It ain’t comfy like that. – Well, that’s how Mum did it.
不一定非要一成不变。 – 是的，就是这样
Doesn’t always have to be the same. – Yes, it does.
移♥动♥你的脚！
Move your feet!
你想看什么？ – 呃…
What do you wanna watch? – Er…
为什么不呢？
No. – Why not?
又来了
Not again.
我讨厌不能用吸尘器吸蜘蛛什么的
I’m sick of not being able to vacuum up them spiders and all.
你怎么能考虑杀死拿破仑呢？
How could you even consider killing Napoleon?
你知道他从那天起就是我的人。总是支持我
You know that’s my guy from day. Always got my back!
成吉思汗，一个有点疯狂的家伙，但仍然是我的 G！
Genghis, a bit of a mad guy, but still my G!
朱利叶斯和玛吉-T，这两只小情侣
Julius and Maggie T, those two little love birds.
真恶心
Disgusting, bruv!
还有亚历山大大帝
And Alexander the Great.
死了，我的好兄弟。真是毁灭性的打击
RIP, my certy guy. What a devastating blow.
请不要再说了。非常烦人
Please stop talking about it. Very annoying.
啊
Agh!
你能把你的臭脚从我面前挪开吗？
Can you get your stinky feet out of my face?
您现在处于哪个悲伤阶段？
What stage of grief are you at now?
我想我快完成了第三还是第四阶段？
I think I’m almost finished. Stage three or four?
但我会尽快完成其他阶段的工作
But I’ll get through the other stages quick.
可你却因为我挪动了枕头而对我大打出手
But you literally had a go at me for moving the pillows.
一切都和你妈妈做的一样，你知道吗？
Everything’s still the same as how your mum did it, you know?
妈妈…
Mum…
她说她要飞上天空
She said she was going up into the sky.
什么？去真正的天堂？
What? Like to real heaven and that?
比如，适当的适当？
Like, proper proper?
不知道
Dunno.
我来之前，你在房♥间里做什么？
What were you doing in that room again before I came?
嗯…玩
Um… playing.
如果你愿意，我也可以玩。不过得有人陪你才行
I could play, too, if you want. Only if you want company, though.
不
No.
你确定吗？ – 确定
Are you sure? – Mm-hm.
晚安 乔治 – 闭嘴
Goodnight, Georgie. – Shut up!
不，不，斯特丝，听着，伙计
Nah, nah, Stace, hear, man.
他不是当老公的料，我跟你说
He’s just not hubby material, I’m telling you.
有一天他对我说 “我觉得你就是我的真命天子”
The other day he was like to me, “Ah, I think you’re the one.”
我？
Me? Girl, bye…
你为什么要拍我？
‘Why are you filming me?
乔治，请把相机从我面前拿开！
‘Georgie, please get that camera out of my face!
你怎么了？转过来 – 不！
‘What is wrong with you? Turn it round.’ – ‘Nah!’
“那天五件睡衣？”–“那是什么？
‘That day five of those pyjamas?’ – ‘What was that?’
第五天没洗澡？
‘Day five with no shower?’ – ‘Huh?’
“一英里外就能闻到你！ – 打扰一下
‘Can smell you a mile off!’ – ‘Excuse me!
要不要把我刚才从你头发上扯下来的东西告诉摄像机？
‘Shall we tell the camera what I’ve just pulled out of your hair?
我们要告诉他们吗？’一个漂亮的多汁的硝烟！
‘Shall we tell them? A nice big juicy nit!’
‘反正我可能是从你那里拿到的
‘I probably got them from you, anyway.’
不，你没有！
‘No, you didn’t!
请拿出来你被禁足了
‘Get it out, please. You’re grounded.’
你好，你好，你好，欢迎来到…
Hello, hello, hello and welcome to…
粗糙的霉味，嗯…援助之手唇膏秀
Crusty Musty, um… Helping Hand Lip Show.
今天，我们要出♥售♥的就是这款红色唇膏盘
Today, we are selling this red lipstick palette.
克莱夫来了
Now, here we have Clive.
如你所见，克莱夫的嘴唇已经结痂了
As you can see, Clive’s lips are very crusty.
就像演播室里的那位先生一样 – 闭嘴闭嘴
Just like the gentleman in the studio. – Just shut up! Shut up!
现在有很多人给我们打电♥话♥
We have lots of callers on the phone at the minute.
这是什么做的？ – 嗯…
What’s this made out of? – Um…
濒危，嗯，碎蜥蜴
Endangered, um, shredded lizards
和压碎的红宝石钻石
and crushed-up ruby diamonds.
现在，我们正在寻找一个 200 万英镑的低价…
Now, we are looking for a low-low price of £2 million…
多少钱？
How much?
我想你听到了，先生
I think you heard me, sir.
现在，我们有很多很多… – 等等，那是谁？
Now, we have lots and lots… – Wait, who’s that?
你在我的花♥园♥里干什么？
What you doing in my garden?
好吗，孩子们？ – 不，我们不行
Alright, kids? – No, we ain’t.
你是乔治吗？
Are you Georgie?
谁在问？
Who’s asking?
我叫杰森
I’m Jason.
我是你♥爸♥爸
I’m your dad.
这顶帽子的主人
Owner of that top.
不，你没有这是我妈妈给我的
No, you ain’t. My mum give me this.
是的，我给她了
Yeah, I gave it to her.
怎么 你一个人住吗 – 没有
What, you living on your own, then? – No.
我能进去聊聊吗？ – 出去吧
Can I come in for a chat? – Get out!
好吧，那我就告诉社会部 有个12岁的孩子独自生活，行吗？
Right, so I’ll tell the Social there’s a 12-year-old living on her own, shall I?
你让他进来的
You let him in.
你想让我怎么做？他要叫社会来对付我
What do you expect me to do? He was gonna call the Social on me.
是的，但是…
Yeah, but…
没错
Exactly.
知道他潜伏在家里，你晚上怎么睡得着呢？
How are you gonna sleep at night knowing that he’s lurking around the house?
我们待会儿一起吃晚饭好吗？
Shall we have dinner later?
也欢迎大卫-贝克汉姆
David Beckham’s welcome as well.
不
No.
别这样这是免费食物
Don’t be like that. It’s free food.
免费食物？
Free food?
你是认真的吗？你能不能别老想着吃的？
Are you serious? Can you stop thinking about the food?
他可能用它来敲诈我们什么的
He could be using it to blackmail us or something.
或者想毒害我们 – 没错
Or trying to poison us. – Exactly.
是啊，不过你真的不能相信他
Yeah, you seriously can’t trust him, though.
我有个主意 – 嗯？
I got an idea. – Hm?
你能去街边给我们弄点中国菜吗？
Can you go and get us a Chinese then from the place down the street?
这是我们的最爱 – 是啊，是啊
It’s our favourite. – Yeah, yeah.
我们要出去玩 – 好的
We’re gonna go out and play. – Right.
你能保证六点回来吗？ – 随便啦
Can you make sure you’re back for six? – Whatever.
大卫-贝克汉姆是谁？
Who’s David Beckham?
我们要做的是，他要出去抓中国人
What we’re gonna do, he’s gonna go out and get the Chinese,
我们就在附近等着
and we’re gonna be waiting somewhere nearby.
我们从里面把门闩上，然后爬出去
We’ll bolt the door from the inside and then we’ll climb out.
然后我们就不让他回来了
And then we won’t let him back in.
是啊，我们会把他的东西扔出窗外，对吗？
Yeah, and we’ll chuck his stuff out the window, right?
好吧，如果它值钱，我们会考虑留着它，好吗？
Well, if it’s worth anything, we’ll consider keeping it, OK?
是的，我想是的
Yeah, I guess.
好吧，听我把话说完，好吗？
OK, so hear me out on this one, yeah?
你能制♥作♥狼人和吸血鬼的混血儿吗？
Can you make a werewolf and a vampire hybrid?
好吧，假设我有一个吸血鬼，我得到了吸血鬼的血
Right, so let’s say I’ve got a vampire and I get the vampire blood,
我就会变成狼人，并得到狼人的血
and I get a werewolf and I get the werewolf blood,
然后把它们放在一起，开始混合，把它们带到科学实验室
and you get them together and you start mixing them, take them to a science lab,
把它们放在一个科学烧杯里
put them in a science beaker thing,
把它们放在盒子里，冷冻十年
put them in a box and leave it for ten years to freeze.
一旦你十年后回来
And once you come back after ten years,
有一个狼人和吸血鬼的混血儿！
there’s a werewolf and vampire hybrid baby!
这其实很愚蠢
That’s actually so stupid.
真不敢相信…我的天啊
I can’t believe… Oh, my gosh.
我还以为你更聪明呢
I thought you were smarter than that.
杰森不会是吸血鬼吧？
Well, Jason can’t be a vampire, right?
因为你妈妈非常迷信大蒜和门前的那些东西
Cos your mum was mad superstitious with garlic and that at the front door.
不，他不是吸血鬼。那太蠢了
No, he’s not a vampire. That’s just stupid.
也许他会在晚上开始不受控制地长个子
Maybe he might, like, start growing uncontrollably at night,
走进我们的房♥间，开始吮吸我们的脖子！
come into our rooms and start sucking our neck!
不，这有点奇怪
Nah, that’s a bit weird.
也许他在监狱里
Maybe he was in prison.
如果他是个大黑帮呢？
What if he’s a big-time gangster?
他们都是十足的怪人谁会闯进自己的房♥子？
They’re both proper weirdos. Who breaks into their own house?
鸡肉和甜角 – 是的，不，不，在三明治里
Chicken and sweetcorn. – Yeah, no, no, in the sandwiches.
还有馅饼
Oh! – And in the pies.
哦，是啊，是啊，是啊
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
是啊，是啊，是啊 – 但肉汁有点…
Yeah, yeah, yeah. – But the gravy is kind of, er…
是啊，肉汁有点太稠了。 – 有点太稠了
Yeah, the gravy’s a bit too thick. – Bit too thick.
不过剩下的部分梆梆
The rest of it, though. Banging.
我所有的钱都给他们了。真可爱
All my money for them. Lovely.
其实是你帮我付的钱，对吧？ – 没错
Well, actually, you paid for me, innit? – Yeah, exactly.
心存感激。 – 你真是一位善良的朋友