malcolm’s tarantula! Get it!
– 你去抓！ – 你是男生！
– You get it! – You’re the guy!
大男生！
The bigger guy.
对不起！
Sorry!
你再也不要用女声了！
You don’t ever, ever do that girl voice again!
– 太恐怖了！ – 我的错
– Freaked me out! – My bad.
塞巴斯蒂安，我是你母亲
Sebastian, honey, this is your mother.
我打过来提醒你明天的嘉年华会
I’m calling to remind you about the carnival tomorrow.
你和你妹妹保证会去的 明天见
You and your sister promised you’d both be there. Bye-bye.
糟了！我都忘了！
Crap! Forgot about that!
– 慢着，你妈也加入女青年联盟？ – 是啊，你怎么知道？
– Wait, your mom’s in Junior League? – Yeah. How’d you know?
我妈也是。我也得去
So is mine. I gotta go too.
我现在没时间管这个 足球赛怎么办？
I can’t deal with this right now. I have soccer to worry about.
不会那么糟 奥莉维亚会在那儿
Not gonna be that bad. Olivia’s gonna be there.
正好能让我为拍拖打好基础
It’s a perfect opportunity for me to lay some groundwork.
哦，奥莉维亚会在那儿
Oh, Olivia’s gonna be there.
还有我妹妹
And my sister.
摩妮琪，和你
And Monique. And you.
还有我妈
And my mom.