什么？
What are they?
我刚收到样本，还不知道
Well, l just got some samples in the mail, so l don’t know.
我看看
So let me see.
这是温和的抗焦虑药
This is mild anti-anxiety medication
能帮人冷静一点
which might help you feel a little calmer…
我很冷静
l’m calm.
…在我告诉你
…when l tell you
你得上学的时候
you have to go to school.
-我有上学 -我明白你的小聪明
-l go to school. -l’m on to your clever tricks, son.
我知道你会待到点名，然后翘课
l know you stay until homeroom, when they do attendance, and then you skip out.
你不乖的时候我都知道
l know when you’ve been naughty.
你是圣诞老人吗？
What are you, Santa Claus?
如果你是在问我是不是好家长
lf by that you’re asking am l the great patriarch, the father-giver,
是否实现愿望与梦想
who fulfills wishes and challenges dreams
为受苦的人带来欢乐
and brings merriment to those who are suffering,
那么没错，我是圣诞老人
well, then yes, Augusten, l am Santa Claus.
我不去
l’m not going!
拜托，你才念国中，不可能那么惨
You’re in junior high, for Christ’s sake. lt can’t be that bad.
我不适应
l don’t fit in.
少了痛苦的童年，我们会变成什么样？
Where would we be without our painful childhoods?
我想能让你长♥期♥离开学校
Well, the only loophole, or way l can see of getting you out of school
只有自杀一个办法
for any considerable length of time, would be for you to commit suicide.
-你要我自杀？ -如果你企图自杀
-You want me to kill myself? -Well, if you try to kill yourself,
我能向校董会解释，你的心理不适应上学
l could explain to the school board that you are psychologically unfit to attend,
需要密集治疗
and that you needed intensive treatment.
那是阶段性的自杀企图
lt would be a staged suicide attempt.
当然，你可怜的妈得找到你，载你上医院
Of course, your poor mother would have to find you and drive you to the hospital,
让你留院观察三周或一个月
where you would stay for three weeks, or a month, for observation.
我不知道，那样不…
l don’t know, it doesn’t… l don’t…
贾斯登
Augusten.
你的冒险精神呢？
Where is your spirit of adventure?
贾斯登，撑下去
Augusten, stay with us!
你在医院里，我们要把你胃里的药弄出来
You’re in a hospital. We gotta get these pills out of your stomach.
贾斯登，醒醒啊
Oh, God, Augusten, wake up!
不要在我面前死掉，醒来啊
Don’t you die on me! Wake up! Augusten!
醒醒啊
Wake up! Wake up!
求你们停止
Please, stop! Please!
不，拜托
No, please!
我不能呼吸
l can’t breathe.
别过来，走开
No, get away from me! Get away!
（美容手册）
新UPS店员说，上面有图片解说
The lady at the store said it has illustrations
美容学生在拿到执照前
of all the procedures that cosmetology students have to master
必须熟悉的所有程序
before they earn their license.
（羽毛剪，冷烫）
冷烫，真的很难
Cold waves. Those are really hard.
现在你可以学着怎么做
Well, now you can learn how to do them.
有梦想是好事
lt’s good to have a dream, Augusten.
梦想能帮你度过困难
Dreams get you through the hard times.
你有什么梦想？
What’s your dream?
我？
Me?
我想像力不足，没有梦想
l was never fancy enough to have one of those.
我总是太忙
l was always too busy.
忙着工作
Working.
那么医师才能上学…
Well, so the doctor could go to school and…
不
No.
后来孩子出世
Then the kids came and…
养家让人忙个不停
Raising a family keeps you on the run and…
或许那就是你的梦想
Maybe that was your dream.
拥有一个家庭
To have a family.
对
Yes.
那是梦想
That was a dream.
一个好梦想
lt’s a good one to have.
喂？
Hello?
芬恩，是我
Fern, it’s me.
为什么不能做？
Why can’t we do it?
出去
Get out.
我想你
l miss you.
我想念你的气味
l miss the smell of you.
是谁？
Who is it?
你推销的东西我没兴趣
l’m not interested in what you’re selling.
请不要再打来
Please don’t call here again.
狗屁
Shit!
全是狗屁
Shit! lt’s all shit!
我喜欢这种新造型，好看多了
l’m digging this new look. l think you look much better.
我的头发，天啊
Oh, my fucking hair! Oh, my God!
很好笑
That was funny.
你应该笑的
You should be laughing.
贾斯登，你知道吗？
You know what, Augusten?
我不会帮你办同情派对
l’m not gonna throw you a pity party.
自己想开一点吧
So fucking just get over yourself.
去你的，娜塔丽，你不懂被送走的滋味
Fuck you, Natalie. You don’t know what it’s like to be sent away.
没错，我不懂
You’re right, l don’t.
你也不懂被男友利用是什么感受
And you don’t know what it’s like to have a boyfriend that’s just using you!
我真幸运
Lucky me.
泰伦麦斯威是谁？
Who’s Terrence Maxwell, Natalie?
没听过
l’ve never heard of him.
跟我说他是谁
Tell me who he is.
-跟我说他是谁 -闭嘴
-Tell me who he is. -Shut up.
-你很难受吧？ -闭嘴
-lt kills you, doesn’t it? -Shut up.
-发泄出来 -闭嘴
-Let it out! -Shut up.
-跟我说他是谁，娜塔丽 -闭嘴
-Tell me who he is, Natalie! -Shut up.
告诉我，我才不会觉得孤单
Tell me so l don’t feel so alone!
他是我唯一爱过的人，却已经不要我了
He was the only one l ever loved and he doesn’t want me anymore!
感觉好一点了吗？
Do you feel better?
有一点
A little bit.
怎么认识他的？
How’d you meet him?
泰伦在他妈死后开始来看我爸
Terrence started seeing my dad after his mom died.
她把所有都留给了他
She left him everything.
当时他41岁，我13岁
He was 41 when l was 1 3.
他说我很漂亮
He told me l was pretty.
他让我信以为真
And he made me believe it.
有一天他打断我的锁骨
One day he broke my collar bone
我想搭便车到急诊室
and l had to hitchhike to the emergency room,
结果昏倒在路边，被人发现
and l passed out on the side of the road and somebody found me.
我爸说要告他，让他坐牢
My dad told him that he would press charges and that he would go to jail,
除非他捐钱给我的大学基金
unless he donated money to my college fund.
他捐了
And he did.
七万五千元
$75,000.
真好
That’s so great.
-如果你申请… -我爸把钱花了
-So, if you just apply… -My dad spent it.
一毛不剩
Every penny.
那样国税局才不会查封这房♥子
So that the lRS wouldn’t take this house.
所以我明白那种感受
So l do know what it’s like, Augusten,
爱上一个不值得爱的人
to love somebody who doesn’t deserve it.
因为他们是你的一切
Because they’re all you have.
天啊，我痛恨我的人生
God, l hate my life.
我痛恨这厨房♥
l hate this kitchen.
我需要高的天花板
l need high ceilings.
我也是
Me too.
那我们拆掉它
Let’s get rid of it, then.
拆掉天花板
Let’s take down the ceiling.
荻翠，我有话跟你谈
Deirdre, l need to talk to you.
我这么惨都是你的错
l’m a fuckup and it’s your fault!
没错，尼尔，把无法专心怪在你♥爸♥头上
That’s right, Neil, blame your father for your inability to focus.
如果你会好过点，就把气发在我身上
Direct all that rage at me if it makes you feel better.
我因为这些声音不能专心
l can’t focus because of the voices!
我看清你的真面目了
l see you for what you are.
相机不会说谎
Yeah? Camera never lies, see?
我爸妈付了你几千块，我却还在生病
My parents have given you thousands of dollars and l’m still sick!
你没有帮我好转，你知道我的状况
You haven’t helped me get better! You know what l do!