情人眼里出西施 Shallow Hal（2001）

Me?
是的，你给我的印象是个肤浅的…家伙
Yeah. You struck me as this kind of superficial dickwad.
我不知道如何表达
I don’t know. What do you call it?
哈尔，现在好了
Hal, it’s OK.
过去几周里，我一直在观察你 我看到了和你出去的那个女孩
I’ve been watching you in the past few weeks. I’ve seen the women you’ve been out with.
现在我知道了，你并不看重外表
And now I know appearances mean absolutely nothing to you.
如果有什么区别的话 就是你并不浅薄
If anything, you’re pathologically unshallow.
我并不知道这个 – 是真的
I don’t know about that. – It’s true.
听着，我有主意
Listen, I have an idea.
为什么我们不将吃的东西打包走？
Why don’t we get all this food to go?
为什么？ – 因为在床上吃的话，味道更好
Why? – Because it’ll taste a lot better in bed.
你知道吗，在一个男人的一生中 有许多次——
You know, there are a few times in a guy’s life –
我是指有两三次，最重要的 –
and I mean two or three, tops –
当他站在十字路口，他得做决定
when he comes to a crossroads, and he’s gotta decide.
如果他走一条路，他能继续他做的 也能和任何一个女孩子在一起
If he goes one way, he can continue what he’s doing and be with any girl who will have him,
如果他选另一条路， 他就只能和一个女孩子在一起
and if he goes the other way, he gets to be with only one woman,
也许是用他的后半生
maybe for the rest of his life.
他选了第二条路，看起来 他错过了很多机会
It seems like by taking the second road, he’s missing out on a lot.
但是事实上，他得到的回报更丰厚
But the truth is, he gets much more in return.
他会很幸福 你穿了短裤吗？
He gets to be happy. Are you wearing panties?
天啦！我说什么了？不！
God! What am I saying? No!
不，原谅我。吉儿，这…这不会发生的 我，嗯…
No, I’m sorry. Jill, this isn’t gonna happen. I…
我想我得马上去另一条路了
I think I’m gonna go down that other road for once.
嗨 – 你好
Hi. – Hello.
(手♥机♥)
你好？
Hello?
喂,喂 ,喂 是我，你的小乖乖
Hey, hey, hey now. It’s me, your love bunny.
我想你，我想见你 – (哭泣)
I miss you and I wanna see you,
怎么了？你听起来很伤心
What’s the matter? You sound upset,
你是谁，疯了吗你？
What are you, some kind of psycho?
喂？Rosie？
Hello? Rosie?
离我女儿远点
Just you leave me daughter alone.
我不明白 – 鬼把戏结束了，她都知道了
I don’t understand. – The jig is up, and she knows it.
她不回我的电♥话♥怎么回事？
Well, she hasn’t returned my calls. What’s going on?
你不认为现在担心有点晚了？
It’s a little late to be worrying about that now, don’t you think?
另外，她去接受了和平团的委派
Besides, she went and accepted that Peace Corps assignment.
不怕冒犯 但是我想我有权利听她亲口说
No offense, but I think I have a right to hear this from her.
我会给你权利的
I’ll give you your rights.
我会给你的 你这自以为是的狗屎！
I’ll give you your last rites, you self-righteous little shit!
你知道吗，我想我喜欢你 我真的喜欢你
You know, I wanted to like you. I truly did.
那天晚上在这屋里你说的那些大话 我都照单收了
And all of that malarkey that you gave me that night at the house. I bought into it.
尽管我很小心，我还是上了你的当
In spite of all me better instincts, I took the hook.
我不明白也许我该和她一起蒙羞
I don’t know. Maybe I share in the blame of it all.
也许，我只是… 我以为会有一个好男孩的
Maybe I just wanted to believe that there was still a decent guy out there.
一个适合我女儿的男孩
A lad that would be right for me daughter.
但是，先生… – 不要说话 听着吧，你！
But, sir… – Don’t speak. Just you listen!
现在，谢天谢地 有一个这样的男孩出现了
Now, thankfully, as it turns out, there is a guy out there.
他的名字叫拉尔夫·欧文斯 – 拉尔… 漂亮小子拉尔夫？
His name is Ralph Owens. – Ral… Pretty-boy Ralph?
别自以为是了 现在听我说
Don’t be a smart ass. Now you listen to me.
他们又和好了 我女儿有机会得到幸福了
They’re back together, and me daughter has a chance to be happy.
你，你妨碍不到他们
And you, you’ll be respectin’ that.
(# “After The Gold Rush” by Neil Young)
# 好吧，我梦到我看到穿着盔甲的骑士来了
# Well，I dreamed I saw the knights in armour coming
# 说说女王
# Saying something about a queen
# 那里有农民在唱歌♥，鼓手在打鼓……
# There were peasants singin’ and drummers drummin’…
打搅 你能告诉我 罗斯玛丽·沙纳罕在几楼工作吗？
Excuse me. Could you tell me what floor Rosemary Shanahan works on?
我想她会在上面的儿科
I think she’s up in Pediatrics.
是的是三楼 – 谢谢
Yeah. That’s third floor. – Thank you.
哈尔，是你吗？
Hal, is that you?
嗨
Hey.
你到这里干吗？ – 我，嗯…
What are you doing here? – I…
我，嗯… 来看罗斯玛丽
I came to see Rosemary.
噢
哦，她提早离开了，她看起来很伤心
Well, she left early. She seemed upset about something.
知道她去哪里了吗？ – 不知道
Any idea where she went? – You got me.
嗨，哈尔
Hi, Hal.
嗨
Hi.
呃…
你怎么知道我的名字？ – 是我 – Cadence
How do you know my name? – It’s me – Cadence.
“烧伤儿童科”
噢，嗨，Cadence
Oh, hi, Cadence.
你好，美女？
How are you, beautiful?
你怎么也不回来看我们？
How come you haven’t come back to see us?
嗯…
哦，我和罗斯玛丽出问题了
Well, me and Rosemary have been having some problems.
我，嗯…
我真的很蠢 – 噢
I was really stupid. – Oh.
那，为什么你不给她买♥♥件礼物 也许还能弥补呢？
Well, why don’t you go buy her a present and then maybe you can make up?
你是对的
You were right.
嗯？
上周在体育馆里你说我害怕接触女人 你是对的
In the gym last week when you said I was scared of women, you were right.
不，我不说那个意思，我只是… – 不，少来了，哈尔，是真的
Nah, I didn’t mean that. I was just… – No, come on, Hal. It’s the truth.
我对女人很恐惧
I’m terrified of ’em.
我一生中没有和一个女人走得很近…
I haven’t been close to a woman my whole life.
我是个懦夫，是吗？
I’m a coward, all right?
那是为什么？我是说，看看你 你很有男子汉气派呀
But why? I mean, look at you. You’re a mountain of a man.
你比Blackwell先生还有形 你每年有28到29G的进帐？
You got more style than Mr Blackwell. You’re pulling in what – 28, 29 Gs a year?
29,500 – 你是钻石王老五！
29,500. – You’re the perfect catch!
我知道，我知道，都疯了
I know, I know. It’s crazy.
我…有这个
I just have this thing.
什么？ – 是…
What thing?
先天缺陷性…的东西
It’s kind of a birth defect thing.
天啦，兄弟，我都不知道
Jeez, man. I didn’t know.
是什么？ – 我有一条尾巴
What is it? – I have a tail.
嗯？
一条尾巴 – 什么意思，说笑吧？
A tail. – What do you mean, like a story?
不，是一条尾巴，就像摇摇晃晃的的尾巴
No, a tail. It’s like a waggy tail.
我的脊柱比平常人的长
My backbone is longer than it’s supposed to be.
是遗传病是一条发育不全的尾巴
It’s like a genetic abnormality. It’s a vestigial tail.
你没有 – 不，我有
You do not. – Yeah, I do.
少来了！
Get out!
如果连我最好的朋友都无法接受它 我又怎么期望一个女人接受它呢？
If I can’t even get my best friend to accept it, how am I supposed to expect a woman to?
等等，是真的吗？ 如果是真的，让我看看
Wait a second. Are you for real? Cos if you are, I gotta see this.
不，你不会想要看的。 – 对，我不想，我要看
No, you don’t wanna see it. – No, I don’t wanna. I gotta.
天啦！ – 是吧，你现在信了吧？
Good Lord! – All right, you believe me now?
噢，天，它还真能动
Oh, man. It really does wag.
只是在我紧张…或者高兴的时候
Only when I’m nervous, or happy.
哇
Wow.
你想过，也许你可以把它给切了？
Have you ever thought about, you know, maybe getting it cut off?
切掉？我难道连这也没想到？
Cut off? I don’t know why I never thought of that
上体育课我被一群高年级的 狗东西揍得半死！
when I was getting pummeled in gym class by a bunch of barking seniors!
(学狗叫)
好，冷静点，冷静点 – 天呀！
All right, calm down, calm down. – God!
这该死的家伙包着根血管 没有医生敢切！
The damn thing is wrapped around an artery! No doctor will touch it!
噢… 它也并不是太坏
Well, it’s not so bad.
我保证会有女孩认为它很可爱的
I guarantee you there are some girls who would think it was adorable.
就像一只小狗
Like a little puppy dog.
真的吗？你认为它像一只小狗？
Really? You think it’s like a puppy dog?
它像一只可爱的纽扣
It’s cute as a button.
你想…爱抚一下这个小家伙吗 ？ – 不！
Do you wanna pet the little fella? – No!
你知道的，我不是很喜欢狗
But, you know, I’m not much of a dog person.
另外，你得让你这儿的公路长多点小草
By the way, you’re gonna need a little sod on the fairway there.
嗯？你什么意思？
Huh? What do you mean?
那你现在准备干什么？
So, what are you doing right now?
没事，干吗？ – 能送我一程吗？我想去见个人
Nothing. Why? – Can I get a lift? I gotta go see someone.
好的，当然可以
Yeah. Sure.
# 似乎比以往任何时候都长，是的
# Seems like longer than for ever, yeah
#我的家现在是遥远的土地
# My home is now a distant land
#如果我有一个愿望，我希望你能成为
# If I had one wish, I wish you could be
# 回到海中♥央♥的那块岩石上
# Back on that rock in the middle of the sea
#我的心在呼唤我去海岛
# My heart is calling me to the islands
#我的家现在是遥远的土地
# My home is now a distant land
#如果我有一个愿望，我希望我能成为
# If I had one wish, I wish I could be
# 回到那块石头上
# Back on that rock
嗨！呃… 哈尔，是吗？
Hey! Hal, right?
我们见过吗？ – 是我，Li’iBoy