足球尤物（2006）

On the phone. He’s at Dad’s. Bye, Dad.
想象一下：
Picture this:
我们在乡间俱乐部
We’re at the country club,
他们报道你的名字， 你穿这身出场
they call your name, and you emerge in this.
不要，对不起，老妈。 我坚决不♥穿♥褶皱衣服
No. Sorry, Mom. I have a strict no-ruffles policy.
有时候你和你哥真是一副德性
Sometimes I just think you just might as well be your brother.
知道吗？
You know what?
不让加入，那就打败他们
If you can’t join them, beat them.
你要我把你变成你哥哥？
You want me to turn you into your brother?
没错。 我假扮塞巴斯蒂安去伊利里亚
That’s right. I’m going to Illyria as Sebastian.
我会组建自己的足球队 并在12天内打败康沃尔男队
I’ll make the boys soccer team, and in 12 days beat the Cornwall boys team.
行了，你顶球顶怀脑袋了
You’ve taken too many soccer balls to the head.
你知道我能行的，鲍尔
You know I can do it, Paul.
但声音，习惯，胸部，思想等…
Except for the voice, mannerisms, the breasts, the mentality and…
无所谓，反正伊利里亚里 没人认识塞巴斯蒂安
It doesn’t matter. Nobody at Illyria has even met Sebastian.
– 他们察觉不到的 – 他们知道你是个女的
– They won’t know the difference. – They’ll know he’s a girl.
– 哦，拜托，鲍尔 – 是啊，帮帮她，鲍尔
– Oh, come on, Paul. – Yeah, come on, Paul.
是啊，帮帮她，鲍尔
Yeah, come on, Paul.
好好。我看看再说
OK. OK. I’ll see what I can do.
太好了！
Yes!
你要去哪儿？
Where are you going?
妈，我说了，我要去老爸那儿呆2周
Mom, I told you! I’m going to Dad’s house for two weeks.
不，你没说过。你也不许去
No, you didn’t. And you’re not going.
这夏天我跟你都没怎么好好相处
We’ve hardly spent any time together this summer.
立即上楼，把东西放回去
Now go upstairs and unpack.
好了，老妈，我考虑过你的提议
OK, Mom, I thought about what you said.
你知道摩妮琪会在那儿 和塞巴斯蒂安24/7？？
And you know Monique is gonna be there 24/7 with Sebastian,
所以，我不知道 我在想
so, I don’t know, I was just thinking
她或许可以在初次亮相时 给我看那些礼服
that maybe she’d show me the ropes on the whole debutante thing.
– 这真是令人激动 – 不是吗？！
– This is so exciting! – Isn’t it?!
你会玩得很开心的
You’re gonna have so much fun.
到时会有个正式舞会 和一个午宴
There’s the formal ball. And the luncheon.
还有，哦， 我提过下周的慈善集♥会♥？
And, oh, did I mention the fundraiser next week?
是个嘉年华会！
It’s gonna be a carnival!
万岁！
Look out!
你哥哥保证过会去 见到他提醒他一下
Your brother promised to be there, so remind him when you see him.
哦，我的丑小鸭 终于要变成白天鹅了
Oh, my little girl. You’re finally gonna be a lady!
你确定我能做到？！
Are you sure I can do this?!
哦，没问题，能行的
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
有事吗？
What’s up?
哦，天哪，他看穿我了！
Oh, my God, he knew!
– 我要回家！ – 放松。他只是打招呼！
– I wanna go home! – Relax. He was being friendly!
我们不能回去！住嘴！ 我费了这么大工夫…
We’re not going home! Stop it! I did not spend all this time…
– 都是你的错！带我回家！ – 我的错？！是你求我的！
– It’s your fault! Drive home! – My idea?! You asked me!
– 我帮你做头发，化妆！ – 倒车！倒车！
– I did your hair and makeup! – Reverse!
– 我要回家！ – 你这是在撒娇！
– I want to go! – You’re being a girl!
– 我们不回家，不回家 – 拜托！开车！
– We’re not going. – Come on! Drive!
– 他只是打招呼而已 – 好吧！
– He was being friendly. – All right!
我们再练习一次
Let’s run through it one more time.
嗓音测试
Let me hear the voice.
嘿，怎样？ 我是塞巴斯蒂安
Hey. What’s up? I’m Sebastian.
来走一下
OK. Now show me the strut.
好了，吐口水
Now, hawk a loogie.
我为你自豪！
I’m so proud!
– 放开我！ – 要记住，
– Get off me! – Remember,
每个女孩心中都有一颗“雄”心
inside every girl there’s a boy.
好像不对 反正你懂我意思
That came out wrong. But you know what I mean.
维
Vi.
做个好男人
Be a good boy.
回头见
See you guys.
我能成功 我是个男人
I can do this. I am a dude!
一个七尺男儿！ 一个铁汉子！
I am a hunky dude! I’m a badass hunky dude!
嗨！喂！有事没？
Hey! Hey! What up?
你一定是我室友
You must be my roommates.
你叫什么名字？
What’s your name?
– 塞巴斯蒂安·海斯丁斯 – 杜克·奥斯♥诺♥
– Sebastian Hastings. – Duke Orsino.
好了
OK.
好了，好了，好了
OK, OK, OK.
这十安德鲁和托比 他们住隔壁
This is Andrew and Toby. They live next door.
但一年级的宿舍在另一边 小神童
Yeah. Freshman dorm’s that-a-way, twiglet.
认真说，你多大了？
Seriously, how old are you?
我跳了几级
I skipped a couple grades.
我是天才
I’m brilliant.
话说回来 知道足球队试队是什么时候？
Anyway, do you know when soccer tryouts start?
中午。你踢球？
Noon. You play?
当然。中锋 你知道的，兄弟
Absolutely. Center forward. You know it, bro.
你也很会玩…兄弟？
So you play the beautiful game… bro?
伙伴？同志？
Brothers? Brethren?
对，我是前锋 安德鲁和托比是中卫
Yeah, I’m a striker. Andrew and Toby are halfbacks.
行啊
Schveet.
慢着，为什么你靴子里有卫生棉条？
OK, why do you have tampons in your boot?
我经常流鼻血
I get really bad nose bleeds.
那你把那个塞鼻子里？
So, you stick them up your nose?
是啊
Yeah.
干嘛？你们没试过？
What? You’ve never done that?
哦，天…贝克汉姆经常这么做
Oh, my… Beckham does it all the time.
– 真的？ – 是的
– Seriously? – Yes.
看，我来示范一下
Look. I’ll just show you how to do it.
打开这…
Take that off and…
…不管是什么
…whatever that is.
然后直接插♥进♥去
And you stick it right in.
帮你吸得一干二净
It absorbs right up.
– 你逗我吧？ – 恶心死了
– Are you kidding me? – That’s disgusting.
哦，上帝，你室友是个怪胎
Oh, my God, your roommate’s a freak.
太恶心了
That’s so disgusting.
那就和往常一样开始训练
Let’s start the season how we finished the last.
机灵点！
Sharp!
你算什么，家里的矮冬瓜？
What are you, the runt of the family?
好了，脱衣训练
OK, shirts and skins.
对不起，教练 我得穿着上衣
Pardon me, sir. I have to be a shirt.
– 什么？ – 我对阳光敏感
– What? – I’m allergic to the sun.
你对阳光敏感？
You’re allergic to the sun?
非常非常非常敏感 致命的敏感
Very, very, very deathly, deathly allergic.
我们很乐意和伊利里亚通融一下
We like to accommodate here at Illyria.
我天天为你打把阳伞 好吗，大少爷？
So I’ll follow you around with a parasol. All right, Nancy boy?
那就穿着吧
You’re a shirt.
好了，队员们，开始了
OK, guys, let’s go.
一，二，三！
One, two, three!
一，二，三！ 一，二，三！
One, two, three! One, two, three!
稍息，先生们
At ease, gentlemen.
我今天已看到不少激♥情♥和承诺
I’ve seen a lot of energy and commitment out there today.
值得让一名教练自豪
And that makes a coach proud.
现在，我要把你们分成 先锋队和候补队
Now, I want to split us up into first string and second string.
你们候补队员 别太丧气
You second-stringers, don’t take it too hard.
你们和先锋队一样重要
You’re just as much part of this team as the first-stringers.
当然只是在场外
Apart from, of course, playing the game part.
舒乐
Schuler.
海姆斯
Haims.
珀坦斯基
Potensky.
多纳
Donner.
海斯丁斯
Hastings.
你们是候补
Second string.
其余的，恭喜你们加入先锋队
The rest of you, congratulations. First-stringers.
好了，去洗澡
Now, hit the showers.
洗澡喽
Shower time.
洗澡？
Shower time?
– 海斯丁斯，不许洗澡！ – 好
– Hastings! No shower for you. – OK.
国登校长要你去他办公室
Principal Gold wants to see you in his office.
惨了，我完了。他们发现了
I’m over. It’s done. They know.
塞巴斯蒂安的资料
Sebastiars file.
塞巴斯蒂安…