惊声尖笑3

The room is secure, Mr. President.
-或许吧 -长官
-Or is it? -Sir?
我还在想
I’ve been thinking, Thompson.
如果外星人占据人类身体呢
What if the aliens could take over human bodies?
他们看起来就像我们一样 几乎一样
They’d look just like us, or almost.
我从没这么想过
I never thought of that, sir.
我们要保持警觉
We should be on alert for anything suspicious.
-他们可能出现在任何地方 甚至…-就在这里
-They could be anywhere, even… -Right here.
天啊 我们从没经压过外星人入侵
My God. We’d never see the attack coming.
-好可怕哦 长官 -别惊慌
-It’s frightening, sir! -Don’t panic.
我们慢慢地朝出口移♥动♥
We’ll just move slowly toward the exit.
终于见到你了 总统先生
At last we meet, Mr. President.
发生事情了 我就知道 你不可能活捉我的
It’s happening. I knew it! You’ll never take me alive!
她在干搅我的脑
She’s scrambling my brain!
我抓到她了
I’ll get her!
不 你不会得逞的 至少在我面前不可能
No, you don’t! Not on my watch!
干得好 长官
Good work, sir!
天老爷啊 小只的有钢牙
Good God! The small ones have metal teeth!
杰瑞的小孩 放屁
Jerry’s Kids, my ass!
总统先生 总统先生 你疯了吗
Mr. President! Mr. President, have you gone completely insane?
像狐狸一样
Like a fox.
我得和知道内情的人谈谈 辛蒂.坎培尔
We gotta talk to the one person who saw this coming, Cindy Campbell.
她知道怎样击退外星人 这些无孔不入的人♥渣♥
She knows how to defeat the aliens, these filthy, rotten scum!
滚令人做呕的东西 滚出我的星球
You hideous creature! Get off my planet!
他不是有意的
No!
-总统先生一切都还好吗 -出口全被堵住了
-Mr. President, is everything all right? -The exits are all blocked.
我会找到出口的
I’ll find one, sir.
大家让开
Everybody, clear!
走这里 长官 天啊 好刺♥激♥
This way, sir! God, this is exciting!
你很兴奋 你应该摸摸我的乳♥头♥
You’re excited? You should feel my nipples.
科迪 科迪
Cody? Cody?
科迪 你在哪里 亲爱的
Cody, where are you? Honey?
经过今天在东厢的意外后
After today’s incident in the East Room,
白宫建议大家钉好门窗
the White House is now advising all citizens
准备迎战外星人入侵
to board up their homes and prepare for an alien invasion.
不
Oh, no.
现在请看第八频道的独家报道
And now, a News 8 exclusive,
传说中的杀人录影带
the killer videotape you’ve been hearing about.
-不 -我们独家取得
-No… -We’re the only station that has it,
今晚为您播映 好刺♥激♥哦 再重播一次
and we’re showing it all night. Very exciting. Let’s roll it again.
好啦 没有人进得来了
There. Nobody’s getting through that sucker.
很好 乔治 不过我们得到地窖去了
That’s great, George, but we have to get down to the cellar.
-乔治 -辛蒂
-George. -Cindy.
没时间了 下去地窖
There’s no time. Get down to the cellar.
-科迪 老天 -辛蒂
-Cody! Thank God! -Aunt Cindy!
我担心死你了 他大约一小时前出现
-I’ve been worried sick about you. -He just showed up about an hour ago.
-我试着打电♥话♥的 -不 他没有
-I tried to call. -No, he didn’t.
-好吧我本来要打的 -不 他没有
-Okay, but I was gonna. -No, he wasn’t.
科迪重点是你不该那样跑走
Look, Cody, the point is you can’t just run away like that.
我想跟乔治在一起
I wanted to be with George.
亲爱的 我知道你想要个父亲 不过…
Honey, I know you want a dad, but…
相信我科迪 我什么都不在行 怎么能做个父亲
Trust me, Cody, I’m not good at anything. Why would I be good at that?
乔治叔叔
Uncle George!
不会有事的 科迪
It’s gonna be okay, Cody.
我会死对不对
I’m going to die, aren’t I?
科迪 我跟你说过 你母亲在你出生时说的话吗
Cody, did I ever tell you what your mom said about you the day you were born?
没有
No.
我一直陪着她 她痛了很久
I was in the delivery room with her. She was having a hard time.
然后你漏出来了
Then you began to come out of her.
你妈妈痛苦地大叫
And your mom screamed and screamed in pain.
她叫着说 把我杀了吧 用便盆把我打死吧
She yelled, “Just kill me. Bludgeon me with a bedpan.
随你怎么做 别让我再痛了
“Whatever you do, put me out of this pain.”
她在血渍中不停破口大骂
She was gushing torrents of blood.
我拍了下来 想看的话改天你可以看
I have this all on tape if you wanna see it someday.
终于你生下来了
Well, finally you came out.
你妈自己把脐带剪断
Your mom cut your umbilical cord herself.
没错 还试了两次
Well, on the second try.
第一次把你的小鸡鸡剪成两段
The first time, she snipped your penis in half.
毕竟她喝醉了 其实是嗑了药
After all, she was drunk. Actually, drugged.
我们前一天晚上出去欢度圣派翠克节
We’d been out the night before, celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day,
她想 “我没试过安♥非♥他♥命♥”
and she thought, “Hey, I never tasted crystal meth.”
所以她吸了点
So she did just a little.
-我的小鸡鸡 -对
-My penis? -Yes.
他们缝反了
They sewed it on upside-down.
-所以我尿尿都朝上 -对 以后再来想办法
-So that’s why I pee up? -Yes. We’ll get it fixed, honey.
我把这件事记下来了 就记在”装第四台”下面
It’s on my list of things. Right after we get TiVo.
总之你生出来了
Anyway, there you were.
你妈转向我说 “你想要这家伙吗” “带走吧”
And your mom turned to me, and she said “Hey, you want him? Take him.”
然后她就死了 于是我带走了你 你知道为什么吗
Then she died. And I took you. Do you know why?
我在一场大火里失去了猫咪 我需要有东西摸摸喂喂的
I had just lost my cat in a fire, and I needed something to pet and feed.
我想念那只猫 科迪
And I miss that cat, Cody.
可是我爱你 没有什么可以改变这一点
But I love you, and nothing’s ever gonna change that,
即使是我们即将要面对的死亡
not even the very painful death we’re about to experience.
乔治
George! George.
-它们走了吗 -都没有声音了
-Are they gone? -I don’t hear anything.
-别担心 苏 没事的 -是乔治叔叔
-Don’t worry, Sue. It’ll be all right. -It was Uncle George.
唉呀好可怕
Well, it’s scary.
很好 苏
Good work, Sue.
不知道是什么笨东西让灯熄了
I don’t know what stupid, idiotic thing made these lights go off.
有一些多余的保险丝
All right, there’s some spare fuses in the crawlspace.
如果可以拿过来 就可以让灯亮起来
If I can get to them, I can get these lights back on.
快啊 乔治 拿那个铁轨木条
Quick, George, grab that railroad tie.
我来堵住门
Jam it against the door.
我的蛋蛋
My balls!
不是这些啦 天啊
Not those! Jesus!
不用了
No!
乔治叔叔我很害怕
Uncle George! I’m scared!
亲爱的 过来这里 没事的
Sweetie, come here. It’s okay.
门的另一头有东西耶
There’s something on the other side of the door.
我看不到
I can’t see anything.
我的天
Oh, my God.
你看得到吗 它们在干嘛
Can you see them? What are they doing?
它们好可怕 它们灰灰的 有着大大的黑眼睛
They’re horrible. They’re grayish with big black eyes.
它们的牙齿好丑
Their teeth are grotesque.
-它们好像在笑 -什么
-I think they’re giggling. -What?
不
Oh, no.
不好 我想…
Oh, no, I think…
他们好像要…
I think they wanna eat me.
-救命 -科迪
-Help! -Cody! Oh, my God!
乔治 尽情挥棒 乔治
George. Swing away, George.
-我来了 科迪 我会救你的 -辛蒂 救我
-I’m coming, Cody. I’ll save you. -Aunt Cindy, help!
去死吧
Die!
去死吧 该死的外星人 放了他
Die! You damn aliens, let him go!
你们进不来的
You’re not getting in here!
-你还有什么 -乔治
-What else you got? Bring it! -George…
使出来啊 受够了吧
There! Had enough?
没关系 科迪 以后再谢我吧
Forget it, Cody. Thank me later.
科迪 谢谢上帝 来吧
Cody. Thank God. Come on.
-爹地 爹地 -苏
-Daddy! Daddy! -Sue!
马哈利 你在这里做啥
Mahalik, what are you doing here?
我说过我永远罩你的
Hey, man, I told you the ‘hood’s always got your back.
感谢主 门那里有两个
Thank God. There’s two of them at the door.
-什么 -它们走了
-What? -They’re gone.
好 他们进不来的 我听到它们不能开门
Good. They couldn’t get in. I hear they can’t open doors.
它们可以在太空中飞行 却不能穿过一扇木门
They mastered space flight, but they can’t get through a wooden door?
地窖是最安全的地方
Look, the cellar’s the safest place.
要我说 所有女人和小孩都在这里
I say all the women and children stay here.
抱歉 男人我们出去迎战
All right, and the men, we go outside and fight.
对 几岁以下才算小孩
Right. And what’s the cut-off age for children?
走吧
Come on, come on.
跟我走