性、毒品和摇滚乐（2010）

晚上好
Good evening.
我来自埃塞克斯郡 以防你们不知道
I’m from Essex, in case you couldn’t tell.
我的名字是迪基
My given name is Dickie,
我出生于比勒里凯镇 而我过得
I come from Billericay, and I’m doing…
非常好
…very well!
我曾和尼娜 在我的科蒂纳后座做♥爱♥
Had a love affair with Nina in the back of my Cortina.
一个老练的色狼 再也玩不出新花样了
A seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener.
她把我带到洗衣房♥ 玩出了其他的花样
She took me to the cleaners and other misdemeanours,
而她昨晚的朗姆和甜酒 却让我宿醉才醒
but I got right up between her rum and her ribena.
你去问乔伊斯和维基
Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky
棉花糖是否很粘腻
if candy- floss is sticky.
我不是一个讨厌的傻♥逼♥
I ain’t a blinking thicky,
我可是比勒里凯的迪基
I’m Billericay Dickie
而我过得非常好
and I’m doing very well
我买♥♥了很多白兰地
I bought a lot of brandy
想要去讨好姗迪
when I was courting Sandy
灌了八瓶让她淫逸
Took eight to make her randy
而我喝的都是杉帝[麦芽啤酒]
and all I had was shandy.
其他时候的姗迪
Another thing with Sandy
经常帮我打飞机
what often came in handy
给她一片镇定剂
was passing her a mandy,
她会让你顺心如意
she didn’t half go bandy.
你去问问乔伊斯和维基
Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky
我是否带过米奇
if I ever took the mickey
我可不是一个普通的傻♥逼♥
I ain’t a common thicky
我可是比勒里凯的迪基
I’m Billericay Dickie
而我过得非常好
and I’m doing very well
我约好和珍妮
I rendezvous with Janet
碰面于小岛他内
quite near the isle of Thanet.
她看上去像只塘鹅
She looked more like a gannet
傻得不是一星半点
She wasn’t half a prannet
她母亲想阻止她
Her mother tried to ban it
她父亲向着我说 上吧 小子
Her father helped me plan it ”go on, son”
当我搞定了珍妮特
And when I captured Janet
她被搞的生痛
she bruised her pomegranate
你去问乔伊斯和维基
Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky
我是否曾经滑头
if I ever shaped up tricky
告诉他别让他们再他妈吵了
Tell him to shut that racket up!
我过得非常好
and I’m doing very well!
如果你不知道蜡烛在哪里
You should never hold a candle
就千万不要去拿它
if you don’t know where it’s been
赌注就在手边
The jackpot is in the handle
在手边的苹果机上
on a normal fruit machine
你去问乔伊斯和维基
So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
谁是他们的最爱的瓦匠
who’s their favourite brickie
我可不是一个普通的傻♥逼♥
I ain’t a common thicky
我是比勒里凯的迪基
I’m Billericay Dickie
而我过得非常好
and I’m doing very well
你去问乔伊斯和维基
so, you ask Joyce and Vicky
问比勒里凯的迪基
about Billericay Dickie
我不是他妈的傻♥逼♥
I ain’t a fucking thicky
我可是比勒里凯的迪基
I’m Billericay Dickie
而我过得非常好
and I’m doing very well
一 二 一
One, two, one…
基尔本的排练 六十年代晚期
好了 好了 停下 停下
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, hold on, hold on.
你节奏不对 伙计 -你跑调了
Your timing’s off, mate. – Well, you’re out of tune.
这可不是爵士 学学怎么敲鼓吧
This ain’t jazz. Learn to play drums
你准了我才能唱准
and I’ll learn to sing in tune.
别互相埋怨了 伙计
Let’s be nice, lads.
演员的水平参差不齐
How can you tell if a stage is level?
因为鼓手嘴的两边还流着口水
‘Cause the drummer dribbles out of both sides of his mouth!
真♥他♥妈♥的可笑 -这没什么可笑的 伙计
Yeah, very bleedin’ funny. – Not as funny as this, mate.
你她妈的被解雇了 -什么
You’re fucking fired! – What?
别这样 -没错
No – Oh, yes!
我要把鼓带走 -没问题
Oh, I’ll take the equipment, then. – All right.
你身上闻起来像暖气上的猩猩
Your body odour smells like a fucking orang- utan on heat.
你闻起来像你♥妈♥的♥阴♥茎♥和睾丸
You smell like your mother’s cock and balls.
两人要打架了
Two fucking cymbals, mate.
谁想让他离开
Who wants him out?
我刚在分娩 你们难道不能小声点吗
I’ve just given birth. Any chance you could keep the noise down?
是个男孩
It’s a boy.
你真是太贤惠了
You are so clever.
我去厨房♥了 好吗
I’ll be in the kitchen, all right?
现在看看你刚才做了什么
Now look what you done.
我们都要靠自己 儿子
We’re all on our own now, son.
现在听好了 歌♥迷们
Now listen, you monkeys.
故事就是我们自己
Stories are what we tell ourselves
用来安慰自己的事
to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.
所以一个好故事里千万不能有真♥相♥
So, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
从前
Once upon a time,
在一个很远很远的神秘地方
in a mystical land far, far away,
南方海边
Well, southend- on- sea,
一个年青王子正在渡假
a young prince holidayed.
他的名字叫 伊安·杜利
His name was Ian Dury.
他既英俊健康又聪明伶俐
He was handsome, healthy, highly intelligent.
还是个游泳健将
And brilliant at swimming.
看看我 是不是个可爱的小伙子
Look at me. Weren’t I a lovely little chap?
但在水池里潜藏了魔鬼
But in the pool, evil lurked.
它的名字叫脊髓炎 一种水中污染物
Its name was Polio. A water- borne contamination.
一种进入你身体就摆脱不了的病毒
A virus, and when it gets into your system, you’ve had it.
注意 小伙子们
Pay attention, chaps!
细菌
脊髓炎病毒 又称 瘸子制♥造♥者
The Polio virus, A.K.A. The crippler.
它攻击不健全的系统 这里 这里还有这里
It attacks the nervous system here, here and here.
让你非常恐惧 因为他能置你于死地
Makes you bloody nervous ’cause it can bloody well kill you!
它让你的脑子发炎 弄坏你的脊髓
It inflames the brainstem, fucks with the spinal cord,
让你瘫痪 肌肉消瘦无力
leading to paralysis and muscular wasting.
管好你的孩子 没有人可以幸免
Lock up your children. No one is safe!
一种恐怖的流行疾病
A monstrous epidemic.
爸爸
Daddy!
稍后继续
危险 易燃物
大不列颠酒吧
操 一群提线木偶
Bloody hell. It’s the muppets!
我们就是你请的乐队
We are the band.
你肯定在开玩笑
You’ve got to be joking?
我们也自称为瘸子 黑鬼 犹太猪
We was going to call ourselves cripple, nigger, yid,
中国佬 和死东西
chink and dead fish,
但我们没得到任何预约
but we didn’t get any bookings.
能领我们去演员更衣室吗
Could you direct us to the artistes’ dressing rooms?
你们一定会怀念今晚的一切的
Oh, you are so gonna miss all of this.
当我们挣了几百万时
When we’ve made our millions and
我们也去汉默史密斯音乐厅开演唱会
we’re playing Hammersmith Odeon…
为什么 他们更衣室的墙上没有尿迹吗
Why, don’t they have three inches of piss in the dressing rooms?
那里有红地毯和很棒的声音设备
Nah, it’s all shag pile carpets and extraordinary acoustics.
他是一个快乐的小伙伴
For he’s a jolly good fellow for he’s a jolly good fellow…
你听说过那个口吃的皮条客吗
Oi. Did you hear the one about the dyslexic pimp
就是他创建了这个仓库
who set up a warehouse?
继续 儿子
Go on, my son!
我们全都这么认为
And so say all of us
爸爸来吗
Is dad coming?
你怎么称呼一个穿纸裤子的人
Hey, what do you call a man with paper trousers?
拉塞尔
Russell.
希望你不介意我这样说 拉塞尔
Hope you don’t mind me saying so, Russell,
但你确实是个可怜老笨蛋
But you are being a rather miserable old cunt.
你认为我们应该把钱花在什么上面
What do you think we should spend our money on?
我不知道 生日礼物 帽子 还是贺卡
I don’t know. Birthday presents? Birthday hats? Birthday cards?
伙伴们 我们给他来个屁♥股♥墩儿吧
Hey, everyone! Let’s give him the bumps!
我们来给他来个屁♥股♥墩儿
Let’s give him the bumps!
我只是想说
Well, I’d just like to say
你们真是今晚最恶心的观众
that you’ve been a monumentally atrocious audience tonight,
除了前面的少数忠实听众 这是最糟的表演