我们第一次约会去看电影“窈窕淑女”
Our first date was at the movies. My Fair Lady.
我紧张到手心冒汗
l was so nervous my palms were sweaty.
可是诺曼的手好干
But Norman’s hands were so dry.
后来我发现那是牛皮癣的关系
l found out later it was from psoriasis.
他在黑暗中过来拉我的手，我们就恋爱了
He reached for my hand in the dark and that was it.
你好，诺曼
Hello, Norman.
荻翠，你气色不错
Hello, Deirdre. You look well.
对不起，苏珊，这是我前妻荻翠
l’m sorry, Suzanne, this is my ex-wife, Deirdre.
荻翠，这是我未婚妻苏珊 And, Deirdre, this is my fianc閑, Suzanne.
And, Deirdre, this is my fianc茅e, Suzanne.
你好
Hello.
幸会，我常听说你的事
lt’s nice to meet you. l’ve heard so much about you.
我没听过你的事
l’ve heard nothing about you.
我每天打开信箱
l open up my mailbox every day,
希望收到这个赖皮鬼给的子女抚养费
hoping to get a child support check from this deadbeat,
但我只收到自己的回声
but all l get is my own voice echoing back at me.
你酗酒花光了全家的钱
You drank our family’s money away.
荻翠，我已经不喝酒了，三年滴酒不沾
l don’t drink anymore, Deirdre. l haven’t had a drink in three years.
对不起，颁个奖牌给他吧
Excuse me, could you get him a medal?
我要我的钱
l want my money!
我把钱寄给那个心理医生
l sent your money to that goddamn Svengali,
他的律师寄给我一份文件 你签名同意给他授权书
and his lawyer sent me a paper signed by you giving him power of attorney.
我没有同意
No. l didn’t approve that.
范奇医师不会那么做
Dr. Finch wouldn’t do that.
我跟你说吧
Did l tell you?
你跟她说什么？他对你说我什么，苏珊？
What? Did you tell her what? What did he tell you about me, Suzie Q?
我是个有怪嗜好的小主妇吗？
That l was a little housewife with a stupid hobby?
这个嗜好可成了摇钱树呢
Well, that hobby has become quite lucrative, thank you very much.
我的作品刚登上“洋基杂誌”
l was just published in Yankee Magazine.
女士，我得请你安静并离开
Ma’am, l’m gonna have to ask you to quiet down and leave.
他还对你说我什么？说我发疯吗？
What else did he tell you about me? That l was crazy?
发疯的是他，他还是个王八蛋
He’s the crazy one. And he’s a goddamn bastard.
连自己的儿子都不去看
He doesn’t even see his own son!
他曾经想去看，我听说你也没去看，荻翠
He’s tried. From what l hear, neither do you, Deirdre.
闭嘴，狐狸精
Shut up, you cunt!
够了，我们走吧
All right, that’s it. Let’s go.
别碰我
Get your hands off me!
我要离开这里
l’m leaving here.
我需要宁静的环境写作
l need a peaceful environment to do my writing in.
麻烦拿毛巾给我
Could you get me a towel, please?
老天，干
Jesus. Fuck.
-你湿了吗？ -我没事
-Are you wet? Did you get wet? -l’m fine.
好
Okay.
我就像能预测地震的羊或狗
Like a sheep or a dog that can predict an earthquake,
总是有办法感应到，我妈何时要发疯
l’ve always been able to sense when my mother is about to go crazy.
她的眼睛发出电火光，身体散出金属味
Her eyes burn electric. Her body gives off a metallic scent.
她停止睡觉，开始爱吃某些食物
She stops sleeping and starts developing a taste for certain foods
像是牙膏三明治
like toothpaste sandwiches.
日记，我想最糟的已经结束，真的
But journal, l think the worst is over. l really do.
医院会让人痊愈，我妈会好起来的
Hospitals make you better. My mother is going to get better.
桃乐丝走了，什么都带走了
Dorothy’s gone. She took everything.
我不想自己一个人，你搬回来跟我住
l don’t wanna be alone so you’re moving back in with me.
她走了？
She’s gone?
就你和我，过来
Just you and me, baby. Come here.
贾斯登，抱我
Augusten, hug back.
乖儿子，帮我泡茶好吗？
Could you make me some tea, sweetheart?
好
Sure.
我有没有告诉你 我的诗被洋基杂誌采用了？
Did l tell you l had a poem accepted by Yankee Magazine?
真的？
Really?
太好了
That’s great.
妈，你在做什么？
Mom, what are you doing?
我在用退稿信剪纸
Oh, l’m decoupaging my rejection letters on top of the table here.
为什么？
Why?
等我成名，每天都有东西 提醒我一路走来的历程
Well, l want a daily reminder of my artistic journey when l become famous.
（古希腊女诗人）
这会让我谦虚
This’ll keep me humble.
妈，为什么把你和桃乐丝的药混在一起？
Mom, why did you mix your pills with Dorothy’s medicine?
范奇医师说你就是这样才生病
Dr. Finch says that’s what made you sick.
我现在不想谈这个
l’d rather not talk about that right now.
这整件事对我打击很大
This whole episode’s been very intense for me.
我确信它应该是我最后一次精神病发作了
But l do believe that may have been my last psychotic episode.
我终于突破了自己的创作潜意识
l think l finally broke through to my creative unconscious.
桃乐丝也把杯子全带走了？
Did Dorothy take all the cups, too?
她真是个贱女人
She’s such a bitch.
不，在后面草皮上
Oh, no, no. They’re out back on the lawn.
你最近都在做什么？
What the fuck have you been up to?
让我的俗世物品享受月光浴
Giving my worldly possessions a moon bath.
医生摸过、看过的任何东西
Anything the doctor’s touched, anything he’s looked at,
都需要经过夜晚消毒
needs to be sterilized by the night.
没想到我竟然信任你
l can’t believe l just trusted you.
你得信任我，我是你妈
You have to trust me. l’m your mother.
说真的，我很担心你
And honestly, Augusten, l worry about you.
我不同意你的选择
l disapprove of your choices.
我从来就没有选择
l haven’t had a choice!
写这东西时有吧？
You did when you wrote this, didn’t you?
-你看我的日记？ -休想跟我比，贾斯登
-You read my journal? -Don’t try and compete with me, Augusten.
如果你搬来，我不准
lf you move back in with me, l won’t allow it.
你只会受伤
You’ll only get hurt.
等我成了名女人
When l become a very famous woman,
他们会写到我儿子也是作家
they’ll write that l had a son who is a writer, too,
才华却比不上我，我要你不只是那样
who doesn’t compare to my brilliance. l want more for you than that.
你又混合药丸了？
Did you mix your pills again?
你在批评我吗？
Are you judging me?
你去哪里？
Where are you going?
你要打给医生吗？ 那个浑蛋，他抢走我的钱
Are you gonna call the doctor? That bastard! He took my money!
我不会再被占便宜，听清楚了吗？
l won’t be taken advantage of again. ls that clear?
你在里面做什么？
What are you doing in there?
让我进去
Let me in!
你要打给医生吗？
Are you calling the doctor?
据报有家庭纠纷…
Neighbors reporting domestic disturbance…
-晚安，女士 -滚出我家土地
-Good evening, ma’am… -Get off of my property!
绝对不准指使我，懂吗？
Don’t you dare tell me what to do, not ever! You understand me?
-你需要冷静下来 -去你的
-Ma’am, you need to calm down… -Fuck you!
我在家不要受限制
l will not be stifled in my own home!
-小荷，我是贾斯登 -你是魔鬼，你是纳粹
-Hope, Hope. lt’s Augusten. -You are the goddamn devil! You are a Nazi!
我妈又发作了，我需要你帮忙
My mom’s gone crazy again and l need your help.
需要找我爸
We need Dad.
范奇给了她镇静剂
Finch gave her a sedative.
我喜欢看她睡觉
l like watching her sleep.
看起来好像死了
She looks like she’s dead.
也许她终于平静下来了
Maybe she’s finally at peace.
我们不会平静的
None of us’ll ever be at peace,
除非范奇和他播的恶种
until Finch and every bad seed spawned from Finch
死掉
is dead.
你在胡言乱语什么
You sound crazy.
走，上♥床♥睡觉吧
Come on, let’s go to bed.
尼尔
Neil?
尼尔
-儿子，你在干嘛？ -闭嘴
-What are you doing, son? -Shut up!
我不是你儿子
l’m not your son!
怎么回事？
What in the hell is going on?
没事
lt’s all right.
尼尔
Neil.
尼尔
尼尔
Neil!
-他去哪里了？ -走了
-Where did he go? -Away.
家里怎么没有吃的？
Why don’t we ever have any relish in this house?
怎么回事？
What happened?
家庭状况，已经解决了
lt was a family situation. lt’s been handled.
娜塔丽，你得告诉我
Natalie, you have to tell me, okay?
布曼去哪里？
Where did Bookman go?
你在哪里？
Where the fuck are you?
我需要离开